Porn is not an option

[Blondie]

Day 664
66 days to two years
12 cold showers

We are becoming the heroes.

Indeed we are @Androg.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Most OnlyFans messaging is done by third-party males contracted out by OnlyFans in some foreign country. Think about that next time you're tempted to sign up to that nonsense. Talk about a fucking illusion! These dudes are getting off to "intimate" messages written by men! The sad part is the dopamine has made these men so delusional that they don't even stop to think how it's possible for only one model to have enough time to message back tens of thousands of men.

Copy, paste. Copy, paste. Copy, paste.

View attachment 1107

That might be the most tragic thing I've learned in a while. crazy

 

[Blondie]

Yes @First_step_thousand_miles, it's insane and tragic all in one. The things we do to "feel" loved and accepted.

 

[downhillfromhere]

Great to see you still killing it, Blondie! And happy to see you doing cold showers too, I don't think I'll ever want a morning without it!

 

[swimmer97]

Day 664
66 days to two years
12 cold showers

I really like the cold shower counter, would you say these have an impact on your sex life so far? i mean at this point its far to soon to say and even if it would not have, cold showers of course still are a great thing. But still would be interesting if these in some way influence it

keep trucking

 

[Blondie]

Great to see you still killing it, Blondie! And happy to see you doing cold showers too, I don't think I'll ever want a morning without it!

Thanks @downhillfromhere! I'm really growing to love it, looking forward to them even.

Best

I really like the cold shower counter, would you say these have an impact on your sex life so far? i mean at this point its far to soon to say and even if it would not have, cold showers of course still are a great thing. But still would be interesting if these in some way influence it

keep trucking

lol this is funny because actually, although my sex life is great and she's hot as hell, by dick is having more ups and downs than its had since probably twenty months ago. I can think of a number of things that's making this happen, depression being one, however, it's also probably a flatline too, because my dick looks smaller these days as well.

Which brings me to something I wanted to say on here because I need to get this off my chest, the last few days I can honestly say I've been tempted to look at porn. I haven't done a damn thing with those thoughts and temptations, but they've been there all the same, and I did linger on them here and there, probably 3 or 4 on the scale, and lingering is something I have NOT done over these last twenty-two months. I've said several times here that I haven't really been tempted at all since starting this streak, and I mean that, I haven't been. But starting on Friday and yesterday, I've had some real thoughts about it and it honestly scared the fucking shit out of me. There's several reasons why this is all going on, and it's all very familiar to me, thus, I'm going to go through some of them to get this out in the open.

Depression, it's a bitch and it's nothing to be trifled with, and this summer, I've experienced a good bit of it. This summer I've been desperately striving to figure out my mission in my life (something I've been working on for only ten years! ), but by doing this, it brings up all kinds of shit from my past and childhood, and it's real hard to navigate it without losing myself to extreme emotions and regrets. Although my life is on track and IS getting better, I just fucking hate where I'm at, and all the time I've lost because of the shit from my childhood that's held me back, and no I don't mean porn. I won't get into any of it here, but let's just say it sucks, however, I can't change any of it, and thus, I've always told myself, there's no point on thinking about it. But of course, that's what I've always said, be a man Blondie, think only of tomorrow and don't worry about the past. However, the way I went about "not worrying about it" was through porn, or hitting on girls, or getting attention from females, things I'm not doing now and, thus, for the first time in my life, I'm having to deal with my shit, and goddamn, it's not all roses and skipping about in mountain meadows that's for sure!

Furthermore, either because of this off and on depression, or this gigantic flatline I'm experiencing, my dick over the last three weeks has had more problems than I've had since that insane flatline two months into this streak, AND THIS IS FUCKING BLOWING MY MIND! I was a rock star in bed these last six months, but now, now, how the fuck can this be happening? I can't believe I would be still be affected this way by porn, but here I am, still noticing the side effects. But actually what's going on in my head in something entirely different, and this is what pisses me off. My mind has been slipping thoughts into my head over these last few weeks saying shit like, see, porn didn't mess your dick up, you're almost two years out and NOW you still have problems? Obviously, porn was never the problem, and you're just getting old, or you're depressed etc. So why don't you go ahead and take a look and forget about all of this for a moment? Come on, you know it's fun. I'm not a Christian, but man, if I did believe, I swear, those are the thoughts of pure evil, and they will bring nothing into my life but shame and hatred for myself and literally destroy everything I've worked so hard to get to. But here I am, actually listening to them over the last few days, knowing they're pure shit, but thinking about it all the same.

Following that thought, although I do think I'm in a flatline, talking to my Lady in bed (yeah, she's amazing!) she was supportive and was thinking and suggesting that for the first time in my life, not only do I have to deal with my bullshit without running from it, but even more importantly, when it comes to this depression, my body or libido is maybe for the first time, starting to realign with my emotions and feelings, and my sex drive isn't just some separate entity out there in the ether, wanting its own thing separate from my emotional state, but is actually connected to me in a holistic sense. This makes sense to me, but to be honest, it also scares the shit out of me, because I'm not use to it at all. In fact, how I've been feeling over the last month is completely new for me so far on this journey, and I think that scares me. I trained my mind to fuck up every three months. To fuck up every six months, and what's worse, to fuck up every year and a half! But now, almost to two years out, it's like I don't know what to expect anymore on this journey, and I think my brain and its timeworn habits are starting to realize things won't be going back to their old ways, and maybe just maybe, it's trying to give me the middle finger.

The End

To end this rant, I will say this, I don't know what the fuck is going on guys, but I just want to say right here and right now, that I recommit to NOT looking at porn. Porn is NOT an option for me. There is nothing in it that is good for me. Its happiness is ephemeral and its luster is an angel of death. There is no joy living in the gutters. I must set my sights on lofty things of beauty and delight. And even though there's a chance I might not ever perfectly "succeed" in this life, anything is better than willingly heading to the gallows. And I would rather have a semi-hard dick once in a while than ever look at that shit again!

Thank you for all of your support over this time here on RN. You have no idea how much it's helped me become the man I want to be in this life.

Porn is NOT an option.

Love you all

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Thanks @downhillfromhere! I'm really growing to love it, looking forward to them even.

Best


lol this is funny because actually, although my sex life is great and she's hot as hell, by dick is having more ups and downs than its had since probably twenty months ago. I can think of a number of things that's making this happen, depression being one, however, it's also probably a flatline too, because my dick looks smaller these days as well.

Which brings me to something I wanted to say on here because I need to get this off my chest, the last few days I can honestly say I've been tempted to look at porn. I haven't done a damn thing with those thoughts and temptations, but they've been there all the same, and I did linger on them here and there, probably 3 or 4 on the scale, and lingering is something I have NOT done over these last twenty-two months. I've said several times here that I haven't really been tempted at all since starting this streak, and I mean that, I haven't been. But starting on Friday and yesterday, I've had some real thoughts about it and it honestly scared the fucking shit out of me. There's several reasons why this is all going on, and it's all very familiar to me, thus, I'm going to go through some of them to get this out in the open.

Depression, it's a bitch and it's nothing to be trifled with, and this summer, I've experienced a good bit of it. This summer I've been desperately striving to figure out my mission in my life (something I've been working on for only ten years! ), but by doing this, it brings up all kinds of shit from my past and childhood, and it's real hard to navigate it without losing myself to extreme emotions and regrets. Although my life is on track and IS getting better, I just fucking hate where I'm at, and all the time I've lost because of the shit from my childhood that's held me back, and no I don't mean porn. I won't get into any of it here, but let's just say it sucks, however, I can't change any of it, and thus, I've always told myself, there's no point on thinking about it. But of course, that's what I've always said, be a man Blondie, think only of tomorrow and don't worry about the past. However, the way I went about "not worrying about it" was through porn, or hitting on girls, or getting attention from females, things I'm not doing now and, thus, for the first time in my life, I'm having to deal with my shit, and goddamn, it's not all roses and skipping about in mountain meadows that's for sure!

Furthermore, either because of this off and on depression, or this gigantic flatline I'm experiencing, my dick over the last three weeks has had more problems than I've had since that insane flatline two months into this streak, AND THIS IS FUCKING BLOWING MY MIND! I was a rock star in bed these last six months, but now, now, how the fuck can this be happening? I can't believe I would be still be affected this way by porn, but here I am, still noticing the side effects. But actually what's going on in my head in something entirely different, and this is what pisses me off. My mind has been slipping thoughts into my head over these last few weeks saying shit like, see, porn didn't mess your dick up, you're almost two years out and NOW you still have problems? Obviously, porn was never the problem, and you're just getting old, or you're depressed etc. So why don't you go ahead and take a look and forget about all of this for a moment? Come on, you know it's fun. I'm not a Christian, but man, if I did believe, I swear, those are the thoughts of pure evil, and they will bring nothing into my life but shame and hatred for myself and literally destroy everything I've worked so hard to get to. But here I am, actually listening to them over the last few days, knowing they're pure shit, but thinking about it all the same.

Following that thought, although I do think I'm in a flatline, talking to my Lady in bed (yeah, she's amazing!) she was supportive and was thinking and suggesting that for the first time in my life, not only do I have to deal with my bullshit without running from it, but even more importantly, when it comes to this depression, my body or libido is maybe for the first time, starting to realign with my emotions and feelings, and my sex drive isn't just some separate entity out there in the ether, wanting its own thing separate from my emotional state, but is actually connected to me in a holistic sense. This makes sense to me, but to be honest, it also scares the shit out of me, because I'm not use to it at all. In fact, how I've been feeling over the last month is completely new for me so far on this journey, and I think that scares me. I trained my mind to fuck up every three months. To fuck up every six months, and what's worse, to fuck up every year and a half! But now, almost to two years out, it's like I don't know what to expect anymore on this journey, and I think my brain and its timeworn habits are starting to realize things won't be going back to their old ways, and maybe just maybe, it's trying to give me the middle finger.

The End

To end this rant, I will say this, I don't know what the fuck is going on guys, but I just want to say right here and right now, that I recommit to NOT looking at porn. Porn is NOT an option for me. There is nothing in it that is good for me. Its happiness is ephemeral and its luster is an angel of death. There is no joy living in the gutters. I must set my sights on lofty things of beauty and delight. And even though there's a chance I might not ever perfectly "succeed" in this life, anything is better than willingly heading to the gallows. And I would rather have a semi-hard dick once in a while than ever look at that shit again!

Thank you for all of your support over this time here on RN. You have no idea how much it's helped me become the man I want to be in this life.

Porn is NOT an option.

Love you all

Blondie -- thanks for your honest candor brother. Maybe it's simple to say, but life certainly is not simple & easy. I'm sorry to hear about the depression, cold showers should be helpful as lots of studies show it reduces depression / anxiety. Regular exercise is another big part of that equation so keep sticking with that as well. Also some other stuff that I take for mental health maintenance is fish oil and vitamin d & magnesium (though on the latter two, get bloodwork done to see if you're deficient in these -- if not then just stick with the fish oil). These have helped a lot in my mental stability. Now I'm laying on exercise and cold showers as well, really to maximize my resiliency -- I definitely advise you to do the same, they are all clinically proven to decrease and often eliminate depression symptoms. PM me if you want to chat more about this

I'm not sure what's going on w/ the penis, but one thing to hang on to is that if it works before, it will again. Don't freak out as I'm not sure how many people are rock hard 100% of the time every time. Also look into ginseng tea, this is naturally proven to raise libido so could help (along with moderate intensity exercise) as well. Ultimately you lose nothing but doing all this stuff since all of it is great for your general health anyway so might as well go into with the maximum level of confidence. Love you man, PM me any time to talk more

 

[swimmer97]

To end this rant, I will say this, I don't know what the fuck is going on guys, but I just want to say right here and right now, that I recommit to NOT looking at porn. Porn is NOT an option for me. There is nothing in it that is good for me. Its happiness is ephemeral and its luster is an angel of death. There is no joy living in the gutters. I must set my sights on lofty things of beauty and delight. And even though there's a chance I might not ever perfectly "succeed" in this life, anything is better than willingly heading to the gallows. And I would rather have a semi-hard dick once in a while than ever look at that shit again!

Thank you for all of your support over this time here on RN. You have no idea how much it's helped me become the man I want to be in this life.

Porn is NOT an option.

Love you all

Thank you brother for letting this out.

Staying away from porn in such difficult times is what i call true strength. The mammal brain remembers this hyper stimuli that we call porn and only wants to do you something that "feels good" in such hard times but it doesnt know that its soemthing selfdamaging. You know that better than me but only to remind you that the mammal brain isnt thinking as far as our logical brain part in such hard times.

Regarding Job, i think its not necessary to find the perfect astronaut job that is a perfect life mission. The job can also just be something that gives you enough to live from and is decently fun. Thats how i see it and live it.

You can find your mission in life also in your hobby which i think is for example giving many people on this forum here hope and help. You already did more good for people on this place than most other people did in their whole life for others. thats for sure.

In the end, when it comes to depression the best advice is always to make an appointment with a professional.

I think you are doing good brother, you got this.

 

[Blondie]

Day 665
65 days to two years
13 cold showers
196 lbs. and 20.7 body fat

Blondie -- thanks for your honest candor brother. Maybe it's simple to say, but life certainly is not simple & easy. I'm sorry to hear about the depression, cold showers should be helpful as lots of studies show it reduces depression / anxiety. Regular exercise is another big part of that equation so keep sticking with that as well. Also some other stuff that I take for mental health maintenance is fish oil and vitamin d & magnesium (though on the latter two, get bloodwork done to see if you're deficient in these -- if not then just stick with the fish oil). These have helped a lot in my mental stability. Now I'm laying on exercise and cold showers as well, really to maximize my resiliency -- I definitely advise you to do the same, they are all clinically proven to decrease and often eliminate depression symptoms. PM me if you want to chat more about this

I'm not sure what's going on w/ the penis, but one thing to hang on to is that if it works before, it will again. Don't freak out as I'm not sure how many people are rock hard 100% of the time every time. Also look into ginseng tea, this is naturally proven to raise libido so could help (along with moderate intensity exercise) as well. Ultimately you lose nothing but doing all this stuff since all of it is great for your general health anyway so might as well go into with the maximum level of confidence. Love you man, PM me any time to talk more

Thank you @First_step_thousand_miles for this, I really appreciate it brother. Those are some great options that I will look into. You're absolutely right that if it was working great before, well, it will return sooner than later no matter what is actually going on. It's all about believing in the process, you know, the same shit I tell everyone else here.

Love you man, and thanks for the advice.

Thank you brother for letting this out.

Staying away from porn in such difficult times is what i call true strength. The mammal brain remembers this hyper stimuli that we call porn and only wants to do you something that "feels good" in such hard times but it doesnt know that its soemthing selfdamaging. You know that better than me but only to remind you that the mammal brain isnt thinking as far as our logical brain part in such hard times.

Regarding Job, i think its not necessary to find the perfect astronaut job that is a perfect life mission. The job can also just be something that gives you enough to live from and is decently fun. Thats how i see it and live it.

You can find your mission in life also in your hobby which i think is for example giving many people on this forum here hope and help. You already did more good for people on this place than most other people did in their whole life for others. thats for sure.

In the end, when it comes to depression the best advice is always to make an appointment with a professional.

I think you are doing good brother, you got this.

Thanks @swimmer97, I really needed this encouragement. You're right, the mammal brain can really play tricks with us. It always wants us to return to the hyper stimuli that got us here in the first place.

Thanks brother!

Today I'm going to take care of myself and love myself. Heading off to workout right now.

Stay strong everyone.

 

[Blondie]

Don't know about you guys, @First_step_thousand_miles, @SmokenMirrors and @downhillfromhere, but jumping into a cold shower right away is easier for me than starting from hot water. What do you guys think??

First time today!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Don't know about you guys, @First_step_thousand_miles, @SmokenMirrors and @downhillfromhere, but jumping into a cold shower right away is easier for me than starting from hot water. What do you guys think??

First time today!

Ooof, whatever works haha. I've got to do the warm shower first, otherwise I'd just dread showering. To each their own, bold move!

 

[Blondie]

To each their own, bold move!

Hey that's my motto!

 

[downhillfromhere]

Don't know about you guys, @First_step_thousand_miles, @SmokenMirrors and @downhillfromhere, but jumping into a cold shower right away is easier for me than starting from hot water. What do you guys think??

First time today!

I think you may be right, after all the temperature change will be smaller than if you start with warm water. If it feels better, go for it!

 

[Blondie]

Day 666
64 days to two years
14 cold showers

I think you may be right, after all the temperature change will be smaller than if you start with warm water. If it feels better, go for it!

Yes @downhillfromhere, I think that makes sense to me. When you're in hot water, it's a super shock to turn to ice cold!

 

[SmokenMirrors]

Don't know about you guys, @First_step_thousand_miles, @SmokenMirrors and @downhillfromhere, but jumping into a cold shower right away is easier for me than starting from hot water. What do you guys think??

First time today!

100%! It builds discipline faster as well!

 

[Blondie]

100%! It builds discipline faster as well!

The King has spoken!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

100%! It builds discipline faster as well!

You and Blondie are next level man, big inspiration! I'll have to consider starting off cold too haha

 

[downhillfromhere]

I considered starting cold this morning but couldn’t do it, maybe tomorrow I’ll try again

 

[Blondie]

January 2004

It was an icy cold day on that frosty morning almost twenty years ago. The kind of cold that sends uncontrollable shivers right through a man's bones. A coldness that makes a man's lungs and nostrils work twice as hard as they desperately try to adapt to the winter's brutal harshness. A coldness in fact that will make a man's butt cheeks involuntarily shake. A winter storm the night before had just covered the branches up above with a fresh white blanket of snow. It was a picture perfect moment. The ancient guardians of the forest looked down on the deafening silence below. A slight breeze whistled through their icy boughs making the scene all the more wonderous to behold. It is nature's way to be two things as once, both utterly deadly and beautiful at the same time. The piercing cold and the picturesque snow-covered trees were a reflection of this fact.

Down below a fire was burning strong while sending billows of heat and smoke through the cold canopies above. A man was seen beside the raging fire, stooping down while writing something on a piece of paper. The man was in his early twenties. He was tall but thin, and dressed for the occasion. He seemed to be troubled with something on his mind, perhaps overwhelmed with his inner thoughts. He began to cry, and his tears instantly froze to his youthful face. No need for a Kleenex when nature lends a helping hand. Blondie was his name, and this fire was a way of creating a space to heal from his internal pain. It was a ritual if you will, in a scientific world devoid of any such ancient superstition. What he wrote that day on that piece of paper was between him and his God. Blondie was a stout Christian and this morning was full of prayers and repentance from his ever sinful ways. His blue leathered-bound Bible lay just beyond the fire's flaming perimeter. Blondie had just looked at porn the evening before - again! - and he came to this sacred spot to work things out with his God.

After he finished writing from his heart, he folded up the paper and cast it into the sacred flames, the paper an immolation of his sins. There, he cried once more shouting to the morning winds "Why can't I stop this God? I've tried everything but to no avail! Why can't I be a good man?" After minutes of crying and begging his God for forgiveness, Blondie sat there in the morning silence as the fire crackled in the wind. It seemed his God that day was as silent as the ancient trees there around him. But then, a smile started to appear on his face, as his sat there thinking that this time would be different, this time he would beat his addiction. He had just seen Return of the King, and was amazed and inspired by all the manly men in that movie. Men full of honor and integrity. He loved Aragorn with all his heart, among all the other men of Middle Earth full to the brim of badassery. These men respected women and most definitely would never have time to look at porn. He would watch this movie again tonight to be inspired to never look at porn ever again. If Aragorn and Frodo could beat the forces of evil, why couldn't he? He returned to his car with a newfound hope in his heart. This time would be different. This time he would beat Porn. This time he would throw the ring into the fire.

Blondie looked at porn the next day...

We need more than inspiration

 

[Blondie]

Day 667
63 days to two years
13 cold showers

You and Blondie are next level man, big inspiration! I'll have to consider starting off cold too haha

lol you do you man, it's no competition. I just think it's easier, so maybe I should do what you're doing

I considered starting cold this morning but couldn’t do it, maybe tomorrow I’ll try again

I didn't even take a shower yesterday so you're alreadly ahead of the game!

Best you two