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I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
- Thread starter Arthur2
- Start date
L
Lero
Guest
I'm sorry to be the bad guy who brings you the bad news but edging is what you are addicted to. Edging takes the urges and creates this super pleasurable arousal that you love so much (and me too and everybody else actually). But it's even more damaging than an orgasm because, if you edge for a long period of time, you keep the dopamine high, hitting the dopamine receptors continously. It's abundance of dopamine. You literally "fry yourself up like a chicken in the pan". It's one thing to start watching porn, start masturbating, orgasm in 10 minutes and leave, and another thing to start watching porn and edge to it for hours.
I loved to edge to porn. Nothing made me feel better than this. I used to edge so much until I emptied the "arousal tank" (as I like to call it) and became completely drained and asexual. Nothing turned me on anymore after those hours of edging and the orgasm became just a way to put an end to that, I ejaculated in a plastic cup (that I used only for that and then I washed) but the orgasm didn't make me feel anything anymore. So don't congratulate yourself that you didn't orgasm, you've relapsed already on a tone of edging. I used to say the same. I had a period of time in the past when I thought I didn't relapse as long as I didn't orgasm, but the orgasm was actually nothing in comparison to the tones of edging I was doing (which also included watching a lot of porn so...).
You are not weak, you are an addict. All addicts have a hard time with their addiction. Until everything is ready for you, the addiction will give you hell. I was there, I was powerless, I thought I couldn't do it. But 23 days ago, everything became ready for me. I put together all the pieces of puzzle and everything unfolded in front of me. You see, I've been fighting against this shit for years. But they haven't been in vain. I've been doing a lot of analysis: "How do I relapse? What makes me relapse? What mistakes do I make? What are my triggers?" etc. I've eliminated, step by step, all the obstacles that stood in front of me and my recovery: Watching porn, watching/looking at porn substitutes, masturbating to porn flashbacks and porn induced fantasies, edging to "light stuff", and the last thing that I had to eliminate was this mentality: "The urges are killing me, it's too hard, let me lower them a little bit by edging for just 5 minutes to something light, like pictures. It's too little to affect me that much." It was not true, this mentality has caused me to relapse constantly for 2 months on this forum. I finally eliminated that too and everything started happening. Why? Because no matter how hard the urges got, I stood away from looking deliberately at any porn material. You see, you don't deal with urges by engaging in porn behavior (watching/looking at stuff, edging to it). Urges are the withdrawal that you must go through in order to be no more an addict. If you don't feed your addiction, you starve it until it leaves you alone. Constantly feeding your addiction keeps it present in your life. It's like a fire that you must leave it alone until it extinguishes itself. Edging is like throwing gas on it.
"So what do you want me to do, man? The urges are killing me! What do you really want me to do, seriously!" This is a pertinent scolding for me but listen, you don't deal with urges by searching for porn material. There is nothing that actually makes the urges go away, only time. Time is the only thing that does this. Day after day until the streak gets bigger and urges get weaker. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill, only starving the addiction for a long period of time. I have 23 days already and starting with day 7 until day 21 urges tortured me. I stood away from searching for any porn material, I starved the fucking addiction. For 2 days I haven't had urges anymore. Some people say you could take cold showers, it helps with urges. Some say exercise helps with urges (and I agree, I've seen it myself). But the only thing that takes the urges away completely (and the big, insatiable, violent craving for dopamine) is time.
You see, we are not addicted to porn, we are addicted to that amazing feeling that the dopamine hit gives us. Porn is just the button that we push to release that dopamine. If watching porn didn't release any dopamine, we would stop watching in the next second. Don't think about porn when you crave dopamine. Thing about the dopamine itself. Visualize the dopamine like a color or something. Maybe look at a picture with some neurons and visualize that. Say to yourself: "I have hard urges, I'm craving that dopamine, not porn. Porn only makes the dopamine explode."
Also, after using porn for years, we inevitably start using it as a form of soothing/self-medication/anti-depressant/coping type of thing. This is something else to watch out. If you've been using porn to deal with stress, rejections, boredom, anxiety etc. pay attention to it. The solution is the same: You don't search for any porn material. It's time to deal with those things like normal human beings do, not medicating with porn. Pay attention to the addiction's voice. Identify the impulse to search for porn and stop right there, don't escalate. Say to yourself: "Ah, no, you want me to search for porn but I'm starving you, did you forget already?"
Anyway, man I didn't want this text to get this long. It's a lot to read. Good luck with your recovery, I'm with you, man.
I loved to edge to porn. Nothing made me feel better than this. I used to edge so much until I emptied the "arousal tank" (as I like to call it) and became completely drained and asexual. Nothing turned me on anymore after those hours of edging and the orgasm became just a way to put an end to that, I ejaculated in a plastic cup (that I used only for that and then I washed) but the orgasm didn't make me feel anything anymore. So don't congratulate yourself that you didn't orgasm, you've relapsed already on a tone of edging. I used to say the same. I had a period of time in the past when I thought I didn't relapse as long as I didn't orgasm, but the orgasm was actually nothing in comparison to the tones of edging I was doing (which also included watching a lot of porn so...).
You are not weak, you are an addict. All addicts have a hard time with their addiction. Until everything is ready for you, the addiction will give you hell. I was there, I was powerless, I thought I couldn't do it. But 23 days ago, everything became ready for me. I put together all the pieces of puzzle and everything unfolded in front of me. You see, I've been fighting against this shit for years. But they haven't been in vain. I've been doing a lot of analysis: "How do I relapse? What makes me relapse? What mistakes do I make? What are my triggers?" etc. I've eliminated, step by step, all the obstacles that stood in front of me and my recovery: Watching porn, watching/looking at porn substitutes, masturbating to porn flashbacks and porn induced fantasies, edging to "light stuff", and the last thing that I had to eliminate was this mentality: "The urges are killing me, it's too hard, let me lower them a little bit by edging for just 5 minutes to something light, like pictures. It's too little to affect me that much." It was not true, this mentality has caused me to relapse constantly for 2 months on this forum. I finally eliminated that too and everything started happening. Why? Because no matter how hard the urges got, I stood away from looking deliberately at any porn material. You see, you don't deal with urges by engaging in porn behavior (watching/looking at stuff, edging to it). Urges are the withdrawal that you must go through in order to be no more an addict. If you don't feed your addiction, you starve it until it leaves you alone. Constantly feeding your addiction keeps it present in your life. It's like a fire that you must leave it alone until it extinguishes itself. Edging is like throwing gas on it.
"So what do you want me to do, man? The urges are killing me! What do you really want me to do, seriously!" This is a pertinent scolding for me but listen, you don't deal with urges by searching for porn material. There is nothing that actually makes the urges go away, only time. Time is the only thing that does this. Day after day until the streak gets bigger and urges get weaker. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill, only starving the addiction for a long period of time. I have 23 days already and starting with day 7 until day 21 urges tortured me. I stood away from searching for any porn material, I starved the fucking addiction. For 2 days I haven't had urges anymore. Some people say you could take cold showers, it helps with urges. Some say exercise helps with urges (and I agree, I've seen it myself). But the only thing that takes the urges away completely (and the big, insatiable, violent craving for dopamine) is time.
You see, we are not addicted to porn, we are addicted to that amazing feeling that the dopamine hit gives us. Porn is just the button that we push to release that dopamine. If watching porn didn't release any dopamine, we would stop watching in the next second. Don't think about porn when you crave dopamine. Thing about the dopamine itself. Visualize the dopamine like a color or something. Maybe look at a picture with some neurons and visualize that. Say to yourself: "I have hard urges, I'm craving that dopamine, not porn. Porn only makes the dopamine explode."
Also, after using porn for years, we inevitably start using it as a form of soothing/self-medication/anti-depressant/coping type of thing. This is something else to watch out. If you've been using porn to deal with stress, rejections, boredom, anxiety etc. pay attention to it. The solution is the same: You don't search for any porn material. It's time to deal with those things like normal human beings do, not medicating with porn. Pay attention to the addiction's voice. Identify the impulse to search for porn and stop right there, don't escalate. Say to yourself: "Ah, no, you want me to search for porn but I'm starving you, did you forget already?"
Anyway, man I didn't want this text to get this long. It's a lot to read. Good luck with your recovery, I'm with you, man.
Thank you soooo much my friend ! This is exactly what i needed today.
No your post is not too long.
I can feel the compassion and the suffering that you have been through too, and thank you so much for the advice.
I can't even express to you how this message is touching me right now.
Yes edging if fapping. I edged a lot. I am a freaking addict to the dopamine release.
And finally this morning i O'd 3 times...
I won' t binge more than that.
I'll just pick myself up and start again day 1.
I saw the "benefits" already. I am not giving up. But now edging is fapping.
You are perfectly right. Edging is the worst. I am addicted to a drug called dopamine, and PMO is for me an easy way to get it.
I want to be free from this addiction.
I start over again, more experienced than before.
No way i quit this journey.
Day 1 today.
Let me suffer. I beg this suffering to make me better.
I thank all of you for sharing your own journeys because they help me a lot. We understand each other.
And i won't say "sorry guys" because i know that i am weak. Saying that i am sorry wouldn' t change anything. I am just a freakin addict who is pinpointing and defining his problem in life, and it takes time.
I can' t wait to be back to day 7 and forward !!!
No your post is not too long.
I can feel the compassion and the suffering that you have been through too, and thank you so much for the advice.
I can't even express to you how this message is touching me right now.
Yes edging if fapping. I edged a lot. I am a freaking addict to the dopamine release.
And finally this morning i O'd 3 times...
I won' t binge more than that.
I'll just pick myself up and start again day 1.
I saw the "benefits" already. I am not giving up. But now edging is fapping.
You are perfectly right. Edging is the worst. I am addicted to a drug called dopamine, and PMO is for me an easy way to get it.
I want to be free from this addiction.
I start over again, more experienced than before.
No way i quit this journey.
Day 1 today.
Let me suffer. I beg this suffering to make me better.
I thank all of you for sharing your own journeys because they help me a lot. We understand each other.
And i won't say "sorry guys" because i know that i am weak. Saying that i am sorry wouldn' t change anything. I am just a freakin addict who is pinpointing and defining his problem in life, and it takes time.
I can' t wait to be back to day 7 and forward !!!
L
Lero
Guest
Don't worry, man. I've been there, I don't want to go back to it. Everyday I remind myself I don't want that anymore but I crave it and I desire it so much. Until the addiction loses its power, this will be the case.
Edging is overkill. It's very dangerous. It's a dopaminergic chemical hell. In the beginning, I was so happy to start masturbating to a porn video and let the ejaculation come itself, which meant something like 1 minute, I couldn't go longer. Think about it, if you start watching a porn video, start masturbating, ejaculate in 2 minutes and then you leave, it's bad, of course, but it's less damage than when you edge to porn for hours, because you keep that dopamine high, flooding and bullying the dopamine receptors until they freak out and numb themselves.
However, this is one of the symptoms of addiction: We need more. 2 minutes of masturbating to porn was enough for me when I was 14 but fast-forward a few years later and that didn't mean shit. I needed more. One thing that I found out was "edging". That did the trick but killed my brain. I started edging for hours, keeping the dopamine high, over and over and over again, uncontrollably for hours. It was great until it wasn't. It had been affecting my life and I didn't even know it. Edging for hours is an escalation of our addiction. Becoming aware about how our addiction works is very very huge.
Don't beat yourself and say stuff like: "I can't do this right." There is a process that leads to you being ready to do it right. I had a period in my life when I didn't think that edging was relapse. I said: "I didn't orgasm, so I am fine." But it was not true. If you don't know some things now, don't despair. This is why we have this rebooting plan. I know that we are tired of porn and we want to start the rebooting today and go all the way but, unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way. You might even "need" to relapse a few times until you are ready (and this was my case). Patience is very important here and I know that patience when it comes to this addiction is a pain but we have no other way. Patience and waiting until things "click". It sucks but it is what it is.
The last thing I want to say is that nobody is weak when it comes to this addiction. Nobody should say sorry. By nature, our addiction is stronger than us. We are powerless in front of it. That's why, through the recovery process, we are trying to get the strength and defeat it. We are not losers, we are normal people with a problem that we can't control initially but we will, through the recovery and support.
Anyway, man, if my texts bother you, tell me and I won't write them anymore.
Edging is overkill. It's very dangerous. It's a dopaminergic chemical hell. In the beginning, I was so happy to start masturbating to a porn video and let the ejaculation come itself, which meant something like 1 minute, I couldn't go longer. Think about it, if you start watching a porn video, start masturbating, ejaculate in 2 minutes and then you leave, it's bad, of course, but it's less damage than when you edge to porn for hours, because you keep that dopamine high, flooding and bullying the dopamine receptors until they freak out and numb themselves.
However, this is one of the symptoms of addiction: We need more. 2 minutes of masturbating to porn was enough for me when I was 14 but fast-forward a few years later and that didn't mean shit. I needed more. One thing that I found out was "edging". That did the trick but killed my brain. I started edging for hours, keeping the dopamine high, over and over and over again, uncontrollably for hours. It was great until it wasn't. It had been affecting my life and I didn't even know it. Edging for hours is an escalation of our addiction. Becoming aware about how our addiction works is very very huge.
Don't beat yourself and say stuff like: "I can't do this right." There is a process that leads to you being ready to do it right. I had a period in my life when I didn't think that edging was relapse. I said: "I didn't orgasm, so I am fine." But it was not true. If you don't know some things now, don't despair. This is why we have this rebooting plan. I know that we are tired of porn and we want to start the rebooting today and go all the way but, unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way. You might even "need" to relapse a few times until you are ready (and this was my case). Patience is very important here and I know that patience when it comes to this addiction is a pain but we have no other way. Patience and waiting until things "click". It sucks but it is what it is.
The last thing I want to say is that nobody is weak when it comes to this addiction. Nobody should say sorry. By nature, our addiction is stronger than us. We are powerless in front of it. That's why, through the recovery process, we are trying to get the strength and defeat it. We are not losers, we are normal people with a problem that we can't control initially but we will, through the recovery and support.
Anyway, man, if my texts bother you, tell me and I won't write them anymore.
Ok, day 1 over.
Starting all over again but not discouraged. I still feel some "benefits" from my previous streak and of course even if i relapsed it was not in vain.
Thank you Lero the hero for the great advice.
Really i am very busy and i have everything in place to stay busy and social everyday, but it remains my lust that i have to fight.
I will keep in mind the tip of Lero : starving the adiction by not feeding it.
Funny thing : i remember years ago when i was agnostic i had no purpose in life i had a somehow weird thought of : hey if only i had an addiction like for exemple if i were fat i would at least have a purpose in my life and a worthy goal which would be to fight the addiction (of course i did not realize at that time that i was a PMO addict).
I know it was a dumb thought but i was believing in evolution back then, and that i had no other purpose than being a monkey grandson.
But now i have purpose in my life, besides fighting the addiction, and i would gladly pass on having this addiction anymore.
See you.
Starting all over again but not discouraged. I still feel some "benefits" from my previous streak and of course even if i relapsed it was not in vain.
Thank you Lero the hero for the great advice.
Really i am very busy and i have everything in place to stay busy and social everyday, but it remains my lust that i have to fight.
I will keep in mind the tip of Lero : starving the adiction by not feeding it.
Funny thing : i remember years ago when i was agnostic i had no purpose in life i had a somehow weird thought of : hey if only i had an addiction like for exemple if i were fat i would at least have a purpose in my life and a worthy goal which would be to fight the addiction (of course i did not realize at that time that i was a PMO addict).
I know it was a dumb thought but i was believing in evolution back then, and that i had no other purpose than being a monkey grandson.
But now i have purpose in my life, besides fighting the addiction, and i would gladly pass on having this addiction anymore.
See you.
I have been rereading Lero' s comments early this morning, along with other journals, and they are great advice and encouragement.
This night i have had small cravings and i have started apply the starving the addiction method.
Many times in the past i have thinking : "This mechanism of dopamine addiction is horrible."
In fact it is horrible only when we havn' t been using it in a proper manner.
Otherwise dopamine is an ally to help us fullfil our lives.
We need to relearn to master dopamine use in a proper and convenient and helpfull manner.
That is most likely what they call "sexual transmutation."
Instead of dopamine being used to foster olsearch for porn and hours of edging, dopamine being used for pursuing socializing and victories in other areas of our lifes would be an awesome sexual transmutation.
This night i have had small cravings and i have started apply the starving the addiction method.
Many times in the past i have thinking : "This mechanism of dopamine addiction is horrible."
In fact it is horrible only when we havn' t been using it in a proper manner.
Otherwise dopamine is an ally to help us fullfil our lives.
We need to relearn to master dopamine use in a proper and convenient and helpfull manner.
That is most likely what they call "sexual transmutation."
Instead of dopamine being used to foster olsearch for porn and hours of edging, dopamine being used for pursuing socializing and victories in other areas of our lifes would be an awesome sexual transmutation.
L
Lero
Guest
Arthur2 said:I have been rereading Lero' s comments early this morning, along with other journals, and they are great advice and encouragement.
This night i have had small cravings and i have started apply the starving the addiction method.
Many times in the past i have thinking : "This mechanism of dopamine addiction is horrible."
In fact it is horrible only when we havn' t been using it in a proper manner.
Otherwise dopamine is an ally to help us fullfil our lives.
We need to relearn to master dopamine use in a proper and convenient and helpfull manner.
That is most likely what they call "sexual transmutation."
Instead of dopamine being used to foster olsearch for porn and hours of edging, dopamine being used for pursuing socializing and victories in other areas of our lifes would be an awesome sexual transmutation.
Absolutely, man. This is completely true. We either use our energy to accomplish useful things in life or throw it away with edging for hours and binge PMOs. You can't have both and be happy. It is not possible. You either choose life or choose porn. Porn is the complete opposite of living, there is no living with porn. It starts with the same letter as "Poison", think about it. It's poison. Complete starvation for the addicted brain is the only method that works the best because: 1) It's the fastest reboot because you don't delay the process by feeding the addiction; and 2) You don't lose control and end up relapsing, because when you peek, it's like you throw gas on fire. It explodes. Urges are hard but they are nothing in comparison to how you feel when you watch porn. When urges/porn thoughts/craving for dopamine appear, the solution is to stay away from searching any porn material. Urges come and go. They could be very big right now and then go down and lower their intensity a lot within a few minutes (like me yesterday). You can do it, man. Choose life. Just stay away from searching for porn deliberately and you will come a long way with this.
Not gonna lie to you, day 0 again....
I MO' d but without P.
I am in this low motivation phase after binging two days ago
But i really want to do nofap. I hope you don't get tired to follow my journal because i failed again.
Today I leave my place where i live to go see my parents and grandparents to a place where there is no internet and i will sleep in the same room as everybody, so there is little chance for me to relapse. It is the opportunity of a fresh start.
I'll be back wednesday night and give you an update.
Bye. Stay strong.
I MO' d but without P.
I am in this low motivation phase after binging two days ago
But i really want to do nofap. I hope you don't get tired to follow my journal because i failed again.
Today I leave my place where i live to go see my parents and grandparents to a place where there is no internet and i will sleep in the same room as everybody, so there is little chance for me to relapse. It is the opportunity of a fresh start.
I'll be back wednesday night and give you an update.
Bye. Stay strong.
L
Lero
Guest
Arthur2 said:Not gonna lie to you, day 0 again....
I MO' d but without P.
I am in this low motivation phase after binging two days ago
But i really want to do nofap. I hope you don't get tired to follow my journal because i failed again.
Today I leave my place where i live to go see my parents and grandparents to a place where there is no internet and i will sleep in the same room as everybody, so there is little chance for me to relapse. It is the opportunity of a fresh start.
I'll be back wednesday night and give you an update.
Bye. Stay strong.
If it was vanilla masturbation without porn (which means no watching and no thinking about it in the form of flashbacks), it seems not to be considered a relapsed by many guys and I also don't consider it that. However, the reason why many tell us to stay away from masturbation is that it creates this "chaser effect" and I've seen it happen with me. You could end up going to porn because of this. On day 21, I masturbated without porn and the chaser effect was killing me. I had to use all my "methods" to stay away from moving to porn. It's risky. And of course, excessive masturbation, even if it doesn't involve porn, is... excessive. It's not a good idea to masturbate yourself to death. Peace. Stay strong.
I want also to say that i also want to stop masturbating altogether. For me this journey is also a reboot from masturbation addiction AND p addiction. Both.
For me they go hand in hand because i really don' t need porn to get urges and binge masturbate right now because i am so entangled in this habit. My brain is filled with images and i produce in my head my own movies with girls.
And as you said there is that chasing effect that is gonna make you want to watch porn after MO.
So today is day 4, and surprisingly, unlike my previous streaks, i had strong urges every single nights. Because usually i don' t have urges that strong on the first week.
I was as i said at my grand parents house and sleeping close to everybody else and without internet so it helped me resist. I didn' t edge and applied that "starving the addicted brain" method.
Therefore i had several bad nights of sleep, but i take that as a victory and moving forward in the battle because i had those urges that i usually have after day 7. So i think the effects of my previous streak are still here, and i am capitalizing on it (at least that is what i like to think, in order for me to help encourage myself).
But also the images of the previous porn are here also in my brain and that is a bummer.
I am tempted tonight.
I will read a little of the journals to help me get through the night and then get back to work (i work nights).
God bless you and help you, whoever fighter you are.
For me they go hand in hand because i really don' t need porn to get urges and binge masturbate right now because i am so entangled in this habit. My brain is filled with images and i produce in my head my own movies with girls.
And as you said there is that chasing effect that is gonna make you want to watch porn after MO.
So today is day 4, and surprisingly, unlike my previous streaks, i had strong urges every single nights. Because usually i don' t have urges that strong on the first week.
I was as i said at my grand parents house and sleeping close to everybody else and without internet so it helped me resist. I didn' t edge and applied that "starving the addicted brain" method.
Therefore i had several bad nights of sleep, but i take that as a victory and moving forward in the battle because i had those urges that i usually have after day 7. So i think the effects of my previous streak are still here, and i am capitalizing on it (at least that is what i like to think, in order for me to help encourage myself).
But also the images of the previous porn are here also in my brain and that is a bummer.
I am tempted tonight.
I will read a little of the journals to help me get through the night and then get back to work (i work nights).
God bless you and help you, whoever fighter you are.
L
Lero
Guest
Arthur2 said:I want also to say that i also want to stop masturbating altogether. For me this journey is also a reboot from masturbation addiction AND p addiction. Both.
For me they go hand in hand because i really don' t need porn to get urges and binge masturbate right now because i am so entangled in this habit. My brain is filled with images and i produce in my head my own movies with girls.
And as you said there is that chasing effect that is gonna make you want to watch porn after MO.
Yes, I realized on day 21 that masturbation didn't work for me. Now 11 days later, I don't want to go back to it. I could masturbate without porn. Maybe I am able to do it again. But you see, it creates this chaser effect. Maybe because of so many years of porn binges. My dopamine system is not normal right now. I always followed a PMO session with another. I couldn't stop after only one PMO. So maybe this is why I crave another masturbation session after I do one. I don't like this chaser effect because everything in excess is not good. One masturbation session in 21 days is nothing to go crazy about but binge masturbation all day, this is not exactly how I want to do it. This is not the same with having sex 5 times in a day. Masturbation is pleasuring myself while being lonely and isolated in my room. There is no satisfaction in this. I can't binge masturbation and be happy about it.
However, if you masturbate to "porn in your head", this is the same with masturbating to porn. There is no point in doing this. So if I had to draw the line, I wouldn't do it at all. Just for the chaser effect alone I wouldn't advice it.
So today is day 4, and surprisingly, unlike my previous streaks, i had strong urges every single nights. Because usually i don' t have urges that strong on the first week.
Every streak has the chance to present differencies. For example, I usually got urges on day 4. This streak I didn't. The first 6 days were a breeze. And then hell unleashed. Urges might not start on the same days, the current streak might not be the same as the last one.
I was as i said at my grand parents house and sleeping close to everybody else and without internet so it helped me resist. I didn' t edge and applied that "starving the addicted brain" method.
This is the best method. I advertise this around here like I'm selling something. The only great way to approach this. Complete starvation. No peeking, no edging, nothing. Don't feed the addiction at all. 10 seconds of peeking or edging is already a lot. Nothing. Zero. Not even 1 second. This is the approach that took me to 32 days. However, you have to know that brutal days could come. I've had a lot of really tough days. Yesterday was very very hard. But "complete starvation" made me go to sleep without a relapse one more time. It's the biggest help during tough times. What happens to someone who is starved everyday? He dies. The addiction will die.
But also the images of the previous porn are here also in my brain and that is a bummer.
Yes, this is my biggest problem too. Our brain stores what we see. We have porn stored in our brain that we can see anytime we want. And when you don't want to watch porn, this is when those fucking porn memories come to stress you out. This is tough. It could actually make someone relapse. In the past, I've had relapses that started with me stimulating myself to porn memories then I escalated to searching for porn material.
Take care, man. You know what you have to do.
Day 0 again.
No big deal. I am not crumbling. I just fapped once to a single picture of a girl' s face. I was feeling the dopamine flowing in my brain and comforting me. I was sweating with excitment.
Pfffff ! The animal !
Anyway, i resisted the other urges that came afterward during the day by reminding me of my goals.
I feel stronger now and even if i relapse i have more weaponry in my gear to evolve in this adventure.
And that because of this journal.
I really enjoy writting here.
I kinda feel like my streak isn' t even broken (i know it is broken though, cmon !).
I know : relapsing is a little bit of a shame but i still have the right mindset of succes.
And the next few days are gonna be so busy and tiresome for me that i should be ok.
Hopefully i can sleep after work.
No big deal. I am not crumbling. I just fapped once to a single picture of a girl' s face. I was feeling the dopamine flowing in my brain and comforting me. I was sweating with excitment.
Pfffff ! The animal !
Anyway, i resisted the other urges that came afterward during the day by reminding me of my goals.
I feel stronger now and even if i relapse i have more weaponry in my gear to evolve in this adventure.
And that because of this journal.
I really enjoy writting here.
I kinda feel like my streak isn' t even broken (i know it is broken though, cmon !).
I know : relapsing is a little bit of a shame but i still have the right mindset of succes.
And the next few days are gonna be so busy and tiresome for me that i should be ok.
Hopefully i can sleep after work.
But this dopamine hogh is surprisingly starting to feel awkward to me.
In a way i don' t like it anymore like i used to.
It is cool. Maybe it means that i am starting to feel that healthy disgust and shame for porn.
Sure this community helps me in that way because when i have to report here a relapse i feel ashamed and so next time i' ll be more carefull because i don' t want to come here again and say again : day 0, i am a loser !
The accountability definitly helps, because here people care about that and human beings are very sensitive to peer pressure and in our case this peer pressure that we have for one another, or rather the social value of no PMO that we have here is a healthy social pressure.
Unlike in the world where nobody dares to say they care., and therefore everybody finds themselves alone to face the demon.
In a way i don' t like it anymore like i used to.
It is cool. Maybe it means that i am starting to feel that healthy disgust and shame for porn.
Sure this community helps me in that way because when i have to report here a relapse i feel ashamed and so next time i' ll be more carefull because i don' t want to come here again and say again : day 0, i am a loser !
The accountability definitly helps, because here people care about that and human beings are very sensitive to peer pressure and in our case this peer pressure that we have for one another, or rather the social value of no PMO that we have here is a healthy social pressure.
Unlike in the world where nobody dares to say they care., and therefore everybody finds themselves alone to face the demon.
L
Lero
Guest
A good step in this recovery is to avoid feeling misery after a relapse because you can't do much in that state, you don't even feeling like starting again. They key to success is to keep trying until it works and you seem to think this way which is great.
You know, a relapse doesn't even make me feel good because of the feeling of regret that interferes with the "high". So I don't want to relapse at all.
You know, a relapse doesn't even make me feel good because of the feeling of regret that interferes with the "high". So I don't want to relapse at all.
Thank you man. All this is true.
I think that now i have acquiered that mindset to have regret interfering with "pleasure" (physical pleasure) of relapse. That helps a lot. I think it is a very key element to be able to foresee the disapointment of a relapse and then don' t relapse, because the intellectual discomfort of the relapse (i failed again, i let my buddies down, i' ll lose the benefits...etc) is stronger than the temporary relief of the relapse.
I feel like i start taking control.
And also expressing that here helps so much.
I was kinda reluctant to do this at first because of laziness maybe but it is definitly a great help.
And i don' t know if a lot of people are reading this but only for me it helps.
Thank you whoever you are reading this for being my accountability partner even if you don' t comment.
I also read other journals you may not know when i don' t comment and it helps.
To summarize my journey so far : i have been helped, helped, helped. And i have thought, thought, thought.
8)
I think that now i have acquiered that mindset to have regret interfering with "pleasure" (physical pleasure) of relapse. That helps a lot. I think it is a very key element to be able to foresee the disapointment of a relapse and then don' t relapse, because the intellectual discomfort of the relapse (i failed again, i let my buddies down, i' ll lose the benefits...etc) is stronger than the temporary relief of the relapse.
I feel like i start taking control.
And also expressing that here helps so much.
I was kinda reluctant to do this at first because of laziness maybe but it is definitly a great help.
And i don' t know if a lot of people are reading this but only for me it helps.
Thank you whoever you are reading this for being my accountability partner even if you don' t comment.
I also read other journals you may not know when i don' t comment and it helps.
To summarize my journey so far : i have been helped, helped, helped. And i have thought, thought, thought.
8)
L
Lero
Guest
Arthur2 said:I think that now i have acquiered that mindset to have regret interfering with "pleasure" (physical pleasure) of relapse. That helps a lot. I think it is a very key element to be able to foresee the disapointment of a relapse and then don' t relapse, because the intellectual discomfort of the relapse (i failed again, i let my buddies down, i' ll lose the benefits...etc) is stronger than the temporary relief of the relapse.
I know exactly what you're talking about. This has been a part of my current streak.
Aren' t we learning a LOT here ?
I mean : technically i am still on day 1 because i relapsed yesterday once but i feel like i had so much more wisdom and knowledge about my addiction since i started here.
I have such a better grasp on how to fight the addiction now.
Such a netter understanding of the mecanisms.
I mean : technically i am still on day 1 because i relapsed yesterday once but i feel like i had so much more wisdom and knowledge about my addiction since i started here.
I have such a better grasp on how to fight the addiction now.
Such a netter understanding of the mecanisms.
L
Lero
Guest
Arthur2 said:Aren' t we learning a LOT here ?
I mean : technically i am still on day 1 because i relapsed yesterday once but i feel like i had so much more wisdom and knowledge about my addiction since i started here.
I have such a better grasp on how to fight the addiction now.
Such a netter understanding of the mecanisms.
That's right. I could say the same after 3 months here. I mean, my progress before joining this place was laughable. Since I joined this place, I have 3 months on this forum but 1 without porn.