Starting again

[searching4good]

Another really full on day - am heading away for a short trip tomorrow with my girlfriend, meaning I've had a load of work things to try and tie up. So many I haven't gotten to, meaning tomorrow morning will be spent clearing as much as I can (and potentially finishing the rest off on Sunday/Monday when I'm away).

Heading to bed bone tired again, but also pretty pleased to be clocking up clean day #4. Am finally feeling like I'm getting some momentum going again after months and months of being in the pit. Therapy is a big part of this, as is getting rid of my equivalent to an alcoholic's home liquor cabinet (aka the personal laptop). I need to keep working hard, but it's a really enticing prospect to do so, to see how far I can get and how much I can grow. This feels good, and I need to hold onto this.

Oh, and my dick feels entirely lifeless which I guess is all part of this 🫠

Day 4

 

[Androg]

Glad you have some traction. Flatline is normal, but keep snuggling your GF. It's good for you both.

 

[searching4good]

Day 5

 

[searching4good]

I'm away with my GF for a few days so probably won't get as much time to post on here, but it also means that temptations - and opportunity - to PMO will be much reduced.

Today has been largely one of recharging the batteries, which has been much needed after a very full on few weeks.

I'm looking forward to more of the same, and racking up some more clean days too. Onwards and upwards.

Day 6

 

[GBS]

Keep going pal. The lifeless dick thing is your brain fucking with you. Your brain is very clever and also very used to having its dopamine. If you haven’t done it, read the Gary Wilson Your brain on porn stuff. I strongly believe that a bit of knowledge helps with the discipline and resolve. Once you know something of what you’re up against you are better equipped to beat this. Your dick will not be lifeless for ever I promise you.

Good luck mate. Don’t give in to this shit. The shit we used to adore and our brains want us to keep adoring. It’s a scam. Get out now.

 

[searching4good]

Thanks @GBS - you're absolutely right, it's a complete scam and there's nothing good for us there. True to form, I ended up having some pretty intense PMO dreams last night - featuring a 'favourite' girl that would particularly trigger me, which made this morning a little scrambled.

But I got through the day ok, and made it to the gym for the first time in a while which felt good.

Signing off having made it to 1 week clean, for the first time in a long while. It feels good to get there, although I remind myself it's only the start.

Day 7

 

[searching4good]

Checking in at the end of a good, clean day. Got another gym session in and am feeling like I'm starting to build a head of steam. One day at a time...

Day 8

 

[searching4good]

Today was a harder day. Feel like I'm coming down with something, and have had a few moments of temptation - definitely stronger than I've had for a few days. The trip I'm on with my GF has also meant that there have been no shortage of very attractive women walking around in close proximity with not much clothing on.

I've managed to stay disciplined, read my book and am having an early night, hoping a good sleep will see things brighten up tomorrow. Nonetheless, I can be pleased with myself that I'm staying on the path.

Day 9

 

[searching4good]

Still not feeling great and have had some stronger temptations, but I've stayed the course today. Am hoping that the urges will lessen in time. For now, onto double figures for the first time in a long while.

Day 10

 

[GBS]

10 is impressive. Don’t look back. Look forwards.

 

[Galatians51]

Great! The urges do lessen eventually, just have to get through until then

 

[searching4good]

Thanks hugely both, really appreciate your wisdom.

Am finally starting to feel a bit better today, although the temptations are still lurking in the background. But giving into them isn't going to do me any good, so I've just got to keep going onwards, through it all.

Turning the lights off on another clean day.

Day 11

 

[Blondie]

Rock on @searching4good. 3 days clean is a great thing.

 

[Blondie]

How we doing @searching4good?

 

[searching4good]

Getting back on the wagon - I've had some good weeks since I was last here, some of the best weeks in a long time, but the last few days I've fallen back into bad bad habits.

Tomorrow is an amazing opportunity to put myself in a better direction. I am going to seize it come hell or high water.

 

[Blondie]

Hey @searching4good, welcome back brother. Let's do this!

 

[searching4good]

Thanks @Blondie - it's such a warm welcome to see you around too. I might be wrong but it seems the forums are a bit quieter than they used to be..

What I do know is that I've, largely, made it to 1 day clean, which feels good right now and is going to feel equally good when I wake up tomorrow. I say largely as when I got back from work I briefly logged into a usual haunt to check for messages and found myself triggered by something that had dropped in. I managed to close it down and the urges passed, or at the very least, lessened.

So not perfect but a big fucking improvement on the last few days!

Same again tomorrow will do nicely.

 

[searching4good]

Day 2 - have a bug and feel like crap but was totally clean. Feels good.

 

[Blondie]

Sorry to hear that. Stay strong man, it's always better this way.

 

[searching4good]

Not sure where the last 2 weeks went. Fell off pretty hard and feel like crap for it. Picking myself back up and ending today clean and better for it.