Mechanic10
Member
I want to beat this addiction.
Porn for me is a matter of shame, morally and personally.
Also, after learning about how it is truly more than just a casual addiction this has been a huge wake up call!
I am in my late 30s. My first experience with MO was when I was 12. The next day I told a friend about it and he confided that he had been doing it for months -hence the pile of magazines in his room at his house.
For years, starting at 12, MO was my go-to vice of choice, sometimes from memory of girls I saw that day, sometimes PMO.
Around age 15(maybe 16?) I started getting the opportunity to have sex but I couldn't. It was a combination of performance anxiety and not understanding the first thing about the opposite sex.
Eventually I did have sex around age 17. For years I found that sex was more like M for me I would just go at it and the girl would just lay there why I got off.
That's when I could get it up, a lot of times I couldn't, it seemed real people couldn't do it for me like my imagination. I did a lot of hurting / misunderstanding over the years, and did a lot of hurting to other sex.
Around age 24, along came the discovery of the internet. For years it was pictures only.
I got married at 27. This provided a temporary hiatus from P.
But after about a year of being married I started looking at internet pictures again. In the last couple years, I have been looking at videos. A session could easily last 2 or 3 hours. This could go on 3-5 days a week. I would edge for hours, PMO 2 or 3 times in a session. For years.
Then last year I happened upon a website called YBOP. I shocked to learn just how much I had in common with so many other Porn Addicts and to the extent that it is harmful to a person well being. Wow is all I can say. I quit porn for about 3 months. The sex life rekindled with my wife and I was having the best sex ever in my mid 30s (I tend to think all the Ads claiming "men have their sexual peak at 20 or whatever to be teetering on complete bulls**t.)
About 3 months in I was triggered by an awkard social moment of disattachement and I MOed. Then again the next day, then I PMOed. And was down hill ever since last year back to full blown PMO addiction.
I tried a reboot about 2 weeks ago. It was going good until last night. I binged on gambling, alchohol, and PMOed three times last night. I think I forgot to find a meaningful hobby or find something else to do.
I want to stop and need help. I have never done a Forum, so I will try it, hopefully to get advice and tips. How do I go about finding an accountability partner?
By the way, thanks to everyone who was ballsy enough to put their stories out there and thoughtful enough to set up a forum like this. I know there is truths to be found here, maybe we can get through this better as a group.
Thanks,
Mechanic
**** Journal Answers ********************
?Did I use porn today?
Nope.
?What were my triggers?
n/a
?How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
didn't get out of bed yet. no stress.
?What am I grateful for today?
1. Starting this journal and finding the REBOOT NATION Forum.
2. That I have a hobby. I think I am going to work on my home stereo.
3. Last night was very bad, I am grateful it wasn't worse.
**** ************ ********************
Porn for me is a matter of shame, morally and personally.
Also, after learning about how it is truly more than just a casual addiction this has been a huge wake up call!
I am in my late 30s. My first experience with MO was when I was 12. The next day I told a friend about it and he confided that he had been doing it for months -hence the pile of magazines in his room at his house.
For years, starting at 12, MO was my go-to vice of choice, sometimes from memory of girls I saw that day, sometimes PMO.
Around age 15(maybe 16?) I started getting the opportunity to have sex but I couldn't. It was a combination of performance anxiety and not understanding the first thing about the opposite sex.
Eventually I did have sex around age 17. For years I found that sex was more like M for me I would just go at it and the girl would just lay there why I got off.
That's when I could get it up, a lot of times I couldn't, it seemed real people couldn't do it for me like my imagination. I did a lot of hurting / misunderstanding over the years, and did a lot of hurting to other sex.
Around age 24, along came the discovery of the internet. For years it was pictures only.
I got married at 27. This provided a temporary hiatus from P.
But after about a year of being married I started looking at internet pictures again. In the last couple years, I have been looking at videos. A session could easily last 2 or 3 hours. This could go on 3-5 days a week. I would edge for hours, PMO 2 or 3 times in a session. For years.
Then last year I happened upon a website called YBOP. I shocked to learn just how much I had in common with so many other Porn Addicts and to the extent that it is harmful to a person well being. Wow is all I can say. I quit porn for about 3 months. The sex life rekindled with my wife and I was having the best sex ever in my mid 30s (I tend to think all the Ads claiming "men have their sexual peak at 20 or whatever to be teetering on complete bulls**t.)
About 3 months in I was triggered by an awkard social moment of disattachement and I MOed. Then again the next day, then I PMOed. And was down hill ever since last year back to full blown PMO addiction.
I tried a reboot about 2 weeks ago. It was going good until last night. I binged on gambling, alchohol, and PMOed three times last night. I think I forgot to find a meaningful hobby or find something else to do.
I want to stop and need help. I have never done a Forum, so I will try it, hopefully to get advice and tips. How do I go about finding an accountability partner?
By the way, thanks to everyone who was ballsy enough to put their stories out there and thoughtful enough to set up a forum like this. I know there is truths to be found here, maybe we can get through this better as a group.
Thanks,
Mechanic
**** Journal Answers ********************
?Did I use porn today?
Nope.
?What were my triggers?
n/a
?How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
didn't get out of bed yet. no stress.
?What am I grateful for today?
1. Starting this journal and finding the REBOOT NATION Forum.
2. That I have a hobby. I think I am going to work on my home stereo.
3. Last night was very bad, I am grateful it wasn't worse.
**** ************ ********************