My journey to be a better man.

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Hello All! Hope you are all doing good. I'm feeling good. Happy that I got right back on board with the program. Still not feeling desperate for porn or finding the need to have it up on my computer while I work. That is definite progress. I don't think I have a lot to say today. Just happy to be here and not too stressed.

Enjoy your day.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
My week hasn't been perfect. Struggling a little bit with the up and downs of this whole thing. I can go for a few solid weeks with little or no desire and then out of the blue I turn into a monster who can't think of anything else but porn. It's staggering to think of having those two very different people inside of me. I am always a little bit shocked when this happens. I'm working on shoving the porn guy back into his cage. If I could just find a way to keep him locked in there for good everything would be a lot easier.

Good luck to all of you out there trying to tame the beast. Keep pushing back. We can surely win this battle.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
My week hasn't been perfect. Struggling a little bit with the up and downs of this whole thing. I can go for a few solid weeks with little or no desire and then out of the blue I turn into a monster who can't think of anything else but porn. It's staggering to think of having those two very different people inside of me. I am always a little bit shocked when this happens. I'm working on shoving the porn guy back into his cage. If I could just find a way to keep him locked in there for good everything would be a lot easier.

Good luck to all of you out there trying to tame the beast. Keep pushing back. We can surely win this battle.
Things will ease up again soon.
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
I can go for a few solid weeks with little or no desire and then out of the blue I turn into a monster who can't think of anything else but porn. It's staggering to think of having those two very different people inside of me.
I think this is true for a lot of us. You might have heard this fable... Inside of everyone lives two wolves. One is evil: anger, envy, jealousy, lies, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, and ego. The other is good: joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, truth. These two wolves are always fighting for dominance. Which wolf wins? The one that you feed.

Keep fighting the good fight, Guitar. And be mindful of which wolf you feed. ;)
 

GBS

Respected Member
We’re all on your side @guitar1968 . Your slip up was a minor one, and if you didn’t do it to porn then some would say you didn’t slip up at all. Hard mode rebooting is tricky, very tricky. I like @TryingHarder ’s view that we should feed the good wolf. When you feel like feeding the bad one, just remember what the old you was like - the one (probably) who constantly fed the wrong wolf.
And good luck.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Thanks everyone. I've been feeding the good wolf again and trying to make sure the other one is hungry. The problem is when he gets hungry, he gets mean.

But for now, things have stabilized again. Good weekend. No issues. No strong desires. I'm at my weakest during the work week. I work from home and I have a private office where I can do what I want. Much easier to stray when I'm at this desk. Porn breaks were always a reward for getting something done, finishing a project, getting a new client, etc. Something I would reward myself simply because I felt like I needed the reward. I know what I need to do to stay away. I can do it. I've proven that the last 2 months and last year for long stretches.

Feeling good today and taking it one day at a time seems to be the way to go for me right now.

Have a great day and great week everyone.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
All is well again today. Week is flying by. Still so strange how easy it is for a while and how it comes raging back. But hey, I used to look at porn multiple times a day, masturbate multiple times a day. I guess I shouldn't complain that I can now go weeks before the serious urges hit me. Don't know if I will ever keep them away for good, but if I can keep reducing the urges maybe over time I will get there.

Have a great day everyone.
 

GBS

Respected Member
Hero. Never go back. Make it as if it isn’t an option. It’s the worst. Don’t give yourself an out….if you do your brain will know you’re an easy target and keep tempting you back. Tell that evil side of your brain to fuck off. Stare in the mirror and say it out load. I did that once (no one else was in the house) and it was truly cathartic. You’re getting there @guitar1968 . True hero. You inspire.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Thanks @Blondie and @GBS - I truly appreciate the support. All is well and it is Friday. I never have issues over the weekend. Even in my deepest and darkest times, that was when I took time off. Occasionally I suppose I partook if the opportunity presented itself, but as a full time computer worker, I need to be away from the keyboard on the weekends so that has always been good.

And just like that another two weeks have gone by. And, with very little draw again. The monster sneaks out and I'm able to push him back into the cage. I was just shy of 6 weeks when I felt the need for release last time. Let's see how far I can ride the train this time.

Enjoy you weekends everyone. If you have wives and kids, lovers and friends, enjoy them. They are way better than a screen.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Good day everyone. I'm back. Weekend was fine. It almost always is fine. However, I'm feeling a little depressed today and edgy. Like a good porn session would lift my spirits. I hate feeling that way, but man, I'm just dragging and feeling out of it. I'm here hoping to change the mojo.

I'll report back in and let you know how I make it through the day.

Peace.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
However, I'm feeling a little depressed today and edgy. Like a good porn session would lift my spirits. I hate feeling that way, but man, I'm just dragging and feeling out of it.

It's funny (not really) how porn robs us of dopamine which gives us excitement and anticipation, and then presents itself as the answer!

Stick in there, Guitar, you're doing it!
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
I didn't succumb to porn, but I did masturbate on my own. I scratched the itch. It felt good. Not going to lie. I also didn't feel bad afterwards. I felt relieved. I didn't use porn fantasy either. Fantasy yes, but nothing from anything I've watched before. It was more relaxed and easy. I'm not saying this is the best method, but it worked for me the other day. I also went back to feeling calm and feeling like I could make it without porn again for a while.

This is an up and down thing. I'm going to keep plugging away and will eventually feel like I'm free. I'm feeling better about it lately and my overall view is changing. It's not a daily feeling the last few months. More of an occasional feeling. Hope it just keeps getting easier.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Just stopping by to say hi. Feeling a bit down yesterday and today. Not exactly sure why. I was just journaling in my private journal and I kept thinking that when I get done with that entry I want to look at porn. Came on pretty strong. So, I came here instead. Now I need to get to work. I needed to pause and let my head think for a second about now diving back in. Some days are just harder than others. Thankfully it's Friday. I get away from my computer for two days. That always helps.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone. Hang in there.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
You know about "the chaser," right? It's not unusual for your neurochemistry to send out...unhelpful signals over the days following orgasm. Sucks.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Hey all. I continue to run hot and cold on porn. Some days I feel the draw, other days I don't. I seem to be able to go much longer times in between the need to look and not caring at all. Something has changed with me for the better. I'm not where I want to be just yet, but I feel better about the whole situation. I don't have porn up on my computer on and off every day any longer. I don't masturbate 2 times a day any longer. I go weeks without feeling like I need it. I just don't know if my mindset is changing because I'm more mindful of it or if it's because I'm aging. I'm 55. It's old, but hey, hopefully I have a lot more days ahead. Either way, I'm feeling much better about this whole thing. Hope you all are as well.

Thanks!
 
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