Iloveicecream
Member
your Performance is very impressive.
Free-man2018
Active Member
triggers are very difficult to fix, I think they always going stay there hide at moments, but waiting?
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
Great work. I'm inspired by your success. Your insights and experiences make for interesting reading, too.
J
J01
Guest
Ice, thanks for the kind words, and Free, that is a good reminder about triggers.
WIP, I was very encouraged by your comment. Thanks, and thanks as well for your steadfast support and encouragement to the Forum as a whole.
If any of you have recently stumbled, as I did recently, the only option is to get back on track again. Stay in the battle, no matter what.
4 Day Clean
WIP, I was very encouraged by your comment. Thanks, and thanks as well for your steadfast support and encouragement to the Forum as a whole.
If any of you have recently stumbled, as I did recently, the only option is to get back on track again. Stay in the battle, no matter what.
4 Day Clean
J
J01
Guest
Had a great run today-it is often the best part of the day! Like many others have noted, some form of an exercise regimen is a great addition to the over-all stride of life improvement. Walking is fine as well; running and walking are free and they get one outdoors.
Lots of triggers all around the last few days-no matter what we do an ambush is right around the corner.
8 Day Clean
Lots of triggers all around the last few days-no matter what we do an ambush is right around the corner.
8 Day Clean
Hey jixu, I hope you're doing OK. I'm pulling for you, as everyone else is I'm sure. If there's anything to learn from the stumble, I hope you crack it, but if not then I hope you just move on to an even better effort. God knows I had so many stumbles (...and complete falls, and over-the-cliff plunges, etc...), that I don't think there was anything to learn from them after a while. In fact, I probably got to the point where I liked thinking about stumbles and relapses, because doing so allowed me to think about porn! Everyone's different, so I hope I'm not saying anything wrong, but here's hoping you focus on the positive, and on the good path into the future. I'm talking like all this is in the past, but I'm really struggling with it every day, too.
J
J01
Guest
Hi idunno-great to hear from you, and thanks for the encouragement! Doing pretty decent, just trying to juggle, allocate, and integrate the various personal and professional stressors that seem to pop up. I agree about what you said about learning, in that my battle lies more in the doing than in the lack of knowing what I should be doing. Have enjoyed and benefited from the cogent comments you have made, both on your thread and others. Thanks again!
13 Day Clean
13 Day Clean
Pete McVries
Active Member
Hey jixu,
sorry to hear about your relapse but kudos that you go right back at it!
May I ask what led to your relapse or what caused it? You don't need to explain yourself, I'm just interested in it because you were clean for such a long time.
Take care!
sorry to hear about your relapse but kudos that you go right back at it!
May I ask what led to your relapse or what caused it? You don't need to explain yourself, I'm just interested in it because you were clean for such a long time.
Take care!
J
J01
Guest
Hi Pete! As I think about my recent relapse, it is interesting to me to start by gauging my reaction to the relapse. In the past I would be plunged into despondency and it would greatly impact me for at least a few days. This time was quite different: this time I was just basically disappointed in myself, feeling like a bonehead, talking to myself like, "nice move genius, what an idiot" etc. I usually don't have inner dialogue like that. The viewing time was very very short (just wham bam thank you mam) and there was no binge afterwards or anything approaching that and getting back on board was not difficult.
I think part of the reason for having disappointment instead of despair was based on the reason for the relapse: I think I chose to view the stuff as a celebratory offering to myself (I don't mean it in the sense that I rewarded myself with porn due to the fact of the 6 month streak). Yes, I think I became mentally slothful in the "midst of prosperity." Actually, things were going along quite nicely-the usual suspect, work stress, was not really at play. I guess in some manner maybe the smooth and easy going kind of disoriented me in a sense and I was in a new place so to speak and did not self-adjust accordingly and I let my guard down. Don't get me wrong: it isn't like my life is horrible. I have stable employ, am socially connected, have a reasonably clear conscience, can sleep at night, decent health, etc etc. But, I guess i'm not good at dealing with good things when they get "gooder" ha ha. After it is all said and done, the raw reality is this: I watched it because I wanted to, plain and simple.
In the broad sense, I view the goal as life self-improvement so that we can be of useful service to others and ourselves. The self-improvement destination has many areas (exercise, continued education and learning, eating right, being kind to our families and friends, etc) of which porn elimination is one component. It is a huge component, no doubt.
I think counting days is good, but the main thing to me is this: what is my life like today-what is my life like right now?
Best wishes to all !
16 Day Clean
Best wishes in your journey!
I think part of the reason for having disappointment instead of despair was based on the reason for the relapse: I think I chose to view the stuff as a celebratory offering to myself (I don't mean it in the sense that I rewarded myself with porn due to the fact of the 6 month streak). Yes, I think I became mentally slothful in the "midst of prosperity." Actually, things were going along quite nicely-the usual suspect, work stress, was not really at play. I guess in some manner maybe the smooth and easy going kind of disoriented me in a sense and I was in a new place so to speak and did not self-adjust accordingly and I let my guard down. Don't get me wrong: it isn't like my life is horrible. I have stable employ, am socially connected, have a reasonably clear conscience, can sleep at night, decent health, etc etc. But, I guess i'm not good at dealing with good things when they get "gooder" ha ha. After it is all said and done, the raw reality is this: I watched it because I wanted to, plain and simple.
In the broad sense, I view the goal as life self-improvement so that we can be of useful service to others and ourselves. The self-improvement destination has many areas (exercise, continued education and learning, eating right, being kind to our families and friends, etc) of which porn elimination is one component. It is a huge component, no doubt.
I think counting days is good, but the main thing to me is this: what is my life like today-what is my life like right now?
Best wishes to all !
16 Day Clean
Best wishes in your journey!
L
Lero
Guest
That's right, man, this is a good strategy not to get miserable about the relapse. It is usually a mistake we make before we relapse, it's not that we are idiots, incapable people or whatever. We actually know what to do, especially those who make it to many days, they don't get there because they went to sleep and woke up after 6 months. They have a plan, they know what they have to do but mistakes are always available. You might not even know when the mistake jumps out of the bushes. I've noticed that some people relax their guard after a few months, thinking that they have it, everything is going great and they don't need to be that super careful. I don't know if this happened to you but it's something to keep in mind, as you have the ability to go months without relapse. Keep in mind what made you relapse.
J
J01
Guest
Dealing with a reasonably large and extremely unpleasant (as well as utterly unanticipated) financial blow to the family bank account this week. The good thing is that I didn't procrastinate and immediately engaged in at least some mitigation efforts to contain the thing. Sometimes if faced with this I would go to sleep and hope it went away the next day-it doesn't work like that. Was proud that I didn't seek the easy way out and faced it head on and didn't let the stress send me into the wrong stuff and direction.
Take care all-keep going no matter what you are facing.
25 Day Clean
Take care all-keep going no matter what you are facing.
25 Day Clean
J
J01
Guest
Rats! Lost the restart at 30 plus days a couple of days back. Saw it coming a mile away and didn't fight it properly as it started to very manifestly percolate right before my eyes. Instead of knocking it out at inception I let it rage like a wildfire out of control.
Just keep going, patience and pace, one day at a time.
2 Day Clean
Just keep going, patience and pace, one day at a time.
2 Day Clean
C
cranm329
Guest
Well done getting getting back on track. Just a thought...rather than fighting this addiction, consider killing it stone dead. Stake through the heart, silver bullet, whatever imagery that works for you. It's a beast that will keep coming back from its hiding place in the deepest recesses of your mind. For me it was other imagery that helped ( have shared in my journal) but I had to face the monster down and say " I deny you! I give you up!" Prepare to psychologically 'die' in the process because the beast is part of you. The 'real' you can then be free to live as never before.
J
J01
Guest
Thanks Cranm for your encouragement and comments. I hadn't thought of conceptualizing it like that, it makes a lot of sense. Thanks!
J
J01
Guest
Kind of quiet out there in the 40 and up Forum. Feels like the dark dreary November of the soul has set in early. Hope folks can give some updates, whether rain or shine. If you have achieved some goals and desired milestones, pass them along as encouragement and keep going. If you are struggling, come back in and restart the commitment. Friend, today and tomorrow are what count.
Take care!
5 Day clean
Take care!
5 Day clean
Rex
Active Member
Jixu,
Great work on jumping back on the wagon, this was something in the past I was never good at. Once I started getting good at jumping back on the wagon, that was the first step forward for me to the success I have had in the last year staying away from PMO.
You need to take one day at a time and not worry about the next day, the days will pass just concentrate on staying clean that day. One thing that I have discovered is that the fall to PMO never begins right before it happens. It starts in the mind days, weeks, months, etc. before it happens. In other words if you rationalize a fall to PMO in the future, you'll fall. Don't give in in your thoughts. When those thoughts hit your mind, knock them immediately out. Laugh at those tempting or rationalization thoughts concerning falling to PMO, and keep saying to yourself - "never again". It will get easier the more times you successfully knock the thoughts out of your mind, the effect they will have on you will lessen the more times you successfully do this. It's a skill that takes some practice but it yields great results. You'll find over time the thoughts and temptations won't hold any power over you, you'll have the self control to not let them bother you or pay any attention to them. You'll treat them like an annoying person that you avoid and ignore. Another technique that worked well is when I would get porn images of women hit my mind from previous PMO falls, I would pray for these women - a Hail Mary or Our Father prayer. And every time the images would come back to my mind I would repeat the prayer. This usually caused the images to stop popping into in my head for a while. The longer you stay away from PMO those former porn images that you viewed begin to fade and drop from your subconscious.
Be very cautious and control what passes through the eyes especially when it comes to TV shows and movies. If a TV show or movie has nudity in it, don't watch it. If when watching a TV show or movie you feel it's stimulating bad thoughts or feelings, shut it off and watch something else. It's amazing how this stuff enters into the subconscious leading to a fall to PMO. I find when I watch TV now, I watch a lot of documentaries and sports games. I stopped watching baseball years ago, now I watch MLB baseball games all the time.
The biggest change I made in order to defeat PMO, was to realize that it was a lot more powerful than me I needed God's help to overcome it. Just like in any 12 step recovery program, God is the center of the recovery. It was when I turned over my recovery to God and instituted a daily prayer life that I started to truly beat PMO. You can read my journal for more details.
Last, please remember this, no matter how bad the urges or temptations are they always pass. At the time when they hit they may seem like it's never going to end and you have to submit to them. No, they will soon pass. Each time you beat them you get stronger and the urges and temptations overall get weaker.
You recently made it over 30 days free from PMO. This is a sign that you are close to beating it. I really started to notice the changes where it got easier after the 60 day mark and then after 6 months I saw big changes where it was second nature to stay clean. It takes awhile but the longer you stay away from PMO the easier it gets.
I'll keep you in my prayers. Keep up the hard work, you are going to beat PMO!
.
Great work on jumping back on the wagon, this was something in the past I was never good at. Once I started getting good at jumping back on the wagon, that was the first step forward for me to the success I have had in the last year staying away from PMO.
You need to take one day at a time and not worry about the next day, the days will pass just concentrate on staying clean that day. One thing that I have discovered is that the fall to PMO never begins right before it happens. It starts in the mind days, weeks, months, etc. before it happens. In other words if you rationalize a fall to PMO in the future, you'll fall. Don't give in in your thoughts. When those thoughts hit your mind, knock them immediately out. Laugh at those tempting or rationalization thoughts concerning falling to PMO, and keep saying to yourself - "never again". It will get easier the more times you successfully knock the thoughts out of your mind, the effect they will have on you will lessen the more times you successfully do this. It's a skill that takes some practice but it yields great results. You'll find over time the thoughts and temptations won't hold any power over you, you'll have the self control to not let them bother you or pay any attention to them. You'll treat them like an annoying person that you avoid and ignore. Another technique that worked well is when I would get porn images of women hit my mind from previous PMO falls, I would pray for these women - a Hail Mary or Our Father prayer. And every time the images would come back to my mind I would repeat the prayer. This usually caused the images to stop popping into in my head for a while. The longer you stay away from PMO those former porn images that you viewed begin to fade and drop from your subconscious.
Be very cautious and control what passes through the eyes especially when it comes to TV shows and movies. If a TV show or movie has nudity in it, don't watch it. If when watching a TV show or movie you feel it's stimulating bad thoughts or feelings, shut it off and watch something else. It's amazing how this stuff enters into the subconscious leading to a fall to PMO. I find when I watch TV now, I watch a lot of documentaries and sports games. I stopped watching baseball years ago, now I watch MLB baseball games all the time.
The biggest change I made in order to defeat PMO, was to realize that it was a lot more powerful than me I needed God's help to overcome it. Just like in any 12 step recovery program, God is the center of the recovery. It was when I turned over my recovery to God and instituted a daily prayer life that I started to truly beat PMO. You can read my journal for more details.
Last, please remember this, no matter how bad the urges or temptations are they always pass. At the time when they hit they may seem like it's never going to end and you have to submit to them. No, they will soon pass. Each time you beat them you get stronger and the urges and temptations overall get weaker.
You recently made it over 30 days free from PMO. This is a sign that you are close to beating it. I really started to notice the changes where it got easier after the 60 day mark and then after 6 months I saw big changes where it was second nature to stay clean. It takes awhile but the longer you stay away from PMO the easier it gets.
I'll keep you in my prayers. Keep up the hard work, you are going to beat PMO!
.
J
J01
Guest
Rex, thanks for that considerate and thoughtful reply. There is a lot of good stuff to think about and absorb. You are spot on about giving in to the thoughts-that is what got me last time. The thought was planted and nurtured prior to the event itself.
I have also noticed that when my daily devotions in the Psalms flounder I become way more susceptible to the urges. Like you said, they will indeed pass, but it is good to have (as you noted) some spiritual help in warding them off.
Thanks again and best wishes as you continue on your own journey!
Day 5 Clean
I have also noticed that when my daily devotions in the Psalms flounder I become way more susceptible to the urges. Like you said, they will indeed pass, but it is good to have (as you noted) some spiritual help in warding them off.
Thanks again and best wishes as you continue on your own journey!
Day 5 Clean
J
J01
Guest
Staying on track and patiently engaging in the daily battles that arise.
WIP, BigMog, idunno, jbow-would love hearing from any of you guys, even if you are taking a break from the forum. The 40 year old group threads are getting pretty lean these days. Hope all is well.
10 Day Clean
WIP, BigMog, idunno, jbow-would love hearing from any of you guys, even if you are taking a break from the forum. The 40 year old group threads are getting pretty lean these days. Hope all is well.
10 Day Clean
Hi Jixu, thanks for thinking of me. I?m still here, still reading the forum. I had some success and then a couple of fails, so I?m just regrouping at the moment. I feel I don?t have much to say but it?s probably sensible to keep journaling more regularly just so I keep focused on the mission.
You?ve said further back that stress at work is a trigger, but conversely that when things are going too well you can have a slip. I think many of us have similar experiences. For me to be successful seems to require just keeping on an even keel, controlling the stress but also when things are going OK not forgetting that I am still in the struggle and making sure I am prepared for when the urges come.
Also I agree with your comments about escaping PMO being part of a bigger goal of self improvement.
Keep up the good fight!
You?ve said further back that stress at work is a trigger, but conversely that when things are going too well you can have a slip. I think many of us have similar experiences. For me to be successful seems to require just keeping on an even keel, controlling the stress but also when things are going OK not forgetting that I am still in the struggle and making sure I am prepared for when the urges come.
Also I agree with your comments about escaping PMO being part of a bigger goal of self improvement.
Keep up the good fight!
J
J01
Guest
BigMog-so great to hear from you, and encouraging as well ! It is always good to be reminded about being on guard when things are going smoothly. Hope you can get some fresh momentum going as you regroup and continue the trek to freedom. Thanks again, take care!