Starting again


Hey guys.

I was on here a couple years ago. It helped. It worked.  I went about 60 or 70 days without porn or MB. (This is almost literally 2 years ago from the day) I had started to feel better, but definitely wasn't recovered fully by any means.  I have been watching porn and some pretty whacky stuff since I was 13 years old.  I am 36 now.. so 23 years of building these neuro-pathways in my brain.  I have been battling it now for a few years, knowing that there is a problem, wanting to fix it.. fully understanding how neuro science works, yet having a lot of trouble overcoming all of this.  My mind knows what I need to do, but my body and subconscious ends up taking over and justifying why it's ok.

I recently had completed 100 days of no Porn (Started in Nov 2018, and finished in February 2019) .  What I found myself doing was that after a week or 2, the urges would build up to watch something.. but I wanted to stick to my 100 days.. so I would go online and search for STORIES rather than video.. Somewhat trying to find a way to cheat a bit.  This then became somewhat of a habit.  I suppose it's not as bad as watching video, but as soon as the 100 days ended, I watched porn again.. and again, and I fell right back into the same old habit.
So now I have been back to watching porn for the last couple months basically.
I'm not sure exactly what I should do when it comes to MB or sex though.  I KNOW that I need to stop watching porn, but I could use some advice ...  Should I avoid MB as well, and if so for how long?  Or do you guys think that cutting Porn out completely but still MB'ing just using my THOUGHTS is ok?  Feeling a bit lost on all of this.
All I know is that I need help... 
I know that this has control over me, and therefore I know I need to regain control over this issue.
Can anyone explain to me their experience regarding stopping MB as well as Porn?  Do you guys stop both, or do you keep MBing when you need to?
I am back on here after 2 years because I realize I actually need some support... I need to become better. And this time I can't do 60 or 70 days, or a 100 day challenge. I believe that I need to give myself 6-9 months at least and really stick to it..
Thanks in advance to anyone that responds.



Active Member
Hello Kenny,

You can last pretty long without porn but after finishing your goal you go back to P immediatelly. What is your main motivation to quit? Because it sounds to me like you need to figure this one out. Did you try real sex? Do you have a PIED? Because based on how young you started and how long ago, I would guess you have it. My main motivation is to get rid of PIED because real sex is so much better once you are not desenzitized from P.

Regarding MO and sex during reboot... that goes back to the neuroscience that you mentioned and also what is your goal.

If you are edging to soft nudes or erotic stories for hours like I did, bathing your brain in horse doses of dopamine, that replacement will have the same terrible effect on your ability to get or maintain erection as a hardcore porn.

Sex itself can help you rewire and move you away from the porn for good or it can cause a chaser effect and lead you back to a huge relapse. Devil is in the details and self discipline.

It is definitely useful to go hardmode (no P, no M, no edging, no sex, no substitutes (stories, nudes)) at the beginning as it helps you to jumpstart your change.


Thanks for the great message KittyHawk,

My main motivation to quit is that I believe I can have better physical and mental connections without it in my life as well as getting rid of any PIED. I feel like I am so focused on wanting that dopamine rush constantly.  I have had real sex, and it's worked fine for the most part recently, but even when I do, I am often thinking about how I can get the girl to do the same stuff that I watch in P.  I went back to having sex with an ex girlfriend that I find to be extremely sexually/physically attractive but that I have zero connection with otherwise. I went back because I know that I get turned on easily with her.  She sometimes satisfies my cravings that I have watched.  Know what I mean?  If I go out and create a nice connection with a girl, I have had some issues in recent years being stimulated enough. So I guess you could say it's been kind of hit and miss.
I have definitely become de-sensitized though overall.  I feel that if I want my sexual performance, and my confidence going into sexual situations with girls to be at a peak, that I need to seriously reset my brain.  Never an easy thing to let part of your "ego" or perceived "identity" go. But I feel like I need to let go of this part of me that feels the need to be hardcore about it all.

When you say to go hardmode at the beginning.. for YOU, what type of timeframe did that mean to you?  Like I mentioned in my initial post, I have gone 60-70 days without any P or M. 

I am going to make this happen.
Really appreciating your advice. Thank you


Active Member
You definitely are desensitised by P although you don?t have a full blown erectile dysfunction (yet). You are saying sex was fine... sex isn?t supossed to be just FINE. I once managed almost to abstain from P for more than a half a year (I still MOed quickly a and occasionally watch some short P). The sex after that was incredible! Extasy out of this world and that was even with my PIED still being fixed only partially (still ocasional trouble to maintain compelete erection at times). And that was normal oldschool sex with my long-term relationship (wife).

I can make myself a gut wrenching strong orgasms by edging for hours and finishing of to some favorite P scene... but the feelings during real sex and orgasm from it felt way more mindblowing. I bet the real sex releases a wider variety of chemicals.

And at the end instead of feeling exhausted and drained into apathy, I was still exhausted and drained but I had a huge smile on my face and felt like a WINNER!

On the oposite side (sex while addicted to PMO):
I know very well the feeling when you are with a beautiful woman but you fantasize about some weird porn practices or how to film her during sex...I usually get aroused initially by her nudity and touches but I lose erection soon after penetration. WTF?

To your question: That is individual. 60-90 days of hardmode should be enough to heal most people. I am heavily addicted and never managed to go hard mode for so long. Still I know that the more I abstain the better I am mentally and physically. My hardmode record was something around 3 weeks and at the end I was excited from seeing bare thigh of a woman in a minidress close to me. I didn?t get erection just from that yet.... but I can now totally understand how that would happen in a future.

How long hardmode? Still feels kind of like a wrong question to me. Why? You want to know when you can rush back to MO? I would say in your case it depends more what you will be doing after the hard mode than if yours is 30,50, or 90 days long.

I hope you willl take it as a friendly advice. I don?t want to preach as I am the last one with a right to do so. Best advice I think I can give you: don?t focus only on quitting P. Start exercising and get new hobbies to fill the time that used to be occupied by long PMO sessions. Exercise will help you fight withdrawal symptoms and it even increases neuroplasticity (brains ability to rewire).


Absolutely. FINE is definitely not ok.  Must get to GREAT and FANTASTIC.

As for hobbies etc.  This is where my situation might be a little bit different.  I run a fairly successful business that I have a lot of passion for. I play hockey once per week. I play and record music. With my business I am out connecting with people very often.  I exercise consistently 4-5 times per week.
I have quite a lot going on in my life. 
But at the end of the day, just before I go to sleep, that is when the habit takes place.  I need to leave my phone away when I get into bed. I need to read and then fall asleep.

I will set a goal of 40 days of hardmode and then see how I feel.  One day at a time. 

I do take all of this as friendly advice, and I appreciate it a lot. 

Pete McVries

Active Member
Hey Kenny, welcome to the suck! ;D

Hard mode vs. MO: For me, allowing myself to MO didn't work. For several reasons. Because I was so desensitized (PIED for more than 15 years here, yay!), I sometimes wouldn't be able to get it up when I tried to MO. So then I would peek at some softcore P to arouse myself and then continue MOing without any P. That lead me back to P. Then I made up rules like, I allow myself to MO only once and only on sunday. By implementing that rule, I was looking forward to MOing on sunday so much that it became addictive in itself. Of course, I then would legitimize to MO once more during the week because it was just 'healthy' and 'natural' MOing, right? And then eventually everything spiralled down again and I always ended up using P. I tried several months, to reboot 'soft mode' but it just didn't work for me. My conclusion was to reboot hard mode. It is way more effective, you give your sexual system a much needed break and your sensitivity will come back way faster. Two weeks ago, I had a first date with a girl that I really like and find adorable and we just took a stroll for 3 hours and just talked and that alone gave me massive blue balls, I'm not exaggerating. At the end of the date, I really feared I would come in my pants because I was so aroused. Of course, that's not ideal either, but it will calibrate back to normal, once I'm used to female contact again. So yeah, all I can say is, be honest with yourself regarding the MO. Maybe, it'll work out. Maybe not. It's worth a try. For me, it didn't work. But it might work for you, who knows. My suggestion is to cut out MO completely and let your sexuality rest for a while. A long while. Even after having wet dreams, I feel really lonely afterwards like I wanna cuddle with a woman I like. I can only imagine that MOing would be way worse. Give hard mode a try, in my mind it's the way to go. And, you know, there are so many misconceptions about a man needing to release every once in a while, it's all bs. Your body will take care of you, don't worry about prostate cancer or sperm congestion or any of that stuff. It's simply not true.

Wishing you all the best!


Active Member
Welcome Kenny,
I?ll keep this short as it?s late here, but I agree along the same lines as the others. I?ve quit MO completely for the foreseeable future due to pied. I have not done the hard 90 (no O) myself as I?m married but would recommend it if you can. I notice greater progress on longer stretches of abstinence.

All the best.


Pete McVries,
Fantastic information. Thank you.
Reading that helped quite a bit. I need to just let this go and that is exactly what I am going to do. There are definitely going to be moments when I am being tested and when I will try to justify it to myself... but there is a greater purpose here, and I need to stick with it.
I understand what you mean by how it will re-balance itself out eventually.  I honestly would prefer to be on the Taking a walk with a girl and getting blue balls side rather than where I'm at now.  Blue ball action is better than no action at all.

Appreciate the response! It's great to see the recurring answers.  I am not married. I am a single guy that is just out dating.  That can make it easier to do a full re-set, but it also makes it more difficult because of course I want to go out with these girls and eventually show them a damn good time.  Not the easiest situation to be in really, but I do feel like I know what I need to do.

Thanks again guys .. your answers are already making a huge difference.
Any more advice .. I am all ears.  I want to learn from everyones experiences.  I need to immerse myself into these forums and this community and get some accountability going.



Hey kenny

Id try and stop everything all together for at least 60 days. MB porn and sex. The clairty you will get is insane. Theres a Seinfeld episode where George swears off sex. He becomes a genius. Thats honestly how im feeling. All that brain power devoted to one thing is now filtering into other areas of my life and im improving.

Work is better, my own passions become more focused. If youre in a relationship what worked was to have only her initiate contact. That way its always out of your control and you can exist not expecting. If unattached then youll need to find something to switch to. For me early morning walks really help.

Theres an app called victory that charts your usual triggers and times when you MB. i found it helpful because then i could understand what i was feeling right before needing to do that. So mornings became my time to MB. so i just got out of bed and went for a walk. Sometimes 4 hours. Id be up mega early... while youre on your walk you can listen to relationship podcasts, or for me i enjoy observing nature. Try and find out what a plant is, or what a bird is. And learn about it.

Thats whats helped me so far. Goodluck and stay strong!



Perfect. I like it. I know the Seinfeld episode you are speaking of! Hilarious.
When I did 60-70 days of No P or MB a couple years ago, I was starting to feel pretty amazing like that.  It's crazy how people tend to snap back to their old habits.
Takes a lot of work to really re-structure that brain eh..
I will either go for a walk, read, or both. And I will be taking the advice and I will be doing AT LEAST 60 days. Has to be done.

Thank you for the advice!


Day 3.  No problems at all.
Purchased the book "The Porn Myth".  Read about 1/4 of it today. Pretty eye opening so far. Pretty disturbing information.
I am ironically back to online dating sites right now.  Looking to go and create any type of a real connection and continue to stay in hardmode though.

Bottom line is that I will be staying away from P and MB.  Will only engage in the real thing if the opportunity comes up.

No more screens. No more mindless dopamine seeking MB!

Pete McVries

Active Member
The Porn Myth is great. It's my favorite book on the whole topic. I especially like the appendix at the end of the book where a lot of studies and their results are listed. Great for later reference.

I would strongly suggest you to stop online dating for a while. You know, the skimming through profiles and pictures of women can be dopamine inducing as well and is similar to jumping from video to video on tube sites. So when you say "No more screens. No more mindless dopamine seeking [...]", you should also stop online dating :D But that's really up to you in the end ;)


Pete McVries
Yes. You are absolutely right.  It's absolutely dopamine inducing and I'm already getting attached to it after just 2 days of being back on.
Ok. Taking your advice and going to shut it down.
THANK YOU. Needed that.



Day 4.
No problems. Halfway done reading The Porn Myth.  It's definitely a good way to change your perspective.
No crazy urges yet. I expect it will hit me soon enough.
Will check in in a few days.



Day 6.
Driving back home to visit family and friends where I grew up yesterday. Was talking to a girl friend of mine on the phone while driving.  Got off the phone and my mind started going into fantasizing about her and some pretty wild stuff.  Found myself getting pretty turned on.  It was really just my habitual thoughts that I have been thinking (and watching) for so many years.  Anyways.... it passed after a few minutes and I was good. 

6-9 months feels pretty overwhelming right now.  Gotta think one day at a time and just keep doing this.



Day 8.
Day 7 was tough.
I am not going to hide anything on this. I made it through. But I am putting myself through a lot. 
I went on a date yesterday and really connected with the girl. We walked around the city a little bit. Great conversation, and she came back to my place and it started to get physical. It definitely got pretty intense, and she actually asked me if I had a condom.  Well, I told her that I didn't want to have sex the first time meeting her.
Really though, I was just torn on if I should break HARDMODE. And I wasn't confident on how I would perform. Of course I really like the connection. Who doesn't. 
So we didn't have sex. I didn't O.  But it definitely left me going a little bit crazy. 
Ultimately, I am still going. I made it through.  It's just that I am now going on many dates and making some really nice connections.  I guess it's something that I don't want to give up. 
Maybe I just need to stay away from having sex with any of these girls, and if I connect with 1 (or more) of them, then eventually I can just be honest about what I am doing???    It seems like a lot to tell a girl that you just met about this stuff lol    I'm just not sure where I should be drawing the line right now.  Because I do want to go on some dates. I want to meet some girls and enjoy the connections (one of the best things in life) but of course I do want to become better. 
I have put myself into a strange situation.
If anyone has had any experiences like this...  what have you done?  There are many ways that I can make this work, I just need to stay strong no matter what while enjoying some connections..
Anyways any advice is welcome.  Thank you



Day 10
Had the same girl over last night (look at previous post). We are connecting really well.  This time I had an O. 
So although this takes away hardmode I still felt ok.  I was reading someone els's post on here.  This is partially about mindset as well. My main goal is to take away the habit of watching P and what comes with that of course, MB.  (especially PMO)    After the girl left, I noticed a HUGE urge to MB or PMO. It was very strong.  I realized that once I got that rush of dopamine into my brain from the O with the girl, after a little bit of time, my brain/body wanted more.  And of course once I had O'd, it would normally be easier to justify doing it again and again.  (this is how the habit begins to form in the first place)
So I resisted the urge.
I am not going to say whether I am right or wrong, because I don't think that would make sense. All I know is that I must stick with NO PMO forever hopefully. and NO MB for at least 6 months, maybe more.  Only the real thing.
I am still having these images and fantasies of course, but I am hoping that in time they start to wear away from my brain.  I think that there are certain things that I like, certain fantasies that I will always have, but that I can't be relying on it.  Only way to accomplish that is to continue to stay away from the images and pixels.
Ok. time to go enjoy the day.


Day 16
Having some pretty strong urges and noticing my mind almost trying to justify why it might be ok to go back online to watch P.  I know that I can't listen to that voice though and I have to remain strong.
I am still going on some really great dates and connecting with some really nice girls.
One AMAZING thing that I have noticed is my confidence and connection with the girls that I am going out with.  It has absolutely skyrocketed already in just the first couple weeks of no PMO.  It's almost as if the women are feeling a better energy from me.  This is hard to really put into words, but I have just noticed a significant change in how I am connecting with women.  If I had PMO'd a few nights in a row for example, then when I go out with a girl it's as if my interest level is just naturally lower. Testosterone is lower. Energy is lower. I just likely care a little bit less in the core of my body and mind.
Now with going 14 days without PMO/MB, things are just changing in a good way. 
I do NOT want to get drawn back into my old habits.  This is only 14 days. I can only imagine after more time goes by how much better this can become.
I will continue to only allow the real thing with a woman, and no MB or PMO for at least 6 months ..maybe more.
I have a long way to go to re-wire.



DAY 21
Still no PMO or MB.
Absolutely feeling so much more confident when I am out with a girl or when I have one come over. It's hard to believe that I could ever go back down that dark black hole. 
I am now getting hard sometimes when I am just riding the train downtown (when my mind wanders). That would not happen during times of PMO.
My enthusiasm and energy is so much higher when I am communicating with women.  And all of this after just a few weeks.
I know it's only a few weeks, but I am just excited about the level of change in such a short time. I realize it's a long road ahead still.
I still have fantasies and urges like crazy. My thinking right now is that if I have the guts to talk to a girl about it and it becomes a reality, then great. Just no screens and no MBing. 
I know this will take a long time for my brain to develop new neuro-pathways.  I am getting close to completing ONE month, and then one day at a time I will work my way up to 6 months, then 9 months.  The pathway to the new me.
I am glad this community exists.