Hi Everyone,
I am a 29 year old Indian guy, who, like everyone on this form decided that they've had enough of the amount of time spent watching porn and indulging in fake fantasies. From what I can recall, I was introduced to porn by my friends and just like every 14 year old, it was thrilling to watch. It initially started with photos but back in the day, internet in India was just awful and maybe that saved me from Indulging in heavy pornography early on. When I went to college, I was both blessed and cursed with high speed internet and wasn't particularly interested in socializing with people even though I have a fairly likable personality. I did eventually have a girlfriend but that did not stop me from indulging in porn and the click-friendly novelty that it provides. During that time, the attempt of sex were fairly unsatisfying although I do believe that being with an actual person was rewiring my brain but that ended and I dove further into porn. As I moved to the US, my focus on education made me not spend too much time meeting/dating other women and when I did do that, there was the underlying anxiety that if there was an escalation then it would end up being embarrassing for me and disappointing for her. Therefore, I avoided getting intimate with anyone.
Last year, I unintentionally went on a 30 day NoFap routine (I stopped PMO for the first 15 days and then before I knew it, it was a month). During that time, I did meet a girl and as we started to get intimate, there was no response down there. I freaked out. I wasn't sure what was happening but I was honest with her and told her that I have been using porn for way too long and this something that I need to follow through. To my delight, she was very supportive but somewhere in the back of my mind, there was disappointment. I guess that was also because my mindset was that of "I don't really get that intimate with anyone" and now that I got a chance, there was an inner sense of betrayal. Despite that, I was always making sure that me not being able to achieve O did not have a negative effect on her experience with me. When things ended with her (more because of me changing cities, at least in my head) I slowly fell back into that routine.
Over the past couple of months, as I came across YBOP and this forum, I realized that the way I have been conducting myself in the intimacy department is not really optimal and I need to be better. I also acknowledge that this might be affecting my personality and aspirations in other areas since sexuality and procreation are some of the key factors around which the human society revolves, whether it is to our chagrin or not but it inevitably holds true.
Steps that I have taken and continue to refine -
1. Using the Freedom app, I have blocked all adult and distracting website from my phone and my computer. Additionally, I have created time blocks for websites (movie, youtube and other visual platforms) that start around 11 pm until 4 am so that I do not go into a late night edging binge.
2. I have changed the viewing ratings on my Netflix account down to TV-14 as I want to be mindful about any triggers. The notion of Cue-craving-response can be triggered from seemingly innocuous or "regular" content and I have learned that thinking that you can handle relatively explicit content in a TV show or movie just because you have a decent streak going on is you fooling yourself.
3. I have observed a trend that I tend to indulge in explicit content when I am tired so I take a quick 15 min nap. It refreshes me and resets my focus.
4. I do yoga and meditation every morning in order to make sure that my mind is centered and I can make optimal decisions to prioritize my day.
These are just a few of the measure that I take. This is my first step in a journey of a thousand miles and hopefully I will be able to utilize this forum to better regulate my mind/urges. Any suggestions or comments are welcome and it is great to be a part of a community that is striving to better themselves at the most fundamental level. Cheers!
Day 1
I am a 29 year old Indian guy, who, like everyone on this form decided that they've had enough of the amount of time spent watching porn and indulging in fake fantasies. From what I can recall, I was introduced to porn by my friends and just like every 14 year old, it was thrilling to watch. It initially started with photos but back in the day, internet in India was just awful and maybe that saved me from Indulging in heavy pornography early on. When I went to college, I was both blessed and cursed with high speed internet and wasn't particularly interested in socializing with people even though I have a fairly likable personality. I did eventually have a girlfriend but that did not stop me from indulging in porn and the click-friendly novelty that it provides. During that time, the attempt of sex were fairly unsatisfying although I do believe that being with an actual person was rewiring my brain but that ended and I dove further into porn. As I moved to the US, my focus on education made me not spend too much time meeting/dating other women and when I did do that, there was the underlying anxiety that if there was an escalation then it would end up being embarrassing for me and disappointing for her. Therefore, I avoided getting intimate with anyone.
Last year, I unintentionally went on a 30 day NoFap routine (I stopped PMO for the first 15 days and then before I knew it, it was a month). During that time, I did meet a girl and as we started to get intimate, there was no response down there. I freaked out. I wasn't sure what was happening but I was honest with her and told her that I have been using porn for way too long and this something that I need to follow through. To my delight, she was very supportive but somewhere in the back of my mind, there was disappointment. I guess that was also because my mindset was that of "I don't really get that intimate with anyone" and now that I got a chance, there was an inner sense of betrayal. Despite that, I was always making sure that me not being able to achieve O did not have a negative effect on her experience with me. When things ended with her (more because of me changing cities, at least in my head) I slowly fell back into that routine.
Over the past couple of months, as I came across YBOP and this forum, I realized that the way I have been conducting myself in the intimacy department is not really optimal and I need to be better. I also acknowledge that this might be affecting my personality and aspirations in other areas since sexuality and procreation are some of the key factors around which the human society revolves, whether it is to our chagrin or not but it inevitably holds true.
Steps that I have taken and continue to refine -
1. Using the Freedom app, I have blocked all adult and distracting website from my phone and my computer. Additionally, I have created time blocks for websites (movie, youtube and other visual platforms) that start around 11 pm until 4 am so that I do not go into a late night edging binge.
2. I have changed the viewing ratings on my Netflix account down to TV-14 as I want to be mindful about any triggers. The notion of Cue-craving-response can be triggered from seemingly innocuous or "regular" content and I have learned that thinking that you can handle relatively explicit content in a TV show or movie just because you have a decent streak going on is you fooling yourself.
3. I have observed a trend that I tend to indulge in explicit content when I am tired so I take a quick 15 min nap. It refreshes me and resets my focus.
4. I do yoga and meditation every morning in order to make sure that my mind is centered and I can make optimal decisions to prioritize my day.
These are just a few of the measure that I take. This is my first step in a journey of a thousand miles and hopefully I will be able to utilize this forum to better regulate my mind/urges. Any suggestions or comments are welcome and it is great to be a part of a community that is striving to better themselves at the most fundamental level. Cheers!
Day 1