Want better sex, better life

Chris Oz

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Hey man, learnt of your relpase and I just want to encourage you to keep at it. You went a really long way last time. Also, like you rightly mentioned, overconfidence is something that comes up after a king streak. We've got you find ways to fight it too. Wishing you luck.
 
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Luchness

Member
Am I the only, who's reading the CAPS LOCK ORDERS! in a weird yelling voice, that sounds like myself? :D

Oddly motivating!

Anyway, great to read through this journal. Keep going man, real inspiration!

Take care!
 
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davideyar

Member
Day 6, NoPMO (November 09, 2020)

Hey all! I'm back! Thank you for all the encouragements and messages of concern I've received. I am doing fine. I'll explain what happened in a few minutes.

And yes, the capslock are orders from the commander, jcsplw and luchness. You should follow them to avoid getting in trouble. :D

Recovery Process

On the morning of November 3rd, I relapsed which marked the end of my No Nut November journey but of course, not of my NoPMO Life odyssey. This is but one chapter of a lifelong story. What happened was I relapsed because I had some sort of chaser effect from the relapsed I had two days prior on November 1st. I had flashbacks of the porn I watched on Twitter which is a site that is such a trigger for me.

Twitter and Snapchat are potential pitfalls for me which they did on the recent and last relapse I had. I had been rationalizing so hard with my brain that I need to keep these apps and they're okay as long as I manage them right but I know deep down they're not. Twitter can be very sneaky with the potential videos you might see due to it's policy on sex workers, and Snapchat is. . . snapchat. It's nudes galore and I need to stop going here. Admittedly, I like taking nudes myself hahaha. Maybe a combination of the seemingly bigger and fuller dck plus the results of my workouts showing up but I know I should be not here during the reboot process.

I am thankful that I relapsed though because I finally had a strong reason to uninstall these apps. The taking of nude pictures have to stop too unfortunately at least for the next few months of my reboot and up until I find a loving partner or the love of my life. That's okay too.

The takeaway from all this are:

[list type=decimal]
[*]Stop being overconfident - I need to stop rationalizing potential pitfalls for relapses when I know deep down that they're bad for me. Willpower is limited. Willpower is exhausting. It's better to fight something that is not super accessible compared fo something that's one click away.


[*]Be patient! - I can become so impatient with progress to the point that I would end up sabotaging myself - Knowing that it takes time and hardwork to see results is always a good albeit a hard reminder. Nothing that's worth having comes easy.

Being impatient is also what causes the overconfidence. It feeds the PMO voice inside your head saying, "c'mon bro. you're definitely healed. just one session isn't bad."

Sexual frustration is probably the cause of impatience but it's hard to get laid nowadays anyway because of the pandemic. I need to keep reminding myself that that time will come and the more I stay on this path, the better that end result will be. [/list]

Now that I've gotten rid of those two apps, I can say that not only have I gotten less urge to surf on them for hours, I also had more time in my hands. YouTube usage is also going down a bit. The one week break from all screens helped a little with productivity and getting things done too especially with my art. I feel like I've improved and learned new things.

Anyways, PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
PMO IS NOT AN OPTION.
IMPATIENCE IS NOT AN OPTION.
OVERCONFIDENCE IS NOT AN OPTION.
Nudes is not option?? HAHAHAHAHA lol
 
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TimeToFaceReality

Member
I got rid of all of my social media accounts and ended up on Pinterest for the first time ever. I was telling myself "I'm here for artistic inspiration! Every artist needs that.." But I would of course ALWAYS end up looking at triggering content. It took a lot of willpower for me to block that from my computer as well. Congrats on cutting Twitter and Snap. I only have YouTube now. I've found that telling google chrome not to show any images when I'm browsing on sites like YouTube (so I don't see any thumbnails) makes me focus more on watching relevant content for me and not getting sucked in for hours. Interesting how vulnerable our brains are to images.
 
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laneboy

Member
Hey David, I'm happy you are doing fine!  ;D
I'm sorry you relapsed again, you are facing it really in a good way!
You took a hard choice deleting these apps, but I think you will not regret it. I understand that frustration really good, and it's what in the past made me relapse (yet then I was not consciously rebooting), be aware of it.
 
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davideyar

Member
Day 7, NoPMO (November 10, 2020

TimeToFaceReality - That's true. It's crazy how deceptive and sneaky our brains can be. I also didn't know you could do that with Google. I need to check it out because that would drastically reduce my time wasting tendencies on clickbait videos. It would be nice if it's possible for mobile devices too but probably not.

lane - Thank you for always being encouraging and supportive. The hardest part was uninstalling but now that it's done, it's actually more than possible to live without those apps or with PMO.

Let's keep fighting brothers. Porn is not an option!

Recovery Process

So I had the weirdest dream two nights ago. I was edging in that dream and it felt so realistic. Thank God when I woke up, I realized it was just a dream because of the difference of the environment. Still, it was trippy because it felt so real like I was actually stroking my dck.

Sexual Machinations

I pretty much have morning wood and spontaneous erections most days which is unheard of. I don't remember the last time I felt like this. It's crazy how sensitive it is.

I think the dck recovery is fast for me because I feel like my PIED was just starting to develop when I discovered it. Last year, I had sexual encounters but through bj only. Back then, I would get 80% hard. It was only this year that I tried penetrative sex where I failed.

What I'm saying is it never got bad to the point where I had to resort to death gripping it and viewing more extreme genres. During sexual encounters, I would still get 60% hard this year. It was starting to decrease of course but thank god, I caught it before I hit that rock bottom. It just so happened that during my first penetrative sex, it wasn't as hard as I'd like it to be because I was slowly developing PIED and probably because it was also my first time.

I think the sensitivity is back down there. The next issue to tackle is the imagination. I can't get hard with imagination, heck, I don't even have imagination. Hahahaha.

So far in this aspect, I'm 1 out of 2.

Social Skills

I feel like my true personality is finally starting to show. Generally, I would say that I'm a happy and friendly person. It's just that as the years went on, I stopped showing that part of me to other people. I'm still happy but only to myself, if that makes sense. When I'm with other people, I seem to suppress that part of me and would act indifferent and silent.

Now, I feel like I'm starting to show others that "lost" side of me, that person that I used to be when I was in grade school when I haven't discovered the porn shit. I'm starting to joke around with my family more now and their teasing don't bother me for the most part.

Forgive me if this post is a mess and unstructured compared to my previous ones. Hahaha

I am tired today but the good kind of tired. I've ticked most of what was in my to-do list and did my daily dues.

Any ways, PORN IS NOT AN OPTION!
 
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fapstranaut02

Active Member
Nice to see your update brother, I had a weird dream where I was watching P inside the dream and almost came, then i woke up, thank fuck it was just a dream. But it occured to me that maybe I'm so used to O with P that even in dream I'm not doing any sex.

Stay strong during NNN
 
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laneboy

Member
Hey!
It?s wonderful you are progressing so much! (I?m also envious ahahah but in a good way)
Keep going, you are doing amazing  :D
 
shun.csl

shun.csl

Member
Hey bro, keep going. I had wet dreams too, so I understand you a little bit, it was awful. We can fight agains PMOing!
 
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wwalker19

Active Member
Hey David, you're doing great.  It's awesome to see you progress and you definitely seem very aware of yourself and your journey.  I also found cutting out apps like that make a big difference in reducing relapse potential.  For me it was reddit.  And honestly even though i loved reddit before I began my recovery, I haven't missed it much.  I've been more productive for sure though.  Although I do miss the memes.  God how I miss the memes.

Regardless, your last attempt was exceptional, you can do it again.  And if you can go that long, you can go twice as long, and more.  Keep your eyes on the prize, meet the needs you have from PMO elsewhere in a healthy way.  And good luck!
 
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davideyar

Member
[New streak] 18H in, NoPMO (November 12, 2020)

Alas! I relapsed again yesterday. It was a situation I was unprepared for and something that I haven't experienced throughout this rebooting journey.

I was tired from walking all day yesterday as I went out with my brother to look for a new phone for him. It was a lot of walking and by the end of it all, my body and my legs were especially so tired. I should definitely do more leg workouts because the leg endurance and strength is not there haha

Regardless, I woke up in the middle of the night because of a sore leg and a raging hard-on and on top of that, unbelievably horniness.

As a result, my hand started stroking the d and I was honestly doing well with just masturbating. I was going to be okay if I orgasmed as long as I did it with only masturbation but for some reason (maybe due to the semi-conscious/sleepiness/groggines from waking up or old habits coming back or a combination of both) I opened my phone and accessed porn through chrome.

I'm peeved by it all but thankfully relapses don't necessarily undo all progress except for the day count. I'm okay with resetting the day count as long as I don't reset my progress with my fitness streak, my art streak, and my social skills progress.

I do still want to reach a clean and hard 90 days so I put a timer off Chrome and YouTube from 11PM-7AM and starting tonight, I'm gonna turn my phone off and put it in my cabinet and lock it before going to bed so that when the same thing happens, my semi-conscious brain would have a better chance at fighting the urge off. If the inner addict wants to view porn, he has to get off the bed which I hate doing. When I'm comfortable in bed, not even the urges of the inner addict while make me rise up from a good slumber lmao  ;D

If you are in the same boat as me and you keep relapsing, remember this: YOU ONLY FAIL WHEN YOU GIVE UP. YOU ONLY FAIL WHEN YOU STOP DOING WHAT IS RIGHT.

Figure out your relapse situation and make sure you are prepared when you face them. Naturally as what has happened to me, relapse situations will come up when you least expect them to. If you failed to conquer them, that's okay. Patch them up right away and figure out a plan to counter them just in case they come up again in the future!

Any who, GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION! PORN IS NOT AN OPTION!
 
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davideyar

Member
1 day 16 hours in, NoPMO (November 13, 2020)

Recovery Process

I have not been sleeping well this past week and it shows with my face as I've been having a breakout - something I haven't experienced in quite a long time.

My diet has also been not the greatest. I've been on an food binge which mostly consist of sugar and coffee hahaha. This is one way of how my typical month would like:

(A) I would start a month like shit then as we move towards the middle of the month, I would start having momentum and I'd finish the month really well or:

(B) I would start the month really well and fall off the wagon slowly as the month progresses.

This month looks to be like pattern A. Last month was my ideal month: I managed to reach 30 days NoPMO, did really well with diet and workouts, and created a bunch of artworks.

And then November happened hahahaha. I wish I'd stopped sabotaging myself. I try not to fall off too hard but sometimes life just happens like that and little by little, your habits starts falling apart. That has always been the challenge for me. I'm not strong enough YET to deal with other challenges and do all my due diligence at the same time.

I have gotten better but it's still not the best. I still fall off too much off my tracks. Good lord, this journey is hard. But as they say, NOTHING THAT IS WORTH HAVING COMES EASY.

GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION!
QUITTING IS NOT AN OPTION!
PMO AND ESCAPISM IS NOT AN OPTION AND WILL NOT MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER!
 
Chris Oz

Chris Oz

Well-Known Member
Stay strong man.

I'm really sorry about your relapse, but I like the energy and positive thinking.

I urge you to please and please find a schedule that allows for quality sleeping time. I also suggest you use this app that helps me fall asleep easily to help out - Sleep Sounds  by leap fitness group. Find it in playstore and use it. The natural sounds calms me and help me fall asleep easily.

I also urge you to find out why you sbaitage your self after 30 days. Try to reflect and get an action plan to work on when you get to that point of your recovery.

Take care, I'm wishing you good luck in this new streak
Chris
 
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davideyar

Member
2D 17H, NoPMO (November 14, 2020)

Chris - Hey man. Yeah. I will try the app out tonight. I mainly sabotage myself because of impatience and feeling like I haven't progressed even if I tried really hard. Of course, that is not true at all. Maybe I should plan out some sort of visual tracker that I can look at everyday to remind me of my progress. I do have a bullet journal but lately, I'm not using at as much.

Recovery Process

I have done a lot of things today expect the ones I set out to do last night lmao. I always do this. It is definitely some sort of procrastination. I want a change of environment really badly but this pandemic is such a pooper. I wish it would end sooner and everything would start to go back to normal. *sigh*

Anyways, I'm tired. That's it for today, friends.

PMO IS NOT AN OPTION. GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION!
 
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davideyar

Member
I am so overwhelmed by life lately. I don't even know how to describe how I feel. I hate this self-centeredness and self-loathing cycle.
 
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TimeToFaceReality

Member
I am with you there. This is difficult. Life is difficult right now and we are human. We are going to make it through. We are going to come out on the other side as changed people. I believe in you.
 
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davideyar

Member
[new streak: 11/22/20]
2D, 8H in nopmo

I'm back! I'm doing fine actually. I find that staying away online for the most part really helps. I'm only on YouTube most of the time I use my phone because I treat as a reward since I'm doing something else in the house for most of the day.

I also started playing the guitar. It's something I've always wanted to learn but never really got around to. Now I have all the time to finally learn it for real.

I've also been kinder to myself and started setting realistic expectations about what I can achieve. It's quite obvious that the reason why I was getting overwhelmed in the past was because of my unrealistic expectations to change everything myself all at once.

I'm learning to take one step at a time and taking time to appreciate how far I've come from the person I was a year ago. I'm so much better! Could I have progressed and changed a lot more? Of course but small progress is still progress!

One thing that's been helping a lot with the urges is really a perspective change. Realistically, how many times are we having sex in our lives? How many days and how many hours? Apparently, only 54 times a year according to an article I read.

My point is we spend a lot of time obsessing about something that happens only 54 times a year when there are more important things to worry about. I find that this perspective change has allowed me to look elsewhere and focus elsewhere instead of obsessing over something so minor.

As long as I focus on myself, my work, my family, and my social life, I know I will recover and successfully have sex when the opportunity comes.

Obviously not right now but after some time I will as long as I continue to focus on more important matters.

The obligatory mantra: PORN IS NOT AN OPTION!
 
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