Not gonna go it alone

[BlueHeronFan]

I was noticing today that little fantasies flash across my mind from time to time. I guess they haven't ever seemed like too big of a deal to pay attention to, but I realized that they might be getting me into trouble. I think I've only ever relapsed after entertaining fantasies, but I've always thought of fantasies as harmless...which they aren't. Anyway, something to think about and work on.

I was listening to something yesterday that was talking about how our brains rely on habits and patterns of thought and behavior and about how, when our brains have habits for a long time, it takes a long time to change those habits. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that it's taking years to fully shake off an addiction that I didn't even fight for more years. It's okay that it's taking time. All progress is progress.

 

[changemylife]

I was noticing today that little fantasies flash across my mind from time to time. I guess they haven't ever seemed like too big of a deal to pay attention to, but I realized that they might be getting me into trouble. I think I've only ever relapsed after entertaining fantasies, but I've always thought of fantasies as harmless...which they aren't. Anyway, something to think about and work on.

I was listening to something yesterday that was talking about how our brains rely on habits and patterns of thought and behavior and about how, when our brains have habits for a long time, it takes a long time to change those habits. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that it's taking years to fully shake off an addiction that I didn't even fight for more years. It's okay that it's taking time. All progress is progress.

Even fantasizing or pictures that appear in the mind are connected to porn addiction. That's what the addicted brain does. If we indulge in them, thinking they are harmless, we could move on to something stronger, to looking at real pictures or straight to porn. It definitely takes some attention to notice every subtle thing the brain does to push us back to porn. What you said about habits is very true. Mine are like routines: Every morning I fantasized and edge by rubbing my dick against the bed (back in the days when quitting porn wasn't even a thought). And this is so well tattooed to my brain. Every morning, when I wake up, I have to fight to brush away the fantasies and I have to turn face up to avoid rubbing against the bed. It's one of those things that drive you crazy and push you into cursing impulses about why you had to become a porn addict in the first place. But as we didn't choose deliberately to become addicts in the past, now it's not the type to despair crying about it. There is only a way out.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Yeah, you're right. As I think about it now... The addiction is a real thing, so I have to be vigilant, but it's also not something I really chose (I was too young understand what I was getting into), so I can't be too frustrated with myself. And I love that last thought. The only way now is the way out.

Today was good, busy but good. The weather's pretty bad, but I'm warm and inside, so I can't complain.

 

[Fabricioalves]

We are our actions, it is good remember that if we are trying being a better person

 

[Kaingang]

the difference is that I am now an adult and I'm aware of all the problems that this addiction causes for me. I have compassion for the boy who entered this not knowing very well what he was doing and seeking a certain relief for his pains. but now as an adult I feel more responsible and I have been charged much more to deal with my problems in a different way.

I also know that I am human and that mistakes I will always commit. I also know that those difficult moments in my childhood are still engraved on my body and memory. but I believe it is possible to learn from mistakes and bad experiences and try to deal with problems in a wiser and more balanced way. That's what I've been trying to do.

All of that is really great--thanks for sharing it with me! I think I agree with you. I was pretty young when I started experimenting with porn and masturbation, too young to know what I was getting myself into. Now that I know, though, it's my responsibility to shake it off and deal with life more productively.

I've been thinking a lot about something else I heard a couple weeks ago: the way we live today is the way we live our life. In addiction and in everything, all we can do it live each day at a time. I hadn't thought before about how our life is the sum of each day. If we can live each day well, we'll end up living our life well. So I'll just keep trying to live each day well. (Today is 13/100)

sorry for the delay in answering I've been involved with quite a bit in recent days. that's true. our mind tends to make everything much more complex.

but the truth is that our future is built every day like you said.

and if we do not change our old habits NOW we will never do it. change can only happen in the present moment, but we are deluded that it will happen at some future time in a magical way. this illusion that in the future things will improve prevent us from acting instantaneously and makes us carry on with our old problems...

 

[Kaingang]

I was noticing today that little fantasies flash across my mind from time to time. I guess they haven't ever seemed like too big of a deal to pay attention to, but I realized that they might be getting me into trouble. I think I've only ever relapsed after entertaining fantasies, but I've always thought of fantasies as harmless...which they aren't. Anyway, something to think about and work on.

I was listening to something yesterday that was talking about how our brains rely on habits and patterns of thought and behavior and about how, when our brains have habits for a long time, it takes a long time to change those habits. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that it's taking years to fully shake off an addiction that I didn't even fight for more years. It's okay that it's taking time. All progress is progress.

Yes, man. Sure that these habits takes time to disappear. but it's good that you can already identify and be alert to your different triggers. the tendency is that by being alert when these triggers arise we can act differently and not simply react in a pattern that is rooted in our brain.

Good to see your progress here. what happened in the past really can not be changed, unfortunately. so let's look with compassion on all that has brought us here and let's act in a different way from now on. keep strong. have a good weekend!

 

[BlueHeronFan]

keep strong. have a good weekend!

Thanks, you too!

Another day and another week in the clear. Just going to keep on going.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Today's been just fine. Not as productive as I'd like. I felt/feel more urges today than I have in the last couple weeks.

I've been working on setting up social media for business purposes. Oh boy, that's a minefield: I've been remembering today why I quit my own accounts last year. Even when you're not looking for it, pornish stuff comes looking for you. I spent some time today trying to block that stuff to teach the algorithm I'm not interested, but who knows--maybe that wasn't the best idea. It put me in front of a lot of things I probably would have been better off not seeing...

Tomorrow is another day

 

[BlueHeronFan]

(20/100)
Stuck inside again today due to the weather. But it was a good day, I cleaned, cooked, made an inspirational poster to keep over my desk (as a reminder that there are better things ahead than porn).

I realized today that I've been fighting urges and thoughts lately by saying, "What would the guys on the forum say if I gave in today?" Even in the last couple weeks, being a part of this community has added strength to my healing process that I didn't have before. Just wanted to say thanks

 

[Kaingang]

the forum has also given me this strength to stick with my goals here. Good to know that everything is going well for you. social media is a problem for me too. I have also worked with social media for companies and I know what you mean. I'm trying to control it with apps. It's working but could be better.

have a good week and stay focused man!

 

[BlueHeronFan]

the forum has also given me this strength to stick with my goals here. Good to know that everything is going well for you. social media is a problem for me too. I have also worked with social media for companies and I know what you mean. I'm trying to control it with apps. It's working but could be better.

have a good week and stay focused man!

Thanks! I'm just keeping at it.

That said, I'm three weeks in now (21 days), and that's a good thing, but it's also not rare for me to go three weeks without porn. What's rarer is going more than 4. Yesterday and today the urges have crept into the back of my mind with more force. Usually what happens is that I go a few weeks, things settle down and then it creeps in quietly and takes me down. It starts with thoughts, then remembering how "free" I felt when I didn't have to worry about not using porn. Even today, for the first time, I had some thoughts like, "you've been doing a good job the last few days--maybe treat yourself to some porn." I've never thought of porn as a reward before, usually a coping mechanism. But I hope I can see it for what it is--the same poison as always.

Hopefully, by talking it out here and not being trapped in my own head, I'll be able to work through the round of urges that seems to be coming. For a long time, I think, I've been on a roughly once a month schedule for PMO, and I guess the clock is ticking down. I can go a few weeks without even thinking about porn, but I'm usually done for by the time I start thinking about it throughout the day. Here's to hoping that doesn't happen this time.

I'm back to work tomorrow, so I hope that being busier gets my mind away from the trash that's sneaking in.

 

[Fabricioalves]

You are doing a great job my friend and I'm sure you can go ahead.

Sometimes we can be confusing about it and if all this process worth. Sometimes my mind tries trick me thinking perhaps P it is not the problem and I dont need to do this, so I remember there is all this whole community to remember me I'm in the right way. Remember your brain is trying tricking you to get his drug and you wont satisfied at all at the end.

Stay strong

 

[changemylife]

Sometimes my mind tries trick me thinking perhaps P it is not the problem

I can relate to this. Some time ago (when I didn't know that I was addicted to porn and I only thought I was addicted to masturbation) I had some moments when I told myself: "Your social anxiety is not because of masturbation, man. It's all in your head. Have this attitude, think this way and you will be normal." Yeah, right. You will never escape from the emotional mambo jumbo if you don't quit PMO.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Thanks, guys--you're right. It's hard to remember sometimes that my brain is not always on the same page as me. I am not my thoughts. I'm dealing with thoughts right now that are trying to pull me in the wrong direction, but that's the addiction talking, not me.

Thanks for the boost. Here I go into the day!

 

[Kaingang]

use blocking apps, meditate, focus on your work, seek out different forms of pleasure that are healthier, value more the pleasure of being away from pornography sessions and all its effect that comes later, think how you feel after a porn session, think of your goal here of reaching 100 days without porn. take some deep breaths when these urges appear and stay away from cell phones and computers at these times.

what I've been thinking is that as long as I don't feel that I have self-control and that it will no longer affect me in any way I won't  watch porn again. Ans I also want to reach my goal which is the same as yours: 100 days.

I hope that one day I won't even know how long I am without watching porn and I hope also that one day this desire to watch a video doesn't affect me anymore.

I really expect that porn can lose its importance in my life and to reserve for what it is and should always be: something insignificant. something that doesn't add anything at all in my life.

We are here to help you! Count on us! have a good day

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Muito obrigado, Kaingang! I really appreciate your support.

I've been hearing this phrase a lot lately: Let go of that which no longer serves you. Porn definitely doesn't serve me anymore. It might have been a way to deal with pain in the past, but it doesn't do that anymore and I've found better ways of dealing with pain. It no longer serves me, and I'm in the process of letting it go.

Today was a busy day, but I made it through. Glad to be calling it a night

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Today was decent. The social media got to me today, and I decided that, even if it is for business purposes, it's not worth it. There has to be a way to take care of business without putting myself at risk of exposure to sexualized content.

I saw some things I wish I hadn't, but I don't think it's a relapse. The job now is just making sure it doesn't become one (because once you get the urges going, it's harder to settle them down).

On to another day

 

[Kaingang]

It's good to be away from any sexual content. I'm in the same process. They put us at a very high risk for relapses. Stay focused and have a good day, meu amigo.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

It was a chill day today--just school for me. I feel much more in control today than I did last night, but I've still been fighting some thoughts/fantasies. I'm sure they'll settle down the less I pay attention to them and do other and better things.

My focus now is to take things a day at a time. I can't change the past, and I can't control the future. But I can do something about today, so that's where I'm trying to focus my energies.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Had a few strong urges today, but I responded by dropping everything and meditating instead of just worrying about them until they overcame me (like I have done in the past). By the time I was done meditating, the intensity of the urges had dropped off a lot, and I could get through the rest of the day.

I've never successfully dealt with strong urges like these before. In the past they've always meant a relapse was coming. But I'm doing better than before and hoping that they ease up more as they realize that I'm not going to give in.

25 days/100--let's keep going!