Focus Checklist
Below is a checklist based on observations made since rejoining Reboot Nation, which include lengthy streaks (hitting 120 and 90 day abstinence challenges).
What worked for me, and what didn't work? This will help me to separate the wheat from the chaff concerning my efforts. I'll be able to sketch out what a successful recovery effort should look like- for me. While I deleted that list of what worked and what didn't, what came out of it is this focus checklist.
This list will be an assessment of what my recovery efforts need to look like going forward, in order to be successful:
Going Forward:
Keep and maintain an earnest and diligent approach toward recovery (99% is a bitch, 100% is a breeze!).
Continue helping others (don't be so self-focused, narcissistic).
Execute immediate changes toward thought-life (self-judgement) and social media (spirit and zeal of Phineas!).
Discern between urges versus needs (urges vary in intensity and frequency, but if related to unmet needs, they'll be emotional, and persistent).
Dismiss urges mindfully (neither resisting nor responding, the sine qua non of habit change).
Redirect needs toward God, wife, or others (pray in the Spirit, get up and go to office!).
Mostly, don't think about it!
Demystify or demythologize potential obsessions (in the spirit of ERP, or extinction therapy).
Restrict rationally, mindfully, without legalism (all social media platforms: in and out, unless purposeful).
Recognizing p-subs and edging as high-risk behavior (deescalate by dismissing urges).
Goal-keeping as motivated and energized by past accomplishments (use successes of self-control as further empowerment).
Provide transparent analysis (consider the intended audience > yourself!).
Keep in mind the wider perspective of recovery, especially in lieu of a lapse (within the past X-days, I've only lapsed Y-times).
Not defining yourself as the addiction (that is only part of my story, I have so much more to contribute).
Be compassionate, tolerant, and forgiving of yourself, especially in lapses (don't underestimate shame-based thinking, cancel with grace).
Even if you should have a moment, an hour, an evening, or several days of excess, the next morning is yours for you to recapture the equanimity and self-respect of your mindful self- Stanton Peele.
When wife goes out of town, nip any thought or behavior in the bud, before it becomes obsessive (don't go there to begin with! Drink from the Lord).
Extra-focus:
Find and maintain that fire and zeal (do we tolerate thoughts, do we execute self-judgment?)
Take very serious the emotional and spiritual aspects of recovery (is a downward emotional trend a precursor toward acting out?).
Challenge yourself to not rely on p-subs, fantasy or p-memory to offset performance anxiety.
Is it just selfish lust? Or is there a deeper emotional need (anxiety-driven)?
Know that lust can lead to risky behaviors (edging, p-subs), or even toward P/MO (stay in the Spirit in public, attributing all beauty to God).
Keep emotions in check if a woman connects (don't give away your power, be the man in control of himself).
You can cancel and veto any promise made to revisit or complete a P/MO session (don't take advantage of day 0).
Dismiss feelings of nostalgia as mere thought, or urges from the lower brain (remember AVRT).
Value and protect hard won freedom and purity, at all costs!
Employ extra-vigilance toward high-risk behavior (p-subs and edging).
Cultivate a hatred for the sin (contradicting your values and morals, robbing you of fruitfulness and destiny!)
Decrease a need for entertainment in the spirit of Stoicism.
Dismiss lapse-anticipation as mere thought/urge.
Use ASMR mindfully, only as needed for its intended purpose (are you using social media for emotional needs- mindlessly?).
Resent the hell that P/MO puts you through (consider the negatives of indulgence)!
Expand on greater meaning and purposes beyond the addicted lifestyle (deepen and focus on your why = the rewards of abstinence).
Using mindfulness to discover that space between urges and response (as in urge-surfing), and that space between lapse and abstinence:
Living in the present moment, accepting that this world- and my part in it- is valuable (this offsets escapism as a primary motive).
Consider the negatives of indulgence:
(temporary rewards for long term loss)
Regret
Guilt, shame (toxic), condemnation, that stays for up to 5 days.
Lost time
Lost fruitfulness
Tiredness and irritability the next day.
Resensitized neural pathways (re-habituation, continuation and prolonging of the addiction).
Neurological side effects: massive dopamine dump, frying the reward circuitry of the brain (escalation of addiction, loss of joy in life), DeltaFos B (p-memory, lasting 42-56 days), Hypofrontality (brain-fog, lasting 56 days).
Having more secrets to keep from the wife.
Loss of intimacy with wife and family.
Social anxiety, erosion of confidence (needed for friendships, business and ministry)
Sexual side effects: performance anxiety, and potential for PIED.
Wasting of creative energies, and increased demotivation.
Depression.
Loss of dreams, calling and destiny.
No fun time for self, when wife goes out of town (too busy with obsession, regret and fear of discovery, despite the pleasures of indulgence).
Losing yourself, morally and spiritually.
Appreciate the rewards of abstinence:
(long term rewards for short term discomfort)
Clear conscience (no regrets)
Clean feeling, inside and out.
No longer being an addict
Spiritual power and fruitfulness (anointed preaching/teaching, miracles, healing, deliverance for others)
Fulfilling my dreams and destiny
Holiness, sanctification and separation (Joseph/fruitfulness)
Intimacy with God and family
Deeper intimacy with wife (better sex, deeper emotions)
Social confidence (needed for business and ministry)
Increased creativity
Rediscovering my hobbies (art: drawing, painting; guitar playing, poetry)
Attractive to the opposite sex
Relating properly with the opposite sex (public, ministry and business)
Finding my true self.