wrijak
Member
Hello everyone,
I'm 23 years old, and I've been on this recovery journey for about the past 3 years. I first found porn when I was around 11 and been addicted since then. Worst was probably around my late high school years when I used PMO at least 3 or more times a day. I realized there was something wrong with me - I was isolated, socially anxious, I never dated, and was unmotivated to do anything - but I never made the connection since I knew a lot of my friends were also using it. First time I heard about nofap was around college and I've been trying it (on and off) since then.
I've been a member of RecoveryNation.com since January 2021, and also completed their workshop. It's an amazing website that focuses on health-based recovery, and it taught me so much - not only about my addiction, but about improving my life in general. I've learned so much from there (putting it into practice though is another story). And the coaches there are also great. However the community on their forum is pretty small, and recently their site has been really buggy and for about the past month I wasn't even able to put a post there, which which wasn't really great because I've been going through a lot of slips recently. Thus I found this forum and decided to join here.
My recent journey has had ups and downs. At the beginning of this year I had my longest streak ever - around 72 days - and I relapsed in March. It hit my confidence a lot and for the past month I've been struggling to stay clean for a week. But at the same time it's also been a bit eye opening. It showed me some things missing in my strategy, and I realize there's still a lot of deficits in my life that I need to fix, and things I need to focus on in my life vision, otherwise I'll never be able to replace this addiction. Largest one is probably my dating life. I've been single for about 3 years now, and the relationships I had were terrible and short anyway. I've been addicted since I was 11-12 and socialy anxious for most of my teens, and porn just ruined me. I have done progress, over the past year I've become way more confident and way less socially anxious, however I'm still far from my goal. Dating, sex and intimacy is still pretty much nonexistent in my life, and I realize that this is intimacy problem is one of the main reasons I can't let go of porn. So this is just something I need to focus on at the same time as recovery, otherwise this will be an infinite fight.
Past few weeks pulled me backwards a bit. Now I'm back at day 1. However I am prepared kick this addiction. First week I'm planning to mainly focus on my discipline and organisation - I have planned the next few days from morning to evening in my calendar, I want to get back into working out, and journal every evening.
What is my goal from this journal?
- My plan was to just do random posts, however after reading some other journals I see a lot of guys do daily posts for the first 90 days. I never liked tracking days, I always saw this as a long-term journey. However I think for the first 90 days it could be beneficial and keep me accountable, so I'll give it a shot.
- I'm still not entirely certain if I will go completely no-PMO. My goal is mainly to go pornfree, and I think healthy masturbation and authentic sexuality is still important. However I will need to be careful around this, so at least lets say first 30 days I will go completely no-PMO.
- This shouldn't even be mentioned, however I have been guilty of this before at the other forum - my goal is to be completely honest here if I relapse or if I even peek! No guilt or shame, otherwise this journal is pointless.
Day 1 starts now, I will be back tommorrow. Let's do this!
I'm 23 years old, and I've been on this recovery journey for about the past 3 years. I first found porn when I was around 11 and been addicted since then. Worst was probably around my late high school years when I used PMO at least 3 or more times a day. I realized there was something wrong with me - I was isolated, socially anxious, I never dated, and was unmotivated to do anything - but I never made the connection since I knew a lot of my friends were also using it. First time I heard about nofap was around college and I've been trying it (on and off) since then.
I've been a member of RecoveryNation.com since January 2021, and also completed their workshop. It's an amazing website that focuses on health-based recovery, and it taught me so much - not only about my addiction, but about improving my life in general. I've learned so much from there (putting it into practice though is another story). And the coaches there are also great. However the community on their forum is pretty small, and recently their site has been really buggy and for about the past month I wasn't even able to put a post there, which which wasn't really great because I've been going through a lot of slips recently. Thus I found this forum and decided to join here.
My recent journey has had ups and downs. At the beginning of this year I had my longest streak ever - around 72 days - and I relapsed in March. It hit my confidence a lot and for the past month I've been struggling to stay clean for a week. But at the same time it's also been a bit eye opening. It showed me some things missing in my strategy, and I realize there's still a lot of deficits in my life that I need to fix, and things I need to focus on in my life vision, otherwise I'll never be able to replace this addiction. Largest one is probably my dating life. I've been single for about 3 years now, and the relationships I had were terrible and short anyway. I've been addicted since I was 11-12 and socialy anxious for most of my teens, and porn just ruined me. I have done progress, over the past year I've become way more confident and way less socially anxious, however I'm still far from my goal. Dating, sex and intimacy is still pretty much nonexistent in my life, and I realize that this is intimacy problem is one of the main reasons I can't let go of porn. So this is just something I need to focus on at the same time as recovery, otherwise this will be an infinite fight.
Past few weeks pulled me backwards a bit. Now I'm back at day 1. However I am prepared kick this addiction. First week I'm planning to mainly focus on my discipline and organisation - I have planned the next few days from morning to evening in my calendar, I want to get back into working out, and journal every evening.
What is my goal from this journal?
- My plan was to just do random posts, however after reading some other journals I see a lot of guys do daily posts for the first 90 days. I never liked tracking days, I always saw this as a long-term journey. However I think for the first 90 days it could be beneficial and keep me accountable, so I'll give it a shot.
- I'm still not entirely certain if I will go completely no-PMO. My goal is mainly to go pornfree, and I think healthy masturbation and authentic sexuality is still important. However I will need to be careful around this, so at least lets say first 30 days I will go completely no-PMO.
- This shouldn't even be mentioned, however I have been guilty of this before at the other forum - my goal is to be completely honest here if I relapse or if I even peek! No guilt or shame, otherwise this journal is pointless.
Day 1 starts now, I will be back tommorrow. Let's do this!
Last edited: