Hi reboot friends! I am checking in with a few new thoughts on my rebooted self. Maybe these thoughts will help those that are still early in the process.
This process since day 1 has been a continual improvement. I worried along the way that I would never get all the way there - that porn would always be tempting me. I can report that after 129 days of no PMO and 123 days of no MO, I feel very much at peace and not at all tempted. I am 100% sure that I will never relapse and I can finally stop worrying about it. This is not to say that vigilance is not still required. I have to still be aware. But the thoughts rarely come up and when they do I can easily sweep them away, almost effortlessly. This is more of a feeling of "cured" than I thought I would achieve, so it is a very good feeling.
To relate it to something else - I gave up smoking 23 years ago. This was a very difficult addiction to break. Even now, I still get an occasional thought about smoking (maybe only about once a year). When it comes up, I immediately dismiss it with no effort. So I am totally in control and have no doubt that I will never smoke again. I feel that way about my porn addiction too - I think the only difference is the frequency of thoughts. Because I am still close to my PMO addiction, the thoughts are more frequent. With time, I think they will become less and less frequent.
On another topic, I find it interesting that I went through a period of hyper sexuality. I was constantly horny! I rode this time period out but while I was in it, I thought this might be the way it will be forever. Actually, things have settled down quite a bit. I still am able to thoroughly enjoy sex, but in between, I don't need to think about it so much and dont feel obsessed about it. I think this hyper sexual period is typical for rebooters and may be a way for the brain to try to get us to relapse. Know that if you get enough distance, this too passes and you find a new norm. I love the new norm!
I struggled early on with deciding what would be acceptable sexual behavior and worried that I would find it too restrictive. Now that I have a good amount of time under my reboot, I have decided the only kind of sex that I want is with an intimate partner in a long term relationship. That means no masterbation and I am totally ok with this! I have found that not masterbating make sex so much better. I would rather thoroughly enjoy sex with my partner and leave all the other stuff behind. This means no casual sex of any kind. Having made this choice, I find I am very happy and totally at peace.
Good luck to all you rebooters out there. Come join me in peace! It is so much better over here
