It's not impossible if others have done it

[wecandoit]

Do you use any restrictions to keep yourself away from porn? Like blocking certain pages / certain times to access internet on computer and phone?

Hey, man!

I don't watch porn on my phone. For computer, I have a parental control that doesn't let me access the porn websites. But I could search for pictures on Google Images if I wanted. If I wanted to find a way to look at something, I would. I think a part of the "blocking" aspect should start with myself.

As you mentioned gaming and a generally isolated life, you might replace screen activities by reading or something creative like writing or playing an instrument.

My lonely life is the biggest trigger for me because it makes me depressed and depression finds ways to porn. I haven't been able to move things in my life yet. Reading sounds good.

It might also help to give yourself the signal of starting again by changing daily routines or rearranging furniture, changing your environment - basically doing something new, whatever it may be. Something to remind yourself that you're going for a major change in life and then take this step by step, day by day. It's important to not let depression and lack of perspective win over your will to change.

Yes, you are correct, that's what I should do. But I haven't really had any energy and mood lately. I am kind of sick in a non-sick way. I am not trying to look for excuses for why I am not doing anything but this is really the reality right now. I've been kind of depressed lately. It started with a day some time ago and depression returned to me. I mean, my default condition is a bit depressed and anxious but there are periods in my life when I get hit by a big round of depression. Usually I manage it but sometimes it hits me in the head. It started with that day when I realized how lonely and disconnected I was from the social life I wanted. A couple of days later I relapsed and I've been binging since. This binging got me deeper into depression, lack of mood and energy. 

 

[achilles heel]

I've been at that same point many times before, then I discovered a book through someone's journal here called "The Slight Edge" (I bought it, but there's a PDF version easy to find on google). It's not the holy grail that it claims to be and maybe a bit over the top some times, but there is lots of useful insights and strategies to a happier life that actually helped me a lot to pull myself out of a hole more than once now. As you are really struggling with the vicious circle you might give it a try, there's nothing to lose by reading a book!

 

[wecandoit]

I've been at that same point many times before, then I discovered a book through someone's journal here called "The Slight Edge" (I bought it, but there's a PDF version easy to find on google). It's not the holy grail that it claims to be and maybe a bit over the top some times, but there is lots of useful insights and strategies to a happier life that actually helped me a lot to pull myself out of a hole more than once now. As you are really struggling with the vicious circle you might give it a try, there's nothing to lose by reading a book!

Okay, thanks.

 

[Freedomisworthit]

Depression and lack of energy/motivation is such a hard side effect of PMO withdrawal and learning new skills/emotional coping.  I've experienced that heavily during my PMO withdrawal/transition to a new chapter in my life.  I hear ya.

 

[wecandoit]

Depression and lack of energy/motivation is such a hard side effect of PMO withdrawal and learning new skills/emotional coping.  I've experienced that heavily during my PMO withdrawal/transition to a new chapter in my life.  I hear ya.

When you cut PMO out of your life after being your cope for years (more than a decade for me), all the things that you numbed with it come back to haunt you. This was one of the reasons why I used to relapse. After a while, I didn't know what else to do with the negative emotions and problems in my life.

 

[Freedomisworthit]

Depression and lack of energy/motivation is such a hard side effect of PMO withdrawal and learning new skills/emotional coping.  I've experienced that heavily during my PMO withdrawal/transition to a new chapter in my life.  I hear ya.

When you cut PMO out of your life after being your cope for years (more than a decade for me), all the things that you numbed with it come back to haunt you. This was one of the reasons why I used to relapse. After a while, I didn't know what else to do with the negative emotions and problems in my life.

This is similar to my situation too - I used PMO all throughout my teenage years to numb insecurities, negative emotions, and really my personality/voice.  I became afraid to be me, essentially - I lost my voice and unique perspective/talents I could share with the world.  I became what other people wanted me to become - people walked all over me. I was great at helping/supporting others, but I really sucked at self-care and emotional coping.  It just seemed too hard to deal with me (so I thought at the time). I've tried to stop PMO for about 4-5 years now using an addiction recovery program, sponsors, help from family/friends (some periods of success, many relapses), but in the last 9 weeks I've never been so intentional with always saying no to urges/cravings and having the courage to process my emotions and problem solve the challenge in front of me.  My mantra has been resilience, persistence, and endurance for developing what I want to be most - be it a new perception, attitude, attribute, mindset, skill, etc.  It is so exhausting without having PMO in my life, but it is worth it for the small daily positive gains (sometimes it doesn't feel like it) I've made in the last several weeks.  The first 6-8 weeks really SO difficult for me - I experienced all the spectrum of withdrawal symptoms.  I've experienced increases in mental clarity, discovering my own worth, my own voice, seeing people as more than body parts, developing intimacy and satisfaction in relationships again, self-confidence, a better positive image, etc.  I still experience depression, headaches, and anxiety, but to a lesser extent and each day I don't feel as much like I'm hiding something from people, but embracing my life's experiences.  It is such an uphill battle, but after seeing success stories first hand and reading them on this website, it is worth embracing the storm to get to the "sun" so to speak.  Keep moving forward my rebooting brother, keep up what is working for you.

 

[wecandoit]

This is similar to my situation too - I used PMO all throughout my teenage years to numb insecurities, negative emotions, and really my personality/voice.  I became afraid to be me, essentially - I lost my voice and unique perspective/talents I could share with the world.  I became what other people wanted me to become - people walked all over me. I was great at helping/supporting others, but I really sucked at self-care and emotional coping.  It just seemed too hard to deal with me (so I thought at the time). I've tried to stop PMO for about 4-5 years now using an addiction recovery program, sponsors, help from family/friends (some periods of success, many relapses), but in the last 9 weeks I've never been so intentional with always saying no to urges/cravings and having the courage to process my emotions and problem solve the challenge in front of me.  My mantra has been resilience, persistence, and endurance for developing what I want to be most - be it a new perception, attitude, attribute, mindset, skill, etc.  It is so exhausting without having PMO in my life, but it is worth it for the small daily positive gains (sometimes it doesn't feel like it) I've made in the last several weeks.  The first 6-8 weeks really SO difficult for me - I experienced all the spectrum of withdrawal symptoms.  I've experienced increases in mental clarity, discovering my own worth, my own voice, seeing people as more than body parts, developing intimacy and satisfaction in relationships again, self-confidence, a better positive image, etc.  I still experience depression, headaches, and anxiety, but to a lesser extent and each day I don't feel as much like I'm hiding something from people, but embracing my life's experiences.  It is such an uphill battle, but after seeing success stories first hand and reading them on this website, it is worth embracing the storm to get to the "sun" so to speak.  Keep moving forward my rebooting brother, keep up what is working for you.

Well said, man. You spoke the truth.

 

[wecandoit]

I started the day with crazy urges accompanied by fantasies. My brain makes it look like a PMO session will be amazing right now. I have to be careful and stay away from edging because edging creates that craving in my brain when I want more. Before I know, I could edge in front of the computer all day.

 

[wecandoit]

I've been bothered by craving for porn all day long, man. Hard urges, images from porn in my mind, fantasies. And it's only the 4th day. I'm scared for what's to come.

 

[Freedomisworthit]

That tells me that your brain is rewiring and healing!  You can win your daily battle with the urges/cravings - they get easier to manage and resist each day! Keep at it!

 

[wecandoit]

That tells me that your brain is rewiring and healing!  You can win your daily battle with the urges/cravings - they get easier to manage and resist each day! Keep at it!

Thanks buddy.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

I started the day with crazy urges accompanied by fantasies. My brain makes it look like a PMO session will be amazing right now. I have to be careful and stay away from edging because edging creates that craving in my brain when I want more. Before I know, I could edge in front of the computer all day.

I've been bothered by craving for porn all day long, man. Hard urges, images from porn in my mind, fantasies. And it's only the 4th day. I'm scared for what's to come.

Stay strong! Two things that might be helpful:

1. I know the feeling early on that strong urges would only just stronger and stronger and stronger until I gave into them. When they get worse for a day or two in a row, it seems like they will never stop, and then your brain tricks you into thinking that that suffering will last forever. It won't. Strong urges always pass with time. That's why I think it's so important to focus only on today. I can't really convince my brain that suffering the urges is worth it for the rest of my life, but I can make a deal with my brain to get through one more day. If I can make that deal for a few days in a row, those urges go away and it's smooth sailing for a while. Every time you say no to urges, you strengthen yourself against them in the future. Every time you say yes, you reinforce the addiction. Just for today, say no and stick to it like your life depended on it.

2. When we talk about dopamine in the context of addiction, we usually talk about it as the source of the pleasure that keeps us addicted. Earlier this year, though, I learned that dopamine is actually in charge of craving and anticipation, not pleasure. Dopamine drives addiction, but it's not because it makes us feel intense pleasure. Dopamine makes us crave or anticipate pleasure so intensely that the actual pleasure can sometimes be a letdown in comparison: then the anticipation is over. I think this is why we can spend the whole day edging in front of the computer. That keeps us in a heightened state of anticipation and craving as our dopamine system goes crazy. Anything we do that fuels those cravings or increases our anticipation is dangerous because that's the real addiction mechanism. I can't count the number of times edging "accidentally" became PMO for me and I felt disappointed and depressed: the anticipation was over. I didn't actually want PMO, I wanted to want it if that makes any sense.

So of course you're dealing with cravings: that is the addiction. But the good news is that they will, I guarantee it, pass and leave you alone for a while if you just let them move through you without acting on them. Just for today, stay on track. And then do it again tomorrow. You've got this!

 

[wecandoit]

2. When we talk about dopamine in the context of addiction, we usually talk about it as the source of the pleasure that keeps us addicted. Earlier this year, though, I learned that dopamine is actually in charge of craving and anticipation, not pleasure. Dopamine drives addiction, but it's not because it makes us feel intense pleasure. Dopamine makes us crave or anticipate pleasure so intensely that the actual pleasure can sometimes be a letdown in comparison: then the anticipation is over. I think this is why we can spend the whole day edging in front of the computer. That keeps us in a heightened state of anticipation and craving as our dopamine system goes crazy. Anything we do that fuels those cravings or increases our anticipation is dangerous because that's the real addiction mechanism. I can't count the number of times edging "accidentally" became PMO for me and I felt disappointed and depressed: the anticipation was over. I didn't actually want PMO, I wanted to want it if that makes any sense.

So of course you're dealing with cravings: that is the addiction. But the good news is that they will, I guarantee it, pass and leave you alone for a while if you just let them move through you without acting on them. Just for today, stay on track. And then do it again tomorrow. You've got this!

I actually know about this. A study (but I couldn't tell you which one) discovered that the anticipation releases more dopamine than the pleasure itself. The pleasure is actually unsatisfying so you could look for it again next time because if it was super satisfying once, you wouldn't want it again. Or something like that. Of course, it was important for survival in nature (looking for food, for procreation etc.) but not for porn, video games and all this bullshit. We trained ourselves to look for a bad pleasure. That's why edging feels better than the PMO, because it makes you anticipate and "look" for that pleasure of PMO and when it comes, it's like "That's it? After all that arousal from earlier, I thought this would be better." This is what I tell myself after I finish. It's not as mind blowing as I think it will be following the edging. The edging feels better because I guess it releases more dopamine. Fucking bullshit, man. I think those urges are the anticipation too. It's like "Can you believe what edging you will have given those urges?" And then "Can you believe what PMO will follow after the edging?" It's bullshit. I know how empty it feels after hours of edging. 

 

[k-fff]

2. When we talk about dopamine in the context of addiction, we usually talk about it as the source of the pleasure that keeps us addicted. Earlier this year, though, I learned that dopamine is actually in charge of craving and anticipation, not pleasure. Dopamine drives addiction, but it's not because it makes us feel intense pleasure. Dopamine makes us crave or anticipate pleasure so intensely that the actual pleasure can sometimes be a letdown in comparison: then the anticipation is over. I think this is why we can spend the whole day edging in front of the computer. That keeps us in a heightened state of anticipation and craving as our dopamine system goes crazy. Anything we do that fuels those cravings or increases our anticipation is dangerous because that's the real addiction mechanism. I can't count the number of times edging "accidentally" became PMO for me and I felt disappointed and depressed: the anticipation was over. I didn't actually want PMO, I wanted to want it if that makes any sense.

So of course you're dealing with cravings: that is the addiction. But the good news is that they will, I guarantee it, pass and leave you alone for a while if you just let them move through you without acting on them. Just for today, stay on track. And then do it again tomorrow. You've got this!

I actually know about this. A study (but I couldn't tell you which one) discovered that the anticipation releases more dopamine than the pleasure itself. The pleasure is actually unsatisfying so you could look for it again next time because if it was super satisfying once, you wouldn't want it again. Or something like that. Of course, it was important for survival in nature (looking for food, for procreation etc.) but not for porn, video games and all this bullshit. We trained ourselves to look for a bad pleasure. That's why edging feels better than the PMO, because it makes you anticipate and "look" for that pleasure of PMO and when it comes, it's like "That's it? After all that arousal from earlier, I thought this would be better." This is what I tell myself after I finish. It's not as mind blowing as I think it will be following the edging. The edging feels better because I guess it releases more dopamine. Fucking bullshit, man. I think those urges are the anticipation too. It's like "Can you believe what edging you will have given those urges?" And then "Can you believe what PMO will follow after the edging?" It's bullshit. I know how empty it feels after hours of edging. 

This is why edging is so bad. Edging is something I wished I never found out about because of how addicting it can be.I hate what edging has done to me worse than the full on in a lot of ways.

 

[wecandoit]

This is why edging is so bad. Edging is something I wished I never found out about because of how addicting it can be.I hate what edging has done to me worse than the full on in a lot of ways.

I am glad I've found another "destroyed by edging" brother. What can I say? Edging fucked me up. It destroyed me more than anything else. Hours and hours of jerking my dick and elevating my arousal, moving from one video to another until I was exhausted and the orgasm didn't make me feel anything, just release of sperm.

 

[wecandoit]

I relapsed. I edged for about 3 hours then I PMO-ed. It's not the PMO that destroys me, it's the edging.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

I relapsed. I edged for about 3 hours then I PMO-ed. It's not the PMO that destroys me, it's the edging.

Sorry to hear it, man. For a few years before this one, I was stuck in a pattern of all-night edging binges to "softer" porn substitutes. For me, it was deadly stuff because of the dopamine we talked about earlier but also because I had convinced myself that neither of those things "counted" as long as it wasn't full-on PMO.

In a lot ways, I think I have been fighting edging and porn substitutes more than PMO. Sorry to hear it got you, but know that it's gotten a lot of us and that there is a way out.

I always have a lot of strong emotions following a relapse that sort of get in the way. But, if you're like that too, when the emotions calm down a little, it could be valuable to review what happened and make plans for next time the urges to edge come up. For me, I realized that I have a tendency to fantasize about porn and sex for a few days before I get hit with urges to edge, so the commitment was simple: I had to get those earlier triggers under control. In a lot of ways, this recovery process is all about going further and further upstream, protecting ourselves from the little triggers that seem harmless by comparison to the rest of our addiction.

We've got your back and tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. Go get 'em!

 

[k-fff]

I relapsed. I edged for about 3 hours then I PMO-ed. It's not the PMO that destroys me, it's the edging.

Completely relapsed myself. I didn't edge thankfully. Still frustrating because my dopamine system is so sensitive because of the edging. I think this weekend I am gonna try a dopamine fast. I heard that helps.

 

[wecandoit]

Completely relapsed myself. I didn't edge thankfully. Still frustrating because my dopamine system is so sensitive because of the edging. I think this weekend I am gonna try a dopamine fast. I heard that helps.

Craving dopamine is the worst thing in my life right now.

 

[wecandoit]

I relapsed. I edged for about 3 hours then I PMO-ed. It's not the PMO that destroys me, it's the edging.

Sorry to hear it, man. For a few years before this one, I was stuck in a pattern of all-night edging binges to "softer" porn substitutes. For me, it was deadly stuff because of the dopamine we talked about earlier but also because I had convinced myself that neither of those things "counted" as long as it wasn't full-on PMO.

In a lot ways, I think I have been fighting edging and porn substitutes more than PMO. Sorry to hear it got you, but know that it's gotten a lot of us and that there is a way out.

I always have a lot of strong emotions following a relapse that sort of get in the way. But, if you're like that too, when the emotions calm down a little, it could be valuable to review what happened and make plans for next time the urges to edge come up. For me, I realized that I have a tendency to fantasize about porn and sex for a few days before I get hit with urges to edge, so the commitment was simple: I had to get those earlier triggers under control. In a lot of ways, this recovery process is all about going further and further upstream, protecting ourselves from the little triggers that seem harmless by comparison to the rest of our addiction.

We've got your back and tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. Go get 'em!

I got you. Thanks.