How Shall We Escape?

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Day: 140!

Today is 140 days without P, PMO, or MO (-1)!

What is the significance of this day? This officially beats my personal best since rejoining Reboot Nation back in November of 2020.

My prior personal best was 139 days, accomplished between November 6, 2020 and March 25, 2021. I had gone 19 days beyond my 120 day abstinence challenge at that time.

I've done longer streaks, having gone over 300 days between March 2019 and March 2020, when I began to slip back into old habits based on the pandemic and other issues. But during that time I had a lot of bad habits regarding p-subs related to social media.

After my previous best last March, I had an ambivalence toward p-use, and was toying with p-memories, and anticipated lapsing to them. I had been using ASMR videos to help sleep, and some weren't a very wise choice for me, and it 'awakened' urges I hadn't dealt with for a while... Needless to say, I lapsed on March 25th.

It has now taken me about 5x tries to beat my latest (90+1 day) abstinence challenge on September 2nd. But here we are, way past that now. I've only MO'd 1x during this current streak.

How do I feel?

I feel good about my abstinence, and count this time as a real recovery effort, despite recent struggles. Part of this is in remembering the whole reason why I rejoined RN to begin with. Also helpful was challenging certain lies I've believed that encourage p-use.

Early in August, I had been dealing with p-subs and edging on and off, and this had only increased (and became somewhat of a habit) in September.

But now I feel fine regarding this. For many nights now, I've either had no urges or easily dismissed urges to either behavior. I'm also no longer in that strange place of anticipating a lapse toward P, PMO, or MO.

Regardless, I'm going forward as a different person, and leaving behind a decades old struggle.
 
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Joel

Active Member
Sounds great. Well done on the milestone, and yes - always beware the gateways. With enough experimenting, we become aware of the lies we tell ourselves about these gateways and what we should and shouldn't allow ourselves.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Thank you, Joel. I understand what you're saying. Certainly throughout my journal (and my experience) I know what behaviors have been a dangerous or compromising place to be.

But in keeping with taking back power, I must keep this one thing in mind:

I am the gateway...

This means to me that the only thing I need be aware of is myself. Whether I stand or fall is because of me. This doesn't take away from your point at all, though, because if I allow ceratain behaviors to become habit, than one can set themselves up for a fall. And yet, regardless, we always have the power to not give in to our urges.
 
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Phineas 808

Respected Member
Nice job at 140 day! Really appreciate your support and inspiration to me and all of RN! GOD bless you!

Thank you so much, Jerry! However, since my last check-in I did MO once on October 26, 2021.

So, my current streak is currently at 151 days without P, PMO, and MO (-2).

The episode regarding MO was done without any P, and no p-subs were directly involved. It was what's called mindful masturbation, which was without (mostly) any fantasy, only stimulation in the present moment.

I know that MO is a red-line behavior as it could easily lead to P, PMO for me (as well as moral considerations), but I felt to not make too big a deal about it, and not count it (though I still track it elsewhere).

On that front, I'll make a note that of my 2x latest MO episodes there were 66 days before the 1st, and 79 days before the 2nd.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
Thank you so much, Jerry! However, since my last check-in I did MO once on October 26, 2021.

So, my current streak is currently at 151 days without P, PMO, and MO (-2).

The episode regarding MO was done without any P, and no p-subs were directly involved. It was what's called mindful masturbation, which was without (mostly) any fantasy, only stimulation in the present moment.

I know that MO is a red-line behavior as it could easily lead to P, PMO for me (as well as moral considerations), but I felt to not make too big a deal about it, and not count it (though I still track it elsewhere).

On that front, I'll make a note that of my 2x latest MO episodes there were 66 days before the 1st, and 79 days before the 2nd.
Anything that works for you, bro. I can't MO because of what you just said: It could easily lead to P.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Lapsed (P).

This was all but anticipated, as my abstinence was becoming more and more of a technical state, as p-subs and edging were increasing in frequency and content (though with on and off resistance) since August...

My latest streak, however, stands at 157 days without P, PMO, and MO (-2).

It's amazing as I read in my focus list (linked elsewhere) how true it is, how if I follow it I shall come back into a true focus and a true reboot and recovery.

The culprit and target is my social media use, as always. However, drastic (but not overly restrictive) changes have to be made toward my use, especially of Instagram, and others like Youtube. I may post my plan in the coming days...

I wasn't going to post, but this isn't an endurance contest. I know I have a lot of advice for others, so it's of course humbling to lapse. But, hey...

I have initiated a 10 day probationary period, that if I pass, I'll simply continue without (closely) counting. If this isn't reached, I will institute a 40 day abstinence challenge.

Thank you, all, for your support.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
Lapsed (P).

This was all but anticipated, as my abstinence was becoming more and more of a technical state, as p-subs and edging were increasing in frequency and content (though with on and off resistance) since August...

My latest streak, however, stands at 157 days without P, PMO, and MO (-2).

It's amazing as I read in my focus list (linked elsewhere) how true it is, how if I follow it I shall come back into a true focus and a true reboot and recovery.

The culprit and target is my social media use, as always. However, drastic (but not overly restrictive) changes have to be made toward my use, especially of Instagram, and others like Youtube. I may post my plan in the coming days...

I wasn't going to post, but this isn't an endurance contest. I know I have a lot of advice for others, so it's of course humbling to lapse. But, hey...

I have initiated a 10 day probationary period, that if I pass, I'll simply continue without (closely) counting. If this isn't reached, I will institute a 40 day abstinence challenge.

Thank you, all, for your support.
Bro, you are an inspiration nevertheless. I relapsed after 50 days and I haven't reached day 50 yet and you have even surpassed that long previous streak and if I remember correctly that wasn't even your longest. You definitely have a way to get longer streaks, you have a method that works, it would all go to waste if you started now to relapse frequently but I don't think this is the case. I wouldn't worry about a relapse in 150 days if it's not followed by completely letting yourself go.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Bro, you are an inspiration nevertheless. I relapsed after 50 days and I haven't reached day 50 yet and you have even surpassed that long previous streak and if I remember correctly that wasn't even your longest. You definitely have a way to get longer streaks, you have a method that works, it would all go to waste if you started now to relapse frequently but I don't think this is the case. I wouldn't worry about a relapse in 150 days if it's not followed by completely letting yourself go.

Thank you, Escape! That's right, we were tracking together for a while...

You will get back to, and surpass 50 days, brother.

All I can do is get back on the horse. I think it's also important to avoid beating myself up, or shame-based thinking. So, I'm trying not to be sad, angry, or depressed, all of which comes with the territory- and throw in tiredness for good measure!

It was strange, but November 6, 2020 is the beginning of the 139 day streak I started with when I rejoined RN! Here we are year later... This passed streak (157 days) is so far the longest since March 2020 to March 2021.

What I've been after now in my own struggles is, not just a lengthy streak (though I'll take that), but a more deeper mind-shift away from it.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
Thank you, Escape! That's right, we were tracking together for a while...

You will get back to, and surpass 50 days, brother.

All I can do is get back on the horse. I think it's also important to avoid beating myself up, or shame-based thinking. So, I'm trying not to be sad, angry, or depressed, all of which comes with the territory- and throw in tiredness for good measure!

It was strange, but November 6, 2020 is the beginning of the 139 day streak I started with when I rejoined RN! Here we are year later... This passed streak (157 days) is so far the longest since March 2020 to March 2021.

What I've been after now in my own struggles is, not just a lengthy streak (though I'll take that), but a more deeper mind-shift away from it.
Yes, I understand what you mean by saying that it's not only a long streak that you are after. Without changes, you can return to porn easily. I've seen people who had hundreds of days away from porn but returned to porn because all they had was a long streak. It's not an easy task. That's why it's called "recovery" and not just "abstinence".

With relapses, I think it matters how they happen. It's easier to recuperate from one PMO after a 20 minutes session of edging versus edging for hours and PMOing 5 times until 11 PM. Binges drain yourself a lot, they are a big blow to the brain (sometimes I need to remember that because I'm the "Binge Man"). This addiction is tricky. It hits when everything seems to work well. The road seems to be perfect and then you run over a rock and it overturns your car, although in many cases you see the rock. But anyway, after following you for a while, I still believe you have resources for a successful recovery. I'm at a point where I'm trying to figure out what to do but you seem to have found a process. Keep up the good work.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
As promised, I'm seriously targeting my social media use. Someone had aptly called it my Achilles heel.

Stated before, social media is one of the only platforms I get to minister on, and so simply quitting them is not an option.

Previous changes which preceded and seriously helped my 139 day streak (November 2020 - March 2021) were that I had deleted Pinterest, and began to leave my phone behind for most of the day, except when I woke in the morning or got ready for bed. And of course I try to be careful about what content I allow, and who I follow. I also limited my time (in theory at least) on IG for 15 minutes a day. Despite these changes, over the last year p-subs and edging crept in and were once again reestablished as habits.

Changes I'm making now will affect and be equally applied to all platforms of social media I'm currently using:

Instagram
Youtube
Facebook
Messenger
Twitter

These changes are preliminary, but to show my seriousness, I'm implementing them immediately. If I come up with a more clever or pithy way to say it (as to help me stay focused no matter the distance in time), I'll post that here as well.

How I'm to approach social media:

Mindful
Purposeful
Alert
Surgical
Briefly

What to get out of social media:

Learning
Inspiration
Improvement
Positivity
Information

Additional actions to implement habit change:

No more mindless scrolling for entertainment purposes!

Setting a timer for 3 - 5 minutes for each platform, unless on with a clear purpose (posting, etc).

Coming on only to post, on purpose, or with the other approaches in mind.

Reassess why I would need to save pics on IG to begin with.

Continuously reassess my follows and saves, delete as will keep me focused.

Notes:

Yesterday I spent only 3 minutes on IG, which had before averaged about 30 minutes or over an hour a day if obsessing.

This feels seriously disruptive enough to equal real habit change, which will 'blow the bridge' toward further lapses regarding P/MO.
 
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I was gonna post about how much I want to just PMO but reading over your journal, I'm pretty inspired.
Thank you for your honest and how strategic you've been in your process. Also, just your leaning on the Lord. Thanks and I look forward to hitting the 100 days without porn!
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
I have come up with an acronym that I can take with me across all social media platforms: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, Messenger and Twitter: IMPACT.

I will come onto all social media platforms with these 6 things in mind:

I - Integrity.

This means that when I come onto any social media platform, that I do so as a man of God. That I'm not liking this or that, saving this or that, or commenting, or scrolling as anything other than a Christian. I'm not some lustful connoisseur of women's pics (except I do so from an artist's perspective).

M - Mindfulness.

This means that when I'm on social media, I'm not to do so mindlessly out of habit, but in the moment fully aware. This may mean not going on first thing in the morning, or last thing at night. I will disrupt any patterns that make it some unhealthy habit.

P - Purposeful.

I go on with a specific purpose spelled out in my head before hand. If this is to post, then I'll post; to comment, then to comment; etc... Once I'm done, I'm out.

A - Alert.

How many times across Facebook and Twitter, or sometimes in Messenger, I'll get a 'friend request' or a message from some tailor-made sex-bot? This has tripped me up more times than I care to recollect. There's also a carefulness from being hit by a sexy picture unawares.

C - Concise.

That is, across all platforms (even Youtube) I'm to be surgical, or in-and-out. This brevity will keep me from scrolling into mindlessness. Setting a timer for 3 - 5 minutes, unless on with specific purpose. Timer is 'training wheels', but if IG goes above 15 minutes a day, reassert control via timer.

T - Truthful.

This mainly concerns Messenger, where, if a young lady (typically foreigners) engage with me, that- Yes, I am married (though I've not lied about this), and I'm a Christian minister, not some geek in America trying to take advantage of them emotionally. Generally, anymore, I don't converse much with others on Messenger, and most have nothing to say but, 'Hi' anyway.

I will link to this post elsewhere to keep me focused on how I will be going forward that social media no longer trips me up as it has so many times before, despite my efforts to change this.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Well-Known Member
I have come up with an acronym that I can take with me across all social media platforms: Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, Messenger and Twitter: IMPACT.

I will come onto all social media platforms with these 6 things in mind:

I - Integrity.

This means that when I come onto any social media platform, that I do so as a man of God. That I'm not liking this or that, saving this or that, or commenting, or scrolling as anything other than a Christian. I'm not some lustful connoisseur of women's pics. Though, as an artist, I still appreciate the beauty from that standpoint...

M - Mindfulness.

This means that when I'm on social media, I'm not to do so mindlessly out of habit, but in the moment fully aware. This may mean not going on first thing in the morning, or last thing at night. I will disrupt any patterns that make it some unhealthy habit.

P - Purposeful.

I go on with a specific purpose spelled out in my head before hand. If this is to post, then I'll post; to comment, then to comment; etc... Once I'm done, I'm out.

A - Alert.

How many times across Facebook and Twitter, or sometimes in Messenger, I'll get a 'friend request' or a message from some tailor-made hot sex-bot? This has tripped me up more times than I care to recollect. There's also a carefulness from being hit by a sexy picture unawares.

C - Concise.

That is, across all platforms (even Youtube) I'm to be surgical, or in-and-out. This brevity will keep me from scrolling into mindlessness.

T - Truthful.

This mainly concerns Messenger, where, if a young lady (typically foreigners) engage with me, that- Yes, I am married (though I've not lied about this), and I'm a Christian minister, not some geek in America trying to take advantage of them emotionally. Generally, anymore, I don't converse much with others on Messenger, and most have nothing to say but, 'Hi' anyway.

I will link to this post elsewhere to keep me focused on how I will be going forward that social media no longer trips me up as it has so many times before, despite my efforts to change this.
Nice, bro.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
@Phineas 808 Thanks so much for these post on how your approaching social media. So helpful as I am positive many of us struggle as you and I do with the psubs and edging that can easily come out of social media use! The IMPACT approach is something I will begin to utilize myself!

God Bless you bud!
 
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