Covid - an inflection point?
- Thread starter Andrew1973
- Start date
Andrew1973
Active Member
Thanks Shade and Joel. Great to be on the journey together.
Andrew1973
Active Member
Self inflicted tough day today, largely as I drank too much on Friday night (although had a great time!). As a consequence, been really hungover today. The old me would have relapsed 100%, but I?m pleased to have got through it and off to bed now. Will probably avoid drinking so much in future as definitely poses an additional risk of relapse. Came here to check in a couple of times which was helpful.
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
Hey UKGuy,
we're always here for you to read up on or post into, even when we ourselves are not online! Happy to read that you've refrained yourself.
I was just posting in Orbiters journal that with the majority of social gatherings alcohol is (thought to be) needed but that for us addicts it poses a double risk. Firstly it lowers your inhibitions, so you are proned more to a relapse. And secondly, after alcohol you could feel more depressed than when not drinking. So if you relapse, the aftermath could be worse than a sober relapse so to say.
Good luck and stay P-free
we're always here for you to read up on or post into, even when we ourselves are not online! Happy to read that you've refrained yourself.
I was just posting in Orbiters journal that with the majority of social gatherings alcohol is (thought to be) needed but that for us addicts it poses a double risk. Firstly it lowers your inhibitions, so you are proned more to a relapse. And secondly, after alcohol you could feel more depressed than when not drinking. So if you relapse, the aftermath could be worse than a sober relapse so to say.
Good luck and stay P-free
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
Hey UKGuy,
How's it going over there? It has been quite some time since you've posted on here? Can you give us an update?
Hope you are well, safe and P-free
Cheers my friend
How's it going over there? It has been quite some time since you've posted on here? Can you give us an update?
Hope you are well, safe and P-free
Cheers my friend
Andrew1973
Active Member
I'm great thanks Shade. It's been a bit quiet on here of late, so it was good to wake up this morning to see your message, and also the flurry of activity on other journals that I follow.
Day 70 for me. Feeling good. I experienced a bit of a boredom phase in the middle of the week which coincided with watching a (regular) film which had an actress in a lead role that I find attractive, and the feeling of general arousal in my brain persisted for a day or so, but nothing that the 6 point plan couldn't handle easily. I would have never noticed these subtle changes in my brain chemistry before this whole reboot. It feels like progress. Off to do some gardening now and then taking my youngest into the city today for a walk around and a change of surroundings. Take care.
Day 70 for me. Feeling good. I experienced a bit of a boredom phase in the middle of the week which coincided with watching a (regular) film which had an actress in a lead role that I find attractive, and the feeling of general arousal in my brain persisted for a day or so, but nothing that the 6 point plan couldn't handle easily. I would have never noticed these subtle changes in my brain chemistry before this whole reboot. It feels like progress. Off to do some gardening now and then taking my youngest into the city today for a walk around and a change of surroundings. Take care.
Hi Guys, Today will hopefully be #4. Much of this is a repetition of a post I just made in my journal. It was directed at UK and he has somehow answered much of what I asked. (very mystical guy UK, perhaps he's really a Martian just pretending to be a Brit hahaha)
Anyhow, on the ground, I'm very much tottering on the edge of the precipice of relapse. It's not a good feeling. Which head is going to gain the upper hand? (That is a good one, even for me. lol)
I am trying to do what a lot of people on here talk re.- starting good/fun healthy practices. I used to really enjoy baking. So for the last week I've baked 2 zucchini cranberry cornbreads in a cast iron skillet. They are delicious, if I do say so myself. And while in the midst of the process: buying ingredients, prepping, mixing, measuring, baking...eating!, there is no room for extraneous thoughts. It's a win/win.
I've continued to benefit/enjoy meditation and chanced upon some zen videos. I'm not interested in Buddhism as a religion but some of the zen teachings are right on point for addicts, putting pleasure and suffering in perspective.
Warning to a few folks here- some of zen could annoy some Christian dogma. Where does morality come from? What is the relation of the body to the spirit- which is more real/important?
On the other hand some of their beliefs are apropos and good tools for developing a meaningful understanding of porn addiction. If the suffering outweighs the pleasure, wouldn't a logical person forgo the action?...Just that awareness is a good first step.
I'd definitely share some cornbread w/ you guys, but it will have to be digital.
Anyhow, on the ground, I'm very much tottering on the edge of the precipice of relapse. It's not a good feeling. Which head is going to gain the upper hand? (That is a good one, even for me. lol)
I am trying to do what a lot of people on here talk re.- starting good/fun healthy practices. I used to really enjoy baking. So for the last week I've baked 2 zucchini cranberry cornbreads in a cast iron skillet. They are delicious, if I do say so myself. And while in the midst of the process: buying ingredients, prepping, mixing, measuring, baking...eating!, there is no room for extraneous thoughts. It's a win/win.
I've continued to benefit/enjoy meditation and chanced upon some zen videos. I'm not interested in Buddhism as a religion but some of the zen teachings are right on point for addicts, putting pleasure and suffering in perspective.
Warning to a few folks here- some of zen could annoy some Christian dogma. Where does morality come from? What is the relation of the body to the spirit- which is more real/important?
On the other hand some of their beliefs are apropos and good tools for developing a meaningful understanding of porn addiction. If the suffering outweighs the pleasure, wouldn't a logical person forgo the action?...Just that awareness is a good first step.
I'd definitely share some cornbread w/ you guys, but it will have to be digital.
Hiya Pal, You're a rock! (certainly not dumb as one) I feel proud of you.
I like how you struck a balance between the milestone and present moment/day by day approaches.
You're developing some classic stuff here.
But be forewarned I won't go down w/out a fight. If you plagiarize me I'll expect royalties.
I like how you struck a balance between the milestone and present moment/day by day approaches.
You're developing some classic stuff here.
But be forewarned I won't go down w/out a fight. If you plagiarize me I'll expect royalties.
Andrew1973
Active Member
Thanks for your well wishes Mr Slurps. Shade is in the 30-39 age group - have a look there.
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
UKGuy said:
Hey UKGuy,
Im glad to read that things have been quiet with you for the last couple of days. I will not yet assum so i will ask; everything still ok on the urge/PMO front?
And how is setting up your own business going? Is it still a conceptual plan or are you already taking steps in registering, financing or something like that?
Wishing you (And your family) well. Stay safe
Rooting for you!
Andrew1973
Active Member
Thanks Shade. All good here thanks.
Business is developing well, and yes, I've been active with setting up a Ltd company, accounts, finance etc. I am now working with my wife through some of the operational/development aspects with a plan to 'launch' at the end of this year. Plenty to do, but it's keeping me busy, and also away from PMO. If I was still PMOing, there'd be no way I could do this, but the fact that I am doing it, is keeping me away from PMO! (win-win!) On other matters, whilst my relationship with my wife was never an issue, it is significantly better since my streak started, just because I'm a much nicer person to be around - more present (physically and mentally) - not hidden away with my iPhone somewhere or grumpy with everyone through lack of sleep/brain fog. In return, she is much more affectionate and appreciative of me. I couldn't be happier to be honest right now.
One thing I am aware of in the weeks ahead is that when I hit 90 days, I'm going to need to completely redefine success - until then it will be that milestone, but I need to think through how I move onward after that point. Is it 120, or do I shift to a 'day at a time' mindset, or something completely different? No idea, but one to work through before I get there! Any suggestions from you or anybody else reading this are most welcome! Take care my friend and well wishes to you and Mrs Trenicin!
Business is developing well, and yes, I've been active with setting up a Ltd company, accounts, finance etc. I am now working with my wife through some of the operational/development aspects with a plan to 'launch' at the end of this year. Plenty to do, but it's keeping me busy, and also away from PMO. If I was still PMOing, there'd be no way I could do this, but the fact that I am doing it, is keeping me away from PMO! (win-win!) On other matters, whilst my relationship with my wife was never an issue, it is significantly better since my streak started, just because I'm a much nicer person to be around - more present (physically and mentally) - not hidden away with my iPhone somewhere or grumpy with everyone through lack of sleep/brain fog. In return, she is much more affectionate and appreciative of me. I couldn't be happier to be honest right now.
One thing I am aware of in the weeks ahead is that when I hit 90 days, I'm going to need to completely redefine success - until then it will be that milestone, but I need to think through how I move onward after that point. Is it 120, or do I shift to a 'day at a time' mindset, or something completely different? No idea, but one to work through before I get there! Any suggestions from you or anybody else reading this are most welcome! Take care my friend and well wishes to you and Mrs Trenicin!
Hiya UK, Good to hear you sounding upbeat. I had a similar experience two days ago in bed before I fell asleep. I felt, "I'm happy." It's been a long time since that has happened. Maybe I'll have a week clean after today. That sure as heck doesn't hurt the good feeling.
I'm really curious re how that 90 days will play out w/ you. I feel optimistic but I don't want to jinx you.
Will that milestone really be a point of "reboot"? Will you be able to let your guard down a bit?
You know w/out saying that I'm pulling for you pal.
I'm really curious re how that 90 days will play out w/ you. I feel optimistic but I don't want to jinx you.
Will that milestone really be a point of "reboot"? Will you be able to let your guard down a bit?
You know w/out saying that I'm pulling for you pal.
Andrew1973
Active Member
Hi Mr S,
I'm not regarding the 90 days as some sort of magic milestone beyond which I can be complacent. My experience to date with 2 weeks to go until 90 is that my brain chemistry has definitely changed. There is no doubt about that. There is no constant fight in my head any longer around PMO. Even yesterday which was an unusually stressful day for me, the thought of PMO entered, but left just as quickly. 3 months ago it would have lingered until I gave into it (hours rather than days), or I'd have just done it without thinking to self soothe. That said, avoiding complacency has always been a key principle that I've followed, and I think it would be foolish of me to disregard that just because I've reached a certain number. I also think - what is the benefit in letting my guard down - it implies some sort of hardship in keeping it up, which in all honesty it's not. That said, day 90 is still acting as a milestone and a goal for me which must be providing some benefit to my approach, and at day 90 I lose that, which introduces risk (at least theoretically, as the circumstances that have brought me success have changed). I've either got to change my approach to dispense with that milestone and manage the risk some way or other, or reset it at another number. Still pondering on that one!
I'm not regarding the 90 days as some sort of magic milestone beyond which I can be complacent. My experience to date with 2 weeks to go until 90 is that my brain chemistry has definitely changed. There is no doubt about that. There is no constant fight in my head any longer around PMO. Even yesterday which was an unusually stressful day for me, the thought of PMO entered, but left just as quickly. 3 months ago it would have lingered until I gave into it (hours rather than days), or I'd have just done it without thinking to self soothe. That said, avoiding complacency has always been a key principle that I've followed, and I think it would be foolish of me to disregard that just because I've reached a certain number. I also think - what is the benefit in letting my guard down - it implies some sort of hardship in keeping it up, which in all honesty it's not. That said, day 90 is still acting as a milestone and a goal for me which must be providing some benefit to my approach, and at day 90 I lose that, which introduces risk (at least theoretically, as the circumstances that have brought me success have changed). I've either got to change my approach to dispense with that milestone and manage the risk some way or other, or reset it at another number. Still pondering on that one!
UKGuy said:
Ha, it really made me ponder too. Lots of ideas and theories, that would just end up being a rambled reply. Having said that - it just came to me - what you just said rings true. Counting days and the '90 day streak' are tools. It's mindshift, transformation, new lifestyle, new ideas around sexuality, etc that are the ultimate goal. Your post and progress shows, we're capable of more and more as the weeks clock up. Only a month in myself, I'm being careful not to challenge myself too much with anything other than nofap, but I have plans to shift gears as I move onward.
Glad to hear about all these good feelings. One of the nicest, most giving guys on the forum - I'm sure there's something in that. Have a great day despite this awful UK weather!
Andrew1973
Active Member
I just got soaked up here in Manchester Joel! Thanks for those kind works - they really mean a lot to me. I?ll let you know what I work out re the 90. Perhaps coming on here is the real strength in the plan rather than shooting for an arbitrary number. I?d set targets over the past decades and always missed them until I came here. You and the rest of the crew have been the difference - perhaps that?s the answer...just keep coming here? Let?s see.
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
UKGuy said:
Congrats on your progress. Perhaps the 90-day milestone will be material until it happens, and then become something that you can recognise as an achievement, and put behind you, before you set your sights again.... a bit like the way the PMO urge now appears, but can be acknowledged and then put behind you? Wishing you every success.
Hiya UK, Party at 90!!??!!
I bet a lot of people here would show up and give you a virtual treat.
I've already have the imogee for you picked out. It's very expensive and shiny.
What day is #90 for you? I know you're just faking all this humility stuff (lol j/k) so it's your time to get on the pedestal and shine. Plus, I think you're an inspiration for many on here.
I bet a lot of people here would show up and give you a virtual treat.
I've already have the imogee for you picked out. It's very expensive and shiny.
What day is #90 for you? I know you're just faking all this humility stuff (lol j/k) so it's your time to get on the pedestal and shine. Plus, I think you're an inspiration for many on here.
Andrew1973
Active Member
Thanks for your well wishes WIPUK and Slurps. Much appreciated 