Dear Friends,
I am 41 years old and started PMO around 16 years old in 1996. This was before the high speed stuff and when i was about 20 (year 2000) I found my now ex partner. We have been togheter for almost 21 years and had our ups and downs.
There were a few issues we had being my inability to be intimate with her for the last 2 years the final straw i might say. After 2 years in our relationship (2002-2003 ish) i started to PMO a lot more. I downloaded via newsgroups this started with DVD of porn and I started collecting those. The years passed and I kept searching for more - Instead of movies this became Clips/scenes/ETC.
I was a member of these sites where people post all kinds of different content and i would search for hours and download I had my own private collection. I was adding and deleting stuff. And as most know i never even watched some clips after i download them. I often went back to the same clips of the same stars. However i did search for hours on end to find the clips i loved to add to my collection. Often edging/playing with my self while searching. At the end of the sessions (hours upon a time sometimes) I finished. Sometimes i had days I masturbated to finish for up to more than 5 times.
There were some breaks in this period but most of the time during weekends i spend most time doing the above while during the weeks i masturbated daily to the clips with the accasional searching during the week to hunt new clips. It was 4 years ago i start using the tube sites to watch sometimes while also searching my favorite clips. I did watch the compilation clips which made things much worse and started to daily see what was posted (new materials!). Pffff what a sad life and why the fuck did I did it, I am disgusted by myself.
I never had any problems with ED or EQ. The mayor problem i had during that time was DE. I masturbated fiercly with a deathgrip and desensitised my penis while doing that so that during intercouse i could hardly feel anything. BJ or PIV even HJ. It always ended with me giving myself HJ. Always.
Like 2 years ago we both noticed my EQ going down. I could get it up but it was not always fully hard. Especially with certain standing/kneeing positions this would happen and my appetite for intercourse died. I still PMO at that time as i never figured out that porn/masturbating/Deathgrip would be the issue i thought it was age/some relational issues/stress from work/playing to much PC/Smoking weed/ being circumsised)
At that time i stopped smoking weed as i thought that was the issue so I did not smoke since the beginning of 2019. However last summer we broke up, she did not wanted to be with me anymore and the abundance of intimicy was a huge factor. I could not care to kiss/hugg etc i thought it would come back. I did see we were growing apart but never acted upon it, this makes up to this day angry at myself and very sad. I never reached out to a GP or to her about my feelings. She often asked to just hug/kiss her, i did but she saw I was not really enjoying it so she also said you dont love me anymore and you are not turned on by my anymore.
This was not the case the strange thing is that i was attracted to her but my system just did not work anymore and that made me anxious as fuck. I did try to avoid anything sensual like the plague. I was to stupid to not investigate earlier about what could be the case. When i started to search the internet I found this and other forums and i read about PIED/PMO/Deathgrip/DOPAMINE (D2 receptors).
Then i finally put the puzzle togheter bit by bit. With the knowledge i have now it makes me so fucking sad and angry why i never took the time to research earlier. I could have rewired with her, explained her what happened to me that i cheated with PMO for all these years, while having a sex life with her (DE only issue).
The last 2 years when i noticed my EQ faded even while watching porn (i did escalate to heavier stuff but never the really extreme stuff) i should have taken action. I could maybe have salvaged our relationship but as explained she left and I hardly talked to her ever since. She wants to move on. So what did i do when I figured out what happened to me, what I did to myself. This was on 12th of July 2021.
I stopped PMO immediatly since that day which is now 123 days ago. I deleted my private collection without even thinking about it, i shift deleted everything from both my external drives, walked to the lake, stood on the bridge and threw them out in the water. I unsubbed from the websites i used (you need to be invited to use em) to download my stuff.
Sorry for the long post but now to my point as why I joined this Forum. I would like to know if there is guys with a similar story like mine and how long it took them to heal. After these 123 days i did notice a lot of differences:
Before reboot I hardly had any Nocturnal Erections and Morning woods. Now i have them very frequent almost daily and the EQ is a lot better then like the last 2 years.
My sensitivity increased. I am circumsised and i could hardly feel anything during intercourse. No PMO in combination with moisturising it since 70 days ago with: Unrefined Pure Shea butter / Coconut oil and vitamin E oil. Not sure if the moisturising helps aswell but i keep doing it.
Started to use supplements: CDC-Choline, Vitamin D, EPA/DHA visoil strong one and before bed i take one pill of ZMA and L-Citruline
Started to eat a lot more healty - Almonds - cashews - walnuts - full fat griek yoghurt - avocados - rice -lot of veggies (Beets / Spinach / Spirula) and a lot of other healthy stuff what i think could help.
Daily walks - around an hour walking in nature
Drinking matcha tea and green thea
What i could do better is i should go to a gym. I still drink 1 coffee a day and i do play video games 4-5 days a week. In weekends for to long. Any other tips.
In short my questions:
I would like to know if there is guys with a similar story like mine and how long it took them to heal?
Do you guys have any tips on what i could do to get better i am really not sure where I am at the moment in terms of rebooting. I still have no libido, no interest to chase the real thing, no interest at PMO at all.
I only had one wet dream at day 73 during this reboot, this seems odd?
How long do you guys think I need, i am desperate to heal. I would like to enjoy life agian as I am experience anhedonia and I avoid socialising at the moment because i feel like shit and embarressed and weak. I would like to start dating at some point to meet another person as i hate being alone
Thanks for reading and apologies for the very long post.
I am 41 years old and started PMO around 16 years old in 1996. This was before the high speed stuff and when i was about 20 (year 2000) I found my now ex partner. We have been togheter for almost 21 years and had our ups and downs.
There were a few issues we had being my inability to be intimate with her for the last 2 years the final straw i might say. After 2 years in our relationship (2002-2003 ish) i started to PMO a lot more. I downloaded via newsgroups this started with DVD of porn and I started collecting those. The years passed and I kept searching for more - Instead of movies this became Clips/scenes/ETC.
I was a member of these sites where people post all kinds of different content and i would search for hours and download I had my own private collection. I was adding and deleting stuff. And as most know i never even watched some clips after i download them. I often went back to the same clips of the same stars. However i did search for hours on end to find the clips i loved to add to my collection. Often edging/playing with my self while searching. At the end of the sessions (hours upon a time sometimes) I finished. Sometimes i had days I masturbated to finish for up to more than 5 times.
There were some breaks in this period but most of the time during weekends i spend most time doing the above while during the weeks i masturbated daily to the clips with the accasional searching during the week to hunt new clips. It was 4 years ago i start using the tube sites to watch sometimes while also searching my favorite clips. I did watch the compilation clips which made things much worse and started to daily see what was posted (new materials!). Pffff what a sad life and why the fuck did I did it, I am disgusted by myself.
I never had any problems with ED or EQ. The mayor problem i had during that time was DE. I masturbated fiercly with a deathgrip and desensitised my penis while doing that so that during intercouse i could hardly feel anything. BJ or PIV even HJ. It always ended with me giving myself HJ. Always.
Like 2 years ago we both noticed my EQ going down. I could get it up but it was not always fully hard. Especially with certain standing/kneeing positions this would happen and my appetite for intercourse died. I still PMO at that time as i never figured out that porn/masturbating/Deathgrip would be the issue i thought it was age/some relational issues/stress from work/playing to much PC/Smoking weed/ being circumsised)
At that time i stopped smoking weed as i thought that was the issue so I did not smoke since the beginning of 2019. However last summer we broke up, she did not wanted to be with me anymore and the abundance of intimicy was a huge factor. I could not care to kiss/hugg etc i thought it would come back. I did see we were growing apart but never acted upon it, this makes up to this day angry at myself and very sad. I never reached out to a GP or to her about my feelings. She often asked to just hug/kiss her, i did but she saw I was not really enjoying it so she also said you dont love me anymore and you are not turned on by my anymore.
This was not the case the strange thing is that i was attracted to her but my system just did not work anymore and that made me anxious as fuck. I did try to avoid anything sensual like the plague. I was to stupid to not investigate earlier about what could be the case. When i started to search the internet I found this and other forums and i read about PIED/PMO/Deathgrip/DOPAMINE (D2 receptors).
Then i finally put the puzzle togheter bit by bit. With the knowledge i have now it makes me so fucking sad and angry why i never took the time to research earlier. I could have rewired with her, explained her what happened to me that i cheated with PMO for all these years, while having a sex life with her (DE only issue).
The last 2 years when i noticed my EQ faded even while watching porn (i did escalate to heavier stuff but never the really extreme stuff) i should have taken action. I could maybe have salvaged our relationship but as explained she left and I hardly talked to her ever since. She wants to move on. So what did i do when I figured out what happened to me, what I did to myself. This was on 12th of July 2021.
I stopped PMO immediatly since that day which is now 123 days ago. I deleted my private collection without even thinking about it, i shift deleted everything from both my external drives, walked to the lake, stood on the bridge and threw them out in the water. I unsubbed from the websites i used (you need to be invited to use em) to download my stuff.
Sorry for the long post but now to my point as why I joined this Forum. I would like to know if there is guys with a similar story like mine and how long it took them to heal. After these 123 days i did notice a lot of differences:
Before reboot I hardly had any Nocturnal Erections and Morning woods. Now i have them very frequent almost daily and the EQ is a lot better then like the last 2 years.
My sensitivity increased. I am circumsised and i could hardly feel anything during intercourse. No PMO in combination with moisturising it since 70 days ago with: Unrefined Pure Shea butter / Coconut oil and vitamin E oil. Not sure if the moisturising helps aswell but i keep doing it.
Started to use supplements: CDC-Choline, Vitamin D, EPA/DHA visoil strong one and before bed i take one pill of ZMA and L-Citruline
Started to eat a lot more healty - Almonds - cashews - walnuts - full fat griek yoghurt - avocados - rice -lot of veggies (Beets / Spinach / Spirula) and a lot of other healthy stuff what i think could help.
Daily walks - around an hour walking in nature
Drinking matcha tea and green thea
What i could do better is i should go to a gym. I still drink 1 coffee a day and i do play video games 4-5 days a week. In weekends for to long. Any other tips.
In short my questions:
I would like to know if there is guys with a similar story like mine and how long it took them to heal?
Do you guys have any tips on what i could do to get better i am really not sure where I am at the moment in terms of rebooting. I still have no libido, no interest to chase the real thing, no interest at PMO at all.
I only had one wet dream at day 73 during this reboot, this seems odd?
How long do you guys think I need, i am desperate to heal. I would like to enjoy life agian as I am experience anhedonia and I avoid socialising at the moment because i feel like shit and embarressed and weak. I would like to start dating at some point to meet another person as i hate being alone
Thanks for reading and apologies for the very long post.
