We can do it if we don't give up

[ShadeTrenicin]

Sucks about your car man, and walking around parts with scary dogs is something that i dont like myself as well.


About the procrastination thing; i so recognize that as well. I can tell you that when you slowly emerge from the addiction, the procrastination gets less because you have more mental space to deal with things. Sometimes it's difficult to imagine just how much mental energy this addiction uses.


Take care man, i hope that the car will be fixed soon.

P.S. a tip, if the dogs are really threatening, take a piece of meat with you so you can throw it to them!

 

[Icandoit]

About the procrastination thing; i so recognize that as well. I can tell you that when you slowly emerge from the addiction, the procrastination gets less because you have more mental space to deal with things. Sometimes it's difficult to imagine just how much mental energy this addiction uses. 

I know exactly what you're talking about.

P.S. a tip, if the dogs are really threatening, take a piece of meat with you so you can throw it to them!

That's what I do but I could never say I am completely relaxed.

 

[Icandoit]

June 26

I don't want to obsess about counting days this time but I have 6 days away from PMO, hard mode textbook so far and I want to keep going. Today was horrible. I had a lot of anxiety and it only got better at the end of the shift. Shit. It was probably the caffeine, it does stuff like that to me, I don't respond well to stimulants. Energy drinks, coffee, even alcohol, throw my brain off and create a lot of anxiety. I made the mistake to drink coffee before going to work. I like drinking those things but they are not good for me. Fuck.

 

[Orbiter]

I can relate strongly to the stimulants issue as I really like most of them myself (never gotten into the energy drinks though). I usually limit myself to two or three coffees maximum but anything more than that and i'm too scattered & restless to handle abstaining from urges if they arise. Have you thought of setting a limit yourself? It doesn't have to be like mine of course, something that works for you.

Great job on the 6 days! Hold out for couple more days and i'm sure you'll start to feel like you're slowly moving forward again. I didn't realise until recently how little clarity of thought I have until after being a week clean. In many respects I feel first week is often the hardest.

Anyway, keep up the good work!

 

[Icandoit]

Great job on the 6 days! Hold out for couple more days and i'm sure you'll start to feel like you're slowly moving forward again. I didn't realise until recently how little clarity of thought I have until after being a week clean. In many respects I feel first week is often the hardest.

Anyway, keep up the good work!

I can handle it better if I pass 10 days, usually, but I haven't been able to get to 10 days for a while.

 

[Icandoit]

June 27

A week again without P, M, edging or PMO. Bothered by some things at work.

 

[Icandoit]

June 28

I feel better. I'm working night shift.

 

[Orbiter]

Great to hear things are starting to clear for you. Sounds like whatever the work situation is, you're managing it at the moment and moving forward. Great stuff!

 

[Icandoit]

Great to hear things are starting to clear for you. Sounds like whatever the work situation is, you're managing it at the moment and moving forward. Great stuff!

Thanks, man.

 

[Icandoit]

June 29

I want to go hardmode. I have a goal of 3 weeks because I have good memories about a 3 weeks streak. Today is the last day of work then I have some free days. I can't wait.

 

[Orbiter]

Me too Icandoit. As long as we exercise some reasonable caution, I think the break will be beneficial.

Keep up the good work Icandoit. You're going great!

 

[Icandoit]

Me too Icandoit. As long as we exercise some reasonable caution, I think the break will be beneficial.

Keep up the good work Icandoit. You're going great!

Thanks, man. I appreciate it.

 

[Icandoit]

June 30

10 days hardmode. I have some urges but they are not hard. As always, porn flashbacks in my head all day.

 

[Icandoit]

I relapsed.  But it was only 10 minutes, one scene, one PMO. I will try to end the day without more. I want to try something and see if it works.

 

[Icandoit]

This relapse made me reconsider my way of dealing with urges. It's clear I'm not doing it right. I really need to make a change. I couldn't resist the urges, they were killing me and I did nothing.

 

[Icandoit]

I'm so fucking tired of this fucking cycle. I haven't progressed too much in months. It's ridiculous. All this shit just made me realize I don't have really have much going on in my life. I need things to keep me busy and tire me out so I could eliminate that fucking energy brought by abstinence from PMO. But I don't really know what the fuck to do. I'm tired of all this. My free days are the problem cause I don't know what to do all day. I really need to find some things. Probably making a list and following that could be a start. But what the fuck do you do all day? I mean, I really have a problem with idle time. I can't stay away from relapsing when I have free days.

 

[Icandoit]

Day 1

I can't believe I've relapsed again on my free days. I always go to the first day of work feeling like shit after binges. Yesterday I binged of course. Anxiety is high and energy is low. I woke up feeling tired. And everything was going so fucking well, man. I'm so fucking tired of this. I'm tired of binging and resetting myself to the beginning. I haven't really progressed in months. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I've been calm and shit after relapses in the past but now I'm pissed off because of the way I relapsed with no progress, no difference from the past. I've been doing the same fucking shit, same fucking mistakes over and over again, how the fuck am I supposed to quit like this?

 

[Icandoit]

I just realized that I've been here for a little over a month and I've had only 1 streak longer than 10 days. I have a fucking hard time even reaching day 10. It's ridiculous. I have something in mind that I want to try for urges. I won't say what it is right now, only if it works.

 

[J01]

Maybe you have made more progress than you think.  It looks like you have reached a new level of disgust with the stuff that can correspond to a fresh commitment and a good restart.  Don't be overly harsh on yourself and keep going. 

 

[ShadeTrenicin]

I just realized that I've been here for a little over a month and I've had only 1 streak longer than 10 days. I have a fucking hard time even reaching day 10. It's ridiculous. I have something in mind that I want to try for urges. I won't say what it is right now, only if it works.

Hey Icandoit,

welcome to being an addict. I can say that on a positive note; it is not ridiculous. Would you say the same about me if I were telling you the same, or would you be supportive and say that it is part of battling the addiction? Please realise that you are dealing with an addiction or according to the oxford dictionary:

Addiction is a psychological and physical inability to stop consuming a chemical, drug, activity, or substance, even though it is causing psychological and physical harm.

See the bold part; inability. If it was easy to quit it would not have been called an addiction. So you've been on the road for a month; that is excellent progress! and in that month how many times have you PMO'd? Probably a lot less than before you were trying to quit. And that my friend, is progress.

I'm also sure that you've read other threads as well. And in there you've also probably read that people are struggling with this for months, even years.. So please take that information with you and realise you've just started. It's a long and very difficult journey. And you will probably relapse again. The key is to understand the relapse, accept it as a moment to learn.

So, don't be so hard on yourself. Show yourself some love and support. You already have our love and support.


Stay safe