Reboot Journal
- Thread starter Aussie_85
- Start date
Aussie_85 said:
A few thoughts spring to mind. It sounds like the exhaustion & stress is not just coming from the withdrawals at the moment but from outside life circumstances. Though i've never been in your position as i've never been a father, perhaps it's worth trying to think of ways you can make this current period of life even a bit easier for you to get through. Whatever it may be may not make much of a difference but i'm sure it would be better than driving yourself crazy white-knuckling hour-after-hour.
Yeah it sucks when the delivery drivers don't ring the doorbell but that's Auspost for you. Those guys are paid per parcel so little to actually deliver anything & have such insane quotas that most of them don't even bother to knock anymore. Still sucks but I get why it happens.
Sounds like it's basically a flat out low-mood day of it your going through. Do what you need to to get through but don't forget in the end, it's just stress & PMO withdrawals messing with your head. Better things await on the other side of this and 29 days is nothing to scoff at at all.
You're right to feel proud of yourself, keep up the good work!
OMG Auspost is the worst! There are epic threads on /australia reddit sub where people bitch about how they do this kind of crap. I sympathise man hahaAussie_85 said:
Do you meditate or do mindfulness? I find it takes the edge off, although it is definitely not a quick fix/as powerful as PMO.
Aussie_85
Active Member
Hey orbiter and SebNZ,
100% the stress and exhaustion is not just from the WD's, having a new-born is one of the hardest things I've ever done - my misso has taken 12 months maternity leave, myself 2 months annual. Our entire lives revolve around her next feed, which are every 3/4 hours, nappy changes & settling her when she's screaming the house down ( that happens a lot). I'm getting used to the split sleep because I've worked nights for many years, it's well known that there's not much one can do when looking after a newborn but suck it up and get the job done. And it's not like it's a hassle, it's awesome looking after this little cutie that we made, the love i have for her is so pure - it's just hard.
I walk my dog daily for an hour rain hail or shine, keep the house running chore wise, go down woolies daily to grab dinner etc - I'm keeping busy, so really the only thing i can improve in the short term is my sleep.
As for the mindfulness SebNZ I've got a few books on it so i know how to start, I'm just not motivated to do it right now. Although i will in the near future, just 15 mins a day to start with. I've only tried a dozen times or so back in 2012. What I will be starting is reading again, in the 94 days of my last reboot i smashed 10 books - all self help type stuff and i just ordered Gary's book - reading is so good for the brain and this time i wont be so hardcore with the self help stuff - novels and stuff that interests me - i found with self help sometimes it gets super repetitive and boring. In the next week I'll be quitting smoking again, got the patches ready - then within the next month changing my diet. In 2012 i was hitting the weights and cardio 6 days a week, strict diet - 85KG...now I'm 105+, fatty. I'm super motivated to make all these changes and i know I will.
It's about one step a time though and not going all out to soon, especially with our baby thrown into the mix - not sure if you guys are familiar with mark queppit ( possible typo) from universal man on YouTube... he addressed this on one video that a lot of guys get overwhelmed when rebooting and doing so much self improvement right out of the gate that they get overwhelmed and crash/ stop doing it. One new healthy habit per month is my goal now, I kind of am just white knuckling through the reboot right now which I'm fine with.
As for Auspost, it was actually StarTrack but I've had the same shit with Auspost. Usually it wouldn't really bother me but yesty i was just irritated all day. Orb's your right, it was just a shitty day.
30 days
Thanks for the support fellas.
That's all for today.
100% the stress and exhaustion is not just from the WD's, having a new-born is one of the hardest things I've ever done - my misso has taken 12 months maternity leave, myself 2 months annual. Our entire lives revolve around her next feed, which are every 3/4 hours, nappy changes & settling her when she's screaming the house down ( that happens a lot). I'm getting used to the split sleep because I've worked nights for many years, it's well known that there's not much one can do when looking after a newborn but suck it up and get the job done. And it's not like it's a hassle, it's awesome looking after this little cutie that we made, the love i have for her is so pure - it's just hard.
I walk my dog daily for an hour rain hail or shine, keep the house running chore wise, go down woolies daily to grab dinner etc - I'm keeping busy, so really the only thing i can improve in the short term is my sleep.
As for the mindfulness SebNZ I've got a few books on it so i know how to start, I'm just not motivated to do it right now. Although i will in the near future, just 15 mins a day to start with. I've only tried a dozen times or so back in 2012. What I will be starting is reading again, in the 94 days of my last reboot i smashed 10 books - all self help type stuff and i just ordered Gary's book - reading is so good for the brain and this time i wont be so hardcore with the self help stuff - novels and stuff that interests me - i found with self help sometimes it gets super repetitive and boring. In the next week I'll be quitting smoking again, got the patches ready - then within the next month changing my diet. In 2012 i was hitting the weights and cardio 6 days a week, strict diet - 85KG...now I'm 105+, fatty. I'm super motivated to make all these changes and i know I will.
It's about one step a time though and not going all out to soon, especially with our baby thrown into the mix - not sure if you guys are familiar with mark queppit ( possible typo) from universal man on YouTube... he addressed this on one video that a lot of guys get overwhelmed when rebooting and doing so much self improvement right out of the gate that they get overwhelmed and crash/ stop doing it. One new healthy habit per month is my goal now, I kind of am just white knuckling through the reboot right now which I'm fine with.
As for Auspost, it was actually StarTrack but I've had the same shit with Auspost. Usually it wouldn't really bother me but yesty i was just irritated all day. Orb's your right, it was just a shitty day.
30 days
Thanks for the support fellas.
That's all for today.
D
Deleted member 17609
Guest
A good way to meditate when you are not really motivated is to try guided meditation. I do this often, I call it ?meditation for lazy people?. You just follow the voice, it will lead you in a pretty good place... It?s very relaxing.
Try this one, I really like it:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-2zdUXve6fQ
Try this one, I really like it:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-2zdUXve6fQ
Aussie_85
Active Member
AK - yeah man there's secluded beaches where you wont find a person all over the country!
Day: 31 - Shitstorm
Withdrawals have well and truly set in, every day progressing for at least the last 4 days. Here's what I'm dealing with:
*Increased anxiety/social anxiety
*Irritability
*Insomnia
*Fatigue
*Extreme low motivation
*Spaced out foggy/hungover feeling
*Aches and pains throughout my body
Upon reflection I've had all of these, and more symptoms since i was 20 odd years old. Now they are massively amplified, I honestly doubt I could work safely in this state - considering I drive forklifts lifting up to 5 Tonnes and operate heavy plant machinery, my brain is just 'not there'.
I noticed today out in public I was extremely anxious, more so than I've been for many years. The annoying part of it is - it feels so artificial. I thought to myself at the time "why the fuck am I anxious? what am I anxious about? do I care about what others think of me, how I'm perceived? NO - Am I scared of anything here? NO"
So strange how powerful the brain is. I now realise why i couldn't handle this feeling in my 20's - i was to mentally immature to re-assure myself it's temporary.
I have no urges in the sense of - I'm horny, or having porn flashbacks - more of - this is fucked, I want to escape this miserable feeling. It's just the feeling of total anhedonia, no pleasure, just really flat and uncomfortable.
This is absolutely miserable - to put it lightly.
That's all for today - thanks for the support.
Day: 31 - Shitstorm
Withdrawals have well and truly set in, every day progressing for at least the last 4 days. Here's what I'm dealing with:
*Increased anxiety/social anxiety
*Irritability
*Insomnia
*Fatigue
*Extreme low motivation
*Spaced out foggy/hungover feeling
*Aches and pains throughout my body
Upon reflection I've had all of these, and more symptoms since i was 20 odd years old. Now they are massively amplified, I honestly doubt I could work safely in this state - considering I drive forklifts lifting up to 5 Tonnes and operate heavy plant machinery, my brain is just 'not there'.
I noticed today out in public I was extremely anxious, more so than I've been for many years. The annoying part of it is - it feels so artificial. I thought to myself at the time "why the fuck am I anxious? what am I anxious about? do I care about what others think of me, how I'm perceived? NO - Am I scared of anything here? NO"
So strange how powerful the brain is. I now realise why i couldn't handle this feeling in my 20's - i was to mentally immature to re-assure myself it's temporary.
I have no urges in the sense of - I'm horny, or having porn flashbacks - more of - this is fucked, I want to escape this miserable feeling. It's just the feeling of total anhedonia, no pleasure, just really flat and uncomfortable.
This is absolutely miserable - to put it lightly.
That's all for today - thanks for the support.
that's incredibly progress Aussie, keep going a few more weeks and things will get much better. The last few days seem like neural pathways getting deactivated and the brain trying really hard to give it one last push to not make you break those connections. Almost like the addiction struggling for its life. Well done, but keep at it.
Aussie_85
Active Member
Thanks AK 8)
Day: 32
In a much better mood today than the previous 2. Not really much to report today other than - Porns a C*** and i'll never go back to it.
Stay strong fellow Reboot nationers - your life is worth fighting for - your current or future GF/Wife/Partner NEEDS you to quit to be the man you were supposed to be - yourself. For them.
That's it for today - peace.
Day: 32
In a much better mood today than the previous 2. Not really much to report today other than - Porns a C*** and i'll never go back to it.
Stay strong fellow Reboot nationers - your life is worth fighting for - your current or future GF/Wife/Partner NEEDS you to quit to be the man you were supposed to be - yourself. For them.
That's it for today - peace.
D
Deleted member 17609
Guest
Yah, well said. Have a good one, man.
Aussie_85
Active Member
Day: 33
Had a tough day/night - I think my daughter has colic or something that's effecting her stomach because she's so hard to settle - literally screaming for hours, my ears are sore. New borns are supposed to be fed every 4 hours or so, on face value that sounds straight forward, it's not. If she only has half her feed, she's awake in an hour screaming - then its changing nappies, more screaming - asleep for 3 hours, repeat. Have an appt. with our doctor on Tuesday to hopefully get it sorted, its nothing serious but the fact that she's so unsettled isn't normal.
Having fights with my GF the last 3 days, man she really knows how to piss me off. We are both exhausted and stressed although her way of dealing with stress is blaming me. She just oozes this attitude and body language of being super angry at me, and when i try to talk to her she just starts blaming me for everything - women. I sometimes battle with thoughts of "have i made a mistake having a child with this woman". I don't think i have, she can just be such a bitch sometimes.
It's a struggle for me to not "have" porn in times of stress, usually it's exactly what I turn to for escaping negative emotions. I know that my issues are....well mine, and I have no one to blame, however i do feel like a lot of people are so selfish, completely disregarding how what they say and do to others effects that person. This isn't a pity party or a paranoid observation out of anger, people for the most part just don't care - family, GF's & "friends" - I often have this gut feeling that it's all so fake. That if a situation presented they would have no problem at all just forgetting about me and moving on as if I never existed. I've always felt very emotionally tuned in to other people, I don't think or get the feeling that many people in my life are the same.
I've has these feelings for as long as I can remember, that I really can't rely on anyone - there's many philosophical people who feel the same way - that in a sense, the human condition is selfish, myself included.
I wish I could just not be so observant and be like all the other sheep.
Also to re-iterate Do not wait until you have a baby to reboot, it takes it to a whole new level of suck.
That's all for now - Aussie.
Had a tough day/night - I think my daughter has colic or something that's effecting her stomach because she's so hard to settle - literally screaming for hours, my ears are sore. New borns are supposed to be fed every 4 hours or so, on face value that sounds straight forward, it's not. If she only has half her feed, she's awake in an hour screaming - then its changing nappies, more screaming - asleep for 3 hours, repeat. Have an appt. with our doctor on Tuesday to hopefully get it sorted, its nothing serious but the fact that she's so unsettled isn't normal.
Having fights with my GF the last 3 days, man she really knows how to piss me off. We are both exhausted and stressed although her way of dealing with stress is blaming me. She just oozes this attitude and body language of being super angry at me, and when i try to talk to her she just starts blaming me for everything - women. I sometimes battle with thoughts of "have i made a mistake having a child with this woman". I don't think i have, she can just be such a bitch sometimes.
It's a struggle for me to not "have" porn in times of stress, usually it's exactly what I turn to for escaping negative emotions. I know that my issues are....well mine, and I have no one to blame, however i do feel like a lot of people are so selfish, completely disregarding how what they say and do to others effects that person. This isn't a pity party or a paranoid observation out of anger, people for the most part just don't care - family, GF's & "friends" - I often have this gut feeling that it's all so fake. That if a situation presented they would have no problem at all just forgetting about me and moving on as if I never existed. I've always felt very emotionally tuned in to other people, I don't think or get the feeling that many people in my life are the same.
I've has these feelings for as long as I can remember, that I really can't rely on anyone - there's many philosophical people who feel the same way - that in a sense, the human condition is selfish, myself included.
I wish I could just not be so observant and be like all the other sheep.
Also to re-iterate Do not wait until you have a baby to reboot, it takes it to a whole new level of suck.
That's all for now - Aussie.
Aussie_85 said:
I can relate. It is normal for the arrival of the baby to strain the relationship. Mine became especially challenging because my wife developed post partum depression and we didn't know how to deal with it. Hang in there and things will get better in a few months i.e. when the baby is able to sleep through the night. I don't know about Australia but here in North America there are some gas drops that soothe children in situations such as yours sometimes. They are OTC and worth a try IMO.
Aussie_85
Active Member
Hey AK,
Oh man it's straining big time : sorry to hear about your wife with post partum depression, that would have been hard. We have her on "infacol" an OTC that really doesn't seem to be doing anything. Tried 3 different formulas - GF can't produce breast milk.
I hope this doesn't trigger anyone but since having the experience of having a baby, women's sexual organs have taken on a different meaning to me - it's now a vagina, and breasts...instead of a P**** and T****.
It's 2:43 AM, she was fed over an hour ago and is still wide awake, in her rocker - after I've been cradling her for 45 mins whispering "shhhh" with white noise in the background.
This is fucking brutal ;D
All part of the adventure I guess.
Oh man it's straining big time :
sorry to hear about your wife with post partum depression, that would have been hard. We have her on "infacol" an OTC that really doesn't seem to be doing anything. Tried 3 different formulas - GF can't produce breast milk.I hope this doesn't trigger anyone but since having the experience of having a baby, women's sexual organs have taken on a different meaning to me - it's now a vagina, and breasts...instead of a P**** and T****.
It's 2:43 AM, she was fed over an hour ago and is still wide awake, in her rocker - after I've been cradling her for 45 mins whispering "shhhh" with white noise in the background.
This is fucking brutal ;D
All part of the adventure I guess.
Aussie_85 said:Hey AK,
Oh man it's straining big time :
I hope this doesn't trigger anyone but since having the experience of having a baby, women's sexual organs have taken on a different meaning to me - it's now a vagina, and breasts...instead of a P**** and T****.
It's 2:43 AM, she was fed over an hour ago and is still wide awake, in her rocker - after I've been cradling her for 45 mins whispering "shhhh" with white noise in the background.
This is fucking brutal ;D
All part of the adventure I guess.
I know someone who used to put their kid in the infant car seat and took a drive around which made the kid sleep. My wife used to put the kid in a stroller and then do a backward and forward motion to get her to sleep. Sometimes up to and hour. It was exhausting. But you might have to try different things. Sorry to hear that it isn't going too well atm but hang in there and keep trying different things.
Also, have you tried swaddle blankets? They seem to be very helpful in my experience.
Aussie_85
Active Member
akpal2 said:
That's the only thing we haven't tried, the car. The stroller thing sometimes works, and swaddle blankies are an everyday thing since day 1...im getting quite good at tucking her in nice and tight!
The only thing keeping us going is knowing that it wont last forever, that eventually they calm down and sleep longer. What makes it hard is when I'm awake from 2PM - 8AM and my GF starts crying at lunchtime telling me she cant handle it and I need to help her more....sigh.
fine, you do all the chores to keep the house running, walk the dog, feed the cats, clean the pool - go to the supermarket - take the nightshift and I'll do the dayshift...you can imagine the response that gets.But overall it's an awesome experience, just testing...as you know
D
Deleted member 17609
Guest
Hey man,Aussie_85 said:
I know what you mean, my girlfriend does that too. It seems to me it?s what they call projection: when you don?t feel good, you try to hurt objects or people around you. Yeah, it?s probably fairly common. Happily, my girlfriend is aware that she does that sometimes, so she?s working on it, she tries to stop doing that. But yeah, it?s a really shitty behavior. We all have ways to deal with stress and unhappiness, that?s just one of them. It doesn?t mean anything, it?s just an emotional reaction. I?m sure your girlfriend would realize a few things if you had the chance to talk to her about this.
Keep it up, man. You?re having rough weeks, but it will pass.
Aussie_85
Active Member
Bilbo Baggins said:
Isn't it annoying Bilb's? she has almost what I'd call a delusional outburst = " i did this, this and this, you didn't help, you didn't do this...then you did this" - and on and on and on until i finally snap, call her a bitch or something (after she's called me every name under the sun) then it's the "omg how dare you call me a bitch, this is domestic violence) and on....and on - until i finally talk her down - and she very, very reluctantly finally admits that yes, she went overboard and that yes, most of the things she said weren't true - and that she understands she gets into "these moods" when she's stressed.
Honestly if it doesn't end eventually the relationship will - it's been a thing since we started dating 5 years ago - she's just crazy sometimes and I don't deserve that shit.
Then on the other hand we have a great relationship, both in love with each other - enjoy the same things (besides TV/movies) have a mortgage together, a dog who is my best friend....and now a baby daughter. I feel like i have so much invested in this relationship that it would be an absolute train wreck if it were to end - on top of that I don't want my daughter to grow up in a broken home.
Sometimes I wonder if she really got angry, would she ring the police, tell a friend or her mother that i abuse her or that I assaulted her - I'm not a violent person at all to other guys, let alone women...that shit is despicable to me. I doubt she would, but the way she acts sometimes makes me wonder.
And on top of all of this bullshit I'm rebooting 8) #funtimes
D
Deleted member 17609
Guest
Yeah, same here. We?ve been together for almost 9 years, and we?re really good together. But when we get into a fight... damn. What?s crazy is that a fight will happen so quickly, even if everything was fine until then. 2 minutes is all we need to take our guns out. Things also got physical a few times (mostly her breaking things, I never hit anyone in my life, and I don?t even break things, but sometimes I raise my voice a lot when we argue, and that?s a sort of violence too). But man, that?s life. I mean, it?s okay as long as you both say you?re sorry afterwards, or if you can at least both admit that you didn?t act correctly. With other women, we would get other troubles. That?s how I see it.