How Shall We Escape?

Phineas 808

Respected Member
"How shall we escape, if we neglect so great salvation...?" - Hebrews 2:3a. *

This text has much significance to me. The patriarch Joseph fled and escaped from Potiphar's wife, who was sexually aggressive. Potiphar's wife represents pornography. Joseph represents our ability to flee and escape PMO.

(Gen 39:7-12; 1Cor 6:18; 10:14; 2Tim 2:22; 1Jn 5:21).

My Story

I am a man in his early 50's. I am finding freedom and victory over addictive sexual behaviors. Through the decades old fight, I have found what works for me.

I grew up in a loveless home, where emotional and occasional physical abuse occurred. As a child, I found pornography on the playground in the 4th or 5th grade, and took it home as a keepsake. My neighborhood friend also had a stash.

I ran away from home at age 13, kicked out at 16, and grew up on the streets. I was the victim of a trauma as a runaway, which compounded shame based thinking.

I became a Christian at age 18, but struggled with lust and masturbation. I was in a legalistic and spiritually abusive church for 9 years. I overcame for a limited time (1990-91).

Sharing my trauma to my (then) horrified girlfriend, the death of my mother (Dec, 1992), and years of legalistic abuse caused new behavioral addictions to surface and escalate. These struggles included pornography and masturbation. Getting married didn't end the struggle, as I created a double-life. I also had an obsession with prostitutes (1993-94) and going to video porn stores (6x ending 2003). I became secretive with T.V., home computer, and later the iPhone.

Trying different things to quit, I learned more about my addiction. I had different degrees of success (Patrick Carnes 2001; Desert Stream 2006), though often shame would drag me back down. Shame based thinking led to a lot of white-knuckled approaches.

I embraced the radical grace of God in 2013, and it began to undo my shame, a major driver of the addiction.

I joined Reboot Nation under a different name (2014-16), and accomplished long streaks without PMO or MO. I deleted my RN account after hitting my goals. I didn't want to identify with these behaviors any longer. I regretted this later...

I had hit 116 days without porn at least two different times. I even hit over 300 days, close to a year (March 2019 - March 2020) without going to porn sites!

Then the pandemic happened! I retired from a 22 year career and ended a close friendship at the same time (ongoing). Needless to say, I turned back to old habits of pmo 1-2x a week. This was due to unhealthy habits with social media: Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook.

Since June of 2020 I've been counting days again, at least until I can break this habit. My best didn't go past 24 days (July 2020), and I would average 8 days more or less without looking at porn.

I finally dealt with my social media use, and the relationship with my iPhone in general. This has so far given me 34 days free! This latest streak was significant, because I'm no longer using p-subs with social media, or edging! I'm yielding a more 'honest-reboot', a true and clean abstinence I can feel good about.

My Purpose in this Forum

First to help myself. This journal will help me to stay accountable to myself, and to focus on my current goals to end this habit. After reaching my goal of 120 days, I'll just live my life with new and better habits, without P, PMO, or MO.

Second, to help others in their journals with what works for me.

My Approach

All my successes have been without porn filters or blockers, and without accountability partners.

I focus on breaking the habit first without trying to heal the past, though we can do both simultaneously.

I do not embrace the disease model of addiction or 12-Step programs. But if this helps you, I won't knock it!

My approaches are mainly-

Spiritual: This will include prayer, meditation, reading scripture, etc... But I have learned to not be moralistic with yourself, as that only strengthens the habit.

I've found the most success under hyper-grace. This is to believe that, no matter what, you're forgiven of all your sins: past, present and future. And to also believe that you're loved, made righteous and saved, before you were ever born (all you have to do is believe).

Mindfulness: It's about being in the present moment. Instead of fighting urges head on, I use awareness, focusing on the breath as I dismiss urges nonjudgmentally. I repeat this for every wave of urges that come (urge surfing).

Science of habit-change: We may retrain the brain (neuroplasticity) away from these learned habits. This is more empowering to me than the disease model of addiction. We change the habits that surround our unwanted habit, as we take back our power.

My Plan Executed

My plan is to abstain from acting out to P, PMO or MO for 120 days. I'll have then retrained myself toward different behaviors and habits for life's circumstances.

Why this number? 120 is very spiritual (Gen 6:3; Acts 1:15; 2:1-4).

Also, it takes 90 days to promote habit change, and deal with the neural chemicals released during P, PMO:

DeltaFos B: 42-56 days (6-8 weeks), dealing with porn-memory.

Hypofrontality: 56 days (8 weeks), dealing with brain fog.

120 days = 15 x 8 (counting from 11/6/20, with completion dates):


8 days: 11/14/20
16 days: 11/22/20
24 days: 11/30/20
32 days: 12/8/20




40 days: 12/16/20
48 days: 12/24/20
56 days: 1/1/21
64 days: 1/9/21




72 days: 1/17/21
80 days: 1/25/21
88 days: 2/2/21
96 days: 2/10/21




104 days: 2/18/21
112 days: 2/26/21
120 days: 3/6/21

Goal Completed!

Blessings.
 
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Phineas 808

Respected Member
Progress Tracker (for the latest, see: Progress Tracker)

This post is to track my further progress beyond the 120 days accomplished above.

Streaks (since rejoining RN):

--> November 6, 2020 to March 25, 2021 were 139 days [P, PMO].

--> March 25, 2021 to May 17, 2021 were 53 days [19 >MO (30 day probationary), 39 > PMO].

--> May 17, 2021 to May 20, 2021 were 2 days [P, MO].

--> May 20, 2021 to June 3, 2021 were 14 days [Px2, PMO].

--> June 3, 2021 to [ongoing], with 91+ days [abstaining].

(8/8/21 = 66 days [MO], +1 day added to 90 day goal)

Probationary Lapse Strategy:

In the event of a lapse (after hitting a goal 120 or 90 days), I will go on as if no lapse occurred, albeit with extra vigilance.

But if another episode occurs within 30 days of a previous lapse, that will serve as a threshold toward counting days, and I will institute an abstinence challenge.



30 Day Probationary: 3/25/21 > 4/13/21 = 19

Lapse: 0 Ending: 0

Result: X



Abstinence Challenge:

I will abstain from P, PMO, MO for 90 days, counted as 9 x 10 = 90 [-1 >MO] +1 (counting from 6/03/21, to end on 9/02/21).

Red Phase

1. 10 days: 4/23/21, X (5/20/21), 5/30/21, 6/13/21

2. 20 days: 5/3/21, X (6/3/21), 6/23/21

3. 30 days: 5/13/21, 7/3/21



Blue Phase

4. 40 days: X (5/17/21), 7/13/21

5. 50 days: 7/23/21

6. 60 days: 8/2/21



Green Phase

7. 70 days: 8/12/21

8. 80 days: 8/22/21

9. 90+1 days: 9/2/21

Goal Completed!

Porn Free Summer!


(Summer = 6/20/21 - 9/22/21, or 93 days)



Current Progress:

Days Currently Abstinent from P, PMO, MO (-1) = 91+

Challenge Complete: 9/9

Streaks Since 11/6/20: 139, 19, 39, 2, 14, 91+

For further progress, see --->
Progress Tracker (Focus, 18 Principals, Joseph or Phineas?)
 
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LetItGoAlready

Active Member
Phineas/Leon - Welcome back! I know we crossed paths back in 2014. It's always a pleasure to welcome back a fellow returned traveler like myself!

Sorry the welcome is coming a bit late. Had I not just come off a recent relapse and used just about all of my available energy to resist the after effects, I surely would have reached out a lot sooner.

To your credit, though, you see to be doing quite well. With 34 days behind you and a more 'honest-reboot' that you feel good about, you seem like you're in a good place mentally and emotionally. I'm especially intrigued by the notion of cues vs triggers, and how each of these assumes the amount of power (or control) that we give to it. Definitely food for thought.

Keep plugging away, friend. You're making great progress here!
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Overview for Perspective:

Without focus:

It was probably 4x or 8x a month (1x to 2x a week)!

Before Reboot Nation:

Between June 19, 2020 and November 6, 2020 are 140 days with 12x episodes (12/140 = 8.57 < 91.43).

After Rejoining:

Between November 6, 2020 and May 17, 2021 are 192 days with 3x episodes (3/192 = 1.56 < 98.44).

Current Progress:

Comparing June 19, 2020 to 5/17/21 = 7.01% improvement, or 3x in 6 months (1x every 2 months) compared to 12x in 4 months (3x each month)!
 
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Phineas 808

Respected Member
Recovery Questions (areas of concern for weekly or so journal entries)

Core Questions:

These can be the basic structure of my weekly or bi-weekly posts, without overtly stating the questions.

1. Where am I now?

2. Am I being earnest and diligent in my approach?

3. How did you cope with negative emotions or stress?

4. How were deeper needs fulfilled?

Special Questions:

1. What are you grateful for?

2. What have you learned about yourself?

3. How do you envision your future self?

4. What hobby have you worked on?

5. How have you connected with friends or family?

6. What do you want to accomplish this week?

7. Who were you when no one was watching?

8. What are your long-term/short-term goals?

9. What motivates you now?

10. How did we flee temptation (like Joseph) this week?

11. How did we judge a thought or action (like Phineas) this week?

12. How are you strengthening resolve?

13. Are you engaged in 'middle-circle' behaviors like p-subs or edging?

14. What inspirational quote can you think of to motivate yourself?

15. Are you 'in-and-out' concerning social media, unless purposeful?

16. How does my acting-out hurt others?

17. How does my acting-out hurt myself?

18. How will my life improve when I'm no longer acting out?

19. Were there emotional trends toward acting out?

20. Is recovery or sobriety my number one priority?

21. Have you made love with your wife this week?

22. During last sexual episode, did you rely on fantasy or p-memory to stay engaged?

23. How is the teenage trauma healing or affecting you today?

24. How does father-wounding affect you today?

25. How does mother-wounding affect you today?

26. Are you lustful of women in public, or just appreciative of beauty?

27. Are you being vigilant or high-risk?

28. Do you hate sin, or wish you could do it under the 'right' circumstances?

29. Are you turning toward the Lord to meet your emotional/spiritual needs?

30. Do you feel good about your recovery overall? If not, how can you improve it?
 
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Gabe Deem

Administrator
Staff member
Admin
Moderator
Welcome back Phineas!

I like your approach and purpose. The saying "helping others, helps ourselves" has certainly proven true for me.

I have also been trying to kick a severe social media addiction that has gotten out of hand during Covid lockdowns, wishing you the best with it.

Congrats on your streaks of success. You've done it before, you can do it again. 

Hoping the best for you as you execute the plan. Discipline = Freedom.

Much love



 
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Thank you so much, Gabe Deem! I am certainly honored for you coming by my journal!

Indeed, these lockdowns are not normal, albeit necessary (?). But they are definitely a challenge. That's exactly what helped fuel the reemergence of my habits.

Social media has been the 'jump off point' for me into my old habits, as well. But, changing the habits surrounding the unwanted habits, has definitely helped.

Much love to you as well!

 
J

J01

Guest
Hi Phineas-good idea to begin a new restart.  Looks like you already have the tools and experience to make a good run.  Looking forward to hearing of your progress as you implement your plan.  Take care!
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Streaks Since Rejoining RN:

139 days > P, PMO (11/6/20 - 3/25/21)

53 days > PMO (3/25/21 - 5/17/21)

(4/13/21 = 19 days > MO, ending a 30 day probationary)

2 days > P, MO (5/17/21 - 5/20/21)

14 days > Px2, PMO (5/20/21 - 6/3/21)

157 days > P (6/3/21 - 11/7/21)

(8/8/21 = 66 days > MO and 10/26/21 = 79 days > MO)

52 days > PMO, P (11/7/29 - 12/29/21)

1 day > P (12/29/21 - 12/30/21)

64 days > PMO (12/30/21 - 3/4/22)

(1/12/22 = 13 days > MO and 1/16/22 = 4 days > MO)

3 days > P (3/4/22 - 3/7/22)

15 days > P (3/7/22 - 3/22/22)

5 days > PMO (3/22/22 - 3/27/22)

64 days > P (3/27/22 - 5/30/22)

3 days > PMO (5/30/22 - 6/2/22)

31 days > [abstaining]


Focus, 18 Principals, Joseph or Phineas? Social Media
 
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Phineas 808

Respected Member
Today I hit my goal of 16 days free of p and m/o! This is 2/15 toward my overall goal of 120 days free from unwanted behaviors.

While 16 days may not seem much, these 16 are by no means 'technical' or 'legalistic', but are days without any misuse of social media or T.V. toward p-subs, without any edging or m/o.

Lust in public? That remains ever a challenge, but I seek to be mindful about it. If I catch myself wanting to take what is a natural attraction into a lingering lustful glance, I'll redirect it away by acknowledging that only God is beautiful (absolutely), and/or remember that she is a person, someone's daughter, wife, etc...

So while I seek to cautiously celebrate this victory, celebration is certainly called for. We ought to celebrate even the smallest of victories.

The question I want to keep before me now is, Am I being serious about this habit-change? Or, am I simply going to be a serial relapser? For relapse, is there a re to my lapse? There was after a 34 day stint (before rejoining RN), when I lapsed (hard) on 10/31, and again 6 days later, 11/6 there was a re to my lapse, and hence, potentially a relapse. This isn't being unduly harsh on myself, but a question of how serious am I? After being a decades old issue, if I want real change, I have to be dead-dog serious.

I feel real good, though. And it's because I don't have a bunch of compromises muddying up the water, but am finding what is really helping me right now. I remember hitting various goals before, and yes, 'technically' I didn't p/mo, but maybe I had some p-sub activity, maybe I was 'white-knuckling' because of what I really wanted to be doing? What I'm after here is real habit-change, so I can be pure and fruitful in my life, spiritually, emotionally, and be a real person to my family.

Grateful to be here. 
 

Joel

Active Member
Congrats on the milestone, Phineus. Your self awareness, seriousness and dedication to beating this is definitely apparent in your posts.

Compromises and gateways definitely muddy the water as it keeps those old links alive. Perfectionism can be dangerous too, remember to be forgiving to yourself if there's some kind of slip. This is a decades old habit tied into us and recovery isn't linear.

when tempted, perhaps lean into this other person want to be through action; eg what does pure and fruitful in my life, spiritually, emotionally, and be a real person to my family look like? Maybe you could come up with some actions that personify these things and do them when you feel you've stumbled a couple of steps in the wrong direction.

Enjoy the celebration. Onward!
 

stepbystep

Active Member
Congrats Phineas! You're giving me inspiration to follow your footsteps. How do you handle the situation when you have a trigger? Trying to come up with a good plan now. (Actually looking through your links -- I think it has some great material I plan to go through in the next few days)
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Are you fleeing like Joseph? (#1)
Where is the zeal of Phineas?


8/8/21- late September > Struggling with temptations to MO, and involving edging and p-subs.

9/20/21 > Edging, p-subs. Clicked on link in alt-YouTube, saw P. Didn’t pursue or obsess, returned to p-subs and edging. Worked it out with wife in the morning. No fault.

9/21/21 > Have yet to purge social media. Ambivalent as usual: is it overly restrictive? Necessary? Does the content lead to lust or acting out? Alt-platforms need to be shut down, but do they act as a buffer? Feel better, but still in a precarious situation...

9/21/21 - 9/22/21 > Felt equanimity, normalcy. At evening (21st) saw p-subs of undeleted profile, exciting. Awoke (22nd) at 4 am, left phone behind, felt okay. But had mw, edged a little, went back to sleep.

9/22/21 - 9/23/21 > Deleted only 2 follows from IG (1 the above mentioned profile), but everything else seemed normal unrestricted freedom (?). I did address the algorithms in IG successfully. Did obsess on p-subs in afternoon (disrupted) and early next morning, after edging and waking from a near wet dream. I disrupted this with a search on alt-IG for [Meed Ebag].

9/23/21 - 9/24/21 > Though feeling so close to PMO yesterday (no opportunity), I felt fine last night and now. There's no edging and no p-subs. I'm feeling diligent but relaxed, equanimous. Feeling hopeful. Be vigilant.

9/24/21 - 9/25/21 > Had opportunity to PMO yesterday, but I was too busy building my new life. I didn't want to. I felt fine. However in the early morning hours, perhaps after taking an oxycodone (for shoulder), I edged. However, when I got up, I did not take my phone with me. When I went back to bed, prayed and fell back to sleep.

9/25/21 - 9/26/21 > In the daytime was okay. At night p-subs after I awoke (phone in restroom). Earlier profile and post saved, deleted this morning. Edging minimal. Listened to ASMR = mindful, ERP version. Spiritual warfare.

9/27/21 > Began social media purge: IG, YT, FB (to follow). Same difficulties remain, but greater resolve to cut deeper. No p-subs. Urges to edge, dismissed.

9/28/21 > Purging on IG, FB, continues. Photogenic ~ 24 limits pics to as many. No episodes of p-subs or edging, despite slight urges for the latter.

10/2/21 > No p-subs, no edging for a little while now. Vid in IG looked good, had to distract. She's a follow, so...(?). Social media = in-and-out.

10/2/21 - 10/3/21 > Was tempted to PMO. Resisted, prayed, praised, finally did a teaching. P-subs, deleted two more follows on IG. Edging last night, brief but serious.

Commentary:

Dig in, purge social media and delete “proton” accounts... “...if your right eye, right hand causes you to stumble, cut them off and throw them from you”

Trying to view this non-judgmentally, as shame would only compound this. Found that 'praying about this' seemed to only feed the temptations to P, MO (?).

This does go back to prior to 8/8/21, and stems from an interaction on Messenger where I was sent a picture of a vagina, interactions around that.

Early September there was an acute and heightened awareness of enemy activity seeming to target my marriage, and indirectly, my abstinence.

Edging and p-subs seemed to increase after a young Pakistani girl (18) reached out to me on Messenger, WhatsApp, wanting me to be her 'father'. I've kept this 'clean' so far, emphasizing our spiritual connection, but suspect that she wants a more 'emotional' connection, though she knows I'm married.

Spiritual warfare reminds me of the seriousness of being moral in God's eyes, and of what's at stake in terms of calling and destiny. Must find a way to break out of this habit with edging/p-subs! PMO is not too far behind. Don't want a 'replacement' habit! Where is the fire, where is the zeal? Am I running? Am I fighting on a fundamental level?

Successive days (+5) without returning to p-subs or edging as habits. Discontinue this post (too lengthy)? Start another one as needed?
 
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Phineas 808

Respected Member
stepbystep said:
Congrats Phineas! You're giving me inspiration to follow your footsteps. How do you handle the situation when you have a trigger? Trying to come up with a good plan now. (Actually looking through your links -- I think it has some great material I plan to go through in the next few days)

Thank you, sbs! Welcome to my journal!

What others call 'triggers' I prefer to call 'cues', because trigger seems disempowering to me, like it takes power out of your hands, and makes the habit or addiction more powerful. We have to shift power from the external cues or triggers, or pmo, to the internal ability to wait out urges, and let them pass.

So, if a cue causes urges to rise in me, I'll mindfully become aware of it. I'll even stop at that moment (like your stepping outside of yourself) and check my pulse-rate, and notice how shallow your breathing has become. Be non-judgmental toward yourself, for the thoughts and urges you're having. See the urges as outside of you, or as mere thought, powerless to make you do anything. Now just breathe slower, deeper, and more methodical. Stay in this awareness, and watch the urge go on by. Check your pulse again, and you can feel that it slowed down, and your breathing is more relaxed. You can even become expectant that another urge may come, but same thing, just be mindful of it, and slow your breathing down. Focus on your breath, and let the urge pass.

This is all in my A.W.A.R.E. acronym:

A.W.A.R.E.

A
- Acceptance. Be accepting, even welcoming of the urges to P, PMO or MO;

W- Watchful. Watch as an outside observer without judgment, with compassion and understanding.

A- Act. Take action on these urges by breathing deep, and staying calm in the moment. Without responding to the urges, for or against, neither feed nor fight the urges, just breathe through them until they pass!

R- Repeat. Repeat steps 1-3, until the urges pass. Hence the term 'urge surfing' as urges often come in waves.

E- Expect. Know that these urges, and whatever cues or 'triggers' them for you will come, but have an expectancy that you will handle them successfully.


Yes, I have some good stuff in those links above, and they're things that have certainly helped me make progress. I may provide some other links to other helpful tools in the near future.

Addendum: urge-surfing likened by me to ignoring a telemarketer, and to ignoring that creepy ex-girl friend if you see her, but she doesn't see you, but is looking for you.
 
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LetItGoAlready

Active Member
A.W.A.R.E.

A - Acceptance. Be accepting, even welcoming of the anxious feelings, urges or fantasies;

W- Watchful. Watch as an outside observer without judgment, with compassion and understanding.

A- Act. Take action on these feelings, in terms of breathing deep, staying calm in the moment.

R- Repeat. Repeat steps 1-3, until the feeling passes.

E- Expect. Know that these feelings of anxiety, triggers, or urges will come, but have an expectancy that you will handle them successfully.

Hi Phineas - I like the simple mindfulness approach of your AWARE strategy. It can be difficult to think clearly if we allow ourselves to be pulled in by the noisy, obsessive chatter in our heads, which is why a simple strategy like yours is probably best. Thanks for sharing this with the board. I'm sure many will benefit from it!
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Are you fleeing like Joseph? (#2)
Where is the zeal of Phineas?


10/26/21 > Lapsed to MO. There was no P, and so no PMO, and no reset. There were no p-subs involved. Though I deleted saved photos in IG (Photogenic 24), but no obsessing. Also watched an ASMR video (spiritual), but didn't go to sleep doing that...

10/27/21 > No episodes of p-subs or edging, and no repeat of previous night's MO session.

10/28 - 10/29 > No episodes of p-subs or edging. Music video seen on IG that is alluring (by Twice), exciting. Wife and I made love, it was good.

10/31 - 11/1 > Used p-subs via YT, ASMR videos and edged. Saved those first day. Second day was upset, depressed and angry all day due to fighting with wife. Used same or similar ASMR videos the 2nd night with edging.

11/2/21 > At 3am I brought my phone with me into the restroom, but instead of looking up P (though I typed in 'Asians kissing'), I deleted a couple of saved videos on YT. It wasn't in me to act out, and I wasn't going to force myself to- as if expected of me.

11/6/21 > Yesterday I (finally) deleted two alternate accounts (preemptive strike): Youtube, Instagram. I did edge last night, but stopped. Previous days (2x) intense p-sub sessions, reminiscent of Pinterest, or March - November 2020 days. Wife out of town for 2 nights. Lapse anticipation still strong, but making a stand.

Commentary:

Counter was initially reset, but then I reversed this: no reset. It was mostly done in a mindful way, without fantasy, without p-subs, and so was no need to reset. I am tracking, and am mindful to undo any habits surrounding p-subs or edging that may have led up to this.

Was so down on 10/31/21, and it seemed that p-subs, edging were the answer...

What am I going to do to reinstate Joseph and Phineas? I feel very close to a lapse to P/MO.

Reading 1Cor 9 (along with Ps 1) has given me perspective to how I should be...

A lapse (or relapse) doesn't have to be the expected end, maybe now I will turn the tide. Stay in the Spirit and drink from the Lord while wife is out of town (x2). Have fun and rest!
 
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Phineas 808

Respected Member
Helpful Links to Websites and Posts!

Here are several links that I find helpful, toward keeping sharp and focused.

Note: Several links deal with other issues not related to P/MO, but are listed due to their cross-over applicability.

External Links

Overcoming Temptation With Grace

How to Overcome Sexual Temptation

Understanding Lust and Sexual Pursuits

Fourteen Weapons for Overcoming Lust

Admiration is not Lust

The "Porn is NOT an Option" Mindset

Fight the New Drug

Neuroscience of Internet Pornography Addiction


Other Addictions with Crossover applicability

Brain Over Binge Basics (ebook)

10 Big Ideas About Ending Habits and Addictions

The Abstinence Violation Effect (or AVE)


Inspiring Journals:

Omega Man (in YBR)

Wanking Since Woodstock

SMS (Saving My Soul)

Making Recovery #1 Priority

I'll add links to the above list of these journals if need be. Stay tuned!
 
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Phineas 808

Respected Member
Progress Tracker

This [gutted] post is to further track my progress beyond the successful 90+1 day challenge above.

The issue here is to simply live life free from P, PMO, and MO. This is in the context of diminishing and defeating challenges from my own social media use and the issues of p-subs and edging that could come from that. It also involves working on my issues, avoiding pitfalls, and drawing closer to God to heal me, and meet all my needs.

In lieu of a slip or lapse, or even relapse, the questions are:

Can I bring it under control?

Can abstinence without habitual obsessing be reestablished?

In the event that control is difficult to reestablish, or lapsing occurs too frequently, I will refocus on my methods and sharpen my resolve.

Too frequent? 1x - 2x a week (or more) or 3x - 4x a month (or more), as before RN.

Lapse Tracking: (from Jan 12, 2022)

PMO
> 3/4/22, 3/27/22, 6/2/22

P
> 3/7/22, 3/22/22, 5/30/22

MO > 1/12/22, 1/16/22

Previous Tracker

Current Streak:

I am currently 31 days without P, PMO, or MO.

Current Goal: 40 days.



Hot links to help focus:

Focus
18 Principals
Joseph or Phineas?
Social Media
Overnighter Action Plan
Recovery Questions

Singature: .
 
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Joel

Active Member
Sounds good, Phineus! Seems like such a small tweak. But this habit change was a huge gamechanger in my recovery.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Joel said:
Sounds good, Phineus! Seems like such a small tweak. But this habit change was a huge gamechanger in my recovery.

Thank you, Joel, definitely! It sure is helping me now, but I have to remain vigilant.

Along that line, I perhaps had my most serious challenge last night, since my last episode (11/6). I had some urges come up as I lay in bed, and it seemed a little strong. I knew that if I acted on them, even a little, I might be embroiled in a full on episode. It was, again, around social media- Youtube. It wasn't anything overtly sensual, but I could tell I was affected by it. It goes to show that I have to apply more vigilance, and give this thing no place in my heart, or habits.

The urge passed, as I didn't respond to it, as I lay in bed for sleep.

I did make assessment if there was anything I needed to 'unlike' or 'unfollow' in various social media platforms, or anything like that- not in a legalistic fashion, but in a serious 'NO!' to these behaviors.

 
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