Like a Phoenix, I have risen from the flames - UPDATE on Relapse...

[Pheonix]

So I was on something like one year and relapsed hard. There are no excuses, but there is a lesson learned. I am not just a porn addict, I am an addict. When I kicked the alcohol to the curb, my other addictions begged to be fed. I am sorry that I fed this one. I am going to have to work a lot harder at resolving the underlying issues.

Back to square 1, day 1.

 

[Chile]

Square 1, day 1? I know what you're saying my friend, but I just don't see it that way. All your amazing progress does not go down the drain just because porn addiction raises its ugly head again. Thank you for all the encouragement and inspiration you continue to pass down to the rest of us.

 

[Pheonix]

Chile - Thanks. I appreciate that. And I did not mean it to sound that negative. In fact, I have made amazing progress in a year. I have come so far. I do regret setting myself back, but I am no where near where i was when I started this journey.

Evidence for this is that my relapse was brief, I felt terrible doing it, and quickly got back on track without doing too much damage. But the counter goes to zero and I need to REDOUBLE my efforts. I need to work a lot harder to keep relapses away forever.

 

[Pheonix]

Ok, so my first week is complete with the new reboot. My counter reflects my new goals: no watching porn for 365 days (forever really, but that seems like a good goal) and no MO for 90 days.

So far, getting rid of porn again was no big deal. I do not crave it. It goes to show that the work I did for almost a year to rid my life of it is still paying dividends. I am not withdrawing, just adjusting. The no MO is more difficult. The fact is, I want sex. But I am able to put the thoughts out of my mind fairly easily. I am on the right track.

My relapse was a few days of letting that stuff back into my life. I was going through a pretty rough time. The fact is, I am an addict with many addictive behaviors. I was going through an adjustment as I was getting rid of alcohol completely from my life (95 days sober now). That put a lot of pressure on me and I used porn as an outlet. Now I feel I like have two of my addictions under control. My third: overeating and using sugar, is an outlet for me now. It is my last addiction to quit. This has caused me to seek out the sources of my addiction and deal with them. But it does not always go to plan.

One thing I noticed as I let porn back into my life: It immediately brought back porn brain - the foggy hypersexualized way of thinking and objectifying women. I did not like it and am very happy that I am feeling back to normal after a week (only took maybe 48 hours for me to return to normal). I can attest that that is no way to go through life.

Any way, things are good, one week down. Getting my life back on track.

-P

 

[lyon03]

Hey Phoenix. Thanks for sharing brother. I'm writing to thank you for helping me on my journey and to wish you the best of luck for reboot part II. I know you'll make it my friend. Thinking of you.

 

[Bango Skank]

It's a bit humbling to see guys like yourself, achieving YEARS of abstinence, and still getting sucker-punched by a relapse. I could easily get cocky and complacent after just a few weeks thinking I've smashed this addiction already. I'm grateful for the reminder.

Good luck and I would agree with the sentiment that you must have learned and grown an immense amount during your 'first try'. Each relapse makes you stronger than you were before.

 

[Pheonix]

Lyon - Great to hear from you my friend. I am glad I could play a part in your recovery as you have in mine. All the best to you.

To Bango - Yes that is a good lesson. You are never totally out of the woods with this addiction. Remain vigalent! And if you do have a relapse, get right back on the wagon immediately. If you do, you will still retain most of what you gained.

And to anyone out there that has a relapse - don't disappear. Remain accountable and get back on the path to recovery. Use it as an opportunity to learn about WHY you do what you do. Do your best to fix the underlying problem. 

Things are good here, no problems on my current reboot. I will post a more lengthy update on my progress in the near future.