stepbystep's journal

O

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
Sorry to hear about the relapse. The disappointment is never easy no matter how many times it happens. Still, there is a chance to learn from every setback and an opportunity to grow. What situation were you in? How were you feeling? Were there surrounding circumstances in your life that could be connected to this? These are just a few questions you can ask yourself and get a plan together to avoid it happening next time. If you post it in your journal, perhaps we could give some advice and thoughts as well?

Back on the wagon step. You got this!
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Good. Not a big deal. You got overwhelmed. Totally understandable. You relapsed on the day that the addiction pathways get even stronger and more easily triggered.

In my view you need to level up your psychology game.

1) Why are you are doing this? Do you have a strong enough why? Instead of motivation look for inspiration. I cannot recommend the book Man's search for meaning by Viktor Frankl enough.
2) Do a mindful relapse. Try some P that is the complete opposite of what you PMOing to. Investigate how does it feel in your body/mental/emotional/spiritual. Try to accurately perceive without the mind control of lust. Does it really feel great? Or it is just damaging you?
3) Level up your PFC. Start creating distance between triggers and responses. Remember the last relapse next time you get triggered.

4) Start cleaning up the traumas from your life. Look up this guy Bessel van der Kolk on YouTube. This is some top class psychology if you ask me.
5) You can help yourself. You don't need external help. External help ... helps. But it is a training wheel. You need to be in your own power. Keep that in mind.

Wish you all the best
EW
 
S

stepbystep

Active Member
Orbiter said:
Sorry to hear about the relapse. The disappointment is never easy no matter how many times it happens. Still, there is a chance to learn from every setback and an opportunity to grow. What situation were you in? How were you feeling? Were there surrounding circumstances in your life that could be connected to this? These are just a few questions you can ask yourself and get a plan together to avoid it happening next time. If you post it in your journal, perhaps we could give some advice and thoughts as well?
Click to expand...

Thanks Orbiter. I think a big part of it my inner beliefs that I need to MB. I just had a very high sexual tension and it was hard for me to concentrate on anything at home or work. It just kind of blew up when I thought I just can?t continue like this. Instead, what I should I thought is ?this will pass.? I just need to hang on for longer. I mean I felt this way for 3 days and I just couldn?t hold it any longer. I wonder if I should have just given in to just MB instead of MB + P. Any feeling better now.
 
S

stepbystep

Active Member
EarthWalker said:
1) Why are you are doing this? Do you have a strong enough why? Instead of motivation look for inspiration. I cannot recommend the book Man's search for meaning by Viktor Frankl enough.
2) Do a mindful relapse. Try some P that is the complete opposite of what you PMOing to. Investigate how does it feel in your body/mental/emotional/spiritual. Try to accurately perceive without the mind control of lust. Does it really feel great? Or it is just damaging you?
3) Level up your PFC. Start creating distance between triggers and responses. Remember the last relapse next time you get triggered.

4) Start cleaning up the traumas from your life. Look up this guy Bessel van der Kolk on YouTube. This is some top class psychology if you ask me.
5) You can help yourself. You don't need external help. External help ... helps. But it is a training wheel. You need to be in your own power. Keep that in mind.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the tips! Will definitely check out the book and the YouTube videos. I?ll also think about some of the reasons why I want to stop P and MB.
 
O

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
stepbystep said:
Orbiter said:
Sorry to hear about the relapse. The disappointment is never easy no matter how many times it happens. Still, there is a chance to learn from every setback and an opportunity to grow. What situation were you in? How were you feeling? Were there surrounding circumstances in your life that could be connected to this? These are just a few questions you can ask yourself and get a plan together to avoid it happening next time. If you post it in your journal, perhaps we could give some advice and thoughts as well?
Click to expand...

Thanks Orbiter. I think a big part of it my inner beliefs that I need to MB. I just had a very high sexual tension and it was hard for me to concentrate on anything at home or work. It just kind of blew up when I thought I just can?t continue like this. Instead, what I should I thought is ?this will pass.? I just need to hang on for longer. I mean I felt this way for 3 days and I just couldn?t hold it any longer. I wonder if I should have just given in to just MB instead of MB + P. Any feeling better now.
Click to expand...

Who knows eh? MB might've worked or it might have just made the urge to PMO stronger. Either way, that decision is in the past now, you've reflected on it and found a lesson that will stead you well in future. That's a big part of what this journey is all about.

Keep up the good work!
 
S

stepbystep

Active Member
Day 6. Almost gave in today. I was just sitting on the couch watching TV. Lazing around watching TV without a plan for the weekend is definitely dangerous. Then, I went to my phone and looked up triggering stuff on youtube. Then, after that, I almost started searching P. Thankfully, I realized the danger. I jumped up out of the couch and went for a nice walk outside. I'm back now and feeling better. Close call but I'm still sober.
 
S

stepbystep

Active Member
Struggling again. Went to P website but stopped and came here. Really hope I can make it. Now I'm going to wash the dishes and get to bed early.
 
ShadeTrenicin

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Hey SBS. As long as you recognize the struggle, you are going in the right direction. And you actually acknowledged the urge and went on to do the dishes. Great job! How did you feel after that ?

Good luck my friend
 
S

stepbystep

Active Member
Thanks EW and Shade for the support.

ShadeTrenicin said:
Hey SBS. As long as you recognize the struggle, you are going in the right direction. And you actually acknowledged the urge and went on to do the dishes. Great job! How did you feel after that?
Click to expand...

A relief really. I made it through yesterday. I'm still struggling mentally to power through this phase. I hope it gets easier sooner than later.
 
S

stepbystep

Active Member
Still struggling. Went to P website again and started searching :( . Came here. I'm not sure if I can make it through the night. I'm going jump away now and do these: wash the dishes, meditate, and sleep.
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
I know the feeling.

This works for me in terms of P prevention:

Past: Try remembering past relapse. How did it made you feel? Really go into it. You can imagine watching yourself from a 3rd person POV during your last PMO.
Present: Try something like https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/?solo-tools/no-thank-you-meditation/ or choose from a bunch of different mindfulness techniques yet in principle the same. RAIN.
Future: Imagine yourself giving in to the addiction and relapsing. How does that make you feel?

With this psychology tools I am finding good success from watching P. But I am still working on finding some good solutions for dealing with the "pent up sexual tension".

How about in terms of physical comfort. Are you feeling tension in your body? Maybe try some stretching etc?

Sail true
EW

edit/added:
One more psychology tool I picked along the way.

Act as if

When feeling particularly down. Act as if you feel loved. If you are about to do something. Would I do this if I felt loved? I am going to act as if I feel loved. I am going to act as if this is just part of the process. I am going to act as if this will all make sense looking back.

Maybe I don't feel like it. But for the next X days. As an experiment. I am going to act as if Y already happen (is happening/is available) for the next Y days and see if my live improves.

There is more to it. But in my view you make a bridge in the present to the future.
 
O

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
stepbystep said:
Still struggling. Went to P website again and started searching :( . Came here. I'm not sure if I can make it through the night. I'm going jump away now and do these: wash the dishes, meditate, and sleep.
Click to expand...

Don't do it step! It's not worth it. Get away from the computer/phone & occupy yourself with something that gets you out of the cycle. Chores, busywork, long walk or run and get an early night. You'll thank yourself when you wake up tomorrow without relapsing trust me.

If you suceed in this, be careful over the coming days as you'll feel a chaser effect for awhile but it will pass within a week.

You got this step, you can do it!
 
ShadeTrenicin

ShadeTrenicin

Well-Known Member
Exactly as Orbiter mentions. Think about the hollow feeling you get after PMO but also think how good you will feel if you don't do it! You will thank yourself!!

Keep strong my friend
 
S

stepbystep

Active Member
Thanks for the support! Made it through yesterday without P but I did MO. I decided that's okay with me until I can stay away P for long enough. Slowly I do intend to stop MO as well but right now it's lot for me to stop everything.

Day 9. Day 0 no MO.

Just read this and it's really helpful. I'm going to try to follow these guidelines: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts/rebooting-accounts-page-1/6-step-reboot-plan-that-helped-me-quit/ .
 
S

stepbystep

Active Member
I feel really embarrassed but went to P website again and searched. Stopped right away and I'm here. I don't get what's going on with me. I'm stopping this. I'm not giving up now. Going to be healthy and get dinner.
 
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