The Unhappy Fapper
Member
I'm a 38-year-old guy who has struggled enormously with porn addiction since i was 21 (yes i'm talking back to the days of dial-up 28.8k ahem).
I have tried repeatedly to give it up but have always come undone around day 40. The main downfall is the social aspect. While i can control the urges, to a relative extent, i have no social outlet in which to release them. i.e. no ladies to chat up. Not because i am a weirdo, but more because of my job (remotely-based behind a computer so lots of isolation) and my newness to the area i have moved to; a non-English speaking island with different cultural values.
Earlier this year, i met this 26-year old who i hit it off with and who fell in love. I'm not sure why, but i just didn't feel it in return. During sex, i couldn't cum despite her having an amazing body, and that really frightened me. I suddenly started to have real performance anxiety which really affected my libido. Anyway, i eventually ruined everything and ended up alone again. I, in part, blame my porn addiction for this. The intense shame and humiliation i felt really opened up my eyes as to how far i had fallen and how much of my life i had wasted.
Then, last week, i was badly rejected by a 36-year-old crush i've had for the past 18 months. For that, i blame my sloppy game but also my porn addiction. Why the porn addiction? Because for all the days spent fapping and fantasizing about her, i avoided going out and meeting other girls.
Yadayadayada i am tired of this nonsense and want it over with for good. I want to realize my full potential and go out and enjoy my life. I'm a positive, outgoing guy who is motivated and has most of his shit together (well except this aspect of my life) and who has no issues talking to people and making friends. I miss that side of me and i miss being in control of my life.
36-year-old crush also mocked me for wanting to find a good wife and start a family. While I want to prove her wrong, i know that shouldn't be my key motivation.
No Fap/No Porn for me started on August 9 so i am technically now on Day 10.
As part of my journey, i am using the following distractions:
- I train in gym and have been doing so for the past 10 years. However, while strong, my diet has been sloppy so i am now leaning down - adios man boobs. Aim is to lose 10kgs or 22lbs over the course of the next 60 days.
- As a Catholic, i have tried to pray more and meditate more and try to find meaning in this suffering of mine.
- Reconnect with old friends; take up new hobbies like dancing (I am a very awkward dancer and have never liked it, but hey, what better way to meet some ladies).
- Immunize myself against the gut-wrenching blow that rejection is by going out more with said friends and ultimately, getting rejected. I want to become a kamikaze bomber of rejection i guess
- Chat to more men and women in a casual environment. At my gym, try be more friendly and outgoing but not invasive with people.
I'll keep a daily log of my goings-on in the hopes i can make it through Day 90 and see all of these goals met.
I have tried repeatedly to give it up but have always come undone around day 40. The main downfall is the social aspect. While i can control the urges, to a relative extent, i have no social outlet in which to release them. i.e. no ladies to chat up. Not because i am a weirdo, but more because of my job (remotely-based behind a computer so lots of isolation) and my newness to the area i have moved to; a non-English speaking island with different cultural values.
Earlier this year, i met this 26-year old who i hit it off with and who fell in love. I'm not sure why, but i just didn't feel it in return. During sex, i couldn't cum despite her having an amazing body, and that really frightened me. I suddenly started to have real performance anxiety which really affected my libido. Anyway, i eventually ruined everything and ended up alone again. I, in part, blame my porn addiction for this. The intense shame and humiliation i felt really opened up my eyes as to how far i had fallen and how much of my life i had wasted.
Then, last week, i was badly rejected by a 36-year-old crush i've had for the past 18 months. For that, i blame my sloppy game but also my porn addiction. Why the porn addiction? Because for all the days spent fapping and fantasizing about her, i avoided going out and meeting other girls.
Yadayadayada i am tired of this nonsense and want it over with for good. I want to realize my full potential and go out and enjoy my life. I'm a positive, outgoing guy who is motivated and has most of his shit together (well except this aspect of my life) and who has no issues talking to people and making friends. I miss that side of me and i miss being in control of my life.
36-year-old crush also mocked me for wanting to find a good wife and start a family. While I want to prove her wrong, i know that shouldn't be my key motivation.
No Fap/No Porn for me started on August 9 so i am technically now on Day 10.
As part of my journey, i am using the following distractions:
- I train in gym and have been doing so for the past 10 years. However, while strong, my diet has been sloppy so i am now leaning down - adios man boobs. Aim is to lose 10kgs or 22lbs over the course of the next 60 days.
- As a Catholic, i have tried to pray more and meditate more and try to find meaning in this suffering of mine.
- Reconnect with old friends; take up new hobbies like dancing (I am a very awkward dancer and have never liked it, but hey, what better way to meet some ladies).
- Immunize myself against the gut-wrenching blow that rejection is by going out more with said friends and ultimately, getting rejected. I want to become a kamikaze bomber of rejection i guess
- Chat to more men and women in a casual environment. At my gym, try be more friendly and outgoing but not invasive with people.
I'll keep a daily log of my goings-on in the hopes i can make it through Day 90 and see all of these goals met.