Now or never

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changemylife

Guest
hockeyref33 said:
I'm with you brother. i'm on day 29 of being sober. it's extremely difficult. I've changed my daily schedule. My most difficult time was after work when i was at the gym working out. Seeing all the beautiful ladies in their workout gear was to much. i would often masturbate in the shower at the gym. I now work out at 3am when the gym is pretty much empty. it has helped me so much. Another thing is the add filters to your internet. Ask someone to set passcodes so you can't even get to the sites that draw you in.  Have a great sober day!
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Thank you, man! I feel you. Actually, I've been thinking about this filter thing. I need to ask someone to choose a password and never tell me. Another thing is, as you said about going to gym at 3 A.M to avoid triggers, the conclusion is clear: If we want, we can do it, there is no excuse. If we really want to beat this problem, we will find solutions and avoid the triggers. Good luck.
 
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changemylife

Guest
it's possible that a very tough mental period will come because there have been discussions about mom bringing someone to live in our home and I hate this shit. I hate that person from the bottom of my heart. I am depressed right now only thinking about it and this will be a challenge for my recovery too because the biggest reason why I PMO is self-medication, I do it like heroin.
The only good thing from this nightmare is the conclusion: "Life will throw very hard times at you and you should learn to deal with them like a normal human being, not like a junkie."
 
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Kaingang

Member
Life will always bring us challenges that we will have to deal with. The difference now is how we deal with this problems. I believe that how we deal with problems is also part of the reboot. If in the past we discounted everything in pornography and alcohol (which makes our situation even worse), now is the time to deal with it differently and face the problems properly. Good luck! Count on our support.
 
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changemylife

Guest
Yes, well, this situation is a fucking nightmare if the person moves to our home cause I really really hate that person and this will fuck me up and make me depressed and angry all day! This is a very tough challenge for my recovery as well because I've never known how to deal with problems in a normal way, only running to my room and escaping in addictions. Now a part of the recovery is learning how to deal with my life in a normal way but it's too soon, I just started and now this fucking nightmare! Life has no mercy for me, man!
 
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Omarov

Member
That's too bad! But I think only the first few days of the new situation are gonna be the hardest, so if you stay clear from PMO during that period it will only get easier with time but if you relapse, then it never will. Remember that.
I also agree with Kaingang.
A thing I would consider is to spend as much time as I can outdoors especially in the first few days of such a situation.
Good luck and never stop winning!
 
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Kaingang

Member
I hope things are going well. do not let these bad situations mess your recovery. follow that daily list that you have planned, do not be alone, seek outdoor activities and think that you will be even stronger after this bad situation. I'm imagine that it's not easy but We're on this walk together.
 
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changemylife

Guest
Thanks, man! So far that person hasn't come. I don't even know what's going on but whatever. I need to keep myself busy and distracted from spending idle time, thinking about hate. Hate is chain that keeps you tight and slave. Be free of hate like Jesus who even loved his enemies. Only when you are free of hate and negativism, you can get you're peace of mind.

 
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changemylife

Guest
Maybe this is what people call "flatline"? Today I had no urges but I also felt empty, like void of emotions. It feels strange when I thought it should've felt great. But I look at the good part: No urges means no need to PMO.
 
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changemylife

Guest
The first step is making yourself ready for the change. If you are not ready, you will fail on the way. You will get stuck in that loop of "Fail but I'll do it this time then fail again then I'll do it this time then fail again..." You get the idea.
The right mindset is necessary from the beginning. There is no "I can't". I've seen people achieving what they had wanted to achieve even when all odds were against them and it had become safe for people to say they had no chance. If you want, you can. Simply the mindset of telling yourself you can do anything, will make you do your best and the results will come.

 
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changemylife

Guest
Omarov has said something interesting in "Not counting the days anymore". It made me think. Maybe it could work for me. I should focus on the overall progress, not obsessing over how many days I have. Because like this, I always go back to day 1 and it's not day 1 if you've made progress.
 
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Reborn16

Member
changemylife said:
Omarov has said something interesting in "Not counting the days anymore". It made me think. Maybe it could work for me. I should focus on the overall progress, not obsessing over how many days I have. Because like this, I always go back to day 1 and it's not day 1 if you've made progress.
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This is very important. We can go a few weeks and not make growth or improve our lives, we just stay away from porn. Or we can within a few days tackle a few key personal issues. And progress is not lost with a lapse necessarily, we may have just found another issue we need to address.

Make the day count, rather than count the day.
 
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changemylife

Guest
Reborn16 said:
changemylife said:
Omarov has said something interesting in "Not counting the days anymore". It made me think. Maybe it could work for me. I should focus on the overall progress, not obsessing over how many days I have. Because like this, I always go back to day 1 and it's not day 1 if you've made progress.
Click to expand...


This is very important. We can go a few weeks and not make growth or improve our lives, we just stay away from porn. Or we can within a few days tackle a few key personal issues. And progress is not lost with a lapse necessarily, we may have just found another issue we need to address.

Make the day count, rather than count the day.
Click to expand...

I mega agree with you!
 
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changemylife

Guest
Another entry in the journal:

I have problems with sleep. I feel tired going to bed but then it's like I'm plugged into a socket and I can't turn myself off to sleep. Last night, I was up at 4 in the fucking morning! I managed to sleep 3 damn hours! Is this a symptom of my abstinence from PMO in the last days? I hope it goes away.
Funny thing though: All the energy that builds in me by abstaining from PMO makes me less tired that I would've normally been had I slept only three hours a night but PMOed regularly.
Peace.
 
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changemylife

Guest
I will separate the mind from the soul. The mind likes sin, it likes pleasure, it likes hate, adrenaline and doing bad things. The conclusion is clear: My mind is not my friend.
I should listen to my soul. My soul is the real me and I don't even pay attention to it. Fuck living for pleasure and sin. I want to live for wisdom and happiness.
Happiness is not pleasure. Here is the difference: It takes a few minutes of PMO to get to pleasure. It takes a few minutes after starting drinking to get to pleasure. It takes a lifetime to get to happiness. Therefore, happiness is, for me, like playing piano; I need to work really hard and for a long time to achieve this.
That's why pleasure seems a better option: A lifetime to get to happiness or a few minutes to get to pleasure? It's a battle, a tightrope but who's in control? Are you in control or do you let your mind dictate everything?
 
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Omarov

Member
You've brought up an idea that most people (whether addicted to porn or not) struggle with but don't have the words to express or the motivation to bring up. And I'm so happy that you reached the point where you can frankly advocate this idea and bind yourself to it.
Also, to add to what you've said, a lot of us who've made such long streaks with continuous weeks of no urges to view porn will feel very safe from relapsing and will come to think that they've completely rebooted, but they still don't have the reboot mindset, so the brain starts to drag them bit by bit to the same place where they used to view porn as not only enjoyable but also required at some point. Even in your strongest moments, the brain will always wait for the right time to reintroduce the idea that porn is fun, and will start to debate the idea of abstinence and doubt the possibility of quitting.
Therefore, in order to completely recover, you must bring your "soul" with you in the fight. It's not just a tally of pros and cons. It's a matter of what your soul wants vs what your brain keeps craving. I love how you put it.
However much we might feel far from relapsing, we should always keep reminding ourselves. We should keep reading our journals from top to bottom because they contain messages that we wrote for ourselves in the moments of weakness, and encouragement/ advice from our fellow rebooters. Keep reminding yourself why you quit, and why porn should remain a thing of the past, that's the reboot mindset.
The porn/pleasure mentality feeds on forgetfulness.
 
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changemylife

Guest
I remind myself everyday of reading other people's advises who have known how to do this better than me.

This is one of them:
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/rebooting-advice-observations-from-successful-rebooters/abstinence-is-not-recovery-why-people-fail-to-cure-their-pied/
 
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