It's not impossible if others have done it

[wecandoit]

Day 10

Today started with a hard wave of urges. I really struggled. But as I began my day, they stopped and I wasn't bothered by urges anymore.

At work I felt even better than yesterday. Low social anxiety, my mind worked well and I spoke with ease. I talked more than usual. But as the work day was coming to an end, I lost my edge. My voice lost some of its volume and I wasn't the same.

Then I went to the bus station, saw a girl there and I remembered that I was single. I started feeling sad and remembered the loneliness. My non-existent social life makes it so difficult to meet girls. All my coworkers are guys. And, in general, people meet their partners through friends, hangout, social events and stuff. As I have none of these, it's been really hard to meet anybody. I'm still kind of sad about it. I really don't have anything, this reboot is all I have as a hope that maybe I could do better socially one day. 

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Hang in there, man. Feeling bad about being single has triggered many relapses for me. It's not fun, but it's just where we are in life right now.

Recovery is a journey of a lifetime, and it definitely leads in the direction of a happier, more fulfilling life. We may not be where we want to be right now, but we are definitely on the right road to get there.

Each day, just focus on getting through today in a good way. Add up enough good todays, and you will have built an awesome life.

 

[wecandoit]

Hang in there, man. Feeling bad about being single has triggered many relapses for me. It's not fun, but it's just where we are in life right now.

Recovery is a journey of a lifetime, and it definitely leads in the direction of a happier, more fulfilling life. We may not be where we want to be right now, but we are definitely on the right road to get there.

Each day, just focus on getting through today in a good way. Add up enough good todays, and you will have built an awesome life.

Yes, that's correct.

 

[wecandoit]

Day 11

I work night shift so I won't have a way to write here at the end of the day. I am writing now. Tomorrow maybe I will write an update about work.

I woke up with the same hard urges and a lot of fantasies that broke into my mind. But it was the same as yesterday, as soon as I got up and started my routine, they subsided 90%.

Overall, I feel way better than day 1. Anxiety is low and I have more mood to talk, move around and stuff. Let's see how I will feel at work.

I need to start some things in my life because what I've been doing is "go to work, come home". It's not fun at all. I feel like a loner who returns to a lonely home life. I kept postponing my plans. Because of too much PMO I had high social anxiety and no mood, energy, motivation to do anything. Hopefully, this streak will give me more drive to finally attempt to change things. I should find some activities that would keep me away from playing videos games and spending too much time online.

I need to stop thinking too much about my lonely life because it does no good to my psychic and I am not too balanced mentally. I need to be calmer for my streak. A fucked up state of mind calls for PMO and brings urges.

 

[Freedomisworthit]

I've found a better mental and emotional health comes gradually over time as I've resisted cravings/urges for PMO.  Crying has been a good thing way to release my feelings (I'm not ashamed to admit that). I understand the high social anxiety and feeling lonely as a result of high usage of PMO.  It is a terrible feeling.  You can work through it and those feelings will give you motivation to start up new activities/hobbies and rekindle old relationships with family/friends or start new ones.  It is worth it to keep strong and trust that your brain rewiring to a normal, healthy emotional/mental state.  You're worth it, stay strong brotha!

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Definitely. PMO really made my social anxiety stronger, and I'm feeling much more comfortable around people without it (but I'm still really introverted, just not terrified like I used to be, lol). Getting away from it will only help you.

And I think it's a great idea to think about adding something to your life besides just going to work and coming home. I know some people sign up for classes (yoga, dancing, etc.) or get involved in other things (book clubs, social groups). I think anything that feels doable and comfortable would be a great thing to add to your life.

PMO has gotten in the way of us living our lives. Go find a good hobby or cause to get involved in and take your life back!

 

[wecandoit]

I've found a better mental and emotional health comes gradually over time as I've resisted cravings/urges for PMO.  Crying has been a good thing way to release my feelings (I'm not ashamed to admit that). I understand the high social anxiety and feeling lonely as a result of high usage of PMO.  It is a terrible feeling.  You can work through it and those feelings will give you motivation to start up new activities/hobbies and rekindle old relationships with family/friends or start new ones.  It is worth it to keep strong and trust that your brain rewiring to a normal, healthy emotional/mental state.  You're worth it, stay strong brotha!

Thanks for motivation.

 

[wecandoit]

Definitely. PMO really made my social anxiety stronger, and I'm feeling much more comfortable around people without it (but I'm still really introverted, just not terrified like I used to be, lol). Getting away from it will only help you.

And I think it's a great idea to think about adding something to your life besides just going to work and coming home. I know some people sign up for classes (yoga, dancing, etc.) or get involved in other things (book clubs, social groups). I think anything that feels doable and comfortable would be a great thing to add to your life.

PMO has gotten in the way of us living our lives. Go find a good hobby or cause to get involved in and take your life back!

I definitely need to do more things because right now I'm like a robot, I only go to work, come home, play videos games, spend time online. I know this is not how I should do it but this is how my life is, right now it's just routine. I kept postponing new plans because of lack of energy, motivation and social anxiety due to too much PMO.

 

[wecandoit]

Day 12

Yesterday I felt great with low anxiety until 5 PM came and then a sudden violent anxiety hit me out of nowhere. My mood changed and I became mentally unstable. I had a weird feeling that I can't describe. By the time I had to go to the night shift I was depressed. It's the second evening in a row when I feel depressed like that. I guess this is the result of not numbing myself with PMO. I guess I numbed the depression with PMO and now it came back to me.

One of my biggest triggers is being tired. I came home in the morning, went to sleep, slept for 4 hours then I woke up with a big craving for porn. I almost started watching. I was this close. About a month ago I relapsed in the same way. I came from night shift, slept for 2 hours, woke up and started a binge.

Update: I relapsed. I played with this shit too much. The withdrawal is too strong, man. Too hard to resist. I will probably take a break from coming here, I want to get porn out of my mind. I think about it too much.

 

[Freedomisworthit]

I'm grateful that you're learning why you've relapsed.  Now you know to be extra vigilant when those same circumstances come up.  It is worth it to resist the cravings/urges and walk through the anxiety, depression, fatigue, brain fog, social anxiety, etc.  It feels like you don't have the strength to do it.  It is true that you're being pushed to your limits and beyond.  Giving your brain the necessary time to reboot in recovery is difficult, but worth it.  Keep moving forward as you start again.  We support our rebooting brothers!

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Sorry about the relapse!

Just go back and retrace your steps and figure out why you relapsed (anxiety, lack of sleep, etc.) and then make plans to keep yourself safe from those triggers in the future. A relapse is only a waste if you don't learn something from it.

Learn from the past and keep pressing forward to a brighter future. Tomorrow is a new day!

 

[wecandoit]

Thank you guys for the encouragement.

I am going through a tough period and I lost control.

 

[quitforeverthenwin2]

Sorry to hear about that man, you did a great job resisting it up until that point. Honestly I'd recommend changing very little, you were doing all the right stuff. It's tough but you just have to do the exact same stuff and be stronger next time. Use how shitty it was to relapse as motivation to get through the next one. Plan Prepare for another urge like that.

It's like a fight, you lost this time so you just need to do the same shit but be even more prepared for the rematch.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Quit's right. You can be doing all the right things and still slip: recovery takes time, and it's not just as simple as flipping a switch.

When things are tough, don't be afraid to slow down and take some time to de-stress and refresh yourself. Negative emotions are a huge trigger for me, so it's important for me to use those negative emotions as a reminder to take better care of myself. If I don't, then it's easier for a relapse to happen.

Keep it up!

 

[wecandoit]

I haven't disappeared, I just don't know what more to say. Hopefully I will return when I will feel better. The short explanation is that everything was going well then something happened and I lost control. I started a binge that lasted 3 days in a row.

 

[k-fff]

I have similar issues with bingeing. I tend to have binges that span 3 days or so. I think reading books about conversation will help some with the social problems. Hope you increase your streak next time. I rarely get 12 days or higher.

 

[wecandoit]

I have similar issues with bingeing. I tend to have binges that span 3 days or so. I think reading books about conversation will help some with the social problems. Hope you increase your streak next time. I rarely get 12 days or higher.

I rarely seem to get to 12 days lately as well. I used to do better. Starting with Monday I have vacation. I want to use that to get things going before going back to work. About social skills, I do better when I stay away from porn. When I binge on porn, I become very anxious and I behave subpar. By default I am a kind of anxious person (it runs in my family) but PMO binges make it worse.

 

[Non-Dual Adventurer]

Hey bro, so it sounds like you've been going through a rough patch with anxiety and negative feelings, which culminates in PMO binging. One thing that helps me is to be gentle on myself when I'm feeling really rough. When I just try to force myself to push through and do everything as if I were fine, that often causes stress which makes relapse even more likely. Try to take little positive steps when feeling down and anxious. For example, instead of just sitting and monging out in front of video games, take a little time to make yourself a healthy meal, go for a walk, or maybe listen to some beautiful music. I know it's hard to find the motivation for this when you're in your head and all you can think about is P, but the first step is to extract yourself from the mindset by changing your scenery. Once you do this, it's easier to diminish these feelings, if not completely, then a little. They will pass by themselves anyway, so you just need to try and cope in the difficult times.

Good luck!

 

[wecandoit]

Hey bro, so it sounds like you've been going through a rough patch with anxiety and negative feelings, which culminates in PMO binging. One thing that helps me is to be gentle on myself when I'm feeling really rough. When I just try to force myself to push through and do everything as if I were fine, that often causes stress which makes relapse even more likely. Try to take little positive steps when feeling down and anxious. For example, instead of just sitting and monging out in front of video games, take a little time to make yourself a healthy meal, go for a walk, or maybe listen to some beautiful music. I know it's hard to find the motivation for this when you're in your head and all you can think about is P, but the first step is to extract yourself from the mindset by changing your scenery. Once you do this, it's easier to diminish these feelings, if not completely, then a little. They will pass by themselves anyway, so you just need to try and cope in the difficult times.

Good luck!

Yo, man, thanks for the advice. I appreciate it. Yes, it was a bad period for me. I was pretty depressed, especially in the evening and I had to go to night shifts feeling like that, functioning subpar plus the anxiety that made it worse. My streak was going well but I had this feeling that I wasn't sure I could control it anymore. The mental strain begged for porn. After staying away from my cope for 11 days, what I used to numb with porn came back to haunt me. It's a fucking vicious circle.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Keep it up, man. The only way to fail at this process is to give up. As long as you're still trying (even if your addiction gets the better of you sometimes), you're on the right track.

We've got your back!