How Shall We Escape?

Phineas 808

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"How shall we escape, if we neglect so great salvation...?" - Hebrews 2:3a.

This text has much significance to me. The patriarch Joseph fled and escaped from Potiphar's wife, who was sexually aggressive. Potiphar's wife represents our addiction to pornography. Joseph represents our ability to flee and escape PMO.

And there is no escape without appreciating the role that grace plays in one's life.

(Gen 39:7-12; [Rom 5:20; 6:14; 8:1]; 1Cor 6:18; 10:14; 2Tim 2:22; 1Jn 5:21)

My Story

I am a man in his early 50's. I am finding freedom and victory over addictive sexual behaviors. Through the decades old fight, I have found what works for me.

I grew up in a loveless home, where emotional and occasional physical abuse occurred. As a child, I found pornography on the playground in the 4th or 5th grade, and took it home as a keepsake. My neighborhood friend also had a stash.

I ran away from home at age 13, kicked out at 16, and grew up on the streets. I was the victim of a trauma as a runaway, which compounded shame based thinking.

I became a Christian at age 18, but struggled with lust and masturbation. I was in a legalistic and spiritually abusive church for 9 years. I overcame for a limited time (1990-91).

Sharing my trauma to my (then) horrified girlfriend, the death of my mother (Dec, 1992), and years of legalistic abuse conditioned new behavioral addictions to surface and escalate. These struggles included pornography and masturbation. Getting married didn't end the struggle, as I created a double-life. I also had an obsession with prostitutes (1993-94) and going to video porn stores (6x ending 2003). I became secretive with T.V., home computer, and later the iPhone.

Trying different things to quit, I learned more about my addiction. I had different degrees of success (Patrick Carnes 2001; Desert Stream 2006), though often shame would drag me back down. Shame based thinking led to a lot of white-knuckled approaches.

I embraced the radical grace of God in 2013, and it began to undo my shame, a major driver of the addiction.

I joined Reboot Nation under a different name (2014-16, x19), and accomplished long streaks without PMO or MO. I deleted my RN account after hitting my goals. I didn't want to identify with these behaviors any longer. I regretted this later...

I had hit 116 days without porn at least two different times. I even hit over 300 days, close to a year 2x without going to porn sites!

(1st = July 2017 - July 2018; 2nd = March 2019 - March 2020)

Then the pandemic happened! I retired from a 22 year career and ended a close friendship at the same time (ongoing). Needless to say, I turned back to old habits of pmo 1-2x a week. This was due to unhealthy habits with social media: Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook.

Since June of 2020 I've been counting days again, at least until I can break this habit. My best didn't go past 24 days (July 2020), and I would average 8 days more or less without looking at porn.

I finally dealt with my social media use, and the relationship with my iPhone in general. This has so far given me 34 days free! This latest streak was significant, because I'm no longer using p-subs with social media, or edging! I'm yielding a more 'honest-reboot', a true and clean abstinence I can feel good about.

My Purpose in this Forum

First to help myself. This journal will help me to stay accountable to myself, and to focus on my current goals to end this habit. After reaching my goal of 120 days, I'll just live my life with new and better habits, without P, PMO, or MO.

Second, to help others in their journals with what works for me.

My Approach

All my successes have been without porn filters or blockers, and without accountability partners.

I focus on breaking the habit first without trying to heal the past, though we can do both simultaneously.

I do not embrace the disease model of addiction or 12-Step programs. But if this helps you, I won't knock it!

My approaches are mainly-

Spiritual: This will include prayer, meditation, reading scripture, etc... But I have learned to not be moralistic with yourself, as that only strengthens the habit.

I've found the most success under hyper-grace. This is to believe that, no matter what, you're forgiven of all your sins: past, present and future. And to also believe that you're loved, made righteous and saved, before you were ever born (all you have to do is believe).

Mindfulness: It's about being in the present moment. Instead of fighting urges head on, I use awareness, focusing on the breath as I dismiss urges nonjudgmentally. I repeat this for every wave of urges that come (urge surfing).

Science of habit-change: We may retrain the brain (neuroplasticity) away from these learned habits. This is more empowering to me than the disease model of addiction. We change the habits that surround our unwanted habit, as we take back our power.

My Plan Executed

My plan is to abstain from acting out to P, PMO or MO for 120 days. I'll have then retrained myself toward different behaviors and habits for life's circumstances.

Why this number? 120 is very spiritual (Gen 6:3; Acts 1:15; 2:1-4).

Also, it takes 90 days to promote habit change, and deal with the neural chemicals released during P, PMO:

DeltaFos B: 42-56 days (6-8 weeks), dealing with porn-memory.

Hypofrontality: 56 days (8 weeks), dealing with brain fog.

120 days = 15 x 8 (counting from 11/6/20, with completion dates):


8 days: 11/14/20
16 days: 11/22/20
24 days: 11/30/20
32 days: 12/8/20




40 days: 12/16/20
48 days: 12/24/20
56 days: 1/1/21
64 days: 1/9/21




72 days: 1/17/21
80 days: 1/25/21
88 days: 2/2/21
96 days: 2/10/21




104 days: 2/18/21
112 days: 2/26/21
120 days: 3/6/21

Goal Completed!

Blessings.
 
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Phineas 808

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Progress Tracker (for the latest, see: Progress Tracker)

This post is to track my further progress beyond the 120 days accomplished above.

Streaks (since rejoining RN):

--> November 6, 2020 to March 25, 2021 were 139 days [P, PMO].

--> March 25, 2021 to May 17, 2021 were 53 days [19 >MO (30 day probationary), 39 > PMO].

--> May 17, 2021 to May 20, 2021 were 2 days [P, MO].

--> May 20, 2021 to June 3, 2021 were 14 days [Px2, PMO].

--> June 3, 2021 to [ongoing], with 91+ days [abstaining].

(8/8/21 = 66 days [MO], +1 day added to 90 day goal)

Probationary Lapse Strategy:

In the event of a lapse (after hitting a goal 120 or 90 days), I will go on as if no lapse occurred, albeit with extra vigilance.

But if another episode occurs within 30 days of a previous lapse, that will serve as a threshold toward counting days, and I will institute an abstinence challenge.



30 Day Probationary: 3/25/21 > 4/13/21 = 19

Lapse: 0 Ending: 0

Result: X



Abstinence Challenge:

I will abstain from P, PMO, MO for 90 days, counted as 9 x 10 = 90 [-1 >MO] +1 (counting from 6/03/21, to end on 9/02/21).

Red Phase

1. 10 days: 4/23/21, X (5/20/21), 5/30/21, 6/13/21

2. 20 days: 5/3/21, X (6/3/21), 6/23/21

3. 30 days: 5/13/21, 7/3/21



Blue Phase

4. 40 days: X (5/17/21), 7/13/21

5. 50 days: 7/23/21

6. 60 days: 8/2/21



Green Phase

7. 70 days: 8/12/21

8. 80 days: 8/22/21

9. 90+1 days: 9/2/21

Goal Completed!

Porn Free Summer!


(Summer = 6/20/21 - 9/22/21, or 93 days)



Current Progress:

Days Currently Abstinent from P, PMO, MO (-1) = 91+

Challenge Complete: 9/9

Streaks Since 11/6/20: 139, 19, 39, 2, 14, 91+

For further progress, see --->
Progress Tracker (Focus, 18 Principals, Joseph or Phineas?)
 
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LetItGoAlready

Active Member
Phineas/Leon - Welcome back! I know we crossed paths back in 2014. It's always a pleasure to welcome back a fellow returned traveler like myself!

Sorry the welcome is coming a bit late. Had I not just come off a recent relapse and used just about all of my available energy to resist the after effects, I surely would have reached out a lot sooner.

To your credit, though, you see to be doing quite well. With 34 days behind you and a more 'honest-reboot' that you feel good about, you seem like you're in a good place mentally and emotionally. I'm especially intrigued by the notion of cues vs triggers, and how each of these assumes the amount of power (or control) that we give to it. Definitely food for thought.

Keep plugging away, friend. You're making great progress here!
 

Phineas 808

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Recovery Questions (areas of inquiry for hard journal entries or simple contemplation)

Select 1 Core Question and 1 Special Question randomly via a 6 sided and a 30 sided die, respectively.

Core Questions:

1. Am I mindfully in the present moment?

2. Am I trying to fix myself? Like, is there 'a plan', is there 'a goal'?

3. Are you sitting with negative emotions or stress? Or is it needful to change your inner state?

4. How are deeper needs being fulfilled?

5. Are you projecting your future self?

6. Are you changing unwanted behaviors with willpower or no-willpower?

Special Questions:

1. What are you grateful for?

2. What are you learning about yourself?

3. Are you actively visualizing your future self?

4. What hobby have you practiced lately?

5. How are you connecting with friends or family?

6. What goal (large or small) can you accomplish today?

7. What is the 'big-picture' for the dream you wish to accomplish in this life?

8. Are you recovered (now) or recovering (perpetual)?

9. How are you increasing your deeper why?

10. Did you pray through temptation in the Spirit when necessary?

11. Are you diligent in your thought-life?

12. Are you resolved toward mindfulness and radical acceptance?

13. Are you using p-subs or edging?

14. What quote inspires you right now?

15. Are you using social media with purpose, or being properly restrictive? Does it feel obsessive/excessive?

1) Flee like Joseph;

2) If your right eye / right hand offend thee (causes you to stumble), pluck it out / cut it off!

16. How does my acting-out hurt others?

17. How does my acting-out hurt myself?

18. How has my life improved without P, PMO or MO?

19. Do you feel worthy of love and affection? If not, why not?

20. Is living in my freedom my number one priority?

21. Have you made love with your wife this week?

22. During your last sexual encounter, did you rely on fantasy or p-memory to stay engaged?

23. Did you emotionally connect with your wife lately?

24. How are childhood and teenage traumas being healed through mindfulness?

25. How are father and mother-wounding being mindfully processed and healed?

26. Are you appreciative of women's beauty in public, or lustful (anxiety-driven)?

27. Are you vigilant toward a mindful non-willpower approach?

28. Is it a sin-issue (moral), or an addiction issue (biological/behavioral/habitual)?

29. Are you turning toward the Lord to meet your emotional/spiritual needs?

30. Do you feel free? If not, can you reorient yourself (by faith or radical acceptance) toward new-paradigm non-willpower approach?
 
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Gabe Deem

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Welcome back Phineas!

I like your approach and purpose. The saying "helping others, helps ourselves" has certainly proven true for me.

I have also been trying to kick a severe social media addiction that has gotten out of hand during Covid lockdowns, wishing you the best with it.

Congrats on your streaks of success. You've done it before, you can do it again. 

Hoping the best for you as you execute the plan. Discipline = Freedom.

Much love



 
 

Phineas 808

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Thank you so much, Gabe Deem! I am certainly honored for you coming by my journal!

Indeed, these lockdowns are not normal, albeit necessary (?). But they are definitely a challenge. That's exactly what helped fuel the reemergence of my habits.

Social media has been the 'jump off point' for me into my old habits, as well. But, changing the habits surrounding the unwanted habits, has definitely helped.

Much love to you as well!

 
J

J01

Guest
Hi Phineas-good idea to begin a new restart.  Looks like you already have the tools and experience to make a good run.  Looking forward to hearing of your progress as you implement your plan.  Take care!
 

Phineas 808

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Don't count the days, make the days count. - Muhammad Ali

Without counting days, what are the markers of progress?

The way it may be now--- actively taking those pauses before you act; dismissing urges in perhaps a more puposeful, hit-or-miss- way; your mind still naturally gravitating toward habitual thoughts about your habit that feel real and action-worthy---is not how it will be forever.

When you forget that, it is all too easy to give up. It's easy to think, This is too hard. I don't want to feel like this forever. But it won't feel like this forever. Your habit provides a quick fix for terrible discomforts that can often feel too much to bear. But you can experience a new normal, one in which your mind slows down and you feel more comfortable within yourself. There will be a day when your habit is no longer on your mind.

There will be a shift at some point, and you'll feel like your habit is behind you. That won't mean you are immune from ever stumbling back into your habit; it just means that things will feel different. The shift will feel substantial, as if your foundation has changed. You will come to see your urges, your habit, and your capacity for resilience in a different way. If you are really blessed, you will see life in a different way. You will begin to rest easier, knowing that you are going to be okay, no matter what happens in the future.

...Understanding the underlying system allows for foundational shifts that reach far beyond specific behaviors.

[example of learning the principles of baking]

...The same thing happened when I saw that my urges to binge were neurological junk that would fade on their own. I became excited about experiencing them and letting them fade, because I knew that would eventually mean the end of my habit. In many ways things will never be the same again. I still experienced urges for a while, and they were still uncomfortable... But the foundation had shifted such that I knew there were principles at play- similar to those principles of baking I had learned--- that were dependable and unwavering. I had a peek into the system, and understanding the system took away the panic and powerlessness. Even when my temporary thoughts looked real, and even when I got caught up in them and binged, I knew that the foundation had shifted and that things were changing.

That shift will happen for you as well, and when it does, things will get easier. How you relate to your habit is always evolving. Some people experience it as a series of steps, each one helping you reach new levels of freedom from your habit. Others experience it as one big leap. Some go only forward; others go forward, sometimes slip back, and then move forward again. Your path will be unique to you, but know that you are on a path. If you keep looking in this direction, at these principles and truths about yourself and your habit, you will continue seeing more, and what you see will help you.

...Falling back into habitual behavior is the rule, not the exception, and it means absolutely nothing. It is a reflection of the fact that your mind got very full and busy---nothing else.

...What is more accurate [rather than the black or white, do-or-die, all-or-nothing, type of thinking]--- and infinitely more helpful---is the understanding that falling back into your habit at some point is not only really, really common, but also totally and completely meaningless.


Dr. Amy Johnson, The Little Book of Big Change, pgs. 168 - 171, 177 - 178.

Model for habit change:

Addiction: trigger/cue > urge + repetitious response = continued habit/addiction.

Freedom: trigger/cue > urge + repetitious non-response, or a different response = habit change.




Focus, 18 Principals, Joseph or Phineas? Social Media
 
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Phineas 808

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Today I hit my goal of 16 days free of p and m/o! This is 2/15 toward my overall goal of 120 days free from unwanted behaviors.

While 16 days may not seem much, these 16 are by no means 'technical' or 'legalistic', but are days without any misuse of social media or T.V. toward p-subs, without any edging or m/o.

Lust in public? That remains ever a challenge, but I seek to be mindful about it. If I catch myself wanting to take what is a natural attraction into a lingering lustful glance, I'll redirect it away by acknowledging that only God is beautiful (absolutely), and/or remember that she is a person, someone's daughter, wife, etc...

So while I seek to cautiously celebrate this victory, celebration is certainly called for. We ought to celebrate even the smallest of victories.

The question I want to keep before me now is, Am I being serious about this habit-change? Or, am I simply going to be a serial relapser? For relapse, is there a re to my lapse? There was after a 34 day stint (before rejoining RN), when I lapsed (hard) on 10/31, and again 6 days later, 11/6 there was a re to my lapse, and hence, potentially a relapse. This isn't being unduly harsh on myself, but a question of how serious am I? After being a decades old issue, if I want real change, I have to be dead-dog serious.

I feel real good, though. And it's because I don't have a bunch of compromises muddying up the water, but am finding what is really helping me right now. I remember hitting various goals before, and yes, 'technically' I didn't p/mo, but maybe I had some p-sub activity, maybe I was 'white-knuckling' because of what I really wanted to be doing? What I'm after here is real habit-change, so I can be pure and fruitful in my life, spiritually, emotionally, and be a real person to my family.

Grateful to be here. 
 

Joel

Active Member
Congrats on the milestone, Phineus. Your self awareness, seriousness and dedication to beating this is definitely apparent in your posts.

Compromises and gateways definitely muddy the water as it keeps those old links alive. Perfectionism can be dangerous too, remember to be forgiving to yourself if there's some kind of slip. This is a decades old habit tied into us and recovery isn't linear.

when tempted, perhaps lean into this other person want to be through action; eg what does pure and fruitful in my life, spiritually, emotionally, and be a real person to my family look like? Maybe you could come up with some actions that personify these things and do them when you feel you've stumbled a couple of steps in the wrong direction.

Enjoy the celebration. Onward!
 

stepbystep

Active Member
Congrats Phineas! You're giving me inspiration to follow your footsteps. How do you handle the situation when you have a trigger? Trying to come up with a good plan now. (Actually looking through your links -- I think it has some great material I plan to go through in the next few days)
 

Phineas 808

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stepbystep said:
Congrats Phineas! You're giving me inspiration to follow your footsteps. How do you handle the situation when you have a trigger? Trying to come up with a good plan now. (Actually looking through your links -- I think it has some great material I plan to go through in the next few days)

Thank you, sbs! Welcome to my journal!

What others call 'triggers' I prefer to call 'cues', because trigger seems disempowering to me, like it takes power out of your hands, and makes the habit or addiction more powerful. We have to shift power from the external cues or triggers, or pmo, to the internal ability to wait out urges, and let them pass.

So, if a cue causes urges to rise in me, I'll mindfully become aware of it. I'll even stop at that moment (like your stepping outside of yourself) and check my pulse-rate, and notice how shallow your breathing has become. Be non-judgmental toward yourself, for the thoughts and urges you're having. See the urges as outside of you, or as mere thought, powerless to make you do anything. Now just breathe slower, deeper, and more methodical. Stay in this awareness, and watch the urge go on by. Check your pulse again, and you can feel that it slowed down, and your breathing is more relaxed. You can even become expectant that another urge may come, but same thing, just be mindful of it, and slow your breathing down. Focus on your breath, and let the urge pass.

This is all in my A.W.A.R.E. acronym:

A.W.A.R.E.

A
- Acceptance. Be accepting, even welcoming of the urges to P, PMO or MO;

W- Watchful. Watch as an outside observer without judgment, with compassion and understanding.

A- Act. Take action on these urges by breathing deep, and staying calm in the moment. Without responding to the urges, for or against, neither feed nor fight the urges, just breathe through them until they pass!

R- Repeat. Repeat steps 1-3, until the urges pass. Hence the term 'urge surfing' as urges often come in waves.

E- Expect. Know that these urges, and whatever cues or 'triggers' them for you will come, but have an expectancy that you will handle them successfully.


Yes, I have some good stuff in those links above, and they're things that have certainly helped me make progress. I may provide some other links to other helpful tools in the near future.

Addendum: urge-surfing likened by me to ignoring a telemarketer, and to ignoring that creepy ex-girl friend if you see her, but she doesn't see you, but is looking for you.
 
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LetItGoAlready

Active Member
A.W.A.R.E.

A - Acceptance. Be accepting, even welcoming of the anxious feelings, urges or fantasies;

W- Watchful. Watch as an outside observer without judgment, with compassion and understanding.

A- Act. Take action on these feelings, in terms of breathing deep, staying calm in the moment.

R- Repeat. Repeat steps 1-3, until the feeling passes.

E- Expect. Know that these feelings of anxiety, triggers, or urges will come, but have an expectancy that you will handle them successfully.

Hi Phineas - I like the simple mindfulness approach of your AWARE strategy. It can be difficult to think clearly if we allow ourselves to be pulled in by the noisy, obsessive chatter in our heads, which is why a simple strategy like yours is probably best. Thanks for sharing this with the board. I'm sure many will benefit from it!
 

Phineas 808

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Notes for Future Use

The criteria for discussing with [...]

1. All that's required is to prove a thing beyond all reasonable doubt, not beyond all possible doubt.

2. In disussing God or spiritual truths, it must be admitted that it requires instruments of measurement that are beyond us.

3. It must be admitted that beyond reason versus unreason there is meta reason, something that transcends our normal modes of cognition.
 
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Phineas 808

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Progress

This [gutted] post is to further track my progress beyond the successful:

1. 120 (>139), 90+1 (>157) days = 2 abstinence challenges (2020 - 2021).

2. 64 > 64 > 72 days = 3 periods of over 2 months-at-a-time abstinences (2021 - 2022).

3. Was 2023 a lost year (in terms of not going beyond 40+ day streaks)?

4. What will be written of 2024? Make it noteworthy.

The issue here is to simply live life free from P, PMO, and MO without counting days.

This is done by changing my phone and social media routines and content in lieu of the p-sub and edging habits that lead to P/PMO.

Work on your deeper issues, improve in all areas, and draw closer to God: receive His healing, drink from Him that Living Water.

In lieu of a slip, lapse, or relapse, the questions are:

Can you go on without thinking anything about it?

Can I bring it under control?

Can abstinence without habitual obsessing be reestablished?

Dismiss urges mindfully. Practice the pause!

In the event that control is difficult to reestablish, or lapsing occurs too frequently, refocus on the 'non-will power' approach.

While you want the yearly quantity of episodes to decrease (2020 - 2022), more important: is deeper work occurring?

Notes:

1. The struggles between Jan - March 2022 (MO, P, PMO) reflect the [then] habits of social media (TikTok, Instagram), with the p-subs and edging that came from that.

2. After 3/27/22 new phone and social media routines were established, creating a 1x a week free-day (unless posting), careful of content.

3. I announced August 7, 2022 was going 'silent' on RN, utilizing it as a tool rather than as a social forum (return to original use).

4. Ceased counting days and setting goals August 12, 2022, intending to just live life without P, PMO, or MO.

5. I began following the new paradigm toward recovery on September 25, 2022 after the patterns of Jack Trimpey, Kathryn Hansen, and Dr. Amy Johnson.

6. Was tapped for being moderator on RN, accepted it on Oct 7, 2022.

7. Solved the quandary between moving on versus promises given: the promises to myself since at least November 2021 far outweigh the latter.

8. Began counting days again (March 2023), not everyday, but as a kind of occasional check-in, like, how am I doing. No goal and when it's not needed, it's not needed. Do what works for you, not rigidly following anyone's dogma.

9. Ceased counting again in May, and also ceased tracking lapses altogether. If a lapse occurs, get up and do better, be better next time. Dismiss urges, and practice the pause.

10. Still trying to find my 'rythm' as seeking to live in the new paradigm, and the habbits of T.T. and other social media are still what they are, and lapses too, have increased. The solution? Non-solution. Ignore lapses, dismiss urges and/or cues to act out or the habits that surround it. Not successful? The desire to track, to count can be strong; the leaning toward shame and judgmentalism is also strong. But these are all old paradigm.

11. Did begin counting days again in October of 2023. What this looks like:

Approach via new-paradigm. But, counting days toward either 120 day or 90 day Abstinence Challenges. Then, when passed, go on not counting days or having goals. Just live life without P, PMO, or MO. In the event of a lapse, allow for 2x episodes within a 40 day probationary period. If a 3rd episode occurs in same period, begin another 90 day Abstinence Challenge.

(account for episodes March through September 2023 for end-of-year accounting).

12. As of 11/27/23 seeking a deeper repentance. Placing the javelin back in the hands of Phineas.

I need to fight in the Spirit, and seek a deeper repentance:

Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin. - Hebrews 12:4.

13. This year, as of August of 2024, things look similar if not escalatory to 2023. Averaging 1 - 4x a month for P, PMO or MO (1 - 2x for P). Finally since late June, I've been hitting or getting close to 30+ day streaks.

14. My approach is still new paradigm, hyper-grace, and the science of habit change. There is no 'abstinence challenge' as such, nor any explicit goals. T.T. remains the primer or jump-off point, as it's been since February of 2022. Must change habits surrounding this and iPhone use in general.

15. As of August 21, 2024 ceased counting days and/or tracking lapses [again]. Seeing the new paradigm more clearly through the Dharma, and challenging myself toward deeper insight.

Quick Reference

Notes to Self



Hot links to help focus:

Focus
18 Principals
Joseph or Phineas?
Social Media
Overnighter Action Plan
Recovery Questions
Extra-Focus

Ten Big Ideas (Amy Johnson)
 
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Joel

Active Member
Sounds good, Phineus! Seems like such a small tweak. But this habit change was a huge gamechanger in my recovery.
 

Phineas 808

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Joel said:
Sounds good, Phineus! Seems like such a small tweak. But this habit change was a huge gamechanger in my recovery.

Thank you, Joel, definitely! It sure is helping me now, but I have to remain vigilant.

Along that line, I perhaps had my most serious challenge last night, since my last episode (11/6). I had some urges come up as I lay in bed, and it seemed a little strong. I knew that if I acted on them, even a little, I might be embroiled in a full on episode. It was, again, around social media- Youtube. It wasn't anything overtly sensual, but I could tell I was affected by it. It goes to show that I have to apply more vigilance, and give this thing no place in my heart, or habits.

The urge passed, as I didn't respond to it, as I lay in bed for sleep.

I did make assessment if there was anything I needed to 'unlike' or 'unfollow' in various social media platforms, or anything like that- not in a legalistic fashion, but in a serious 'NO!' to these behaviors.

 
J

J01

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I really like the idea of doing a social media inventory so to speak-limiting it is a sound step in the right direction.  Keep up the good work!
 

Phineas 808

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Extra-focus Post

A place for when extra vigilance is needed, when weak or tempted.

Statements:


In true recovery (active) as opposed to recoveryism of the disease-model of addiction (passive), you are:

  • active, involved, self-directed—the opposite of the passive vision that you are suffering from a disease you can’t control;
  • outward- and forward-looking—rather than focusing on yourself as a trauma victim (Maté) or biological aberration (Volkow);
  • purpose driven—you are pursuing values and goals, rather than concentrating on trying not to do something;
  • positive—you believe the best about yourself and your life; you don’t see yourself as a disabled or deficient human being;
  • valuable—you believe that you and your life have a meaning to be fulfilled for the benefit of yourself and others and the world.

On relapses:

From Amy Johnson's 10 Big Ideas about Habit Change:

Big Idea #8. The truth about setbacks

Setbacks feel like a big deal. But they aren’t.

Peek up at Big Idea #7
[which says, "It may take practice- ending our habit"], and consider the fact that your brain is very used to your habit or addiction. There will most likely be setbacks. They are meaningless in and of themselves. Yes, meaningless. The only way a setback can hurt you or actually set you back, is if you decide it is meaningful and you use it as an excuse to spiral downward.

When you see that setbacks are simply part of the process, you’re not set back at all. -
Amy Johnson

Even if you should have a moment, an hour, an evening, or several days of excess, the next morning is yours for you to recapture the equanimity and self-respect of your mindful self - Stanton Peele.

> Red line behaviors: P, PMO, and MO.

> Orange line behaviors: p-subs and edging (although edging spikes the dopamine worse than just MO'ing).

> Yellow line behaviors: lusting in public, seeking a woman's attention, or depending on beautiful women as if emotionally 'driven'.

The above was posted in lieu of the bad habits of edging, p-subs and MO that came from 8/21 to 2/22.

Links:

Progress Tracker, Focus, 18 Principals, Joseph or Phineas?
 
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