Another story - probably the same as everyone else

[GBS]

I admire your patience, @GBS. People are complicated and marriages are complicated because they involve two different and complicated people. Thanks for sharing your journey with us!

Thanks @Percival - you’re bang right about how complicated we are.

Yesterday started with some remnant of the day before, so very tense. But it improved massively. Had a touching session in the afternoon. Extremely nice. So nice in fact that afterwards I just had to release because of the strain in the trouser department. Wow. I won’t say anymore for fear of triggering.

773 days sober
0 days no MO

 

[GBS]

774 days sober
1 day no MO

Strong sexual dream last night. Can’t give the deats because I know where that leads. Wife was centre of dream. Well done brain.

 

[GBS]

776 days free from all that crap
3 days no MO

Our best ever naked touching session yesterday. Still nothing at all sexual but much clinching and binding together. The oxytocin flowed.

Hope springs eternal.

 

[GBS]

777 days sober - now that’s a Boeing!
4 days no MO

All good here, just carrying on being patient.

 

[GBS]

778 days sober
5 days no MO

It’s a sad fact but true that sobriety is something I work on literally every day. We sex addicts have different brands of addiction but I would be surprised if it wasn’t true that we all have very active fantasy lives. Mine has decreased substantially but I sometimes wake up and my brain tells me to indulge in a fantasy. And when it’s about my wife I think it’s obviously fine. But in a way although I obviously like those thoughts, I think it would be nice if those thoughts didn’t happen the second I wake up. That doesn’t make me a softie I think, nor some sort of perfectionist, and doubtless there will be people on here who say you have bags of testosterone so it’s normal. But the question is: actually IS it normal? Or is it just normal for sex addicts?

Don’t know when our next intimacy session will be. Rather hoping today. It could be time for something more. Oh god, there I go again….getting my hopes up.

Stay clean chaps.

 

[PrometheusUnbound]

I would like to posit that it's not a sad fact Gibbers, but that it's the best of all facts and also in fact very inspiring. And that wherever you are heading, it seems to be a leagues better place than where you were before.

I don't know if you are prone to the obsessive thinking that we addicts have or it's just a normal craving for human affection. Somewhere in between? I guess the question is what we stake our (idea of) happiness on. Is it something inside or outside ourselves?

You remain, an inspiration.

Cheers.

 

[GBS]

Ah Prommers (aka @PrometheusUnbound ) - so nice you’re back in the fold. We missed you (and others) a great deal.

Thanks for your input.

I don't know if you are prone to the obsessive thinking that we addicts have or it's just a normal craving for human affection. Somewhere in between? I guess the question is what we stake our (idea of) happiness on. Is it something inside or outside ourselves?

…and on this point: I don’t know what obsessive is anymore. But I have slightly stopped being obsessed with worrying about it. And I think you’re correct that we probably are prone to obsessive thought, more than Mr A.V.Erage. What we stake our happiness on? Has to essentially come from within surely, and the panacea is that when we’re more sorted within ourselves then what we get outside ourselves is (possibly) what we deserve.

Thanks again mate. Keep plugging away. We’re getting there slowly but surely.

 

[GBS]

779 days sober
6 days no MO

Things ok here. Just a bit nothing happening.

Someone at SAA meeting last night was saying how he has been coming to meetings (first time at our place) for two years, but he can’t stop watching porn. The longest he’s managed in 2 years is less than a week. I didn’t know what to say to him, just some slight platitudes at the end. You know “keep coming back, we’re not judging you, use the support of the group”….that kind of thing. But the real question to ask him is do you want to quit? It’s the whole thing about the reboot process. You either go through it with teeth gritted or you don’t. Perhaps this is wholly unfair of me and I am showing off. But I don’t think so…..this is really hard. But if someone can’t go a week without porn then there has to be a fundamental question to answer.

We all get to a point of boredom in our reboot - journaling can help it be less boring, but the endless days of recovery and not feeding the dopamine cravings are really hard…..but just giving in after a few days I don’t actually understand. Well I do, just not if someone seems to want to stop but when the chips are down, simply cannot get anywhere close to first base. That I don’t get.

Going to suggest some intimacy today. Will report back.

 

[Jlied]

I would like to posit that it's not a sad fact Gibbers, but that it's the best of all facts and also in fact very inspiring. And that wherever you are heading, it seems to be a leagues better place than where you were before.

I don't know if you are prone to the obsessive thinking that we addicts have or it's just a normal craving for human affection. Somewhere in between? I guess the question is what we stake our (idea of) happiness on. Is it something inside or outside ourselves?

You remain, an inspiration.

Cheers.

This is such a good reply and something I have been struggling with myself. Do we create our own frustrations and disappointments because we so badly want something that we envision? Do we create a scenario outside our current reality that drives us to obsess over it? I know I have.

You’re right in saying that despite all that we are in a much better place fighting our addiction than just giving into it. But the sad thing is the addiction, or relapse is sometimes much easier to attain and give into than pushing forward and accepting the things we want in the capacity and timing that we receive them.

I think as addicts we’re selfish and want want want with sometimes little regard to the others in our life that we have damaged because of being selfish. It’s frustrating but what choice do we have? Maybe that’s the hardest part, knowing all we can control is ourselves and our behavior and not always get what we want. We’re like children in that regard. When left to our selves we have very little self control.

Anyway, thanks for your post. And to you good geebs, thank you for putting your thoughts in writing.

 

[GBS]

781 days sober
8 days no MO

You’re right in saying that despite all that we are in a much better place fighting our addiction than just giving into it. But the sad thing is the addiction, or relapse is sometimes much easier to attain and give into than pushing forward and accepting the things we want in the capacity and timing that we receive them.

I think as addicts we’re selfish and want want want with sometimes little regard to the others in our life that we have damaged because of being selfish. It’s frustrating but what choice do we have? Maybe that’s the hardest part, knowing all we can control is ourselves and our behavior and not always get what we want. We’re like children in that regard. When left to our selves we have very little self control.

Hey, big J….glad you’re still around. The above is erudite indeed. Human beings want period. Addicts train themselves to want more and be selfish about it, like children (as you say). Waking up from that reality is just one step in the process. Wake up, realise you’re a selfish wanker literally, then start doing something about it. The doing something about it is obviously the important bit. Talking a good game to my wife was helpful for her at the start, but the words are hollow and empty if we don’t apply some adult behaviour.

Two days ago something triggered my wife, but best of all we discussed it. We were going to do more intimacy but I closed that down carefully. She was pleased I was respectful. What she got triggered on was enough to make me stark raving mad, but I didn’t flip out, I just took it in my stride. She clearly wasn’t making it up so my empathy helped (although I was fighting the urge to say “you have GOT to be kidding me!”). Yesterday was a good day but no intimacy as there was still a hangover from the day before. So we shall see today. Mildly hopeful. And that’s the way it is. A life of hope. Living the dream here!