More Mindful Daily

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Savagesauce

Member
Day 0

After my last attempt at quitting porn flopped, I'm making a new journal. This time I plan to meditate every day for at least 15 minutes. I remember in the past having more control over myself and being able to not use porn when I meditated regularly, so I need to build this habit back up.

Every day when I check in I will report whether or not I did my meditation, and if I used porn or masturbated.

Anyway, I'm off to a strong start. I did 20 minutes of meditation after work today, and plan to do 20 more minutes of meditation tomorrow morning at 8:30 before going to work.
 
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Savagesauce

Member
Day 0

I broke my commitment to meditate for 20 minutes this morning, and instead watched porn. I later ended up doing 10 minutes of meditation during my lunch break at work, and then 20 minutes of meditation tonight. I am recommitting to meditating every morning, and I plan to meditate for 10 minutes at least before I relapse. The goal is to strengthen my mindfulness muscles so that I have more control over myself.
 
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Flesh

Member
It's nice to meditate but if the only thing your brain makes you think of is porn, and it makes you relapse again and again coz u're not trained enough to get em off your thougts, I would choose another activity, something that occupy your mind instead (if the problem keeps hapenning)
 
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canguro

Active Member
"Hypnosis meditation for freedom from porn addiction (nofap, noporn, etc.)"

This really helps me getting that right mindset, maybe you don´t know it. =)
And I agree with Flesh, when you are not trained enough to really free your mind while meditating it could be harmfull, if you are not doing a guided meditation, which helps you staining focused.
 
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Savagesauce

Member
Flesh said:
It's nice to meditate but if the only thing your brain makes you think of is porn, and it makes you relapse again and again coz u're not trained enough to get em off your thougts, I would choose another activity, something that occupy your mind instead (if the problem keeps hapenning)
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I'm able to not think of porn when I'm meditating. The problem is relapsing right after I wake up. I'm trying to build more daily mindfulness so that I can resist in the morning, since in the past having more mindfulness is the morning has helped me resist. Doing something in the morning to occupy my mind is a good idea though. I'll think of something to try.
 
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Savagesauce

Member
Day 0

It's been another not so good morning. I could have handled my urges by observing them mindfully or focusing on something else, but I instead just gave in. Next time I commit to being more mindful of my urges, and then doing something on my todo list.
 
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Flesh

Member
If u keep not going threw the first few days, I would suggest u don't try to stop PMO but only porn for the moment and keep doing MO but like max 1 time/day or every 2, 3 days (see what's manageable). I give a max amount of MO/day coz you'll see, as I've been there u'll see it's still pretty hard coz you don't feel like u've done it even, ur brain is just asking for more.

I don't say that this is THE STRAT but I had a long period where I didn't try to pull a streak but just reduce porn exposition by 1. Reducing pmo/mo to once every 2 days, and MO with only my imagination. That was still damn hard, but the day I found further in the problems pmo may cause I didn't slip at all (and I'm currently day 40). And i'm sure, this whole lowering the frequency of exposition thing helped me threw this process (ofc that's not THE thing that made it, I found a pretty strong reason that outperfom my brain's reason to give in aswell)
 
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Savagesauce

Member
I just did my meditation today, I so I will continue my check in. After some reflection, I decided I will update my commitments for my recovery.

Daily Commitments
  • Monitor for symptoms of depression
  • Meditate every day for 20 minutes in the morning
  • Go for a walk every day
  • Take electronic devices out of bedroom at bedtime
  • Sleep with my blinds open (gives me a chance to reflect on my decision to MO in the morning instead of autopilot)
  • Check-in my commitments with another person daily
Weekly Commitments

  • Attend a recovery meeting
 
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Brooks1542

Member
Have you thought about using a porn blocker? Might help with getting past the first few days.

Also I do like the idea of setting yourself commitments for the day to do. However, I would go easy on yourself.
Giving yourself an itinerary of activities to do can set yourself up for failure. You then may feel bad about yourself, self control reduces and you slump back into using porn. Try not to overload yourself with too many 'life improvement techniques' all at once. Maybe think about introducing them one at a time so each technique becomes habitual before another technique is brought in.
 
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Savagesauce

Member
Brooks1542 said:
Have you thought about using a porn blocker? Might help with getting past the first few days.

Also I do like the idea of setting yourself commitments for the day to do. However, I would go easy on yourself.
Giving yourself an itinerary of activities to do can set yourself up for failure. You then may feel bad about yourself, self control reduces and you slump back into using porn. Try not to overload yourself with too many 'life improvement techniques' all at once. Maybe think about introducing them one at a time so each technique becomes habitual before another technique is brought in.
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You're right. Too much at once can be overwhelming. My main commitment is meditation every day. I'll also just monitor for depression symptoms and manage those as needed. I know from experience that not managing depression can send me down a bad road.

As for porn blockers, those don't really stop me. I can hack my way around any filter. What helps are more low-tech solutions like using my devices in another room of the house, or out in public.
 
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Savagesauce

Member
Day 1

Active Commitments
  • ✓ Keep my bedtime environment safe
  • ✓ Meditate every day for 22 minutes
  • ✓ Monitor for depression symptoms
  • ✓ Check in with someone
  • ✓Review math to prepare for college
I'm feeling better today. Depression symptoms are way down and I'm managing life well enough. I'm doing well on monitoring for these symptoms every day.

I kept my commitment to meditate every day for the past few days. Today I managed to do it in the morning, and I am bumping up my time to 22 minutes. I'm also keeping my commitment now to make my bedtime environment safe by removing my devices from my bedroom when I go to sleep. My increased mindfulness I'm building is making these changes easier. I'm also checking in with an old SAA buddy every night when I get a chance, and I share my commitments with him. This structure has all been helping. I'm trying to keep my commitments as simple as possible and minimize them so I'm not doing too much, but I don't think I can reduce my 5 current commitments, because they're all necessary at this current moment of my life.

This morning I did masturbate again, and I was thinking again about porn when I did it, but that's better than outright using porn. Next time when I wake up with urges to use porn I will do 3 mindful breaths, stretch, and get out of bed. Later in the morning I had some urges to use porn, but instead I got into my meditation routine, and then went for a walk, going on with my day. These morning urges are going to be the main obstacle I face, and I appreciate any advice for getting through them. My main strategy is too keep building up mindfulness and be more aware during more moments of the day so that I can let go of urges and be more intentional.
 
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Savagesauce

Member
Day 2

Commitments
  • ✓ Meditate every day for 25 minutes
  • ✓ Keep my bedtime environment safe
  • ✓ Monitor for depression symptoms
Goals
  • ✓ Check in with someone
  • ✓Review math to prepare for college
I unfortunately masturbated again right after waking up and was thinking about porn. Next morning I plan to begin my day with 3 mindful breaths, and if I can't help but masturbate I will keep my focus on my breath instead of focusing on fantasies and on pleasure, because my mind tends to cling and get caught in those things, but the breath is always a calming, neutral sensation to rest my mind on.

I'm keep up my commitment to meditate every day, and now I've bumped my practice up to 25 minutes. At the end, I felt like I could have kept going, so I will do 30 minutes tomorrow. There may be risk of accelerating my practice too quickly, but I feel like I can safely do this because I used to be a regular meditator, and I am enthusiastic to have my practice back. I'm feeling like myself again, slowly but surely, and I realize that when I don't meditate I'm always in relapse.

I've simplified my recovery commitments too. Brooks mentioned that too many commitments at once may sabotage me, and I think that he's right. I now am keeping only 3 simple commitments, and my main absolute commitment is my meditation practice. I also have 2 goals, which are of slightly lower priority.

Other areas of my life are still slightly out of balance. I'm not eating the best right now and need to do my grocery shopping. I'm trying to simply meal planning with reusable grocery lists and weekly meal plans, and I'm so busy lately I just might get my groceries delivered. Staying organized is not easy for me and it adds to my stress.

Anyway, I feel like I'm on a good track now.
 
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Savagesauce

Member
Day 0

I fell off the wagon, so I'm trying something different. I have written a contract with myself to not use porn for one day. If I fail, I pay $20 to PETA and have to post the donation here with a screenshot. Let's go!
 
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