Starting a new diary

[Orbiter]

So from what I can tell from this there was an urge, a trigger and you did something else to beat it. I think perhaps in this case you could cut yourself a bit of slack and remember that you're still moving forward.

Online dating can be a brutal affair. It's a shallow, superficial numbers game and if unprepared, can damage someones self esteem and condition them to become dependent on the validation of others.

I don't think it paints women (or men for that matter) in a particularly positive light either and seems to bring out some of the worst entitlements in our nature.

I think it can work, but it's a rough ride to get there. I myself quit them recently as it was having a really bad effect on me and I was/am not in a place where I could handle or manage it. Is it worth revisiting again? Maybe...If I do, it will be with intention and with the sole, lazer-focus purpose of meeting someone. Right now, maybe it's best to focus on getting to a better place in recovery first.

Work can be tricky too. I'm really struggling with mine at the moment and i'm still trying to work out what I can do about that.

Anyway keep pushing, questioning, trying new things & moving forward with whatever it takes to make it work. You got this!

 

[SebUK]

Hello everyone. I'm sitting here on a nice hot day in Australia on 2 February 2023. Have been reading through this diary and wow, I feel many things. First, what a huge waste of time this habit has cost me. Or more accurately, what a huge amount of time *I* have wasted on this habit.

I feel like I'm at a crossroads with my life. This is because I'm 40 now. I'm going through what most people would call a mid-life crisis. I'm not unhappy with my life, all thing considered. At least I don't think I am. I have a decent job, although I don't like it and find it boring. I get regular sex but am not in a relationship (which is what I want). I have some hobbies (cycling, music, gaming). I have some friends which I hang out with too.

But life just feels...meh. I have zero motivation. Currently I'm on leave from work and am planning to stay off another month at least. I'm trying to find my motivation.

I am also taking SSRIs (Sertraline) again. But this is only my second day. After reading this diary, I think I'm going to stop. My diary is all about having no energy on Sertraline but my mood being better. Well my mood has been okay but my motivation is zero, so I don't think Sertraline is going to help.

At the end of the day, I have to decide whether I want to get busy livin' or get busy dyin', as Morgan Freeman once said...hahah.

Plus, all this thinking and theorising is just a way of procrastinating about life. I'm lucky to be able to do it. Back in the day, I would have been fighting for survival. I have the luxury of pontificating endlessly about this and that, and this is basically my diary. Not that the diary isn't helpful, but it's just a way to absorb all my extra neurotic energy or something.

What a rambling post this is. God I feel for whoever reads it! If you do, I'm sorry!

The one useful thing I will say is that someone on this forum recommended Kathryn Hansen's book on Binge Eating and another book called Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpsey. I'm not sure who that person was, but thank you. As a result of that book I went 4.5 months without porn. I felt **** amazing too. That was between May - August 2022. Then I binged again unfortunately. Learning to recognise the addictive voice is a bit of a tricky process. Anyway, I strongly recommend people read those two books.

Not sure if I will post here again, but hope everyone here is doing well.

 

[Simon2]

Use this time off from work to figure some things out? And do it porn free !