Uk65tantra

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cranm329

Guest
Day 30: No PM
One third of the 90 day therapeutic target. Unexpected full blown experience this morning. PIED is definitely getting better so much so that I lost control. Need more practice. Still get too intentional rather than being present.
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 31: No PM
Uneventful day. Wife out all morning so home alone. Brought back memories. I gave her the router connector and my mobile phone. Nothing downloaded on other devices. Just kept busy.
Would I have resisted P temptation if I had internet access? Too much to lose.
Minimal urges at sports centre this afternoon. Would have been a trigger a few years ago.
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 32: No PM
Re-read section on PAWS (post addiction withdrawal symptoms) in YBOP. I know what it feels like but choose not to dwell on or in it.
Some experts state that addiction is permanent and has to be controlled. This addiction is over. I have left it behind.
I have been crucified with Christ...and the life I now live ....is by faith in (of) the Son of God.
 
J

J01

Guest
Great job fighting the urges the other day when you were home alone-I have also faced that struggle in the past.  Have a great weekend. 
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 34: No PM
Good weekend. Another helpful time of disclosure with wife yesterday. We accepted and agreed that my SSA was due to psychopathology not nature or preference.. It is dead and buried. I no longer need it or have a place in my life for it. Living in the present not condemned by the past.
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 35: No PM
Good day. Another great morning. Recommend high nitrite/nitrate foods to boost nitric oxide and reduce the effects of ED. It has really helped me and made the tantra thing easier.
Sport this afternoon was useful distraction and made me feel tired but energised.
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 36: No PM
Wife went out before me this morning leaving internet available. 15 mins. of opportunity but no urges or acting out.
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 37: No PM
Thanks BigMog. Another great morning. No urges today. We got over misunderstanding yesterday. Wife thought that I had resumed SSA by thinking that I looked at someone in car park (lot ) in fact, it  revealed an old problem. I am wary of young guys who look threatening to me. It is a sort of phobic anxiety arising from childhood trauma. I tend to give other people especially young adult males a wide berth. The SSA porn was a way of making these guys 'safe'. Naked + aroused = no threat. Of course it was based in my insecurity and discomfort leading to stress relieving addiction. It's taken 50 years to deal with this.I am not threatened by anyone and fully validated in my marriage.
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 38: No PM
No time today for anything intimate. No urges or difficult situations including time at the sports centre.
Must get back to tai chi practice. Miss the energising and relaxing effects.
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 39: No PM
Low mood and  libido again. This recurrent experience is mentioned in AYBOP.  Will be patient.
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 40: No PM
Weird and disturbing dreams last night. May be due to rewiring. Must remain focussed. Great day otherwise.
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 41: No PM
Good day. Enjoyed sport this morning. No urges or temptations. This afternoon, I could have misused my tablet. I did not and will not, ever again.
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 42: No PM
Six weeks. No temptations or urges. Potential trigger on social media. No interest or reaction.
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 43: No PM
Good day. Wife took router connector to her meeting this morning while I stayed at home. I had my 4G mobile/cellphone but had no temptation to misuse it. Another step in the right direction towards building trust.
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 44: No PM
Good night and morning. No temptations or urges. Thought for the day: Used to feel that there would be a vacuum in my life without P fixes. Have to try and fill the empty space? Most of the universe is nothing.  No need to fill it; not that that would that be possible.
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 45: No PM
Half way to the 90 day target. No problems. Had to reassure wife that I was not looking at other people in sports hall. I didn't do it though had a minor trigger. Focused on my friends' activities. As soon as a temptation appears get into the present and be mindful.
 
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cranm329

Guest
Day 46: No PM
Problem free day. Glad to read on here that it gets easier with time. Still have to be ultra vigilant and stay mindful of the present.
 
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