Hi everyone! I just found this forum through the RebootNation youtube channel.
I've been using porn since before I hit puberty. I think earliest I sought out porn online was around 8 years old, and I was regularly using by ~10 years old. I am 20 years old, about to be 21, and I can't keep going with this.
I have a long term girlfriend, and we used to have a very regular sex life. In the past couple of years we have slowed down a lot, and I think that's because I used to be the main initiator of sex in our relationship but I have fell out of that role because of my addiction to porn. I am desensitized and lack libido. Today, we tried to have sex but I couldn't even become slightly aroused. This has happened multiple times in the past but this time it was beyond embarrassing and despite what she said, I know it hurt her pretty deeply.
I have tried to quit in the past but I kept relapsing, and eventually I completely gave up. I decided it wasn't a big problem and that everyone does it. Clearly, I was wrong, and this IS a big problem. I have ADHD so I am definitely predisposed to seeking out dopamine rushes, so I easily get addicted to video games, Youtube, Reddit, mobile games, stuff like that. The way I deal with those is to go cold turkey and usually I am able to kick the habit. I have never been able to kick porn for more than 14 days.
I don't feel emotions as strongly. I don't feel attracted to real people day to day except for my girlfriend but even then just fleetingly. Not that I don't find her attractive, but I don't physically FEEL the response that I remember feeling. It used to be a physical reaction. That is completely gone.
One big problem I had with quitting was that the last community I used was /r/NoFap on Reddit but that's also where I found the majority of my porn... It's like attending AA in the back of a pub. I want to stay off Reddit completely during this journey if I can.
Today is my first day without PMO. I am committed to quitting and I will try to update this journal regularly.
Thank you all for giving me this platform to keep my journal!
I've been using porn since before I hit puberty. I think earliest I sought out porn online was around 8 years old, and I was regularly using by ~10 years old. I am 20 years old, about to be 21, and I can't keep going with this.
I have a long term girlfriend, and we used to have a very regular sex life. In the past couple of years we have slowed down a lot, and I think that's because I used to be the main initiator of sex in our relationship but I have fell out of that role because of my addiction to porn. I am desensitized and lack libido. Today, we tried to have sex but I couldn't even become slightly aroused. This has happened multiple times in the past but this time it was beyond embarrassing and despite what she said, I know it hurt her pretty deeply.
I have tried to quit in the past but I kept relapsing, and eventually I completely gave up. I decided it wasn't a big problem and that everyone does it. Clearly, I was wrong, and this IS a big problem. I have ADHD so I am definitely predisposed to seeking out dopamine rushes, so I easily get addicted to video games, Youtube, Reddit, mobile games, stuff like that. The way I deal with those is to go cold turkey and usually I am able to kick the habit. I have never been able to kick porn for more than 14 days.
I don't feel emotions as strongly. I don't feel attracted to real people day to day except for my girlfriend but even then just fleetingly. Not that I don't find her attractive, but I don't physically FEEL the response that I remember feeling. It used to be a physical reaction. That is completely gone.
One big problem I had with quitting was that the last community I used was /r/NoFap on Reddit but that's also where I found the majority of my porn... It's like attending AA in the back of a pub. I want to stay off Reddit completely during this journey if I can.
Today is my first day without PMO. I am committed to quitting and I will try to update this journal regularly.
Thank you all for giving me this platform to keep my journal!