We can do it if we don't give up

[Sanders]

Hey man,

I see it's tough for you, sorry to read about that. You're drive and motivation is good though, I hope you can maintain the next streak. Anyways, wanted to ask whether you have a plan or a bit of structure to go forward with this? I understand willpower is a very important part, but that can't be everything.

What will replace the 'hole' that the absence of porn leaves in your life? You'll have time and energy left in which your body and brain will automatically search for something to satisfy itself. It used to be porn, what can it be now?

What will you do during the day to avoid slipping into urges? For me it helped to structure my days more. Have some standard things I do at times every day to fall back on. I read a lot of things nowadays and I'm trying to build a daily meditation habit. I know it's embarrasing, but have you told anyone close to you? Telling my family was shit, but worth it. They support and want to help.

Just some small things that might help I wish you all the best, you can get over this addiction!

 

[ShadeTrenicin]

Hey Youcandoit!

How's it going at the moment? I see that in your last post you did ask the right question, albeit somewhat frustrated;

When are you going to treat yourself better.

That question indicates that you actually don't want to treat yourself like this, but somehow you dont know how to do it otherwise.
Can you recall what your emotions are on days like these? So if you have the urge to get drunk or PMO, what is it that you really feel deep inside of you? Are you hurt, sad, angry? And why is that?

It's really tough to do this, especially in situations where emotions are high, but situations like that and the answers to those questions are paramount in understanding the driving mechanisms behind your self destructive behaviour i think.


I hope that you're doing better at the moment and i hope to read more of you soon.

Don't forget, on here you will get unconditional support from all of us, we are here for you and rooting for you.


You can do it man!

 

[Orbiter]

Oh boy Icandoit, it hurts to read posts like that as it's a place i've been in so many times.

I don't mean to come across insensitive suggesting this and if i'm wrong i'm wrong, but is there a part of you that indulges in the drinking & PMO because, despite how destructive it is and has been for you, it's easier & more comfortable to live like this than to take on the unknown and start making the changes you feel you need to get somewhere better? (the hobbies, social life, relationships, driving license and a car etc.)

You said earlier you can't achieve these things if you continue to PMO. Maybe this is the wrong way around. Maybe, just maybe, if you turn your attention instead to working on these things you want in your life and start to take control of it, THEN you will begin to take control of this addiction.

I hope this has given you some food for thought. We support you either way.

 

[Icandoit]

Day 6

Thanks everyone for support and advice, I appreciate it as always. I want to make it to 1 week.

I need to finally start doing the things that I want to do, the things for "myself", hobbies and stuff.

 

[Icandoit]

Anyways, wanted to ask whether you have a plan or a bit of structure to go forward with this? I understand willpower is a very important part, but that can't be everything.

What will replace the 'hole' that the absence of porn leaves in your life? You'll have time and energy left in which your body and brain will automatically search for something to satisfy itself. It used to be porn, what can it be now?

Yes, I know what you mean. I want to start doing some things in the near future.

What will you do during the day to avoid slipping into urges? For me it helped to structure my days more. Have some standard things I do at times every day to fall back on. I read a lot of things nowadays and I'm trying to build a daily meditation habit. I know it's embarrasing, but have you told anyone close to you? Telling my family was shit, but worth it. They support and want to help.

This goes hand in hand with what I said above. If I start doing those things, I will have a different structure for the day and it should help me be less alone with free time and Internet in abundance. About telling anybody, I haven't been able to do it. Coming here and admitting I was an addict was tough enough, believe it or not, even though we are not "strangers" here when it comes to this addiction.

 

[Icandoit]

I don't mean to come across insensitive suggesting this and if i'm wrong i'm wrong, but is there a part of you that indulges in the drinking & PMO because, despite how destructive it is and has been for you, it's easier & more comfortable to live like this than to take on the unknown and start making the changes you feel you need to get somewhere better? (the hobbies, social life, relationships, driving license and a car etc.)

Of course, this is exactly what it is. The misery becomes the "comfort zone" and even if it's shit, at least I know what it is and getting out of my comfort zone is unknown and scary. But I won't be able to do this if I don't get out of my comfort zone.

 

[Icandoit]

Day 7

One week. It's been a while. Withdrawal started yesterday and intensified today. I found myself thinking about porn like crazy. This is the biggest problem for me. I would say I do a pretty good job at staying away from porn and substitutes and dealing with accidental triggers but the "porn in my head" is the biggest difficulty.

 

[Icandoit]

I relapsed

 

[Orbiter]

Sorry to hear Icandoit. Don't get too down on yourself though, it only justifies the binge spiral your addiction wants you to indulge in. Every bit counts and a week clean is nothing to scoff at.

Any developments irt some of those life areas you were saying you wanted to improve?

 

[Orbiter]

Perhaps picking one specific area of your life you wish to improve and spend the next month focusing on that while rebooting might be the way forward?

Hope things are going well. Looking forward to an update soon!

 

[ShadeTrenicin]

Hey Youcandoit,

You relapsed, that sucks. But i can only say; welcome to the road that is getting rid of addiction. It fucking sucks, pardon my bluntness.
But this is part of the road ahead man. It's a difficult time in which you will be tried on you mental and physical abilities. You will have to resist physical and mental temptation.
The key is finding out what triggers you.

Let me offer you a tool that we've cooked up on this forum; it's called the 6 point plan and it's used to resist urges.

1. Recognize that you have an urge
2. Allow the urge to be there. You cannot will it away, just let it be
3. Find out why the urge is there. Is there something inside of you that makes you want to resort to PMO
4. Recognize that the urge is only temporary. If you switch your focus to something else, the urge will subside
5. Remember the feeling of emptyness after a PMO wank.
6. (Optional if the urge is really strong) Resort to a sort of emergency activity that is anti-sexual. The dishes, ironing your clothes, some chore around the house, working out.. stuff like that.

It will take some time to implement it into your life, but once you've nail it i'm sure that it will help you towards gaining control of your urges.



Good luck my friend

 

[Icandoit]

Perhaps picking one specific area of your life you wish to improve and spend the next month focusing on that while rebooting might be the way forward?

Hope things are going well. Looking forward to an update soon!

Yea, maybe this is what I should do. Thanks for advice and support.

 

[Icandoit]

Hey Youcandoit,

You relapsed, that sucks. But i can only say; welcome to the road that is getting rid of addiction. It fucking sucks, pardon my bluntness.
But this is part of the road ahead man. It's a difficult time in which you will be tried on you mental and physical abilities. You will have to resist physical and mental temptation.
The key is finding out what triggers you.

Let me offer you a tool that we've cooked up on this forum; it's called the 6 point plan and it's used to resist urges.

1. Recognize that you have an urge
2. Allow the urge to be there. You cannot will it away, just let it be
3. Find out why the urge is there. Is there something inside of you that makes you want to resort to PMO
4. Recognize that the urge is only temporary. If you switch your focus to something else, the urge will subside
5. Remember the feeling of emptyness after a PMO wank.
6. (Optional if the urge is really strong) Resort to a sort of emergency activity that is anti-sexual. The dishes, ironing your clothes, some chore around the house, working out.. stuff like that.

It will take some time to implement it into your life, but once you've nail it i'm sure that it will help you towards gaining control of your urges.



Good luck my friend

Thanks for advice.

 

[Icandoit]

The situation is shit. I won't count days this time. I'm trying to finish the day without doing anything stupid and repeat tomorrow.

 

[BabySteps]

Hey IcanDoIt

This is a journey buddy, it will not be a smooth one though. Just keep rising. Keep fighting back when you fall again. Never ever give up!!

I'm rooting for you

 

[Orbiter]

Any news Icandoit? Hope the last few days has been treating you better. Any thoughts on a goal you want to tackle first yet?

 

[Icandoit]

Hey IcanDoIt

This is a journey buddy, it will not be a smooth one though. Just keep rising. Keep fighting back when you fall again. Never ever give up!!

I'm rooting for you

Thanks.

 

[Icandoit]

Any news Icandoit? Hope the last few days has been treating you better. Any thoughts on a goal you want to tackle first yet?

I think it will have to wait a little bit because of some complications. And I also don't have mood for anything, it's that flatline period that I enter after relapses. I should feel different after a while.

 

[ShadeTrenicin]

Hey Icandoit, although your situation may now suck due to complications. Perhaps telling/sharing it with us will help you vent and process it. Its not that the forum can be exclusively used for PMO related stuff. Anything that has a great impact on your life will also have an impact on the road of beating your addiction. So if you feel like it, share with us so that we can support you.

Take care!

 

[Icandoit]

Hey Icandoit, although your situation may now suck due to complications. Perhaps telling/sharing it with us will help you vent and process it. Its not that the forum can be exclusively used for PMO related stuff. Anything that has a great impact on your life will also have an impact on the road of beating your addiction. So if you feel like it, share with us so that we can support you.

Take care!

The car broke down and now I have to walk a long distance plus there is a problem with some dogs. I guess this has been stressing me out the past few days. Of course, this shouldn't be an excuse for procrastination but I'm a master procrastinator, I've been doing this stupid mistake my whole life and now I'm deep into this mentality of procrastination. Maybe my porn addiction made it stronger because porn takes away your energy and motivation to do anything. But as I'm not done with porn, I couldn't really tell how much is porn and how much is me. Sometimes I have this feeling that I should push through the lack of mood and motivation and let the streak catch up and give me more energy.