stepbystep's journal

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Orbiter

Well-Known Member
Pushing through the urges after peeking but not relapsing can sometimes feel like turning around the titanic but it is worth it and do-able. Just aim to make it through the week for now and you'll find the urge to peek will decrease.

Glad to hear you're back into the normal routine. Good going!
 
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stepbystep

Active Member
Orbiter said:
Pushing through the urges after peeking but not relapsing can sometimes feel like turning around the titanic but it is worth it and do-able. Just aim to make it through the week for now and you'll find the urge to peek will decrease.

Glad to hear you're back into the normal routine. Good going!
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Thanks for the support! Definitely it's been tough but I'm feeling better now. Still getting urges but handling it better. I realized that even fantasizing a little bit during the day (happens habitually) can result in me getting triggered easily. The key really is to completely avoid any fantasy, triggers, etc. at least for the first month.

Day 10 no P. Day 2 no MO.
 
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stepbystep

Active Member
Struggling. Searched P. I stopped though. But why am I making it so hard on myself? My mind is always curious about searching this or that and I have the urge to do it.
 
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stepbystep

Active Member
Struggling. Searched again :( . Right now the best thing I can do is to wash dishes, read something uplifting and go to bed. Going to do that now.
 
R

recovery000

Member
Hang in there, this is temporary. Good job at keeping yourself busy while doing something good. Tomorrow will be another day. Sleeping is the best you can do. Regain energy to fight another day. Wishing you all the best, You are not alone.
 
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stepbystep

Active Member
recovery000 said:
Hang in there, this is temporary. Good job at keeping yourself busy while doing something good. Tomorrow will be another day. Sleeping is the best you can do. Regain energy to fight another day. Wishing you all the best, You are not alone.
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Thanks for the encouragement! I definitely need it. I finished washing dishes. Now just need to read something positive and go to bed right away. Tomorrow is a new day.
 
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stepbystep

Active Member
Day 12 no P. Day 4 no MO. I'm still thinking or fantasizing about P every so often. That is not helping so I'm going to work on that.
 
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stepbystep

Active Member
Searched and struggling again. I feel I?m making harder on myself by just fantasizing more. Stressed out this week so it?s been harder.
 
beautywaytraveler

beautywaytraveler

Member
Stepbystep,

You are making harder on yourself when you search. What have you personally defined as relapse? Be honest with yourself. If you lie to yourself you are only holding yourself back. You are the only one who is going to fully experience your life. Make it blissful everyday not just momentarily in fantasy . Pull the anchors up, set sail and ride the waves.
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Good. Right on time.

I ended up fantasizing quite a lot previous weekend (no external stimulation, just what is already in the brain). It is the addiction machinery getting stronger in the beginning of The Oblivion phase. The addiction wants its food.

Just push trough it (don't watch P) and the fantasizing will be toning down, at least this is what is happening for me. Previous Saturday morning I ended up fantasizing quite heavily. I didn't want to spend willpower on fighting or controlling the urges. This Saturday morning, some P thoughts came up, bust I just put them aside, they don't have the same emotional charge associated with them.

This isn't suppose to be easy.

Keep it up. Stay away from P. You are 10-15 days in where the addiction machinery ramps up to higher gear. Don't overload yourself. Just make sure you don't artificially stimulate yourself. No compromises here. But in my view you can compromise of the fantasy stuff.

EW
 
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stepbystep

Active Member
beautywaytraveler said:
Stepbystep,

You are making harder on yourself when you search. What have you personally defined as relapse? Be honest with yourself. If you lie to yourself you are only holding yourself back. You are the only one who is going to fully experience your life. Make it blissful everyday not just momentarily in fantasy . Pull the anchors up, set sail and ride the waves.
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Thanks for calling this out. I haven?t been very clear about what is a relapse. So this is my definition here on: no PMO using any form of artificial stimulation. If I do go search but stop early, I?m going to still count that as a slip and reset my day count. Since I wasn?t clear with myself so far, I?ll keep the day count as is. I think even though I slipped up a few times, I really tried my best here to stay away. I didn?t keep my boundaries clear and it happened.
 
S

stepbystep

Active Member
EarthWalker said:
Keep it up. Stay away from P. You are 10-15 days in where the addiction machinery ramps up to higher gear. Don't overload yourself. Just make sure you don't artificially stimulate yourself. No compromises here. But in my view you can compromise of the fantasy stuff.

EW
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Thanks for the support. Definitely need it. I feel like I?ve gotten over a big wave, but I have to stay aware. The triggers can come back at any time. Ideally fantasy is something I do not want to engage in but I?d rather MO with fantasy than with P.
 
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stepbystep

Active Member
Thanks realficker. I have such a big brain fog now. Not sure if this is a withdrawal symptom but it?s hard to focus and I have a headache.
 
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SebUK

Active Member
I am a few weeks in and am getting weird brain fog too! It's quite strange, I never understood what 'brain fog' meant until I tried to go through a reboot. Basically I will be doing something, like practicing playing keyboard and I'll get a cloudy sensation in my head and lose concentration. It's quite uncomfortable.

Anyway, it didn't last long, so I hope yours doesn't long either. Maybe have a nap or go outside for a walk until it goes away? It's really hard to concentrate when you have it!
 
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stepbystep

Active Member
Thanks for dropping in SebNZ. Withdrawal symptoms are going crazy now for me. I had a headache / migraine all night yesterday and I couldn?t sleep. I just hope this doesn?t last too long. Day 14 no P. Day 6 no MO.
 
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stepbystep

Active Member
Day 15 no P. Day 7 no MO. Last week making 7 days of no MO seemed impossible for me. It?s probably not too hard for many, but for me, it?s something I couldn?t do for a while and I?m proud of where I am today. I?m thinking of treating myself but not sure exactly what. Maybe a favorite food or something.
 
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