Hey everyone,
My name is Kayden and I am 18 years old. I understand that this is the forum for 20-29 year olds but would really appreciate your additional support; also, many of the members of that forum do not have the same issues as me and don't seem the addiction as seriously. Anyways, this is going to be my journal to track my progress as well as add another aspect of accountability in my life (I am currently looking for an accountability partner as well).
My story:
I started watching porn when I was 12/13 years old I believe. I never felt super dependent on it, and would just PMO when I felt horny or was already erect. Around my freshman year, I started to masturbate extremely regularly and with more "prestigious" material. I would go on sites, which I will not mention to tempt anyone, that had all of the premium porn videos for free and began to fuel my addiction. Sophomore year, I had my first makeout and this was also the first time I sexually interacted with a girl. I was able to achieve an erection, at least to the best of my recollection, but we did not act on it. So, I think I still had sexual function. My junior year was really rough for me; I got caught up in completely unnecessary highschool drama and was left classified as an asshole and lost many of my friends. I felt really alone and began to watch porn more often. This past summer, I got into a friends with benefits with a girl. I don't know what I was thinking; I think I knew that I had PIED after my morning wood started to disappear but still decided to do this. Anyways, she confirmed my doubts. I had PIED, I couldn't get an erection during sexual intercourse, and at best, achieved a semi erection for 5ish minutes.
Immediately after, I decided to begin my reboot. I went through an on and off cycle for around three months, going around two weeks porn free and then relapsing. I also felt really alone; I didn't have any friends, my family was always preoccupied with something, and the girl who I had friends with benefits with, I started to develop strong feelings for, and then she left for college.
Regarding some of those other issues, I came to the conclusion that they weren't issues at all. I didn't have any friends because I got involved in drama that I shouldn't have gotten involved in, my fault. I began to fall in love with a girl who was going to eventually leave to college, when I should have been focusing on my college apps and building my life up instead.
My Reboot:
I hope my journey is somewhat clear. I suffer from PIED and am now aware of it. I have other "issues" which I have realized are not issues but learning points. So that leads to my reboot... What am I going to do?
For starters, I have adopted a mentality that states: I CAN DO THIS. I am a strong, and resilient man. I watched several youtube videos that preached that men who are able to control sexual habits, especially porn addiction, are STRONG, and I am certain that I am one of them. I will not succumb to my urges, but instead I will control them.
Second, I have adopted lifestyle changes to help me with my addiction. I am currently in the process of a 48 hour water fast. I am not certain if this will work, I will let you guys know once I have completed it, but it is supposed to help rewire the dopamine centers and gratification centers of your brain, the same ones that are fired during a reboot, helping addicts during a recovery process. But again, I am not an addict. I am a strong, and resilient man. Along with this, I have started to take cold showers to shock my body and build up self discipline: no sexual thoughts allowed! I have also taken on new hobbies: I used to play video games very regularly and also just wasted countless hours on youtube. Now, I read and am learning to play the guitar to really better myself and stay away from electronic devices.
Thirdly, I have started this: my accountability journal. I WILL post on this daily for I am a strong and resilient man. If anyone is interested in being an accountability partner, let me know, cause I am looking for one of those as well.
TLDR: I am in control of my reboot. I have changed my lifestyle and am doing what I can to be in the driving seat. I am a strong and resilient man that is not an addict, and simply needs to stop watching pornography.
My name is Kayden and I am 18 years old. I understand that this is the forum for 20-29 year olds but would really appreciate your additional support; also, many of the members of that forum do not have the same issues as me and don't seem the addiction as seriously. Anyways, this is going to be my journal to track my progress as well as add another aspect of accountability in my life (I am currently looking for an accountability partner as well).
My story:
I started watching porn when I was 12/13 years old I believe. I never felt super dependent on it, and would just PMO when I felt horny or was already erect. Around my freshman year, I started to masturbate extremely regularly and with more "prestigious" material. I would go on sites, which I will not mention to tempt anyone, that had all of the premium porn videos for free and began to fuel my addiction. Sophomore year, I had my first makeout and this was also the first time I sexually interacted with a girl. I was able to achieve an erection, at least to the best of my recollection, but we did not act on it. So, I think I still had sexual function. My junior year was really rough for me; I got caught up in completely unnecessary highschool drama and was left classified as an asshole and lost many of my friends. I felt really alone and began to watch porn more often. This past summer, I got into a friends with benefits with a girl. I don't know what I was thinking; I think I knew that I had PIED after my morning wood started to disappear but still decided to do this. Anyways, she confirmed my doubts. I had PIED, I couldn't get an erection during sexual intercourse, and at best, achieved a semi erection for 5ish minutes.
Immediately after, I decided to begin my reboot. I went through an on and off cycle for around three months, going around two weeks porn free and then relapsing. I also felt really alone; I didn't have any friends, my family was always preoccupied with something, and the girl who I had friends with benefits with, I started to develop strong feelings for, and then she left for college.
Regarding some of those other issues, I came to the conclusion that they weren't issues at all. I didn't have any friends because I got involved in drama that I shouldn't have gotten involved in, my fault. I began to fall in love with a girl who was going to eventually leave to college, when I should have been focusing on my college apps and building my life up instead.
My Reboot:
I hope my journey is somewhat clear. I suffer from PIED and am now aware of it. I have other "issues" which I have realized are not issues but learning points. So that leads to my reboot... What am I going to do?
For starters, I have adopted a mentality that states: I CAN DO THIS. I am a strong, and resilient man. I watched several youtube videos that preached that men who are able to control sexual habits, especially porn addiction, are STRONG, and I am certain that I am one of them. I will not succumb to my urges, but instead I will control them.
Second, I have adopted lifestyle changes to help me with my addiction. I am currently in the process of a 48 hour water fast. I am not certain if this will work, I will let you guys know once I have completed it, but it is supposed to help rewire the dopamine centers and gratification centers of your brain, the same ones that are fired during a reboot, helping addicts during a recovery process. But again, I am not an addict. I am a strong, and resilient man. Along with this, I have started to take cold showers to shock my body and build up self discipline: no sexual thoughts allowed! I have also taken on new hobbies: I used to play video games very regularly and also just wasted countless hours on youtube. Now, I read and am learning to play the guitar to really better myself and stay away from electronic devices.
Thirdly, I have started this: my accountability journal. I WILL post on this daily for I am a strong and resilient man. If anyone is interested in being an accountability partner, let me know, cause I am looking for one of those as well.
TLDR: I am in control of my reboot. I have changed my lifestyle and am doing what I can to be in the driving seat. I am a strong and resilient man that is not an addict, and simply needs to stop watching pornography.