It ends here.

downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
It's day 2 again. Feel like I'm on my way to a bad place. It's been stressful at work for weeks now and I've got next to no time to do the things that make me happy. When I do have time off I make bad choices and struggling to control my impulses. I do think that things will get better though.

Two days in I can already think a little clearer. To lie down and get comfortable here would be a kind of death. In addiction we quickly lose track of what matters in life, and the days go by faster and faster the longer we're here. We're never getting those days back. I'm going to fight this.
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
It’s been a while since I checked in. Have had a few difficult weeks in my life and haven’t been doing very well - used porn quite a bit. But things are starting to get easier, and I need to get back on track with this. Using porn makes me feel like shit, there’s no doubt about it.
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Day 3

This isn’t easy these days… I’m feeling a struggle already after a few days. The routine is nudging me to go back at the first chance I get. I think I would have relapsed again today if I didn’t set up a blocker on my phone - I think right now I can’t rely on resisting anything - it’s all about making it harder to seek out porn or substitutes. Just long enough for my brain to have time to remind me of what I actually want.

Reminding myself also that yeah - there are lots of tempting things to see on the internet, but if I really think about it it’s nothing interesting at all. Nobody I will ever meet. Nothing I can ever experience or remember. Just a bunch of wasted time and energy.

I feel bad. My interest and excitement about life is really low. I don’t really feel anxious around people but I lost the ability to have a conversation or have fun around people. I know why, and I can do something about it.
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Day 5

I feel pretty worn out and tired. As I mentioned earlier it seems like nothing excites me anymore, and it’s really troubling to feel that. I’m not sure if it’s just the porn, could be other things that have been going on as well. But it’s clear that I have to get used to being a bit bored in my everyday life - I can’t be on social media all the time, and just play video games or watch something on a screen. It’s making the things I really want to do in life seem bland and boring, and life is just passing me by.
Feel like I’m just being entertained to pass the time, I’m buying new things to feel some sort of happiness or meaning. It’s just not a good feeling. There’s a lot I need to work on in my life.
 
downhillfromhere

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Mood has become a lot better! On Thursday I did a more intense workout than I usually do, and I really felt a difference right away. Also I’m staying away from social media and trying to manage other forms of entertainment.
 
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