Terrible Suffering And Great Victory
- Thread starter Rex
- Start date
Rex
Active Member
Dentente, ProdigalSon, and NewVerse,
Thanks for the encouragement, prayers, and kind words. Sorry for the delay in posting I have been going through some major herx detox symptoms from the lyme treatment in the last 2 weeks, I have spent a lot of time in bed and for the most part been housebound. However the last 2 days I am feeling better.
Today is day 100 for me which is a incredible milestone I never thought I would ever obtain. I have continued to be vigilant and continued to pray every day. It's been a rough road but through God's help and Grace I have made it.
Happy New Year to you and everyone on the board. It's going to be a better year for all of us!
Thanks for the encouragement, prayers, and kind words. Sorry for the delay in posting I have been going through some major herx detox symptoms from the lyme treatment in the last 2 weeks, I have spent a lot of time in bed and for the most part been housebound. However the last 2 days I am feeling better.
Today is day 100 for me which is a incredible milestone I never thought I would ever obtain. I have continued to be vigilant and continued to pray every day. It's been a rough road but through God's help and Grace I have made it.
Happy New Year to you and everyone on the board. It's going to be a better year for all of us!
joepanic
Respected Member
Congratulations on 100 days!!!!! excellent milestone I look forward to following you and encouraging you on the next 100 days I'm sure when your feeling better from your treatment you'll have some good insight for some of us 100 days is huge for this addiction Take your time taking care of yourself though don't wear down and fail out of stress and pressure The guys seem to be really encouraging each other recently so were all getting a small dose of what we need Strength in numbers is going to help us win
post often it helped me it will help you (when your better of course)
post often it helped me it will help you (when your better of course)
Rex
Active Member
joepanic said:
Thanks for the words of encouragement and excellent advice, I really appreciate it. It's a massive milestone for me, for 3 decades I have been addicted to PMO and a 28 streak free from PMO back in early 2017. Great point about the stress and pressure, it in the past was the kryptonite that caused me to fall into PMO. You are so right, we can all win together in this mega war against PMO.
Rex
Active Member
BigMog said:
BigMog,
Thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it. It's been a tough battle with many days feeling like I am barely surviving rather than thriving. However I have gone through pain and suffering I never ever expected and a victory of being free from PMO for 109 days which I also never expected. I have been feeling better the last few days. It's been slow but I believe that I have turned the corner.
Rex
Active Member
BigMog said:
BigMog,
Thanks for checking in, I am gradually getting better in terms of my health. Some days I am still struggling with some of the symptoms. I am now on day 120 (4 months) free from PMO. It's been a struggle, especially since the supplements my doctor has me on to fight my illness have really elevated the sex drive. The temptations and urges have been pretty intense the last few days. However I am praying hard and remaining vigilant, it's so good to be entering into month #4. I am really starting to see the benefits, the brain is adjusting to the new me and I notice it's now becoming second nature to ignore the temptations and to stay clean.
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
Glad to read that you're seeing the benefits, Rex. 100+ days is a great achievement, especially with the added complication of your meds. You're an inspiration. Keep fighting, please!
P
Prodigal son
Guest
Hey, Rex,
Just checked out your new journal, man you have been thru the ringer, you have my sympathy and respect. My side effects weren't as dramatic as yours and I would never presume to compare my struggles to yours, no way. My PMO side effects were mainly a slow slide into the doldrums. Wrecked my finances with tons of debt due to impulsive spending and lack of follow thru. I have at times though felt like my soul was quite literally being torn in two. Insomnia was always around, depression over my lack of success and essentially wasting 20+ years of my life not realizing what the cause was. I suppose I was the lil frog who climbed into the pot before slowly being brought to a boil. Thankfully my wife was supportive and not full of outrage and scorn, that would've killed me. Today I'm 31 days post PMO and I'm staying focused straight ahead, the past is gone and we aren't promised tomorrow so I better make the most of today. Peace my Brother, you are in my prayers, even at 120+. Always be vigilant our adversary is always roaming about...
Just checked out your new journal, man you have been thru the ringer, you have my sympathy and respect. My side effects weren't as dramatic as yours and I would never presume to compare my struggles to yours, no way. My PMO side effects were mainly a slow slide into the doldrums. Wrecked my finances with tons of debt due to impulsive spending and lack of follow thru. I have at times though felt like my soul was quite literally being torn in two. Insomnia was always around, depression over my lack of success and essentially wasting 20+ years of my life not realizing what the cause was. I suppose I was the lil frog who climbed into the pot before slowly being brought to a boil. Thankfully my wife was supportive and not full of outrage and scorn, that would've killed me. Today I'm 31 days post PMO and I'm staying focused straight ahead, the past is gone and we aren't promised tomorrow so I better make the most of today. Peace my Brother, you are in my prayers, even at 120+. Always be vigilant our adversary is always roaming about...
R
Reboot_
Guest
I suffering plenty from porn addiction or else why would I be posting this? Some suffer 'more' than others, but who am I to judge what 'more' is? Some people hit bottom with just the thought that they could be in a worse place if they keep up their behavior. For others, like myself, it takes a whole lot more to wake me up. That doesn't make my suffering any more profound than another suffering. I was lucky to have an understanding girlfriend at the time of my awakening. It's helps to have someone there fighting along the side lines for you to get off the fix. Glad your here now.
Best, Josh
Best, Josh
Rex
Active Member
Reboot_, Prodigal Son, and workinprogress,
Thanks for the great words of encouragement. I really appreciate it. Sorry I have not been back sooner it's been a tough battle with my physical illness since I last posted but in the last few days I have really turned the corner and feel much better, due to God's intercession.
Today I hit 150 days free from PMO which is about 5 months free. It's been a tough battle but it's one that I can now really truly see the rewards. My thought process has totally changed, it's now second nature for me to stay away from PMO. The urges now have no power or enticement over me. My life is now one of purity and happiness, the enticement of PMO has absolutely no appeal for me just like eating a rotten sandwich from a gas station that's way past its expiration date.
For those of you struggling with your reboot, let me tell you it's going to get easier. In fact a lot easier, but it takes vigilance, staying away from the triggers, and placing the battle in God's hands. This is where I messed up before, I always felt I could do it on my own, it my own sin of pride. For this reboot I realized I could not do it without God, because this is a spiritual battle. The daily prayer life (consisting of different prayers and at least 1 to 3 Rosaries a day) has been the mighty sword I have used in this battle. I know there will be future tests and temptations but I know that I do not walk alone, that God is there to guide me through the rest of my life. And thanks to God and his Grace I know that great things await me for the remainder of my journey through life. How wonderful it is for the chains of imprisonment to be released. No words can describe how great God is.
And thanks to all of my brothers here on the board for your encouragement, prayers, and friendship. Let's continue to fight this battle. May God be with all of you in your battle against PMO!
Thanks for the great words of encouragement. I really appreciate it. Sorry I have not been back sooner it's been a tough battle with my physical illness since I last posted but in the last few days I have really turned the corner and feel much better, due to God's intercession.
Today I hit 150 days free from PMO which is about 5 months free. It's been a tough battle but it's one that I can now really truly see the rewards. My thought process has totally changed, it's now second nature for me to stay away from PMO. The urges now have no power or enticement over me. My life is now one of purity and happiness, the enticement of PMO has absolutely no appeal for me just like eating a rotten sandwich from a gas station that's way past its expiration date.
For those of you struggling with your reboot, let me tell you it's going to get easier. In fact a lot easier, but it takes vigilance, staying away from the triggers, and placing the battle in God's hands. This is where I messed up before, I always felt I could do it on my own, it my own sin of pride. For this reboot I realized I could not do it without God, because this is a spiritual battle. The daily prayer life (consisting of different prayers and at least 1 to 3 Rosaries a day) has been the mighty sword I have used in this battle. I know there will be future tests and temptations but I know that I do not walk alone, that God is there to guide me through the rest of my life. And thanks to God and his Grace I know that great things await me for the remainder of my journey through life. How wonderful it is for the chains of imprisonment to be released. No words can describe how great God is.
And thanks to all of my brothers here on the board for your encouragement, prayers, and friendship. Let's continue to fight this battle. May God be with all of you in your battle against PMO!
Rex
Active Member
Day 158:
Wow, the changes are profound. More blessings than I can really begin to fathom, even my battle with my physical illness can't detract from these blessings. The removal of the illness of PMO from my soul has been the great victory of my life. It's been through the breaking of these chains and release from the sins of PMO, that I finally realize how badly it had me enslaved. In April, I will be 50 years of age, for many who reach 50 they begin to feel regret. I look upon this as a gateway to my new life. The first half of my life since I was 13 was riddled with lustful thoughts of women, thousands of hours of porn, thousands of hours of masturbation, etc. The second half of my life will be focused not on destroying myself with these vices but instead using my God given talents and abilities for His greater glory.
I am not under the illusion that the battle is won, for I realize there will be future temptations and tests that will occur. However I have realized the last 158 days have been a training ground to make me steeled, toughen me up so that I can more easily fight this battle. Prayer especially the Rosary have been my best weapons during this training period, I could not have made it this far without these special weapons against this spiritual battle. It's been my finally realizing that I couldn't win this battle on my own and that only through God's intercession and help could I finally be free from PMO. I must never forget that God is the only reason I have been successful.
Wow, the changes are profound. More blessings than I can really begin to fathom, even my battle with my physical illness can't detract from these blessings. The removal of the illness of PMO from my soul has been the great victory of my life. It's been through the breaking of these chains and release from the sins of PMO, that I finally realize how badly it had me enslaved. In April, I will be 50 years of age, for many who reach 50 they begin to feel regret. I look upon this as a gateway to my new life. The first half of my life since I was 13 was riddled with lustful thoughts of women, thousands of hours of porn, thousands of hours of masturbation, etc. The second half of my life will be focused not on destroying myself with these vices but instead using my God given talents and abilities for His greater glory.
I am not under the illusion that the battle is won, for I realize there will be future temptations and tests that will occur. However I have realized the last 158 days have been a training ground to make me steeled, toughen me up so that I can more easily fight this battle. Prayer especially the Rosary have been my best weapons during this training period, I could not have made it this far without these special weapons against this spiritual battle. It's been my finally realizing that I couldn't win this battle on my own and that only through God's intercession and help could I finally be free from PMO. I must never forget that God is the only reason I have been successful.
Rex
Active Member
Day 176:
What a journey, almost 6 months of freedom! The temptations are still there, but they don't really have the sting or allure they once had. I am finding that I prefer now even deep within my heart even during periods of temptations, purity over the old way of doing things, this is the real change I have noticed during this reboot. The journey has not been easy, the daily prayer life with 3 Rosaries a day has kept me steeled and strong. Also vigilance concerning being cautious with what my eyes view on TV, movies, Internet, etc. and being vigilant with my thoughts so that I don't get into fantasizing about impure thoughts. I haven't used an Internet filter or blocker during this almost 6 month reboot period. If I begin to falter on praying 3 Rosaries a day and stop doing it for day or two or only say less than 3 Rosaries on a given day I feel myself getting weak and I feel the strong pull to slide back, my vigilance begins to soften. Each time I have realized my mistake and gone back to praying 3 Rosaries a day thereby averting a possible disaster.
Thoughts of the day:
1) Remember 1 fall to PMO is not 1 fall, 1 fall will lead to a marathon of PMO that may take days, weeks, months, and possibly years to get yourself back on track with another reboot. So try to avoid at all costs that 1 fall or even entertaining the temptation to that 1 fall to PMO while you are on a reboot.
2) This journey is not a temporary one where we strive to get to a certain point of healing and then return to the old ways. The reboot is the new way, the only way. It's a journey of purity not for a temporary period of time but the rest of our lives.
3) In the reboot process don't focus on the hardships or pain or what your body and brain are missing or longing for, keep your thoughts and attitude focused on the freedom that you have obtained. Even if you have only been a reboot for a few days those are days where you have been free from PMO. The illusion is that you are enslaved to it during the reboot when you are free. Yes that's correct you're free, the temptations will hit trying to trick you to go back to PMO but during a reboot you're free. In other words think of a movie where a lead character escapes death and is on the run, he or she is not thinking about going back they are doing whatever it takes to get as far away from that place and situation, they know they are free but they have to keep running to remain free so that they can eventually make it to that safe place. In the reboot you will eventually make it to the safe place, just continue to run away from PMO and continue to move towards that safe place while you keep focusing and being joyful that you are free from PMO.
3) Listen to that small voice in the back of your head when the temptations hit, not the loud convincing voice that wants you to fall to PMO and is tempting you. No listen to the small voice that you have heard many times before when you have gone close to the edge of the cliff in the past before deciding to fall to PMO. It's the voice that tells you to turn away and stop before you fall to PMO, the voice that tells you are in the danger zone. Begin to listen to that voice and walk away, turn away, etc. before you fall off the cliff to PMO.
What a journey, almost 6 months of freedom! The temptations are still there, but they don't really have the sting or allure they once had. I am finding that I prefer now even deep within my heart even during periods of temptations, purity over the old way of doing things, this is the real change I have noticed during this reboot. The journey has not been easy, the daily prayer life with 3 Rosaries a day has kept me steeled and strong. Also vigilance concerning being cautious with what my eyes view on TV, movies, Internet, etc. and being vigilant with my thoughts so that I don't get into fantasizing about impure thoughts. I haven't used an Internet filter or blocker during this almost 6 month reboot period. If I begin to falter on praying 3 Rosaries a day and stop doing it for day or two or only say less than 3 Rosaries on a given day I feel myself getting weak and I feel the strong pull to slide back, my vigilance begins to soften. Each time I have realized my mistake and gone back to praying 3 Rosaries a day thereby averting a possible disaster.
Thoughts of the day:
1) Remember 1 fall to PMO is not 1 fall, 1 fall will lead to a marathon of PMO that may take days, weeks, months, and possibly years to get yourself back on track with another reboot. So try to avoid at all costs that 1 fall or even entertaining the temptation to that 1 fall to PMO while you are on a reboot.
2) This journey is not a temporary one where we strive to get to a certain point of healing and then return to the old ways. The reboot is the new way, the only way. It's a journey of purity not for a temporary period of time but the rest of our lives.
3) In the reboot process don't focus on the hardships or pain or what your body and brain are missing or longing for, keep your thoughts and attitude focused on the freedom that you have obtained. Even if you have only been a reboot for a few days those are days where you have been free from PMO. The illusion is that you are enslaved to it during the reboot when you are free. Yes that's correct you're free, the temptations will hit trying to trick you to go back to PMO but during a reboot you're free. In other words think of a movie where a lead character escapes death and is on the run, he or she is not thinking about going back they are doing whatever it takes to get as far away from that place and situation, they know they are free but they have to keep running to remain free so that they can eventually make it to that safe place. In the reboot you will eventually make it to the safe place, just continue to run away from PMO and continue to move towards that safe place while you keep focusing and being joyful that you are free from PMO.
3) Listen to that small voice in the back of your head when the temptations hit, not the loud convincing voice that wants you to fall to PMO and is tempting you. No listen to the small voice that you have heard many times before when you have gone close to the edge of the cliff in the past before deciding to fall to PMO. It's the voice that tells you to turn away and stop before you fall to PMO, the voice that tells you are in the danger zone. Begin to listen to that voice and walk away, turn away, etc. before you fall off the cliff to PMO.
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
Rex said:
Very good of you to check back in, Rex. Congrats on further progress. Lots of wisdom in your post. I especially valued the quote above and I will focus on all that's positive in my recovery. You take care!
Rex
Active Member
workinprogressUK said:
workinprogressUK,
Thanks, it's great to be here on the board. It has helped me so much, I started on the board 5 years ago, returned a few times and left for long periods. I should not have left it, I should have stuck with it but since last September I have been committed and I am now in this reboot and change for the rest of my life.
Day 177:
Thoughts of the day:
1) How bad do you really want it? Ever known someone with exceptional ability but the person didn't work on this skill or talent to develop it to its best possible outcome due to laziness, lack of focus, or just not wanting to pursue cultivating this ability. Someone like Mike Trout in MLB or Lebron James in the NBA have proven themselves to be superstars in their sports. Yes, they had ability but they tirelessly worked day and night on practicing, training, and when suffering setbacks they still continued on this process never giving up. However their hard work and effort paid off and they have reaped the rewards. So how bad do you want to be free from PMO? The urges are bad and the temptations seem so enticing and comforting to go back or to continue to fall to PMO. We here are on a reboot, whether it's minutes, hours, days, months, or years we have been on a reboot. The decision is ours, do we want to go back or do we want to move forward? The decision is entirely up to us - no one else can make the decision for us. It's so easy to fall back, no work is required. Just like Mike Trout and LeBron James found out being the best in their sports required commitment, sacrifice, and lots of hard work. That's what the reboot requires of us. It's not going to be easy but I can assure you that the rewards are so plentiful. Slavery sucks, and falling into PMO addiction is slavery. If we make the commitment and put in the hard work we will get our lives back and start to see benefits we never thought we would receive. We can do it we can beat PMO addiction! Keep positive keep moving forward the reward is waiting for all of us!
2) The centerpiece in a 12 step addiction recovery program is turning to God and asking for His help in the recovery process.
Rex
Active Member
Day 178:
Feeling better physically, but have been riding the roller coaster of many ups and downs due to chronic long term Lyme disease the last 6 months. I caught Lyme disease about 10 years ago and I finally started treatment in December after finding out Lyme was the cause of my health problems. However last week after an emotional roller coaster of 6 months I finally hit my breaking point and realized that I wasn't truly trusting God in my recovery even though He has giving me the signs that total healing is right around the corner. I wanted the healing on my time table and not God's. I finally came to a decision last week, no matter how bad the symptoms or how much suffering from the physical ills of the disease or the terrible anxiety and panic attacks it causes when it flairs up due to the disease wrecking havoc on my adrenal glands, that God will heal me and that I needed to finally let go and trust God. It's given me peace and when the symptoms have flared up since last week I just placed my trust in God and no longer succumb to thoughts of doom and gloom. The pity party of poor old Rex where I acted like a 2-year old having a temper tantrum are over. I no longer lose hope and I don't get angry or upset anymore.
This new attitude has also allowed me to not lose focus on all that I have gained the last 6 months. I am no longer a slave to PMO, the addiction is gone I am free and nothing can take away this great victory. I really truly in my heart don't long for it anymore, I long for purity of mind, body, and soul. The urges and temptations will still pop up from time-to-time but they have no hold over me anymore, the appeal is gone. My mind, body, and soul no longer want PMO, this is the real change that has been a long process to get here but I have arrived. I know that I must stay vigilant and continue the daily prayer life but I have accomplished so much in the last 6 months and it wouldn't have happened without God's help and intercession. I put my PMO recovery in God's hands and the results are something I never would have thought possible in a fight I have been waging since 1983. Words can't describe how thankful I am to God, to be free from PMO for 178 days.
Thought of the day:
1) Never forget that just as in any 12-step addiction recovery program, God is the centerpiece to beating the addiction. It's taken me many years to finally figure this out. I thought I could do it on my own, the missing element was always not turning to God for strength and assistance in this fight. He has provided me with everything I have asked for in this battle and much more.
?So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.? - Isaiah 41:10
?Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.? - Philippians 4:6-7
Feeling better physically, but have been riding the roller coaster of many ups and downs due to chronic long term Lyme disease the last 6 months. I caught Lyme disease about 10 years ago and I finally started treatment in December after finding out Lyme was the cause of my health problems. However last week after an emotional roller coaster of 6 months I finally hit my breaking point and realized that I wasn't truly trusting God in my recovery even though He has giving me the signs that total healing is right around the corner. I wanted the healing on my time table and not God's. I finally came to a decision last week, no matter how bad the symptoms or how much suffering from the physical ills of the disease or the terrible anxiety and panic attacks it causes when it flairs up due to the disease wrecking havoc on my adrenal glands, that God will heal me and that I needed to finally let go and trust God. It's given me peace and when the symptoms have flared up since last week I just placed my trust in God and no longer succumb to thoughts of doom and gloom. The pity party of poor old Rex where I acted like a 2-year old having a temper tantrum are over. I no longer lose hope and I don't get angry or upset anymore.
This new attitude has also allowed me to not lose focus on all that I have gained the last 6 months. I am no longer a slave to PMO, the addiction is gone I am free and nothing can take away this great victory. I really truly in my heart don't long for it anymore, I long for purity of mind, body, and soul. The urges and temptations will still pop up from time-to-time but they have no hold over me anymore, the appeal is gone. My mind, body, and soul no longer want PMO, this is the real change that has been a long process to get here but I have arrived. I know that I must stay vigilant and continue the daily prayer life but I have accomplished so much in the last 6 months and it wouldn't have happened without God's help and intercession. I put my PMO recovery in God's hands and the results are something I never would have thought possible in a fight I have been waging since 1983. Words can't describe how thankful I am to God, to be free from PMO for 178 days.
Thought of the day:
1) Never forget that just as in any 12-step addiction recovery program, God is the centerpiece to beating the addiction. It's taken me many years to finally figure this out. I thought I could do it on my own, the missing element was always not turning to God for strength and assistance in this fight. He has provided me with everything I have asked for in this battle and much more.
?So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.? - Isaiah 41:10
?Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.? - Philippians 4:6-7
Rex
Active Member
Day 182:
I have hit the 26 week or 6 month mark in my reboot free from PMO. It's a great victory, but I will continue to remain vigilant and will continue the daily prayer life. Not much is emanating from my brain this morning, feeling extremely sluggish and feverish today from the Lyme, but still very happy.
Thoughts of the day:
1) PMO addiction is a very selfish addiction, it puts us first and not others. One way to beat it during the reboot process is to remove the focus on us and put it instead on others. Do something nice for someone today. It could be something as small as smiling or saying hello, giving a person a compliment or words or encouragement, praying for someone, giving money to someone in need, etc. When you do good things for others you will also feel better about yourself which will aid the healing process.
2) You can't change the past, stop trying to relive it or dwell on it. It doesn't matter whether you are 40 years old or 80 years old or anywhere in between you have a future that you can look forward to. Don't beat yourself up about the time lost to PMO addiction in the past. Just keep the addiction in the past, focus instead on the bright future you will have being free of PMO. There's no time machine to take us back, so it's fruitless endeavor for any of us to dwell on the past and beat ourselves up on destruction we have caused. Instead lets leave the past the past, and begin true healing by focusing on the future. We can't change the past, but we sure can change the future if we choose to move forward. Forgive yourself and forgive others and just remain restitute and vigilant to stay on the reboot.
I have hit the 26 week or 6 month mark in my reboot free from PMO. It's a great victory, but I will continue to remain vigilant and will continue the daily prayer life. Not much is emanating from my brain this morning, feeling extremely sluggish and feverish today from the Lyme, but still very happy.
Thoughts of the day:
1) PMO addiction is a very selfish addiction, it puts us first and not others. One way to beat it during the reboot process is to remove the focus on us and put it instead on others. Do something nice for someone today. It could be something as small as smiling or saying hello, giving a person a compliment or words or encouragement, praying for someone, giving money to someone in need, etc. When you do good things for others you will also feel better about yourself which will aid the healing process.
2) You can't change the past, stop trying to relive it or dwell on it. It doesn't matter whether you are 40 years old or 80 years old or anywhere in between you have a future that you can look forward to. Don't beat yourself up about the time lost to PMO addiction in the past. Just keep the addiction in the past, focus instead on the bright future you will have being free of PMO. There's no time machine to take us back, so it's fruitless endeavor for any of us to dwell on the past and beat ourselves up on destruction we have caused. Instead lets leave the past the past, and begin true healing by focusing on the future. We can't change the past, but we sure can change the future if we choose to move forward. Forgive yourself and forgive others and just remain restitute and vigilant to stay on the reboot.