Want better sex, better life
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Day 25
10/25/20
Hi Chris! Thanks for the encouragement and for reading my story.
Life Lessons and Realizations
So I started reading Gary Wilson's Your Brain On Porn five days ago and I'm taking notes. It definitely helps knowing what goes inside our brains when we indulge in too much porn. Understanding a little bit of the mechanism gives me hope that we can do this.
While I was out and about with the new knowledge from the book, I realize that I can change my brain - my habits, addiction, thoughts, and my thinking. . . but I can't change reality therefore the brain itself is not the problem. Running away from reality and using my PMO to do so is the problem. The brain is but a victim of my refusal to tackle my problems. By running away from the problems, I've created more problems for myself.
The true problem is running away and PMO is simply the car I've used to run from it.
RUNNING AWAY IS NOT A CHOICE WE'RE MAKING MOVING FORWARD!
Sexual Machinations
Today, I experienced the hardest morning wood I've had in years. It was facing 12 o'clock for the most part and it definitely gave me a hard time peeing lol. I even caught a glimpse of it in the mirror that I had no choice but to take some nudes. My body has also progressed a lot and my chest has gotten significantly bigger. I've being doing pushups wrong my entire life and now that I'm actually using my chest instead of my shoulders, I've had some gains in that area and I've always had abs to a certain degree depending on how good my diet is and I've been doing good with my diet since I started nofap. And also during mornings when the stomach is empty, the abs show up properly.
Oh my God. I blabber too much. What I'm trying to say is I felt sexy and I felt it was a waste not to take nudes. Looking this good is a very rare opportunity for me hence I took some nudes. HAHAHAHA
I've then sent the nudes to this guy who was my first time. This is also the first situation that made me realize that there might be something wrong with me. When I hooked up with him, he gave me head and it was my first full session of head and my first real sexual encounter. I've hard short sessions prior to this in college when I got drunk with some my friends but this was my first full blowjob experience. I am a very late bloomer and I've only really lost my virginity last year around October. Hahaha.
I was expecting to get very hard because it was my first time but no, I was only 60-70% hard. Initially I thought it might just be nerves or this guy wasn't good but that first sexual encounter made me disappointed with sex in general. I thought it would be better than that and I even thought jerking off to porn was better! I've also had a lot of questions like: People talk about sex all the time like its the most amazing thing but why was that experience underwhelming? Why wasn't I moaning like crazy? Why wasn't it like the ones I watched in porn? Is sex simply overhyped?
Turns out that I was a dumb idiot knowing what I know now lol.
I also thought that he might not just be my type but in reality, my PIED was on its early stages by then because the next hook ups have gotten progressively worse up to the point I discussed previously where I limp dcked someone. I don't know what I was thinking assuming that I can penetrate when my dck wasn't even hard enough for penetration lol. So embarrassing.
That's when I faced the reality that the problem was no longer because of anxiety or the people I've been hooking up that I wasn't getting hard. I know that the problem with this lackluster sex life has something to do with me. I was getting hard with porn all the time but why can't I get hard with real people? It was so frustrating. That's when I started thinking that it might be because of porn.
I did what most of us do when we have problems: google it. That's when I went back to NoFap. If you've read my previous posts, you would know that I already knew what NoFap since 2018. I knew about the benefits it can give you and that included improving your sex life and healing sexual dysfunctions (fetishes) and erectile dysfunctions (PE, DE, and PIED). I've heard of PE and DE before in my biology classes but PIED was something new to me.
Regardless, I didn't pay much attention to this specific benefit because I thought I was fine sexually and my junk was fine. I was also still a virgin here so I didn't think of having sex and facing issues like those. Furthermore, I was confident I would perform just fine anyway when I had my first sex. Jokes on me lol.
I wanted to do Nofap back then mainly because I was in uni. With all the schoolwork that needed to be done, I wanted the benefits of improved concentration and memory every guy on YouTube was talking about. But I couldn't do it back then and relapsed a lot and fell on and off the next two years until this year when I discovered that I needed to do this because I have to.
*sight* I am so sorry for going on a tangent. Going back to the point, that guy asked me if my dck got bigger because it looked like it did compared to when he last saw it. I just said it might just be the angle that's making it look bigger. . . but in reality it probably is bigger and harder when he last saw it because that erection was just topnotch.
Your boy's been naughty today. Thankfully, I didn't relapse. ;D
Anywho, PMO IS NO LONGER A CHOICE WE'RE MAKING IN THE FUTURE FOR BETTER SEX AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, A BETTER LIFE.
10/25/20
Hi Chris! Thanks for the encouragement and for reading my story.
Life Lessons and Realizations
So I started reading Gary Wilson's Your Brain On Porn five days ago and I'm taking notes. It definitely helps knowing what goes inside our brains when we indulge in too much porn. Understanding a little bit of the mechanism gives me hope that we can do this.
While I was out and about with the new knowledge from the book, I realize that I can change my brain - my habits, addiction, thoughts, and my thinking. . . but I can't change reality therefore the brain itself is not the problem. Running away from reality and using my PMO to do so is the problem. The brain is but a victim of my refusal to tackle my problems. By running away from the problems, I've created more problems for myself.
The true problem is running away and PMO is simply the car I've used to run from it.
RUNNING AWAY IS NOT A CHOICE WE'RE MAKING MOVING FORWARD!
Sexual Machinations
Today, I experienced the hardest morning wood I've had in years. It was facing 12 o'clock for the most part and it definitely gave me a hard time peeing lol. I even caught a glimpse of it in the mirror that I had no choice but to take some nudes. My body has also progressed a lot and my chest has gotten significantly bigger. I've being doing pushups wrong my entire life and now that I'm actually using my chest instead of my shoulders, I've had some gains in that area and I've always had abs to a certain degree depending on how good my diet is and I've been doing good with my diet since I started nofap. And also during mornings when the stomach is empty, the abs show up properly.
Oh my God. I blabber too much. What I'm trying to say is I felt sexy and I felt it was a waste not to take nudes. Looking this good is a very rare opportunity for me hence I took some nudes. HAHAHAHA
I've then sent the nudes to this guy who was my first time. This is also the first situation that made me realize that there might be something wrong with me. When I hooked up with him, he gave me head and it was my first full session of head and my first real sexual encounter. I've hard short sessions prior to this in college when I got drunk with some my friends but this was my first full blowjob experience. I am a very late bloomer and I've only really lost my virginity last year around October. Hahaha.
I was expecting to get very hard because it was my first time but no, I was only 60-70% hard. Initially I thought it might just be nerves or this guy wasn't good but that first sexual encounter made me disappointed with sex in general. I thought it would be better than that and I even thought jerking off to porn was better! I've also had a lot of questions like: People talk about sex all the time like its the most amazing thing but why was that experience underwhelming? Why wasn't I moaning like crazy? Why wasn't it like the ones I watched in porn? Is sex simply overhyped?
Turns out that I was a dumb idiot knowing what I know now lol.
I also thought that he might not just be my type but in reality, my PIED was on its early stages by then because the next hook ups have gotten progressively worse up to the point I discussed previously where I limp dcked someone. I don't know what I was thinking assuming that I can penetrate when my dck wasn't even hard enough for penetration lol. So embarrassing.
That's when I faced the reality that the problem was no longer because of anxiety or the people I've been hooking up that I wasn't getting hard. I know that the problem with this lackluster sex life has something to do with me. I was getting hard with porn all the time but why can't I get hard with real people? It was so frustrating. That's when I started thinking that it might be because of porn.
I did what most of us do when we have problems: google it. That's when I went back to NoFap. If you've read my previous posts, you would know that I already knew what NoFap since 2018. I knew about the benefits it can give you and that included improving your sex life and healing sexual dysfunctions (fetishes) and erectile dysfunctions (PE, DE, and PIED). I've heard of PE and DE before in my biology classes but PIED was something new to me.
Regardless, I didn't pay much attention to this specific benefit because I thought I was fine sexually and my junk was fine. I was also still a virgin here so I didn't think of having sex and facing issues like those. Furthermore, I was confident I would perform just fine anyway when I had my first sex. Jokes on me lol.
I wanted to do Nofap back then mainly because I was in uni. With all the schoolwork that needed to be done, I wanted the benefits of improved concentration and memory every guy on YouTube was talking about. But I couldn't do it back then and relapsed a lot and fell on and off the next two years until this year when I discovered that I needed to do this because I have to.
*sight* I am so sorry for going on a tangent. Going back to the point, that guy asked me if my dck got bigger because it looked like it did compared to when he last saw it. I just said it might just be the angle that's making it look bigger. . . but in reality it probably is bigger and harder when he last saw it because that erection was just topnotch.
Your boy's been naughty today. Thankfully, I didn't relapse. ;D
Anywho, PMO IS NO LONGER A CHOICE WE'RE MAKING IN THE FUTURE FOR BETTER SEX AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, A BETTER LIFE.
Day 26
10/26/20
Recovery Process
During this period of recovery, I experienced this weird sensation of shaking around me. This has been happening for quite a while now and I thought it was some form of mini-earthquakes. I?ve even asked my family members if they felt it too but they always say they haven't. I sleep on the floor which is not uncommon in these parts of the world so I imagine that would be the reason why I?m more sensitive to feeling these shakes.
However last night, I found that it was actually my body that was shaking the whole time. I was probably too sleepy to recognize these previously but last night I wasn?t too sleepy and I realized that it was me.
As I said in the last post, I have been reading Gary Wilson?s Your Brain On Porn when I stumbled upon the lesser known withdrawal symptoms of recovery specifically frequent urination and shakes. I was definitely shook by that discovery because I thought I wasn?t having any other withdrawal symptoms aside from the lethargy and lack of motivation.
Anywho, I suggest reading YBOP. If you think you already know a lot about porn and its effects on you, then boy you?re probably wrong. Everyday that I?m reading, I?m learning a lot and I?m also taking notes which is why it?s taking me long to finish it.
PORN IS NOT A CHOICE WERE GOING TO MAKE EVER!
P.S It's so much harder typing on a phone! Had to type here because the website was down earlier.
P.P.S Shorter post because the last one was long af
10/26/20
Recovery Process
During this period of recovery, I experienced this weird sensation of shaking around me. This has been happening for quite a while now and I thought it was some form of mini-earthquakes. I?ve even asked my family members if they felt it too but they always say they haven't. I sleep on the floor which is not uncommon in these parts of the world so I imagine that would be the reason why I?m more sensitive to feeling these shakes.
However last night, I found that it was actually my body that was shaking the whole time. I was probably too sleepy to recognize these previously but last night I wasn?t too sleepy and I realized that it was me.
As I said in the last post, I have been reading Gary Wilson?s Your Brain On Porn when I stumbled upon the lesser known withdrawal symptoms of recovery specifically frequent urination and shakes. I was definitely shook by that discovery because I thought I wasn?t having any other withdrawal symptoms aside from the lethargy and lack of motivation.
Anywho, I suggest reading YBOP. If you think you already know a lot about porn and its effects on you, then boy you?re probably wrong. Everyday that I?m reading, I?m learning a lot and I?m also taking notes which is why it?s taking me long to finish it.
PORN IS NOT A CHOICE WERE GOING TO MAKE EVER!
P.S It's so much harder typing on a phone! Had to type here because the website was down earlier.
P.P.S Shorter post because the last one was long af
Day 27
10/27/20
Thanks anubu0!
Recovery Process
Today was a lazy day. It also felt like time was ticking so slow and I find that that's the case for me during this journey. Often times, I would fantasize about reaching 90 days and I'd wish I'm on 90 days right now but alas, we don't have the means to speed up time. I also know that this mindset is arrogant since I don't even know if I will reach 90 days. Relapse is always one click away. It's definitely a good idea to come back to earth because you will fall if you let it get to your head.
On another note, I don't really know if I'm (still) on a flatline or withdrawal or if I'm just plain lazy. Having given up PMO, the time I used to spend there seemed to transfer to a general internet addiction specifically YouTube. I try to offset that by reading success stories on YBOP and here in RN but still, I don't get a lot of my art done which is something I'd like to do more. I am so behind with InkTober at this point that I'm even questioning if I should finish them. *sigh*
I've been aiming to reduce my screen time from the usual 8 hours (according to my phone) to 6 hours. I know that that's really bad but I don't think I can go from 8 hours to 2 hours just like that. I find that when I'm trying to get rid of a habit, cold turkey-ing it or getting rid of it altogether doesn't work for me. I need to chip at it little by little the same way I did with PMO. Before having this really long streak, I've had several short streaks that helped me ease into this habit, or lifestyle rather.
Anywho, I'm still figuring out how to chip at this newly-fueled internet addiction and so far the strategy I've been employing is not working but I will keep at it. I'd like to hear from you if you have tips, but my updated goals are:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Reach 90 days of NoPMO.Continue with good habits like exercising, writing, reading, and going out of room.
[*]Be more social and involved with my family.Spend more time with them when they're doing something or building something.
[*]Do more art. Finish InkTober. Finally decorate your journal. Sketch daily. Incorporate reading more art books.
[*]Reduce screen time. Ideally, I'd want to reduce that to just 3 hours but as I said I'm taking it slowly.
[*]Explore online ventures and money making opportunities.Any suggestions guys? Hahaha
[/list]
Anywho, RELAPSE IS NOT A CHOICE!
Sexual Machinations
By afternoon, I was so tired for some reason and I decided to take a 20-minute nap. Right as I woke up, I had a boner and I felt so horny that I started humping my pillow lol. Thankfully, it ended there. Looking back, that was the first time in a long time that I've ever felt horny like that where I was hard by myself with no porn and just wanted to fck someone. The last time was probably when I was still in college where I would feel like that all the time when my PMO usage was not as bad as the next few years. Ever since then, I can not remember ever feeling like that. I used porn to relieve that horniness but now it seems like porn took that away from me which is why
PORN IS NOT A CHOICE WE'RE GOING TO CHOOSE FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES! GIVING UP PORN IS FOREVER!
10/27/20
Thanks anubu0!
Recovery Process
Today was a lazy day. It also felt like time was ticking so slow and I find that that's the case for me during this journey. Often times, I would fantasize about reaching 90 days and I'd wish I'm on 90 days right now but alas, we don't have the means to speed up time. I also know that this mindset is arrogant since I don't even know if I will reach 90 days. Relapse is always one click away. It's definitely a good idea to come back to earth because you will fall if you let it get to your head.
On another note, I don't really know if I'm (still) on a flatline or withdrawal or if I'm just plain lazy. Having given up PMO, the time I used to spend there seemed to transfer to a general internet addiction specifically YouTube. I try to offset that by reading success stories on YBOP and here in RN but still, I don't get a lot of my art done which is something I'd like to do more. I am so behind with InkTober at this point that I'm even questioning if I should finish them. *sigh*
I've been aiming to reduce my screen time from the usual 8 hours (according to my phone) to 6 hours. I know that that's really bad but I don't think I can go from 8 hours to 2 hours just like that. I find that when I'm trying to get rid of a habit, cold turkey-ing it or getting rid of it altogether doesn't work for me. I need to chip at it little by little the same way I did with PMO. Before having this really long streak, I've had several short streaks that helped me ease into this habit, or lifestyle rather.
Anywho, I'm still figuring out how to chip at this newly-fueled internet addiction and so far the strategy I've been employing is not working but I will keep at it. I'd like to hear from you if you have tips, but my updated goals are:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Reach 90 days of NoPMO.Continue with good habits like exercising, writing, reading, and going out of room.
[*]Be more social and involved with my family.Spend more time with them when they're doing something or building something.
[*]Do more art. Finish InkTober. Finally decorate your journal. Sketch daily. Incorporate reading more art books.
[*]Reduce screen time. Ideally, I'd want to reduce that to just 3 hours but as I said I'm taking it slowly.
[*]Explore online ventures and money making opportunities.Any suggestions guys? Hahaha
[/list]
Anywho, RELAPSE IS NOT A CHOICE!
Sexual Machinations
By afternoon, I was so tired for some reason and I decided to take a 20-minute nap. Right as I woke up, I had a boner and I felt so horny that I started humping my pillow lol. Thankfully, it ended there. Looking back, that was the first time in a long time that I've ever felt horny like that where I was hard by myself with no porn and just wanted to fck someone. The last time was probably when I was still in college where I would feel like that all the time when my PMO usage was not as bad as the next few years. Ever since then, I can not remember ever feeling like that. I used porn to relieve that horniness but now it seems like porn took that away from me which is why
PORN IS NOT A CHOICE WE'RE GOING TO CHOOSE FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES! GIVING UP PORN IS FOREVER!
hey! an effective way to reduce screen time (in my personal case) waas uninstalling the apps I used the most just to escape reality. Like facebook, instagam and tiktok.
I reduced screen time a lot,from lik 6/7 h per day to 3/4.
Then another thing that helps is selecting a limit time for apps. What I do (only in apps like youtube, apps with which i lose time and not others like whatsapp or telegram) is looking the time I spent daily the previous week, and I reduce the time I can use these apps by 5 minutes or 10.
On the iphone is really easy, and you can always say you want to go on and use the app, but it will make it's job as a reminder.
You are doing great!
I reduced screen time a lot,from lik 6/7 h per day to 3/4.
Then another thing that helps is selecting a limit time for apps. What I do (only in apps like youtube, apps with which i lose time and not others like whatsapp or telegram) is looking the time I spent daily the previous week, and I reduce the time I can use these apps by 5 minutes or 10.
On the iphone is really easy, and you can always say you want to go on and use the app, but it will make it's job as a reminder.
You are doing great!
Day 28
10/28/20
Thanks anubu0 and lane for the encouragements and advice!
Recovery Process
So today, I tried something different which was to separate the days of the week (instead of the day itself) into focus areas. Today was art day which means I have to do five hours of art as the main task to accomplish. The problem with my old schedule was I try to do a lot of things in a day. And by that I mean I do things that are so different and not related to each other. I figured that I should separate them instead, like today was for art and tomorrow will be for this small online business I'm trying to figure out.
Previously, I would do both in the same day and that made me procrastinate a lot because these are two different things that require different mindsets to do. What this does is it helps me focus solely on one thing because I find that sometimes, I would feel like doing only the art, or I would like to only focus on the small business. When this happens, I end up on YouTube and not getting any of the two done. Hahaha
These two things are important to me because I love art and I'm relying on this small business venture for now during this quarantine as a source of income albeit a small one. It would be nice for it to grow as the year ends but if not, hopefully by New Year the covid-19 is more manageable so I can go look for a job. For now, I'm relying on this venture. My ultimate goal is to have an art career but my skills are not there yet which is why I try to set hours for it.
Internet addiction is still a thing but I still consider today a victory because I achieved what I set up to do. Tomorrow will be for that small business venture and then after art again. After a week, I will reduce another 30 minutes, from 6 hours to 5 hours and 30 minutes. Thanks again to lane for reminding me to set app timers on my apps! I just did that today!
Anywho, SLOW PROGRESS IS STILL PROGRESS!
Sexual Machinations
I feel like my libido is starting to come back gradually. This was the second day where I got a spontaneous erection and wanted to fck. Hahaha. I like it though. It's better than craving for PMO at least.
PORN IS NOT AN OPTION ANY LONGER!
10/28/20
Thanks anubu0 and lane for the encouragements and advice!
Recovery Process
So today, I tried something different which was to separate the days of the week (instead of the day itself) into focus areas. Today was art day which means I have to do five hours of art as the main task to accomplish. The problem with my old schedule was I try to do a lot of things in a day. And by that I mean I do things that are so different and not related to each other. I figured that I should separate them instead, like today was for art and tomorrow will be for this small online business I'm trying to figure out.
Previously, I would do both in the same day and that made me procrastinate a lot because these are two different things that require different mindsets to do. What this does is it helps me focus solely on one thing because I find that sometimes, I would feel like doing only the art, or I would like to only focus on the small business. When this happens, I end up on YouTube and not getting any of the two done. Hahaha
These two things are important to me because I love art and I'm relying on this small business venture for now during this quarantine as a source of income albeit a small one. It would be nice for it to grow as the year ends but if not, hopefully by New Year the covid-19 is more manageable so I can go look for a job. For now, I'm relying on this venture. My ultimate goal is to have an art career but my skills are not there yet which is why I try to set hours for it.
Internet addiction is still a thing but I still consider today a victory because I achieved what I set up to do. Tomorrow will be for that small business venture and then after art again. After a week, I will reduce another 30 minutes, from 6 hours to 5 hours and 30 minutes. Thanks again to lane for reminding me to set app timers on my apps! I just did that today!
Anywho, SLOW PROGRESS IS STILL PROGRESS!
Sexual Machinations
I feel like my libido is starting to come back gradually. This was the second day where I got a spontaneous erection and wanted to fck. Hahaha. I like it though. It's better than craving for PMO at least.
PORN IS NOT AN OPTION ANY LONGER!
Hey David, you are awesome! I noticed that social media and youtube are simply incompatible during your reboot. They are simply dopamine substitutions for porn use, and not good ones. Try your best to limit your youtube hours: unless you are watching productive or instructive videos, wasting hours and hours on youtube is the same as wasting hours and hours on porn, just with fewer effects on your brain. Youtube is the silent killer, most people neglect its negative effects and time wasting.
Your passion during this journey is really encouraging. I feel that a lot of people fall into a pit during their reboot and have a very pessimistic view. I myself am trying to emulate your passion and confidence in this journey; I think having the correct mindset is the only way. I'll be following your journey! Please don't give up!
Your passion during this journey is really encouraging. I feel that a lot of people fall into a pit during their reboot and have a very pessimistic view. I myself am trying to emulate your passion and confidence in this journey; I think having the correct mindset is the only way. I'll be following your journey! Please don't give up!
Day 29
10/29/20
Hey Kayden. Yeah, social media is so time-consuming. Thankfully, I mostly watch art videos on YouTube to stay inspired and pick up things that I can apply to my art. I also watch productivity videos and managed to get rid of Facebook altogether. I've set a 10-minute app timer for both instagram and twitter which is good. I also use both for art inspiration. YouTube is the one I'm trying to chip away little by little.
Regarding the optimism, I figured being enthusiastic about the recovery is one way to make it bearable and besides what's the point of being pessimistic. It's going to make things even harder. Hahaha. But thank you for the kind words.
Social Skills
A few days ago I reached out to some of my uni friends and asked them about their PM use just out of curiosity. I would never do something like this pre-reboot because of fear of sounding like a weirdo but I didn't care that much now knowing the bad effects of PMO to ones life. Surprisingly, most of them seemed normal. Two of them said that they only masturbate (but with porn) twice a week which is crazy in comparison to me who did it almost everyday. Hahaha
It seems like they regulate their porn use and found what works for them. However, I didn't ask if they had issues in the bedroom or if they've lose their virginity since those two are the kindest ones out of the bunch in my circle which is also why they're the ones I asked. I know some guys would never admit to these and they probably don't know that PMO can affect their performance. It happened to me. I thought I was fine but I was mortified when I couldn't get it up with a real person come penetration time.
Don't get me wrong, I would never go back to porn ever again. Maybe I would consider masturbation but not porn because
PORN IS NOT AN OPTION! Choosing porn even for one bit means you are choosing fantasy over reality.
Recovery Process
I've been doing art lately and my focus has been practicing perspective which is perfect for drawing buildings and landscapes. These practice sessions had me creating my ideal house which is quite nice actually. I never really liked how our house looked. It is my parents' house but I would inherit it once they pass away. I don't know if it's only in my country but as a tradition the parents' house goes to the last child once they die.
I felt like an architect designing how each room would look like and how the house would look like in general. Although, I'm pretty sure a real architect would be horrified once they look at my plans and my sorry attempt at making a "house blueprint" hahahaha But it's a fun way to practice I must say and it actually motivated me to work and hustle if I want to make it come to life.
Anywho, tomorrow will be day 30 for me which is quite unbelievable. Thirty days flew by so fast and at the same time so slow! See you tomorrow!
PORN IS NOT AN OPTION!
10/29/20
Hey Kayden. Yeah, social media is so time-consuming. Thankfully, I mostly watch art videos on YouTube to stay inspired and pick up things that I can apply to my art. I also watch productivity videos and managed to get rid of Facebook altogether. I've set a 10-minute app timer for both instagram and twitter which is good. I also use both for art inspiration. YouTube is the one I'm trying to chip away little by little.
Regarding the optimism, I figured being enthusiastic about the recovery is one way to make it bearable and besides what's the point of being pessimistic. It's going to make things even harder. Hahaha. But thank you for the kind words.
Social Skills
A few days ago I reached out to some of my uni friends and asked them about their PM use just out of curiosity. I would never do something like this pre-reboot because of fear of sounding like a weirdo but I didn't care that much now knowing the bad effects of PMO to ones life. Surprisingly, most of them seemed normal. Two of them said that they only masturbate (but with porn) twice a week which is crazy in comparison to me who did it almost everyday. Hahaha
It seems like they regulate their porn use and found what works for them. However, I didn't ask if they had issues in the bedroom or if they've lose their virginity since those two are the kindest ones out of the bunch in my circle which is also why they're the ones I asked. I know some guys would never admit to these and they probably don't know that PMO can affect their performance. It happened to me. I thought I was fine but I was mortified when I couldn't get it up with a real person come penetration time.
Don't get me wrong, I would never go back to porn ever again. Maybe I would consider masturbation but not porn because
PORN IS NOT AN OPTION! Choosing porn even for one bit means you are choosing fantasy over reality.
Recovery Process
I've been doing art lately and my focus has been practicing perspective which is perfect for drawing buildings and landscapes. These practice sessions had me creating my ideal house which is quite nice actually. I never really liked how our house looked. It is my parents' house but I would inherit it once they pass away. I don't know if it's only in my country but as a tradition the parents' house goes to the last child once they die.
I felt like an architect designing how each room would look like and how the house would look like in general. Although, I'm pretty sure a real architect would be horrified once they look at my plans and my sorry attempt at making a "house blueprint" hahahaha But it's a fun way to practice I must say and it actually motivated me to work and hustle if I want to make it come to life.
Anywho, tomorrow will be day 30 for me which is quite unbelievable. Thirty days flew by so fast and at the same time so slow! See you tomorrow!
PORN IS NOT AN OPTION!
DAY 30
A report on 30-days of nofap/noPMO
10/30/20
Here is a short summary of my story: Had known of nofap ever since 2018 when I was still in uni. Heard of benefits like improved memory and concentration, attraction, improved sex life and eradication of sexual dysfunctions (like ED, PE, PIED). Only attempted because of the improved memory and concentration because of school work; didn't care about improved sex life and eradication of SD because I thought I was fine in that area. Fell on and off the wagon for two years until February 2020 when I couldn't penetrate this guy I hooked up with (I am gay and if you don't like that eff off). I was devastated! Found out about PIED. Decided to quit PMO altogether.
Hi all! I'm happy to report that I've gone 30-days, a month with nofap/noPMO! It honestly doesn't even feel real! I've been trying for months or even years but fell on and off the wagon. This streak is by far my longest. However, I'd like to say that I don't (and you shouldn't!) have a number of days as a goal in my mind simply because I think of this as a lifestyle change. In my opinion, you should not be consuming porn ever! I will complete the 90 days to fix my PIED but after that I am finally allowing myself to try sex again and from then, sex only as a form of release. Maybe reintroduce masturbation in moderation every once in a while but no more porn!
Here is what worked and what has helped me reach this far:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Exercise, better diet - This helped improve my confidence with my body first and foremost which helped with the urges. I found out on my earlier tries that if I PMO, I can't exercise that well so this was a motivation for me not to PMO because exercise and having a healthy body takes priority over PMO any day.
[*]Adopting a 'porn-is-not-an-option' mindset - PORN IS NOT AN OPTION. When we choose porn we are picking fantasy over reality and our hands over some real meat
[*]Developing new hobbies or rediscovering old passions - With the free time that giving up porn gave back, I rediscovered my love for arts and that is slowly replacing PMO's time slot
[*]Reading books and success stories - This is mainly for inspiration. If there are people who can do it, we can do it too!
[*]Keeping a journal and finding an accountability partner/group - This has been the most impactful for me. Now that other people know about my addiction, I find it easier to fight it and be more accountable because I have people out there who know about it. This journal has been a god-send. Thank you to my friends here in Reboot Nation. Thank you to Gabe Deem for such an awesome platform.
[*]Having a visual counter that you can see when you are sleeping or in places where you use to PMO - I have a calendar that I can see in my room all the time where I cross each day. It helped me stay off PMO in a sense that if I relapse, there would a day that didn't have an X on it. My somewhat OC and perfectionist wouldn't want to be seeing that every day.
[*]Being brutally honest to myself and to you guys and yet being optimistic with recovery - I found that lying and rationalizing about my PMO use is what has held me back on my previous tries. Being brutally honest and asking the right questions has helped me move forward with this reboot. It also goes hand in hand with the last point in a sense that I can't lie to you guys and it was terrifying to tell the truth to a bunch of strangers but as time went by, it became cathartic. Accountability requires honesty.
[*]Having a strong WHY - It helped initially throughout this journey. Maybe from day 1 to 15, my main WHY was to cure my PIED but it has changed since then my strong why is now different and that is to have a better life. If anyone remembered the title of this journal went from Want PIED cured to Want a better life and I like that better.
[/list]
Now for the benefits that I've experienced:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Social anxiety is fading - I am able to look people in the eye with no problem. I also don't feel as nervous around people.
[*]Sensitive dck and morning wood - This morning's wood was off the charts. I thought that I had felt my strongest wood days prior but today's MW was unbelievable - hard af and veiny. Upon showering for the day, it got hard with the slightest touch when I was soaping and cleaning it. Also, your dck starts looking better and cleaner if that makes sense. The erection is also firmer and fuller when erect or when not.
[*]Motivation, energy and mental clarity - Gradually, both comes back. It helps you get more things done even if you don't notice at first.
[*]Appreciation for everyday things - I surprised myself a lot with how much everyday things can be enjoyable and doable. I used to hate building and repairing things partly because I thought I was incapable of doing them but during this journey, I did a lot of carpentry work that I previously thought I couldn't do.
[/list]
I'm not gonna list everything since this would be a lot more longer but it really has been a life changing journey. I would say the biggest challenge of this journey for me is facing reality, taking accountability with the direction of my life, and being a better person than I was yesterday. Avoiding the urges to PMO are easier for me to do but facing life is the hardest part.
PMO was simply my escape from life's challenges and now that I've stopped using it, it is now time to face the real challenges. NoFap is giving me the tools to fight.
Anywho, PMO IS NOT AN OPTION! ESCAPING IS AN OPTION!
Starting from now, MOVING FORWARD AND IMPROVING OUR LIVES IS THE ONLY OPTION!
A report on 30-days of nofap/noPMO
10/30/20
Here is a short summary of my story: Had known of nofap ever since 2018 when I was still in uni. Heard of benefits like improved memory and concentration, attraction, improved sex life and eradication of sexual dysfunctions (like ED, PE, PIED). Only attempted because of the improved memory and concentration because of school work; didn't care about improved sex life and eradication of SD because I thought I was fine in that area. Fell on and off the wagon for two years until February 2020 when I couldn't penetrate this guy I hooked up with (I am gay and if you don't like that eff off). I was devastated! Found out about PIED. Decided to quit PMO altogether.
Hi all! I'm happy to report that I've gone 30-days, a month with nofap/noPMO! It honestly doesn't even feel real! I've been trying for months or even years but fell on and off the wagon. This streak is by far my longest. However, I'd like to say that I don't (and you shouldn't!) have a number of days as a goal in my mind simply because I think of this as a lifestyle change. In my opinion, you should not be consuming porn ever! I will complete the 90 days to fix my PIED but after that I am finally allowing myself to try sex again and from then, sex only as a form of release. Maybe reintroduce masturbation in moderation every once in a while but no more porn!
Here is what worked and what has helped me reach this far:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Exercise, better diet - This helped improve my confidence with my body first and foremost which helped with the urges. I found out on my earlier tries that if I PMO, I can't exercise that well so this was a motivation for me not to PMO because exercise and having a healthy body takes priority over PMO any day.
[*]Adopting a 'porn-is-not-an-option' mindset - PORN IS NOT AN OPTION. When we choose porn we are picking fantasy over reality and our hands over some real meat
[*]Developing new hobbies or rediscovering old passions - With the free time that giving up porn gave back, I rediscovered my love for arts and that is slowly replacing PMO's time slot
[*]Reading books and success stories - This is mainly for inspiration. If there are people who can do it, we can do it too!
[*]Keeping a journal and finding an accountability partner/group - This has been the most impactful for me. Now that other people know about my addiction, I find it easier to fight it and be more accountable because I have people out there who know about it. This journal has been a god-send. Thank you to my friends here in Reboot Nation. Thank you to Gabe Deem for such an awesome platform.
[*]Having a visual counter that you can see when you are sleeping or in places where you use to PMO - I have a calendar that I can see in my room all the time where I cross each day. It helped me stay off PMO in a sense that if I relapse, there would a day that didn't have an X on it. My somewhat OC and perfectionist wouldn't want to be seeing that every day.
[*]Being brutally honest to myself and to you guys and yet being optimistic with recovery - I found that lying and rationalizing about my PMO use is what has held me back on my previous tries. Being brutally honest and asking the right questions has helped me move forward with this reboot. It also goes hand in hand with the last point in a sense that I can't lie to you guys and it was terrifying to tell the truth to a bunch of strangers but as time went by, it became cathartic. Accountability requires honesty.
[*]Having a strong WHY - It helped initially throughout this journey. Maybe from day 1 to 15, my main WHY was to cure my PIED but it has changed since then my strong why is now different and that is to have a better life. If anyone remembered the title of this journal went from Want PIED cured to Want a better life and I like that better.
[/list]
Now for the benefits that I've experienced:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Social anxiety is fading - I am able to look people in the eye with no problem. I also don't feel as nervous around people.
[*]Sensitive dck and morning wood - This morning's wood was off the charts. I thought that I had felt my strongest wood days prior but today's MW was unbelievable - hard af and veiny. Upon showering for the day, it got hard with the slightest touch when I was soaping and cleaning it. Also, your dck starts looking better and cleaner if that makes sense. The erection is also firmer and fuller when erect or when not.
[*]Motivation, energy and mental clarity - Gradually, both comes back. It helps you get more things done even if you don't notice at first.
[*]Appreciation for everyday things - I surprised myself a lot with how much everyday things can be enjoyable and doable. I used to hate building and repairing things partly because I thought I was incapable of doing them but during this journey, I did a lot of carpentry work that I previously thought I couldn't do.
[/list]
I'm not gonna list everything since this would be a lot more longer but it really has been a life changing journey. I would say the biggest challenge of this journey for me is facing reality, taking accountability with the direction of my life, and being a better person than I was yesterday. Avoiding the urges to PMO are easier for me to do but facing life is the hardest part.
PMO was simply my escape from life's challenges and now that I've stopped using it, it is now time to face the real challenges. NoFap is giving me the tools to fight.
Anywho, PMO IS NOT AN OPTION! ESCAPING IS AN OPTION!
Starting from now, MOVING FORWARD AND IMPROVING OUR LIVES IS THE ONLY OPTION!
Errrr. . . so I might have relapsed today. I was tired because I did a lot of work today (yey!) and at the same time horny when I discovered a messenger account that I used to have months ago to jerk off with random guys on the internet and fell into a rabbit hole. It kept reminding me I had unread messages and when I clicked to see what it was, it was my jerking off account. This is so embarrassing considering I just hit 30 days free yesterday HAHAHAHAHA
I guess the lesson from this relapse are:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Check every account in your social media! - I've deactivated facebook, managed my insta and youtube to get rid of potential triggers to the best of my abilities. But it was the unsuspecting FB messenger that got me. I've since deactivated that account after the relapse haha sneaky lil bastard
[*]Don't be overconfident! - Not gonna lie, I was a bit overconfident that I could beat anything and thought I'm never going to relapse but there it was. It got me. Always be vigilant and humble! Relapse is always one click away.
[*]Be honest! - I could have went here and posted like nothing happened but I said that honesty was one of the reasons why I got so far yesterday and I want to be true to that. The inner addict wanted me to lie to you guys and say nothing happened but I owe you guys honesty and accountability for all the encouragement and strength you gave me throughout this journey. Plus my goal here is to be a better person and lying doesn't make me a better person. If I lie to you guys I am only fooling myself because at the end of the day, I know what happened and I know what I did. Lying about it will ultimately affect me the most because this is my journey to begin with.
[/list]
What am I feeling after the relapse? you might ask.
Well, I honestly don't feel like something's changed in terms of energy, motivation, or productivity except for the emptiness you feel after cmming but after a few minutes it went away. The hardest thing was probably mustering the courage to come here and admit I relapsed but as I said, my goal is to be a better person so I NEED to be honest.
I started feeling a bit of a brain fog and lightheadedness. . . but not because of the relapse! ;D I was painting my room the whole day and the fumes from the paint was making me dizzy which means I have to sleep on the living room for a week, or up until the smell has faded. If I slept on my room, I would definitely pass out.
I was productive throughout the day and made the day count which is probably why I don't feel as bad like I would in previous relapses. Remember that just because you PMO doesn't mean you're going back to square one with your overall progress and improvements. The progress and improvements you started are still there and the only thing that is back to square one is your day count! You only TRULY relapse when you give up trying to achieve your goals and give up trying to be a better person!
PMO IS NOT AN OPTION.
MESSENGER PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
LYING IS NOT AN OPTION!
GIVING. UP. IS. NOT. AN. OPTION!!!
I guess the lesson from this relapse are:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Check every account in your social media! - I've deactivated facebook, managed my insta and youtube to get rid of potential triggers to the best of my abilities. But it was the unsuspecting FB messenger that got me. I've since deactivated that account after the relapse haha sneaky lil bastard
[*]Don't be overconfident! - Not gonna lie, I was a bit overconfident that I could beat anything and thought I'm never going to relapse but there it was. It got me. Always be vigilant and humble! Relapse is always one click away.
[*]Be honest! - I could have went here and posted like nothing happened but I said that honesty was one of the reasons why I got so far yesterday and I want to be true to that. The inner addict wanted me to lie to you guys and say nothing happened but I owe you guys honesty and accountability for all the encouragement and strength you gave me throughout this journey. Plus my goal here is to be a better person and lying doesn't make me a better person. If I lie to you guys I am only fooling myself because at the end of the day, I know what happened and I know what I did. Lying about it will ultimately affect me the most because this is my journey to begin with.
[/list]
What am I feeling after the relapse? you might ask.
Well, I honestly don't feel like something's changed in terms of energy, motivation, or productivity except for the emptiness you feel after cmming but after a few minutes it went away. The hardest thing was probably mustering the courage to come here and admit I relapsed but as I said, my goal is to be a better person so I NEED to be honest.
I started feeling a bit of a brain fog and lightheadedness. . . but not because of the relapse! ;D I was painting my room the whole day and the fumes from the paint was making me dizzy which means I have to sleep on the living room for a week, or up until the smell has faded. If I slept on my room, I would definitely pass out.
I was productive throughout the day and made the day count which is probably why I don't feel as bad like I would in previous relapses. Remember that just because you PMO doesn't mean you're going back to square one with your overall progress and improvements. The progress and improvements you started are still there and the only thing that is back to square one is your day count! You only TRULY relapse when you give up trying to achieve your goals and give up trying to be a better person!
PMO IS NOT AN OPTION.
MESSENGER PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
LYING IS NOT AN OPTION!
GIVING. UP. IS. NOT. AN. OPTION!!!
Day 1 of No Nut November/NoPMO
11/01/20
Recovery Process
I just finished painting my room! I am so done with the fumes from the paint haha. Thank God, I can finally rest but it would take a few more days for the smell to go away so I'm sleeping on the living room again. I haven't been exercising and doing art because of this but I liked how the room turned out! It looks nothing like my old, dark and dingy room. The green paint should help me relax and get more things done. I'm even thinking of totally converting it into an office of sorts but that is not possible at the moment. My sisters' house looks like it's not going to be done any sooner so they can't move out just yet.
I also notice that when I'm tired, I overindulge with my food consumption. I've drank so many coffee in the last two days and snacked multiple times. Thankfully, I didn't PMO like yesterday even though I was kinda tempted. That's the chaser effect for you.
Now that I'm starting my day count from square one and it's the beginning of a new month, I think it's a perfect opportunity to re-adjust my goals and define them a lot more.
My goals for this reboot are:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Avoid porn for life! - This is the main goal that I want to achieve not only for this reboot but for the rest of my life. I am NEVER going to choose fantasy over reality and I'm not going back to something that has done such significant damage to my views and expectations of sexual relationships!
[*]Achieve the hard 90 of NoPMO - I at least need to achieve this significant goal to help me solidify my case with curing PIED and just to reverse some brain changes. Maybe after the 90 days I would experiment reintroducing masturbation (without porn!) for once a week but as I said, I must go 90 days first with M and O.
[*]Continue to figure out a scheduling and time management that works for me - This goes with allotting time for art, work, fitness, family and social aspects of my life and also reducing my screen time and getting rid of a general internet addiction.
[/list]
Good luck to all of us! Let's keep fighting and improving ourselves.
WE WILL DO THIS!
FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!
RELAPSE IS NOT AN OPTION!
PORN IS NOT AN OPTION!!!
11/01/20
Recovery Process
I just finished painting my room! I am so done with the fumes from the paint haha. Thank God, I can finally rest but it would take a few more days for the smell to go away so I'm sleeping on the living room again. I haven't been exercising and doing art because of this but I liked how the room turned out! It looks nothing like my old, dark and dingy room. The green paint should help me relax and get more things done. I'm even thinking of totally converting it into an office of sorts but that is not possible at the moment. My sisters' house looks like it's not going to be done any sooner so they can't move out just yet.
I also notice that when I'm tired, I overindulge with my food consumption. I've drank so many coffee in the last two days and snacked multiple times. Thankfully, I didn't PMO like yesterday even though I was kinda tempted. That's the chaser effect for you.
Now that I'm starting my day count from square one and it's the beginning of a new month, I think it's a perfect opportunity to re-adjust my goals and define them a lot more.
My goals for this reboot are:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Avoid porn for life! - This is the main goal that I want to achieve not only for this reboot but for the rest of my life. I am NEVER going to choose fantasy over reality and I'm not going back to something that has done such significant damage to my views and expectations of sexual relationships!
[*]Achieve the hard 90 of NoPMO - I at least need to achieve this significant goal to help me solidify my case with curing PIED and just to reverse some brain changes. Maybe after the 90 days I would experiment reintroducing masturbation (without porn!) for once a week but as I said, I must go 90 days first with M and O.
[*]Continue to figure out a scheduling and time management that works for me - This goes with allotting time for art, work, fitness, family and social aspects of my life and also reducing my screen time and getting rid of a general internet addiction.
[/list]
Good luck to all of us! Let's keep fighting and improving ourselves.
WE WILL DO THIS!
FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!
RELAPSE IS NOT AN OPTION!
PORN IS NOT AN OPTION!!!
I'm surprised I'm taking it as well, too. But I guess that's a sign of recovery showing as emotional maturity on my part. I am happy with how I am responding because previously, I would get so down and discouraged like the world is ending when I relapsed in the past but as I said, I feel like I've made significant improvements physically, emotionally, and psychologically that it doesn't bother me as much.
Yep, the recovery process is still on-going. We're learning from our mistakes, brother. No way but UP.
Yep, the recovery process is still on-going. We're learning from our mistakes, brother. No way but UP.
Day 2 of No Nut November/NoPMO
11/02/20
Recovery Process
I'm done fixing and cleaning my room and it has never looked better! I must say I like how more vibrant it is. The shade of highway green that I painted it with gives off a relaxing and natural vibe which is perfect for productivity. I'm also slowly getting back into the groove with my usual schedule. I didn't do most of my habits in the last three days because of this painting situation and an overall house renovation. My family decided it was time to renovate some parts of our house.
Exercise is going to kill me tomorrow. I haven't worked out in almost four days hahaha.
Sexual Machinations
I've had few spontaneous erections here and there and it seems like my libido is slowly increasing. Mornings are especially hard because you just have this desire to rub one out because the dck is hard too. Grr. Thankfully, it's resistible. One thing I'd like to see changes more is maintaining an erection when standing up. In the past, I always lose my erections whenever I stood up. It has gotten better of course but I'd like to see it become a lot harder and for it last longer haha.
The erections are also firmer like there's an extra bone in there if that makes sense.
Anywho, let's keep at it brothers!
PORN IS NOT AN OPTION!
11/02/20
Recovery Process
I'm done fixing and cleaning my room and it has never looked better! I must say I like how more vibrant it is. The shade of highway green that I painted it with gives off a relaxing and natural vibe which is perfect for productivity. I'm also slowly getting back into the groove with my usual schedule. I didn't do most of my habits in the last three days because of this painting situation and an overall house renovation. My family decided it was time to renovate some parts of our house.
Exercise is going to kill me tomorrow. I haven't worked out in almost four days hahaha.
Sexual Machinations
I've had few spontaneous erections here and there and it seems like my libido is slowly increasing. Mornings are especially hard because you just have this desire to rub one out because the dck is hard too. Grr. Thankfully, it's resistible. One thing I'd like to see changes more is maintaining an erection when standing up. In the past, I always lose my erections whenever I stood up. It has gotten better of course but I'd like to see it become a lot harder and for it last longer haha.
The erections are also firmer like there's an extra bone in there if that makes sense.
Anywho, let's keep at it brothers!
PORN IS NOT AN OPTION!
TimeToFaceReality
Member
Your journal is super inspiring. Love the transition from just curing your PIED to wanting a better life in general. Not being able to get hard or finish with a partner sucks so much, but there really is so much more to gain from this journey. I'm excited to have found another gay guy on here. Happy to see all the benefits you've seen from this process; that's so exciting. I'll definitely be following your posts. With your new day count, we're on the same day! And it's gonna stay that way, cuz like you say PORN IS NOT AN OPTION! ;D