ArthurMorgan
Member
Hi all, will try to really keep this as short as a long story can be. I will try to use all glossary terms apologies if i forget some, i'm new. There may be triggers in this post as i explain things.
I'm 40, have a wife of 8 years (40). Around two and a half years ago i experienced ED. It gradually got worse, and eventually (very recently) i chalked it up to PIED thanks to finding this forum/Gabe etc.
I've watched P for as long as i can remember. Softcore P on cable channels at night aged around 14 when i started regular M.
Throughout every relationship I've had since, my first from when i was 18 years old, up until my wife now, ive watched P which of course evolved into online stuff.
The only way i could become aroused was from my girlfriend's at the time physically pleasuring my dick. Then i would become hard and manage to maintain an E, and have sex. This was the norm, and once i understood how to get hard (by telling my girlfriend's what to do) i could live a fairly normal sex life. Still with occasional ED but mostly fine.
So fast foward to today me and my wife sadly are no longer in love we remain together for my two year old child. We are beginning the process of divorce and sometime this year i will move out. Its sterile, cold but very amicable and as friendly as it can be. (As you will soon see)
I started my reboot 55 days ago, and occasionally within that time i would achieve MO always with little to no E, totally limp. Sometimes with my wifes help, still limp. We have not had full sex since two something years ago. But occasionally (very occasionally) please each other more for release. There's no love there.
I brought Viagra recently, used it once when my wife would give me MO just to see what would happen, and that only gave me a slightly more improved semi. Not solid enough for penetration.
Around 14 days ago I had MO alone twice in one day not to porn, just imagination. (not watched porn at all in the 55 days) the very night after that MO i had sexually explicit dreams and woke up with an E of about 50% hardness! First time in over two years! So the reboot was doing... something!?
After reading that MO of any kind could delay the process I have stopped that completely too. And here I am today.
I've within the last few months been seeing an old friend (30). Just kissing her when in her company, really tame stuff, never nothing more, nothing close to sex and quite selfishly ive kind of also been using it as a guage to see if anything happens down there.
I pop a viagra before I go to see her not because we are going to have sex, but because i want to make my thing work around a woman. Embarrassing telling this story but it is, what it is.
I definitely get a little harder when we kiss, or even if i just rub her leg. But never a full on E. However this friend is now out of the picture i think permanently so the impending pressure of possible sex with her one day, is no longer there so while it's sad for me she has gone, at least i don't have to go through the crippling embarrassment of no E if/when we finally did get busy.
Heres the interesting part. My last hard erection was the last time i watched porn 55 days ago, it was when i decided to watch something more extreme.
Even before i had typed it in, the thought of what i was going to watch alone gave me a very hard E. It was sticking up before i had even watched the thing. Just knowing i was about to watch it got me hard. Was so strange. So my thing clearly works on SOME level.
It was then i realised something weird was going on here... found Gabe and this website and here I am.
My life is a confused mess at the moment. I'm in a new area, my only friends were the one i mentioned and my wife of 8 years. When we officially finish very soon it will be a lonely life for me outside of my kids. I have two, one as i said two years old. The other in her late teens that lives further away.
Im here, day 55 of no P. Day 14 of no M. Wondering if i will ever have life down there again.
Thank you for taking the time to read my journal, writing it really helped. I won't bore everyone with daily / regular updates. Only significant milestones or progression.
A few days ago I had a strong urge to M but that died. Ive basically been in flatline since my last MO 14 days ago. Haven't had morning wood for over two years, in fact i can't even remember the last time!
I still appreciate and enjoy a woman's shape, but it doesn't give me feeling below like it would in the past. Just lifeless down there now.
I think that's everything!! Thank you. Good luck to everyone. Will hopefully be back soon.
I'm 40, have a wife of 8 years (40). Around two and a half years ago i experienced ED. It gradually got worse, and eventually (very recently) i chalked it up to PIED thanks to finding this forum/Gabe etc.
I've watched P for as long as i can remember. Softcore P on cable channels at night aged around 14 when i started regular M.
Throughout every relationship I've had since, my first from when i was 18 years old, up until my wife now, ive watched P which of course evolved into online stuff.
The only way i could become aroused was from my girlfriend's at the time physically pleasuring my dick. Then i would become hard and manage to maintain an E, and have sex. This was the norm, and once i understood how to get hard (by telling my girlfriend's what to do) i could live a fairly normal sex life. Still with occasional ED but mostly fine.
So fast foward to today me and my wife sadly are no longer in love we remain together for my two year old child. We are beginning the process of divorce and sometime this year i will move out. Its sterile, cold but very amicable and as friendly as it can be. (As you will soon see)
I started my reboot 55 days ago, and occasionally within that time i would achieve MO always with little to no E, totally limp. Sometimes with my wifes help, still limp. We have not had full sex since two something years ago. But occasionally (very occasionally) please each other more for release. There's no love there.
I brought Viagra recently, used it once when my wife would give me MO just to see what would happen, and that only gave me a slightly more improved semi. Not solid enough for penetration.
Around 14 days ago I had MO alone twice in one day not to porn, just imagination. (not watched porn at all in the 55 days) the very night after that MO i had sexually explicit dreams and woke up with an E of about 50% hardness! First time in over two years! So the reboot was doing... something!?
After reading that MO of any kind could delay the process I have stopped that completely too. And here I am today.
I've within the last few months been seeing an old friend (30). Just kissing her when in her company, really tame stuff, never nothing more, nothing close to sex and quite selfishly ive kind of also been using it as a guage to see if anything happens down there.
I pop a viagra before I go to see her not because we are going to have sex, but because i want to make my thing work around a woman. Embarrassing telling this story but it is, what it is.
I definitely get a little harder when we kiss, or even if i just rub her leg. But never a full on E. However this friend is now out of the picture i think permanently so the impending pressure of possible sex with her one day, is no longer there so while it's sad for me she has gone, at least i don't have to go through the crippling embarrassment of no E if/when we finally did get busy.
Heres the interesting part. My last hard erection was the last time i watched porn 55 days ago, it was when i decided to watch something more extreme.
Even before i had typed it in, the thought of what i was going to watch alone gave me a very hard E. It was sticking up before i had even watched the thing. Just knowing i was about to watch it got me hard. Was so strange. So my thing clearly works on SOME level.
It was then i realised something weird was going on here... found Gabe and this website and here I am.
My life is a confused mess at the moment. I'm in a new area, my only friends were the one i mentioned and my wife of 8 years. When we officially finish very soon it will be a lonely life for me outside of my kids. I have two, one as i said two years old. The other in her late teens that lives further away.
Im here, day 55 of no P. Day 14 of no M. Wondering if i will ever have life down there again.
Thank you for taking the time to read my journal, writing it really helped. I won't bore everyone with daily / regular updates. Only significant milestones or progression.
A few days ago I had a strong urge to M but that died. Ive basically been in flatline since my last MO 14 days ago. Haven't had morning wood for over two years, in fact i can't even remember the last time!
I still appreciate and enjoy a woman's shape, but it doesn't give me feeling below like it would in the past. Just lifeless down there now.
I think that's everything!! Thank you. Good luck to everyone. Will hopefully be back soon.