Now or never

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Kaingang

Member
you always bring good reflections man. Avoiding everything that may be toxic to us is a wise decision for sure. media, people and behaviors that we know will leave us feeling bad can and should be discarded.

days ago I was cleaning my room and throwing a few things out of the past. I started thinking that things of the past that do not add us anything else in our lives and on the contrary make it even worse should be discarded in the same way as we trow out things of the past that no longer have any meaning for us in our room. I know that it's not that easy but it's possible.

let's throw things out of the past and do something to live the life we'd always like to have. stay strong! 
 
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changemylife

Guest
Thanks man! Thanks for you support!
We cannot change the past. The past is... past. Things happened in the past and that's it. If we obsess about the past, if we cry about the past, if we keep ourselves addicted because of the past, it won't change the past. We live in present. We don't know what future will bring either. We live today. Your past is your past. Your duty is to do something today. Do the right thing today. Throw away all the negativity in your life, don't let people drag you down to depression. Write down a plan of what to do everyday and do it that day cause that's your present. If you don't do anything, nothing will come. We need to make an effort to do something everyday. Every day wasted drunk is lost. Every day wasted with PMO is lost. Every day wasted doing nothing is lost. Do something everyday.
 
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changemylife

Guest
Beware of the age of darkness. Your hope should be the light to guide you out. Don't get used to the darkness by saying you can't leave it. You can. If the task seems hard, think about all the people you know or have read about who have accomplished things that for you seemed impossible. If they could do it, you can do it.
Do not fall into the trap of thinking: "Okay, man, but they are different from me. They have a strong mind. I am a loser." I repeat: if they could do it, you can do it. Yes, you could have a strong mind. If you don't have a strong mind by nature, train it. Train your mind to be strong.
 
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changemylife

Guest
"Moderation" is a word that my mom likes to use a lot. She doesn't like me binge drinking and tells me to: "Drink in moderation". I don't know moderation. Maybe I've never know what "Moderation" is. I have an addictive personality, I am prone to becoming addicted to anything if it self-medicates me or makes me feel like I run away from my problems.
Going from binging to being disciplined and living a healthy life is really strange, to be honest. It feels fucking weird. Maybe this comes from that feeling of "Oh my God, I'm gonna live my life from now on without these pleasures?!" It's definitely something that I need time to get used to. I never knew what "Healthy lifestyle" meant. I didn't know what "Drink in moderation" or "Use Internet in moderation" meant. Of course, I've never discussed my porn use with anybody in real life (only this forum) so people in my life haven't had the chance to tell me: "Watch porn in moderation". Ha! Actually it's funny as hell. My parents would tell me to stop watching completely and they would be so right.
Watching porn had definitely made me develop this "hide in your bedroom" attitude. Even when I wasn't watching porn, I kept the door closed and acted like I was hiding something. I have never been comfortable with being "out there with everybody". I always had something to hide. I binged porn and masturbation up to 7 times a day so I was always in my bedroom jerking off and hiding this from my parents. I wonder if they knew. I remember some times when they almost caught me.
 
O

Omarov

Member
What if you live your life without "these pleasures" but get to experience the pleasures of addiction free life? They're much more sustainable and robust. And once you really know them, how much will you be hellbent on despising temporary guilty pleasures? They're not that pleasurable anyway after all the regret and self loathing. All those sequels undo that short lived pleasure and turns it into torture.
I know you know all that. But all we do is we keep reminding ourselves. We're in this together.
Well, if you can spend more time with people outside your room that would be definitely better, even if we're not talking about porn avoidance here.
And generally, always listen to your mum and trust her. And yes, she might've caught you once or twice, I think my mum caught me once (not the exact thing, but the way i answered when she asked me what I was doing on the internet. They have a way of knowing stuff). But she never brought it up, she just silently started paying more attention to me and befriending me.
 
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changemylife

Guest
That's right, man. Of course I know all that. It was just the truth. This what's going on through my head but obviously I've made the decision to walk away from that. I wouldn't be here if I didn't.
Pleasure from these things? Not anymore, really. Because the depressive feeling of relapsing overlaps the "high" anyway. It's not fun anymore. It used to be. Probably every addict has a period, in the beginning, when it's fun. It's fun to drink with friends (that's how I started), it's fun to jerk off to porn and discuss about it (with my cousin), but then everyone reaches a point where they know they have to stop cause they abuse it. That's the thing with addictions: You end up abusing. They take their toll. They keep draining you and weakening you. In the beginning, I could drink and sober up without a hangover. That's right, I was just fresh. But then I couldn't do it anymore and the hangovers and stomach problems got to me. Same with porn but porn was more mental, it didn't act like alcohol but it fucked up my psychic.
However, when you see that you are more balanced, you have less anxiety, less depression, more energy, more concentration capacity, less brain fog etc. Overall, you are less "ill", then of course these things are way better than these destructive pleasures anyway.
And we all know how it feels all of a sudden to decide that you won't experience pleasure from porn, alcohol etc. for the rest of your life. It feels empty. This brings a depression somehow. I'll see what comes next. I know it's just for now, for this period of fighting the withdrawal. That's how I look at it. From other people's examples, I know this state will eventually go away.
I don't know what it's like to be completely sober for months. I'll have to get there. Right now I should have about 2 weeks or so without PMO (I've stopped counting the days) but I've been here before, in the past. I'll have to wait to really reach that real sobriety.
Thanks.
 
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changemylife

Guest
A list of problems that PMO causes me:

- No mood to accomplish things. I just want to lie in the bed all day;
- Low energy;
- Brain fog: it's like I see through a steamed window;
- Poor concentration: I can't focus on one thing more than a couple of minutes;
- Poor memory: I have to read something 1000 times to remember it (as a side note: I was working for this company and I happened to be in the middle of a good streak without PMO. I just read an address only once then I lost the website. The boss came, asked me the address and I could remember it right away. I was even surprised by that. Usually, when I indulge in PMO, I am not able to remember things like that. Might go hand in hand with concentration);
- I have high anxiety and depression;
- I am not mentally stable;
- PMO makes my dopamine so low that I binge drinking afterwards, in a desperate attempt to elevate myself (because I exhaust the available high from PMO and then drinking doesn't even make me feel good, probably because I'm so numb, so low in dopamine or whatever).
- PMO makes me feel alone and unloved (for jerking off alone in my bedroom);
- Porn makes me desire some things that I used to find disgusting and every normal human being would find them disgusting (I've found prostitutes on websites charging for "cumshot". Porn has brainwashed us all);
- Porn doesn't make me want to love women, just to screw them and throw them away;
- Porn drains my "manhood" and makes me weak and passive.

I don't want to go back to PMO.

Porn is like the bullies. They start calling you names and if you show that you are affect by this, they do it more intensely, you can't get rid of them. Ignoring them, showing them that you don't care, makes them stop eventually cause they can't get their "kicks".


 
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Omarov

Member
changemylife said:
Porn is like the bullies. They start calling you names and if you show that you are affect by this, they do it more intensely, you can't get rid of them. Ignoring them, showing them that you don't care, makes them stop eventually cause they can't get their "kicks".
Click to expand...

You have a way of describing things! That's very true and relatable.
All those problems that you have said, are because of PMO. Solution: No more PMO. It's that easy! It's worth doing anything you can do to quit porn and to undo all the damage it had caused you. It's very reversible and you know it.
That's the gift you're gonna hand to the future you.
 
whereismoxy

whereismoxy

Member
Hey Change,

Just read your journal. Very similar to mine like you said. If you need support PM me and lets help each other.  I could use an accountability friend. I think we?re going to see better days though. Good luck & keep journaling.

Happy Holidays
 
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changemylife

Guest
whereismoxy said:
Hey Change,

Just read your journal. Very similar to mine like you said. If you need support PM me and lets help each other.  I could use an accountability friend. I think we?re going to see better days though. Good luck & keep journaling.

Happy Holidays
Click to expand...

Sure, man, I've sent you a PM, tell me if you've got it.
 
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changemylife

Guest
Fuck porn! Ah, I've said this already but repetition makes you learn.
 
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changemylife

Guest
Don't stay in darkness forever because light has been around since the first day of this world. "Let there be light".
 
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changemylife

Guest
I masturbate once but the high is not what I anticipate. The crushed feeling I get when I relapse, overlaps the high. It's crazy how a relapse can move me from optimistic to super sad in a matter of minutes.
Then I keep masturbating again and again, trying to elevate myself from feeling that low and it doesn't work. Before I know, I've masturbated 7 times. But with every masturbation, I feel more anxious, more drained, more mentally unstable. I run away from everybody and lock myself in my room. I cover my face with my palms and feel really weird: I'm sitting on needles, ready to jump at every movement, everything annoys me and I feel so low that I'm desperate for anything to raise my dopamine.

This being said: I don't want to relapse and feel like that. No way! Fuck that! 10 seconds of pleasure and hours of that?
 
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changemylife

Guest
Given the fact that January is so close, I'm launching the "Free January" challenge. For me and whoever reads this and wants to join.

It means no edging, no porn, no masturbation to porn or porn fantasies and no looking at bitches on Instagram or Facebook, for the January month.

Seeing something by mistake doesn't count. Only looking at/watching deliberately. But if you see something by mistake, staying there to keep staring moves to "deliberately". You close it right away.

Peace.

 
 
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changemylife

Guest
Omarov said:
WOW I'm definitely in!!
I've deactivated facebook too. I'll try to make this permanent.
Click to expand...

That's right, bro. Stay away from Facebook cause it's detrimental. I don't even remember when I've last logged in.
 
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changemylife

Guest
Everyday I read from people who have succeeded in beating this filth or people who motivate me with their words and make me feel stronger and ready to go on.

This being said, I've found this amazing motivational post: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1elfxn/advice_to_the_younger_guys/

It has been posted on "Your brain on porn" in the section: "Advice from successful rebooters" under "Quitting porn" (which everybody should read everyday for motivation and knowledge).

Words of wisdom.
 
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changemylife

Guest
I need to do well with this porn addiction because I have other 2 and if I never progress, I will never reach the day when I don't have these addictions anymore.

Having 1 addiction is hard already but having 3 is insane.

In order of severity, the top 3 is like this:

1) Internet addiction.
2) Porn addiction.
3) Alcohol. This one is the most manageable.

I thought jumping into quitting all 3 was insanity so I considered that maybe I should take them one at a time. It was hard deciding which one should I start with first. The way it looks, it should've been alcohol, right? For being the easier one but then I found this great forum and community and I decided to do something about porn addiction first. Anyway, I will have to deal with all 3 throughout the coming future.

Feeling down today.

"Used to be curious, now the shit's sustenance"
 
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Omarov

Member
I'm also addicted to facebook somehow. I don't know if everybody feels the same but I usually get addicted to things that shield me from boredom, and in my case they're PMO and facebook. They don't actually kill my boredom but they make me not feel it during PMO and facebooking. But then after a session of facebooking (which can take hours) and PMOing, I feel that boredom multiplied.
I've read elsewhere that quitting 2 addictions at a time is better than getting them divided (it was also an article about quitting porn). So I decided to try that. Maybe quitting social media would make it easier for me to quit porn and at the same time I'll gain the benefit of having more time for developing productive habits and managing my boredom in a constructive way. I NEED that package as a whole, not just part of it.
I have no clue how harder it is for you to quit those 3 (let's say 2, because quitting internet addiction is easier and more instantly rewarding than the rest) at the same time. So I hope things turn up better for you with time. Stay strong and vigilant. Take all the time you need to build your new, healthy and constructive habits over the rubble and debris you're strenuously scrapping off your older self.
It also involves looking for new sources of fun. Start asking yourself: "what are the new better ways of enjoying myself do I need to incorporate in my new life?"
 
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