How Shall We Escape?

[Phineas 808]

Nice job at 140 day! Really appreciate your support and inspiration to me and all of RN! GOD bless you!

Thank you so much, Jerry! However, since my last check-in I did MO once on October 26, 2021.

So, my current streak is currently at 151 days without P, PMO, and MO (-2).

The episode regarding MO was done without any P, and no p-subs were directly involved. It was what's called mindful masturbation, which was without (mostly) any fantasy, only stimulation in the present moment.

I know that MO is a red-line behavior as it could easily lead to P, PMO for me (as well as moral considerations), but I felt to not make too big a deal about it, and not count it (though I still track it elsewhere).

On that front, I'll make a note that of my 2x latest MO episodes there were 66 days before the 1st, and 79 days before the 2nd.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Thank you so much, Jerry! However, since my last check-in I did MO once on October 26, 2021.

So, my current streak is currently at 151 days without P, PMO, and MO (-2).

The episode regarding MO was done without any P, and no p-subs were directly involved. It was what's called mindful masturbation, which was without (mostly) any fantasy, only stimulation in the present moment.

I know that MO is a red-line behavior as it could easily lead to P, PMO for me (as well as moral considerations), but I felt to not make too big a deal about it, and not count it (though I still track it elsewhere).

On that front, I'll make a note that of my 2x latest MO episodes there were 66 days before the 1st, and 79 days before the 2nd.

Anything that works for you, bro. I can't MO because of what you just said: It could easily lead to P.

 

[Phineas 808]

Lapsed (P).

This was all but anticipated, as my abstinence was becoming more and more of a technical state, as p-subs and edging were increasing in frequency and content (though with on and off resistance) since August...

My latest streak, however, stands at 157 days without P, PMO, and MO (-2).

It's amazing as I read in my focus list (linked elsewhere) how true it is, how if I follow it I shall come back into a true focus and a true reboot and recovery.

The culprit and target is my social media use, as always. However, drastic (but not overly restrictive) changes have to be made toward my use, especially of Instagram, and others like Youtube. I may post my plan in the coming days...

I wasn't going to post, but this isn't an endurance contest. I know I have a lot of advice for others, so it's of course humbling to lapse. But, hey...

I have initiated a 10 day probationary period, that if I pass, I'll simply continue without (closely) counting. If this isn't reached, I will institute a 40 day abstinence challenge.

Thank you, all, for your support.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Lapsed (P).

This was all but anticipated, as my abstinence was becoming more and more of a technical state, as p-subs and edging were increasing in frequency and content (though with on and off resistance) since August...

My latest streak, however, stands at 157 days without P, PMO, and MO (-2).

It's amazing as I read in my focus list (linked elsewhere) how true it is, how if I follow it I shall come back into a true focus and a true reboot and recovery.

The culprit and target is my social media use, as always. However, drastic (but not overly restrictive) changes have to be made toward my use, especially of Instagram, and others like Youtube. I may post my plan in the coming days...

I wasn't going to post, but this isn't an endurance contest. I know I have a lot of advice for others, so it's of course humbling to lapse. But, hey...

I have initiated a 10 day probationary period, that if I pass, I'll simply continue without (closely) counting. If this isn't reached, I will institute a 40 day abstinence challenge.

Thank you, all, for your support.

Bro, you are an inspiration nevertheless. I relapsed after 50 days and I haven't reached day 50 yet and you have even surpassed that long previous streak and if I remember correctly that wasn't even your longest. You definitely have a way to get longer streaks, you have a method that works, it would all go to waste if you started now to relapse frequently but I don't think this is the case. I wouldn't worry about a relapse in 150 days if it's not followed by completely letting yourself go.

 

[Phineas 808]

Bro, you are an inspiration nevertheless. I relapsed after 50 days and I haven't reached day 50 yet and you have even surpassed that long previous streak and if I remember correctly that wasn't even your longest. You definitely have a way to get longer streaks, you have a method that works, it would all go to waste if you started now to relapse frequently but I don't think this is the case. I wouldn't worry about a relapse in 150 days if it's not followed by completely letting yourself go.

Thank you, Escape! That's right, we were tracking together for a while...

You will get back to, and surpass 50 days, brother.

All I can do is get back on the horse. I think it's also important to avoid beating myself up, or shame-based thinking. So, I'm trying not to be sad, angry, or depressed, all of which comes with the territory- and throw in tiredness for good measure!

It was strange, but November 6, 2020 is the beginning of the 139 day streak I started with when I rejoined RN! Here we are year later... This passed streak (157 days) is so far the longest since March 2020 to March 2021.

What I've been after now in my own struggles is, not just a lengthy streak (though I'll take that), but a more deeper mind-shift away from it.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Thank you, Escape! That's right, we were tracking together for a while...

You will get back to, and surpass 50 days, brother.

All I can do is get back on the horse. I think it's also important to avoid beating myself up, or shame-based thinking. So, I'm trying not to be sad, angry, or depressed, all of which comes with the territory- and throw in tiredness for good measure!

It was strange, but November 6, 2020 is the beginning of the 139 day streak I started with when I rejoined RN! Here we are year later... This passed streak (157 days) is so far the longest since March 2020 to March 2021.

What I've been after now in my own struggles is, not just a lengthy streak (though I'll take that), but a more deeper mind-shift away from it.

Yes, I understand what you mean by saying that it's not only a long streak that you are after. Without changes, you can return to porn easily. I've seen people who had hundreds of days away from porn but returned to porn because all they had was a long streak. It's not an easy task. That's why it's called "recovery" and not just "abstinence".

With relapses, I think it matters how they happen. It's easier to recuperate from one PMO after a 20 minutes session of edging versus edging for hours and PMOing 5 times until 11 PM. Binges drain yourself a lot, they are a big blow to the brain (sometimes I need to remember that because I'm the "Binge Man"). This addiction is tricky. It hits when everything seems to work well. The road seems to be perfect and then you run over a rock and it overturns your car, although in many cases you see the rock. But anyway, after following you for a while, I still believe you have resources for a successful recovery. I'm at a point where I'm trying to figure out what to do but you seem to have found a process. Keep up the good work.

 

[Phineas 808]

As promised, I'm seriously targeting my social media use. Someone had aptly called it my Achilles heel.

Stated before, social media is one of the only platforms I get to minister on, and so simply quitting them is not an option.

Previous changes which preceded and seriously helped my 139 day streak (November 2020 - March 2021) were that I had deleted Pinterest, and began to leave my phone behind for most of the day, except when I woke in the morning or got ready for bed. And of course I try to be careful about what content I allow, and who I follow. I also limited my time (in theory at least) on IG for 15 minutes a day. Despite these changes, over the last year p-subs and edging crept in and were once again reestablished as habits.

Changes I'm making now will affect and be equally applied to all platforms of social media I'm currently using:

Instagram
Youtube
Facebook
Messenger
Twitter

These changes are preliminary, but to show my seriousness, I'm implementing them immediately. If I come up with a more clever or pithy way to say it (as to help me stay focused no matter the distance in time), I'll post that here as well.

How I'm to approach social media:

Mindful
Purposeful
Alert
Surgical
Briefly

What to get out of social media:

Learning
Inspiration
Improvement
Positivity
Information

Additional actions to implement habit change:

No more mindless scrolling for entertainment purposes!

Setting a timer for 3 - 5 minutes for each platform, unless on with a clear purpose (posting, etc).

Coming on only to post, on purpose, or with the other approaches in mind.

Reassess why I would need to save pics on IG to begin with.

Continuously reassess my follows and saves, delete as will keep me focused.

Notes:

Yesterday I spent only 3 minutes on IG, which had before averaged about 30 minutes or over an hour a day if obsessing.

This feels seriously disruptive enough to equal real habit change, which will 'blow the bridge' toward further lapses regarding P/MO.

 

[Squidward81]

I was gonna post about how much I want to just PMO but reading over your journal, I'm pretty inspired.
Thank you for your honest and how strategic you've been in your process. Also, just your leaning on the Lord. Thanks and I look forward to hitting the 100 days without porn!

 

[Phineas 808]

I have come up with an acronym that I can take with me across all social media platforms: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, Messenger, TikTok and Twitter: IMPACT.

I will come onto all social media platforms with these 6 things in mind:

I - Integrity.

This means that when I come onto any social media platform, that I do so as a man of God. That I'm not liking this or that, saving this or that, or commenting, or scrolling as anything other than a Christian. I'm not some lustful voyeur or connoisseur of women's pics or videos.

M - Mindfulness.

This means that when I'm on social media, I'm not to do so mindlessly out of habit, but in the moment fully aware. This may mean not going on first thing in the morning, or last thing at night. I will disrupt any patterns that make it some unhealthy habit.

P - Purposeful.

I go on with a specific purpose spelled out in my head before hand. If this is to post, then I'll post; to comment, then to comment; etc... Once I'm done, I'm out.

A - Alert.

How many times across Facebook and Twitter, or sometimes in Messenger, I'll get a 'friend request' or a message from some tailor-made sex-bot? This has tripped me up more times than I care to recollect. There's also a carefulness from being hit by a sexy picture unawares.

C - Concise.

That is, across all platforms (even Youtube) I'm to be surgical, or in-and-out. This brevity will keep me from scrolling into mindlessness. Setting a timer for 3 - 5 minutes, unless on with specific purpose. Timer is 'training wheels', but if IG goes above 15 minutes a day, reassert control via timer.

T - Truthful.

This mainly concerns Messenger, where, if a young lady (typically foreigners) engage with me, that- Yes, I am married (though I've not lied about this), and I'm a Christian minister, not some geek in America trying to take advantage of them emotionally. Generally, anymore, I don't converse much with others on Messenger, and most have nothing to say but, 'Hi' anyway.

Addendum: I will continuously have a purge mentality (Phineas) toward all social media platforms. I will be watchful (alert) for when a particular follow or profile is provacative to me beyond the natural admiration of beauty. I will be alert for when my 'discover' area on IG or my 'for you' feed on TikTok has an algorithm lending toward my acting out, and will address them.

I will be aware of the 'crack-cocaine' feel that TikTok has, and will be extra-strict with this platform, limiting its entertainment draw.

I will alter and expand my reading habits to include mornings (getting ready) and nighttime before bed. No more phone use before bed as a habit, unless for a specific (surgical) purpose. I can check likes/comments in the morning as I get up...

I will link to this post elsewhere to keep me focused on how I will be going forward that social media no longer trips me up as it has so many times before, despite my efforts to change this.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I have come up with an acronym that I can take with me across all social media platforms: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, Messenger and Twitter: IMPACT.

I will come onto all social media platforms with these 6 things in mind:

I - Integrity.

This means that when I come onto any social media platform, that I do so as a man of God. That I'm not liking this or that, saving this or that, or commenting, or scrolling as anything other than a Christian. I'm not some lustful connoisseur of women's pics. Though, as an artist, I still appreciate the beauty from that standpoint...

M - Mindfulness.

This means that when I'm on social media, I'm not to do so mindlessly out of habit, but in the moment fully aware. This may mean not going on first thing in the morning, or last thing at night. I will disrupt any patterns that make it some unhealthy habit.

P - Purposeful.

I go on with a specific purpose spelled out in my head before hand. If this is to post, then I'll post; to comment, then to comment; etc... Once I'm done, I'm out.

A - Alert.

How many times across Facebook and Twitter, or sometimes in Messenger, I'll get a 'friend request' or a message from some tailor-made hot sex-bot? This has tripped me up more times than I care to recollect. There's also a carefulness from being hit by a sexy picture unawares.

C - Concise.

That is, across all platforms (even Youtube) I'm to be surgical, or in-and-out. This brevity will keep me from scrolling into mindlessness.

T - Truthful.

This mainly concerns Messenger, where, if a young lady (typically foreigners) engage with me, that- Yes, I am married (though I've not lied about this), and I'm a Christian minister, not some geek in America trying to take advantage of them emotionally. Generally, anymore, I don't converse much with others on Messenger, and most have nothing to say but, 'Hi' anyway.

I will link to this post elsewhere to keep me focused on how I will be going forward that social media no longer trips me up as it has so many times before, despite my efforts to change this.

Nice, bro.

 

[JerryTX]

@Phineas 808 Thanks so much for these post on how your approaching social media. So helpful as I am positive many of us struggle as you and I do with the psubs and edging that can easily come out of social media use! The IMPACT approach is something I will begin to utilize myself!

God Bless you bud!

 

[Phineas 808]

Nice, bro.

Thanks, brother! This means a lot...

 

[Phineas 808]

Phineas 808, Thanks so much for these post on how your approaching social media. So helpful as I am positive many of us struggle as you and I do with the psubs and edging that can easily come out of social media use! The IMPACT approach is something I will begin to utilize myself!

God Bless you bud!

Exactly, Jerry! I know that p-subs and edging have been problematic for you as they've been (lately) for me.

Even as far back as 2014-16, when I was originally on RN, I would accomplish 120 day challenge, but felt that the streak was compromised and half-hearted.

When I rejoined RN, and accomplished my 139 day streak, it felt more of an accomplishment because I was addressing my phone habits, with p-subs and edging.

Social media by design is itself highly addictive. So, it was a matter of time until I fell back into old habits since back in August. Maybe someone will remember I was actually sent a pic (I won't spell out) on Messenger! Since that time, it's been a gradual and proverbial frog boiling in the water.

Finally, I feel I have the kind of approach that if I'm consistent in applying, will keep me focused as I get stronger on my feet again.

 

[Wolfman]

I read this from a book today: 'Attached to the front of his computer screen is a piece of paper bearing a quotation from Michael Jordan: “I failed over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed.”'

Failure is not the end, but the beginning.

I'm glad to see that you are getting back on your feet Phineas and that you're targetting new areas of your life for improvement. This is how a systematic approach can actually help us in the long-run: incremental changes that pile up over the years to create an unstoppable bastion of good habits. Do well, be well. Thank you.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Exactly, Jerry! I know that p-subs and edging have been problematic for you as they've been (lately) for me.

Even as far back as 2014-16, when I was originally on RN, I would accomplish 120 day challenge, but felt that the streak was compromised and half-hearted.

When I rejoined RN, and accomplished my 139 day streak, it felt more of an accomplishment because I was addressing my phone habits, with p-subs and edging.

Social media by design is itself highly addictive. So, it was a matter of time until I fell back into old habits since back in August. Maybe someone will remember I was actually sent a pic (I won't spell out) on Messenger! Since that time, it's been a gradual and proverbial frog boiling in the water.

Finally, I feel I have the kind of approach that if I'm consistent in applying, will keep me focused as I get stronger on my feet again.

Yes, social media is designed to be addictive but it allows porn subs too. Thank God I don't even spend time on Facebook, Instagram etc but I consume a lot of Youtube though. However, it's not how I relapse. I actually manage those things pretty well, it's alcohol and porn fantasizing that sabotage me all the time.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I read this from a book today: 'Attached to the front of his computer screen is a piece of paper bearing a quotation from Michael Jordan: “I failed over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed.”'

Failure is not the end, but the beginning.

I'm glad to see that you are getting back on your feet Phineas and that you're targetting new areas of your life for improvement. This is how a systematic approach can actually help us in the long-run: incremental changes that pile up over the years to create an unstoppable bastion of good habits. Do well, be well. Thank you.

What you said is true but it depends how you look at it: Failure can be fuel for success but it could also be a treadmill. We could keep failing for life, we could get caught in this "Relapse/Restart" marathon for life while feeding ourselves the same motivational lines like "This time I'm gonna do it" ; "A relapse is part of the process, you learn from a relapse" and other things like that. There comes a day when we need to decide whether we really want to do it or not. This could sound brutally honest but it's real. It's the raw truth. "Brutally honest" is what we actually need. Otherwise we could come on Reboot Nation 10 years from now and write "Day 1 I can't do this nomo bro". It took me 3 years of constant relapsing to understand this. I need to step on the pedal for real. And everybody else here too. Today is the day, we can't waste any more time.

 

[Phineas 808]

I read this from a book today: 'Attached to the front of his computer screen is a piece of paper bearing a quotation from Michael Jordan: “I failed over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed.”'

Failure is not the end, but the beginning.

I'm glad to see that you are getting back on your feet Phineas and that you're targetting new areas of your life for improvement. This is how a systematic approach can actually help us in the long-run: incremental changes that pile up over the years to create an unstoppable bastion of good habits. Do well, be well. Thank you.

Thank you, @Wolfman .

Here is the full quote:

I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. - Michael Jordan.

That's the thing, the secret if there were one, is to never give up, to always try, to believe in one's dreams and in themselves. Here's a couple of other quotes that are similar:

Fall seven times, stand up eight. - Japanese proverb

For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again... - Proverbs 24:16a.

That's right. Every day is brand new, a new grace, a new chance to get up, to be different, to change. Yes, changes are incremental and can start an unstoppable motion toward transformation. Up close it may not look like much is happening, but little by little we wear away the false self, and give rise to who we were meant to be.

 

[Orbiter]

Thank you, @Wolfman .

Here is the full quote:

I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. - Michael Jordan.

That's the thing, the secret if there were one, is to never give up, to always try, to believe in one's dreams and in themselves. Here's a couple of other quotes that are similar:

Fall seven times, stand up eight. - Japanese proverb

For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again... - Proverbs 24:16a.

That's right. Every day is brand new, a new grace, a new chance to get up, to be different, to change. Yes, changes are incremental and can start an unstoppable motion toward transformation. Up close it may not look like much is happening, but little by little we wear away the false self, and give rise to who we were meant to be.

I really needed to read this today so thank you Phineas. In regards to your lapse, I think you are already using it as the proverbial 'canary in a cage' to address lingering habits around social media which is the mindset we should all take to each relapse right? Consolidating the positives of lessons learn and healing made over the previous months rather than falling into the trap of the "oh no not day 1 again" downward spiral.

Wishing you strength, focus & purpose on your 10 day probation period. You got this!

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I really needed to read this today so thank you Phineas. In regards to your lapse, I think you are already using it as the proverbial 'canary in a cage' to address lingering habits around social media which is the mindset we should all take to each relapse right? Consolidating the positives of lessons learn and healing made over the previous months rather than falling into the trap of the "oh no not day 1 again" downward spiral.

Wishing you strength, focus & purpose on your 10 day probation period. You got this!

Disrupting the repetitive nature of this "habit" is a key to success.

 

[Phineas 808]

I really needed to read this today so thank you Phineas. In regards to your lapse, I think you are already using it as the proverbial 'canary in a cage' to address lingering habits around social media which is the mindset we should all take to each relapse right? Consolidating the positives of lessons learn and healing made over the previous months rather than falling into the trap of the "oh no not day 1 again" downward spiral.

Wishing you strength, focus & purpose on your 10 day probation period. You got this!

That's right, Orbiter. Never let a good lapse go to waste, lol...!

We can, and always should, learn from every fall, every lapse. In this way we learn ourselves, know ourselves, and can finally beat our unwanted behaviors.

Nelson Mandela said, I never fail, I either win or I learn.

I don't feel like I'm on any 'day-1', either. I feel good, a few days after the lapse, like 'pure' or clean. I think it's because I'm seriously (more serious than before?) addressing the social media issue, in a more concrete way. Even if I did lapse again, and I don't plan on it, I know I will soon find my footing.