Like a Phoenix, I have risen from the flames - UPDATE on Relapse...
- Thread starter Pheonix
- Start date
savingmysoul
Active Member
Hey Pheonix,
Tough days are going to come along from time to time - it is critical that you know in your mind what you need to do to deal with them. Most importantly how you plan to deal with all the thoughts you have in your head. I was able to deflect those thoughts and images very quickly - and go somewhere else. That somewhere else are places I started to create early in my reboot.
For example, I started to learn to cook with my wife, so when i would get flashes and images, instead of dwelling on them, I would think about cooking with my wife, what I could help with or learn the next time we would cook together. What I started to see happening is that now there are very little thougths that I need to deflect because I am thinking about cooking with my wife. So I was able to replace a negative unhealthy behavior with a positive, healthy, and sharing behavior.
Grats on day 21 - 3 Weeks!! - that is no small feat, and you should be proud! You can do this - continue to find your strength, stay strong. And remember to find and nuture new habits and behaviors.
You are doing very well!
SMS
Tough days are going to come along from time to time - it is critical that you know in your mind what you need to do to deal with them. Most importantly how you plan to deal with all the thoughts you have in your head. I was able to deflect those thoughts and images very quickly - and go somewhere else. That somewhere else are places I started to create early in my reboot.
For example, I started to learn to cook with my wife, so when i would get flashes and images, instead of dwelling on them, I would think about cooking with my wife, what I could help with or learn the next time we would cook together. What I started to see happening is that now there are very little thougths that I need to deflect because I am thinking about cooking with my wife. So I was able to replace a negative unhealthy behavior with a positive, healthy, and sharing behavior.
Grats on day 21 - 3 Weeks!! - that is no small feat, and you should be proud! You can do this - continue to find your strength, stay strong. And remember to find and nuture new habits and behaviors.
You are doing very well!
SMS
rider654321
Active Member
Congrats on 3 weeks Phoenix.
What SMS has said above is spot on. Have a plan to deflect the thoughts as they arise. Its a skill you need in the first few weeks, but interestingly as you begin to develop the skill to deflect the thoughts, the thoughts themselves are starting to ease off.
The other thing that has been really important in my success was to focus on building the non sexual intimacy in your relationship with your wife. For me, focusing on that meant I wasn't focused solely on the fight to quit porn, and therefore I wasn't focused solely on all the negative stuff that goes with that fight (the urges and triggers etc).
The non sexual bonding exercises brought about improvements in my relationship quickly (but we were already in a pretty good place to begin with), and when you practice bonding non sexually, well, the sexual parts not far behind and comes along naturally. I wasn't focusing on quitting the porn or whether my erection was good enough for sex, I just got down to the intimacy and everything else just kind of flowed with that.
Your going great. Keep at it.
What SMS has said above is spot on. Have a plan to deflect the thoughts as they arise. Its a skill you need in the first few weeks, but interestingly as you begin to develop the skill to deflect the thoughts, the thoughts themselves are starting to ease off.
The other thing that has been really important in my success was to focus on building the non sexual intimacy in your relationship with your wife. For me, focusing on that meant I wasn't focused solely on the fight to quit porn, and therefore I wasn't focused solely on all the negative stuff that goes with that fight (the urges and triggers etc).
The non sexual bonding exercises brought about improvements in my relationship quickly (but we were already in a pretty good place to begin with), and when you practice bonding non sexually, well, the sexual parts not far behind and comes along naturally. I wasn't focusing on quitting the porn or whether my erection was good enough for sex, I just got down to the intimacy and everything else just kind of flowed with that.
Your going great. Keep at it.
SMS and Rider,
Thank you for your thoughtful posts. As always, I think there is a lot of wisdom there. I am working on intimacy with my wife and we have made significant improvement. Improving my connection with other people makes me think about old habits less. I am less interested in being isolated and enjoying life more. I am still trying to find those new things that are going to fill my time.
I had a great weekend. I was all by myself (family out of town for the weekend). This would have been a time to endulge endless hours in online activities. This weekend, I didn't think seriously about it. I spent my time doing things I enjoy - spending time with an old friend, going kart racing at a local race track, and enjoying a few movies.
At this point, I feel less like I need to check in here all the time. I think about my old habits less and don't need to think about what day I am on. But since I am here, I can happily report I am on day 26 no PMO, day 20 no MO.
Now that I write it, I can't believe I went almost 3 weeks without MO. A lifetime record!
Wishing you all strength and success.
-P
Thank you for your thoughtful posts. As always, I think there is a lot of wisdom there. I am working on intimacy with my wife and we have made significant improvement. Improving my connection with other people makes me think about old habits less. I am less interested in being isolated and enjoying life more. I am still trying to find those new things that are going to fill my time.
I had a great weekend. I was all by myself (family out of town for the weekend). This would have been a time to endulge endless hours in online activities. This weekend, I didn't think seriously about it. I spent my time doing things I enjoy - spending time with an old friend, going kart racing at a local race track, and enjoying a few movies.
At this point, I feel less like I need to check in here all the time. I think about my old habits less and don't need to think about what day I am on. But since I am here, I can happily report I am on day 26 no PMO, day 20 no MO.
Now that I write it, I can't believe I went almost 3 weeks without MO. A lifetime record!
Wishing you all strength and success.
-P
Today is day 30 of no PMO. I am very happy to have made it this far. I have no doubt now that I am free of this addiction forever. I have thoughts creep in from time to time, but have no difficulty ignoring them. Thoughts like that lose their power when you don't feed them!
Here are the milestone for today:
30 Days no PMO - A month free feels really good. Ive been here before, but never with this little desire or interested in returning.
24 Days no MO - Definitely a lifetime record. Funny, I don't really think about it much any more!
Thanks to everyone for your help and guidance.
Here are the milestone for today:
30 Days no PMO - A month free feels really good. Ive been here before, but never with this little desire or interested in returning.
24 Days no MO - Definitely a lifetime record. Funny, I don't really think about it much any more!
Thanks to everyone for your help and guidance.
Havetodothis40
Active Member
Congrats on the 30 days, That is a good streak.
I hope you keep doing great.
I hope you keep doing great.
savingmysoul
Active Member
Grats on the 30 day mark!
You are doing great!
You are doing great!
Thanks everyone.
I had a weird dream last night: I was in an adult book store and purchased a couple of pornographic magazines. Then I started thinking about how this is going to set me back to day one. All the guilt started flooding in. I looked down at this bag of magazines and threw them in the trash before looking at them! The guilt dissipated and I felt very good about having control to do the right thing.
I think my mind is getting on the right track!
I had a weird dream last night: I was in an adult book store and purchased a couple of pornographic magazines. Then I started thinking about how this is going to set me back to day one. All the guilt started flooding in. I looked down at this bag of magazines and threw them in the trash before looking at them! The guilt dissipated and I felt very good about having control to do the right thing.
I think my mind is getting on the right track!
savingmysoul
Active Member
Yep! That is your mind starting to turn the corner.
Today is day 36 no PMO, day 30 no MO!
I have to say, I can hardly believe the second streak. I have gone months without PMO before, but never any significant time without MO. At first I thought it would be difficult or impossible (and questioned why I would do that anyway!). Now I find I don't think about it much. I think that has helped me to keep on track (the no MO has allowed me to get on the healing track and stay on it). I have no doubt I can be free forever.
To those just starting our or not yet committed - the rewards are there and it gets much easier!
I have to say, I can hardly believe the second streak. I have gone months without PMO before, but never any significant time without MO. At first I thought it would be difficult or impossible (and questioned why I would do that anyway!). Now I find I don't think about it much. I think that has helped me to keep on track (the no MO has allowed me to get on the healing track and stay on it). I have no doubt I can be free forever.
To those just starting our or not yet committed - the rewards are there and it gets much easier!
savingmysoul
Active Member
Youre doing fantastic!
It is an amazing feeling how the healthy behaviors are able to replace all those PMO thoughts now that they are less and less each day. As it gets easier, it is important to embrace that positive change and leverage it moving forward.
P & M has no place in our lives! It simply is not an option.
It is an amazing feeling how the healthy behaviors are able to replace all those PMO thoughts now that they are less and less each day. As it gets easier, it is important to embrace that positive change and leverage it moving forward.
P & M has no place in our lives! It simply is not an option.
SMS,
Thanks as always for your encouragement and feedback.
Your message reminded me of what I have been thinking about recently - The thoughts that come up in my head that used to lead to PMO still come up, but less frequently. The difference is that I have become very good at deflecting them and not entertaining them. They are dismissed immediately. I feel like a ninja killing off all those pesky thoughts that crop up. They become less and less powerful every time I defeat one. It is good to get pissed at those thoughts and imagine killing them off one by one!
Have a great day.
-P
Thanks as always for your encouragement and feedback.
Your message reminded me of what I have been thinking about recently - The thoughts that come up in my head that used to lead to PMO still come up, but less frequently. The difference is that I have become very good at deflecting them and not entertaining them. They are dismissed immediately. I feel like a ninja killing off all those pesky thoughts that crop up. They become less and less powerful every time I defeat one. It is good to get pissed at those thoughts and imagine killing them off one by one!
Have a great day.
-P
unchained
Active Member
I like your ninja analogy.
For me it helps to be aggressive against the thoughts, it is empowering. At 1st, my thoughts were more like running away...like a child covering his ears and screaming. Now I go after them, kick them out of my head. I am on the offensive and it puts me in power, not the porn.
For me it helps to be aggressive against the thoughts, it is empowering. At 1st, my thoughts were more like running away...like a child covering his ears and screaming. Now I go after them, kick them out of my head. I am on the offensive and it puts me in power, not the porn.
Just a quick check in - I am on day 43 no PMO, day 37 no MO. Things are great. I don't have nearly as many thoughts about old behaviors and when I do they have no power over me. Sex with my wife is amazing. I had no idea how much effect porn had on my life! I am glad to be free of it.
savingmysoul
Active Member
Great News! So glad to hear.
Stay strong!
Stay strong!
I had a weird dream last night. I'm sure others can relate!
In my dream I realized that i had contracted an STD. Not really sure what it was, but it doesn't matter. It involved sores on my genitals. In real life, this is one of those things that always scared me about my addiction. My addiction to porn led me to hook up in a lot of risky situations and I am lucky to have stayed healthy. When I woke up, I had that relief that I don't have to worry about that anymore. I have no interest in putting my heath at risk any more. This is another positive thought that I can use to keep on track forever. Porn is not an option!
In my dream I realized that i had contracted an STD. Not really sure what it was, but it doesn't matter. It involved sores on my genitals. In real life, this is one of those things that always scared me about my addiction. My addiction to porn led me to hook up in a lot of risky situations and I am lucky to have stayed healthy. When I woke up, I had that relief that I don't have to worry about that anymore. I have no interest in putting my heath at risk any more. This is another positive thought that I can use to keep on track forever. Porn is not an option!
CrazyGopher
Active Member
Your progress is a source of inspiration for me. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Thanks CG! Looks like you are on 12 days. The first two weeks were the hardest for me. It does get easier!
Today marks another milestone - 45 days with MO! I can honestly say I don't miss it. That doesn't mean I don't think about it once in a while, but I am not seriously tempted. I have had real sex about 4 times during this reboot and it has been really amazing. The only "problem" I have now is my sensitivity has gone from almost nothing to through the roof. It does not take very long to reach orgasm. It is over too quickly! Generally, a good problem to have considering.
Today marks another milestone - 45 days with MO! I can honestly say I don't miss it. That doesn't mean I don't think about it once in a while, but I am not seriously tempted. I have had real sex about 4 times during this reboot and it has been really amazing. The only "problem" I have now is my sensitivity has gone from almost nothing to through the roof. It does not take very long to reach orgasm. It is over too quickly! Generally, a good problem to have considering.
