Quitforeverthenwin
Active Member
Keep it up man! Get through the night. You are making big progress, you were pmoing often. Now you just moed once in 25 plus days! Thats big progress and really helpful to your brain.
Journal
- Thread starter LeanAndBop
- Start date
LeanAndBop
Active Member
Day 28
Thanks for the comment Quit! Yeah I really hope I can keep this up. My brain needs love not hate.
I got through the night. Urges aren't as powerful recently.
Today I am busy so getting to 12pm then to 6pm and 11pm should be OK. Staying off devices will help.
best
Bop
Thanks for the comment Quit! Yeah I really hope I can keep this up. My brain needs love not hate.
I got through the night. Urges aren't as powerful recently.
Today I am busy so getting to 12pm then to 6pm and 11pm should be OK. Staying off devices will help.
best
Bop
LeanAndBop
Active Member
Day 29
Yes I reached my goals.
What helped was keeping busy, socialising, doing relaxation exercises, and managing an urge when it arose with breathing and focus.
Next goal is get to 11am then 5pm then 11pm. Will stay off devices. Apply techniques when necessary.
best
Bop
Yes I reached my goals.
What helped was keeping busy, socialising, doing relaxation exercises, and managing an urge when it arose with breathing and focus.
Next goal is get to 11am then 5pm then 11pm. Will stay off devices. Apply techniques when necessary.
best
Bop
pichaelthompson
Active Member
I like your quote "My brain needs love not hate." I think one of the most important things is to always love ourselves unconditionally, it helps keeps our goals clear and gives us a feeling that we can overcome everything we set out to do. Of course, this is easier said than done. Best of luck to you
LeanAndBop
Active Member
Day 30- PMO and MO relapse
Ok so I acted out, unfortunately.
I know the triggers, to an extent. I've explored this and what I could have done differently.
Feeling gloomy. I feel hypocritical too. I watch all this stuff explaining the drawbacks of porn, I share this with others. Then I watch porn.
I feel ashamed that porn gives me pleasure, it also repulses me. Does it make me anxious and this more aroused?maybe but it doesn't really matter. What's the opposite of watching porn?
Anyway. Next goal is to get through the day. Stay off devices. Etc.
I feel low on energy. As I said, gloom. My perspective is coated in gloom. Why don't PornHub mention that this is a potential side effect of consuming their content?
Ok so I acted out, unfortunately.
I know the triggers, to an extent. I've explored this and what I could have done differently.
Feeling gloomy. I feel hypocritical too. I watch all this stuff explaining the drawbacks of porn, I share this with others. Then I watch porn.
I feel ashamed that porn gives me pleasure, it also repulses me. Does it make me anxious and this more aroused?maybe but it doesn't really matter. What's the opposite of watching porn?
Anyway. Next goal is to get through the day. Stay off devices. Etc.
I feel low on energy. As I said, gloom. My perspective is coated in gloom. Why don't PornHub mention that this is a potential side effect of consuming their content?
pichaelthompson
Active Member
It?s all good man, we?ve all experienced relapses in this community and we?re always going to support you, no matter what. Be happy with the progress you have made so far since you?ve started this journal (which was a courageous decision to start with) and try to use this relapse as a valuable learning experience. Whenever I relapse it always helps to remind myself that the day 0 is better than my last day 0, as progress has been made since then and there is always more opportunity for more progress.
I think the opposite of porn isn?t just not watching porn; I think it?s using your time to get the most out of life as you can. Porn hides us from the real world. To step out and face our fears and insecurities in the world head on is truly courageous, and will always be gratifying in the end even if the immediate results are almost always not what we hope for.
The point of PornHub is singular and tragic; cold, hard cash. If they warned people of the potential dangers, less people would visit their site and the industry as a whole will lose money. Their profit is maximized when as many individuals as possible are convinced that P is %100 harmless, when it does in fact harm tons of users, and even some pornstars. Keep your head up- you might feel gloom now, but there will be sunnier days ahead
I think the opposite of porn isn?t just not watching porn; I think it?s using your time to get the most out of life as you can. Porn hides us from the real world. To step out and face our fears and insecurities in the world head on is truly courageous, and will always be gratifying in the end even if the immediate results are almost always not what we hope for.
The point of PornHub is singular and tragic; cold, hard cash. If they warned people of the potential dangers, less people would visit their site and the industry as a whole will lose money. Their profit is maximized when as many individuals as possible are convinced that P is %100 harmless, when it does in fact harm tons of users, and even some pornstars. Keep your head up- you might feel gloom now, but there will be sunnier days ahead
LeanAndBop
Active Member
Day 0
Ok so it's been a while since I posted. I managed 4 days or so off PMO. Then binged this weekend.
Thanks so much for your comment Pichael! I really needed that. Thank you.
Ok, so back on it. I'm gunna target getting to 13.00 then 17.00 and then 22.30. One goal at a time. Keep off my phone.
Not going to post a sob story. I slipped, business as usual. I just wonder if I can do things differently?
All the best
Ok so it's been a while since I posted. I managed 4 days or so off PMO. Then binged this weekend.
Thanks so much for your comment Pichael! I really needed that. Thank you.
Ok, so back on it. I'm gunna target getting to 13.00 then 17.00 and then 22.30. One goal at a time. Keep off my phone.
Not going to post a sob story. I slipped, business as usual. I just wonder if I can do things differently?
All the best
Quitforeverthenwin
Active Member
Well like Pichael said, at least the day 0s are better than the first day zero, getting those few days in are helpful. Changing things up a bit does actually sound like it could be worth trying to me...
I have found writing, (privately usually) about all of the negatives of porn then writing about the benefits of stopping, really thinking about it and reflecting on it, PROACTIVELY (not during an urge but as a like practice for a few days) can help me get through urges. Or maybe add in meditation? The Smart book is good too.
Basically just add something extra to your recovery it may just be an extra 5% focus willpower or whatever to get through the urges that are coming, then from there as the streak gets longer the brain patterns will weaken.
I have found writing, (privately usually) about all of the negatives of porn then writing about the benefits of stopping, really thinking about it and reflecting on it, PROACTIVELY (not during an urge but as a like practice for a few days) can help me get through urges. Or maybe add in meditation? The Smart book is good too.
Basically just add something extra to your recovery it may just be an extra 5% focus willpower or whatever to get through the urges that are coming, then from there as the streak gets longer the brain patterns will weaken.
BlueHeronFan
Respected Member
Sorry to hear about the relapses, but like pichael and Quit have said, every time you start over is progress. The only thing that counts as failure is giving up.
I remember the earliest days of my recovery years ago when it was all I could do to get through a single day without pmo. Nowadays, it can be weeks without urges, but it's taken years of effort to get there. Definitely keep trying, but don't forget that this is a process that takes time and that it's not just something you can be done with at the flip of a switch.
In other words, it's okay to struggle, and it's awesome to struggle. Remember when we weren't even trying? Think of all the people who don't realize that porn is harming them and who just keep watching. At least you're trying to find a healthier life. Don't give up on it, and just focus on filling your life with things that build you and make you happier so that there isn't any room in your day for porn.
I remember the earliest days of my recovery years ago when it was all I could do to get through a single day without pmo. Nowadays, it can be weeks without urges, but it's taken years of effort to get there. Definitely keep trying, but don't forget that this is a process that takes time and that it's not just something you can be done with at the flip of a switch.
In other words, it's okay to struggle, and it's awesome to struggle. Remember when we weren't even trying? Think of all the people who don't realize that porn is harming them and who just keep watching. At least you're trying to find a healthier life. Don't give up on it, and just focus on filling your life with things that build you and make you happier so that there isn't any room in your day for porn.
LeanAndBop
Active Member
Day 0
Again... I've slipped hard.
Can't read comments atm but will do. Thank you. Going to try get back on it. Have slipped well into despair recently.
So no I did not reach my goals..
Next goal is 13.00... Honestly I feel deflated.
Best
Bop
Again... I've slipped hard.
Can't read comments atm but will do. Thank you. Going to try get back on it. Have slipped well into despair recently.
So no I did not reach my goals..
Next goal is 13.00... Honestly I feel deflated.
Best
Bop
Quitforeverthenwin
Active Member
Sorry to hear about the slip. BUT really good that you are coming back to the journal and posting, you'll get a streak going again eventually for sure. You keep getting back to it and that is great.
LeanAndBop
Active Member
Hey thanks I appreciate it. It's so disappointing to slip. Unfortunately PMO brings such immense pleasure, when I'm down in the dumps it is very appealing. I'm still learning and it's slow progress. All the best to you quit!
Quitforeverthenwin
Active Member
Yeah it can be really tough for sure. Something that could help a little bit is a cost benefit analysis, it's from Smart Recovery (science based organization to help get over addictions). It could help you to weigh the pleasure of PMO versus the downsides. The smart manual may also be worth a look, it's like $10. It can be useful to change things up when in the relapse rut. But like I said, really good you keep posting, keep that up... because eventually you will get back on the horse. This way, you still are thinking about recovery and trying.
https://www.smartrecovery.org/smart-recovery-toolbox/cba-4-questions/
https://www.smartrecovery.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/CBA_Worksheet.pdf
Edit: I just realize I mentioned smart several times in this thread. I promise I am not getting a commission or anything lol. I just found their little booklet really helpful and some of their stuff relevant to some of what has come up.
https://www.smartrecovery.org/smart-recovery-toolbox/cba-4-questions/
https://www.smartrecovery.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/CBA_Worksheet.pdf
Edit: I just realize I mentioned smart several times in this thread. I promise I am not getting a commission or anything lol. I just found their little booklet really helpful and some of their stuff relevant to some of what has come up.
BlueHeronFan
Respected Member
Sorry to hear you slipped hard. There's no doubt about it, though: PMO does bring immense pleasure. The problem is that the pleasure from PMO doesn't solve any problems and only makes them worse.
A little while ago, I was listening to something that said that our addictions are our brain's way of taking care of us when we feel we're in trouble. If we feel miserable and depressed, our brain knows that PMO will give us a shot of chemical to make us feel better. It works every time so our brain keeps pushing us back to it. But then we get stuck in addiction, and our lives get worse.
So it might be worth taking another step back. Instead of just focusing on quitting PMO, take some time to think about why you feel down in the dumps. Where is the despair coming from? And then, instead of escaping from your emotions through PMO, think about what you can actually do to address your pain. For me, relapses usually come because I feel sad about being single, because I get too stressed with school, or because I feel stuck or frustrated about something else. That realization has helped me to see that PMO is not just about PMO, but it's about solving more basic problems in my life and learning to deal with my emotions in healthier and more positive ways.
So definitely keep working on cutting PMO out of your life, but also make sure that you're also finding ways to take care of yourself and to find healthier ways of dealing with your sadness. That has made a huge difference for me, and I think it could help you too.
A little while ago, I was listening to something that said that our addictions are our brain's way of taking care of us when we feel we're in trouble. If we feel miserable and depressed, our brain knows that PMO will give us a shot of chemical to make us feel better. It works every time so our brain keeps pushing us back to it. But then we get stuck in addiction, and our lives get worse.
So it might be worth taking another step back. Instead of just focusing on quitting PMO, take some time to think about why you feel down in the dumps. Where is the despair coming from? And then, instead of escaping from your emotions through PMO, think about what you can actually do to address your pain. For me, relapses usually come because I feel sad about being single, because I get too stressed with school, or because I feel stuck or frustrated about something else. That realization has helped me to see that PMO is not just about PMO, but it's about solving more basic problems in my life and learning to deal with my emotions in healthier and more positive ways.
So definitely keep working on cutting PMO out of your life, but also make sure that you're also finding ways to take care of yourself and to find healthier ways of dealing with your sadness. That has made a huge difference for me, and I think it could help you too.
WilltoPower
Member
I read through your journal, Bop.
Inspirational. Sorry to hear you slipped. You're still getting better though! Stay vigilant. I'm rooting for you!
Inspirational. Sorry to hear you slipped. You're still getting better though! Stay vigilant. I'm rooting for you!
LeanAndBop
Active Member
Day 1
Reached my goal.
Began to feel more upbeat. Read a news story or two that made me realise life is precious, and also I could die today... Right now even. I'm still here but this attitude helps me, problems feel lighter. What's the point in persecuting myself if I could die today? I'm not sure how rational this is but it helps...
Next goal is 22.30.
Going to do some light exercise and meditate. Journal too.
Thanks for your comments. Quit I really connected with your thoughts. It makes sense for the brain to work like this, I think but I am not an expert. And I think it makes sense that I look at beyond the act and what comes before. For me it can be feeling isolated or tired, other emotions too. I think I am slowly learning to manage it better. Note: slowly!
Best
Bop
Reached my goal.
Began to feel more upbeat. Read a news story or two that made me realise life is precious, and also I could die today... Right now even. I'm still here but this attitude helps me, problems feel lighter. What's the point in persecuting myself if I could die today? I'm not sure how rational this is but it helps...
Next goal is 22.30.
Going to do some light exercise and meditate. Journal too.
Thanks for your comments. Quit I really connected with your thoughts. It makes sense for the brain to work like this, I think but I am not an expert. And I think it makes sense that I look at beyond the act and what comes before. For me it can be feeling isolated or tired, other emotions too. I think I am slowly learning to manage it better. Note: slowly!
Best
Bop
Quitforeverthenwin
Active Member
Great job getting back on the horse! See the persistence payed off, really glad you kept posting and kept trying... keep up the good work! I think that even with lapses if you are constantly trying to get back on the horse, it does not hurt the recovery as much as just going being like "f- in". Since a part of you is resisting it.
Good that those articles inspired you. It reminds me, I was down about girls not being interested in me, then I read a biography of a guy who's wife and daughter died in a plane crash. It really put things in perspective... Our problems are tough but at least we have the opportunity to do something about them!
Good that those articles inspired you. It reminds me, I was down about girls not being interested in me, then I read a biography of a guy who's wife and daughter died in a plane crash. It really put things in perspective... Our problems are tough but at least we have the opportunity to do something about them!
LeanAndBop
Active Member
Day 2
I reached my goal.
Kepy busy. Exercise. No urges.
Next goal: 7pm
Will be busy and engaged so no issues I think. So if I am not busy and engaged in life then...
Thanks Quit. Yeah I know what you mean, more catastrophic things exist than a relapse! Perspective helps.
best
Bop
I reached my goal.
Kepy busy. Exercise. No urges.
Next goal: 7pm
Will be busy and engaged so no issues I think. So if I am not busy and engaged in life then...
Thanks Quit. Yeah I know what you mean, more catastrophic things exist than a relapse! Perspective helps.
best
Bop
Quitforeverthenwin
Active Member
Great keep it up! For sure being really busy is super helpful, especially early into the streak
LeanAndBop
Active Member
Day 3
Reached my goal.
It was a difficult day. Challenging emotions to deal with. I did get an urge but brushed it off.
Next goal is 5pm.
I am socialising so should be OK. There is an opportunity to PMO this evening so I need to be wary. Stay off devices and be with the urge as soon as it comes.
Thanks for your support Quit!
Best
Bop
Reached my goal.
It was a difficult day. Challenging emotions to deal with. I did get an urge but brushed it off.
Next goal is 5pm.
I am socialising so should be OK. There is an opportunity to PMO this evening so I need to be wary. Stay off devices and be with the urge as soon as it comes.
Thanks for your support Quit!
Best
Bop