Like a Phoenix, I have risen from the flames - UPDATE on Relapse...
- Thread starter Pheonix
- Start date
TDBlack
Member
Been reading the last few months of your posts Pheonix, and others support and comments. You're experience going all the way for four plus months is important. I do worry some about what happens once I bust through and reboot. Handling the last stages of the climb have to be pretty hairy.
On the drinking thing, I myself quit last summer...for lots of reasons. After the first 20 days or so I was amazed at how much more under control my emotions were and how much easier it was to talk with family and friends without becoming emotionally invested in every little thing I was saying. :-\
The other piece to quitting was being able to sleep. Shit, that was amazing! For years I would drink to be able to sleep ("sleep") and wake up in the middle of the night and have a very hard time falling back asleep. A good 3 - 4 nights a week my mind would be grinding away in a frenzy about work, kids, marriage, etc. I'd get up and work for a couple hours and even used to drink more to get myself back to sleep (I know a lot of guys use M of some kind, but that never worked for me).
The main thing I wanted to share is that I don't know if I could ever fully get out of the PMO thing without having quit drinking first. So, the fact that you're doing it the other way around is both very interesting and awesome as hell.
Keep it up, man! For me who never really liked sweet drinks after I turned 16, Coke, root beer, Dr. Pepper, and ginger ale are my new cravings. Just one a night and then herb tea after dinner. WooHoo! I feel like a man! 8)
On the drinking thing, I myself quit last summer...for lots of reasons. After the first 20 days or so I was amazed at how much more under control my emotions were and how much easier it was to talk with family and friends without becoming emotionally invested in every little thing I was saying. :-\
The other piece to quitting was being able to sleep. Shit, that was amazing! For years I would drink to be able to sleep ("sleep") and wake up in the middle of the night and have a very hard time falling back asleep. A good 3 - 4 nights a week my mind would be grinding away in a frenzy about work, kids, marriage, etc. I'd get up and work for a couple hours and even used to drink more to get myself back to sleep (I know a lot of guys use M of some kind, but that never worked for me).
The main thing I wanted to share is that I don't know if I could ever fully get out of the PMO thing without having quit drinking first. So, the fact that you're doing it the other way around is both very interesting and awesome as hell.
Keep it up, man! For me who never really liked sweet drinks after I turned 16, Coke, root beer, Dr. Pepper, and ginger ale are my new cravings. Just one a night and then herb tea after dinner. WooHoo! I feel like a man! 8)
Just a quick check in.
I guess it is a good sign that I forget to check in here on a regular basis. But I do miss my rebooting friends!
I am 149 days into my recovery and life is good (more on that in a future post). I don't even think about the day count anymore and it doesn't matter. In the beginning, every click of the counter seemed like forever. Now it has little meaning.
I had a good thought the other day - I realized that it had been many days (not even sure how many) since I had last thought about PMO or masterbation. It just isn't a part of my life anymore. So just remember, it sucks in the beginning, but keep it up and you will defeat this addiction.
Best to all,
-P
I guess it is a good sign that I forget to check in here on a regular basis. But I do miss my rebooting friends!
I am 149 days into my recovery and life is good (more on that in a future post). I don't even think about the day count anymore and it doesn't matter. In the beginning, every click of the counter seemed like forever. Now it has little meaning.
I had a good thought the other day - I realized that it had been many days (not even sure how many) since I had last thought about PMO or masterbation. It just isn't a part of my life anymore. So just remember, it sucks in the beginning, but keep it up and you will defeat this addiction.
Best to all,
-P
lyon03
Respected Member
Great to see you on the boards again Phoenix. Welcome back! Such encouraging news. I too feel like I've 'jumped the shark' on my PMO addiction so I've moved to posting about my career/life reboot instead. The days of withdrawal, urges, raging boners, and (later) emotional turmoil are behind me. I feel reborn and you were a big part of helping me get here. So thank you. It's bittersweet because I feel like we've been in the trenches together, but I am still very happy you're living your life out there rather than just through these message boards. Bravo my friend. Be well.
C
Chile
Guest
Pheonix, it's great for guys like me to read your story. I`m still in the sucky stage of things but it feels much different trying to quit this time. I don't feel alone or freakish for being a porn head. Each day is still difficult and a big deal for me. I'm glad to know that after breaking through the days just start to roll without any individual significance. Like someone said here, we are the fortunate ones who have a chance to Reboot before we are totally ruined by PMO.
savingmysoul
Active Member
You are doing great Phoenix!
keep up the good work.
keep up the good work.
To Chile:
Thanks for writing. I am happy that my story is inspirational. That is why I come back here from time to time. I hope I can offer some advice and inspiration to those still struggling. I am glad you got the message that you can get past the hard part! It gets so much easier and the rewards are amazing. Hang in there and those rewards will be yours as well. You can do this!
Thanks for writing. I am happy that my story is inspirational. That is why I come back here from time to time. I hope I can offer some advice and inspiration to those still struggling. I am glad you got the message that you can get past the hard part! It gets so much easier and the rewards are amazing. Hang in there and those rewards will be yours as well. You can do this!
N
notgivinup
Guest
Hi Phoenix...just read your journal posts today.
It was good to see all that you wrote through days 15, and further. I am on day 20 today.
Reading your post was a huge encouragement to me today. I'm really glad you have been fighting the fight and moving on to better things. You make it plain to me that I can and will do the same.
Thank you for all you have shared here.
Porn and M are no longer an option.
It was good to see all that you wrote through days 15, and further. I am on day 20 today.
Reading your post was a huge encouragement to me today. I'm really glad you have been fighting the fight and moving on to better things. You make it plain to me that I can and will do the same.
Thank you for all you have shared here.
Porn and M are no longer an option.
Hi everyone,
I know it has been a long time since I checked in. I want to give a brief update.
I have still not viewed porn. Yaaaaa! Things are good there.
On the downside, I have begun to masterbate and I have found that my increased desire to masterbate and using images in my head is a disturbing trend. I feel like I am at the top of a slipperly slope and it is time to recommit myself. I have added a counter for masterbation with the goal of rebooting for 90 days. I will only allow myself real sex for that timeframe.
By the way, I have not experienced any sexual disfuction as a result of this relapse. However, I fear that it may be a matter of time. I find myself "edging" more to the images I have in my head... a very bad sign. Time to nip it in the bud and recommit to a healthy sexual life.
I will be back her on a regular basis during my new reboot. Looking forward to reconnecting with my old reboot buddies.
I know it has been a long time since I checked in. I want to give a brief update.
I have still not viewed porn. Yaaaaa! Things are good there.
On the downside, I have begun to masterbate and I have found that my increased desire to masterbate and using images in my head is a disturbing trend. I feel like I am at the top of a slipperly slope and it is time to recommit myself. I have added a counter for masterbation with the goal of rebooting for 90 days. I will only allow myself real sex for that timeframe.
By the way, I have not experienced any sexual disfuction as a result of this relapse. However, I fear that it may be a matter of time. I find myself "edging" more to the images I have in my head... a very bad sign. Time to nip it in the bud and recommit to a healthy sexual life.
I will be back her on a regular basis during my new reboot. Looking forward to reconnecting with my old reboot buddies.
unchained
Active Member
Hey Phoenix.
I'm back after a 2-3 month relapse. I never completely cut out MO and I now wish that I had. Right before my relapse to PMO, I began to MO more often and began using mental images of my favorite P in doing so. It is a slippery slope.
Like you, MO without P never led back to pied, but it eventually led back to P...so I am starting over.
I wish you the best.
I'm back after a 2-3 month relapse. I never completely cut out MO and I now wish that I had. Right before my relapse to PMO, I began to MO more often and began using mental images of my favorite P in doing so. It is a slippery slope.
Like you, MO without P never led back to pied, but it eventually led back to P...so I am starting over.
I wish you the best.
Unchained -
I am sorry to hear about your relapse. I do think that going back to MO made it much more likely that I would relapse to PMO. It is just a reminder to me that the best way for me to live my life is MO and PMO free. It is a learning process isn't it?
I wish you success. We can beat this thing! PMO/MO are not an option!
I am sorry to hear about your relapse. I do think that going back to MO made it much more likely that I would relapse to PMO. It is just a reminder to me that the best way for me to live my life is MO and PMO free. It is a learning process isn't it?
I wish you success. We can beat this thing! PMO/MO are not an option!
Just a quick update - I am 2 weeks into my new no MO reboot and things are going well. It was difficult the first week, and I still think about it in the second week, but it is mostly under control. I am able to redirect my thoughts of MO when they come up, even in challenging situations like being home alone. This MO reboot is much easier than my PMO reboot.
One thing I noticed - I have had real sex with my wife once during the last 2 weeks. It was amazing. I have never been more quick to get an erection and kept it rock hard. Sex really is so much better when my energy is not sapped by MO!
-P
One thing I noticed - I have had real sex with my wife once during the last 2 weeks. It was amazing. I have never been more quick to get an erection and kept it rock hard. Sex really is so much better when my energy is not sapped by MO!
-P
B
Brodie
Guest
I left you a personal message.
Just a quick update... I am closing in on one year porn free. I can tell you that it is so nice to be free. My life has improved immensely in the past year. Being free has helped me fix other aspects of my life. It has helped me to really live my life instead of being numb. I am also working hard on a more difficult addiction with alcohol. I am 15 days sober.
Wising all of you success.
Wising all of you success.
Kurall_Creator
Active Member
AWESOME!!!!!
Keep going!
Keep going!