Another story - probably the same as everyone else

GBS

GBS

Respected Member
739 days

I am at 0 days no MO. Brain is playing tricks on me, I won’t give in but I did need to release to stop the brain torturing me. Fantasy came back in but nothing dangerous. I just feel extremely frustrated by everything and the brain is taking advantage. I need resolve.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
740 days
1 day no MO

WOW…I think this addiction is a tough fight. I think I have it sorted but the way I am currently tortured is creating a new kind of brain interference. We had another intimacy session yesterday….hang on, maybe it was Thursday. Anyway all very nice, but still nothing at all genital related. I guess now we’ve been doing this for nearly two and a half months I am entitled to be a little frustrated by the speed of progress. Therapist when he suggested this program said it normally takes about ei months to complete. Well we’re going to be bumping up the average.

I feel like I need some higher power super strength right now.

Stay porn free guys.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
743 days
4 days no MO

Honestly think I am in a flatline right now. Not sure how, but brain has been these last two weeks (possibly stress related) and now with really strong urges to break the rules last week m I suddenly find I have zero libido. What gives?
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Jlied said:
Just don’t feel like I have much to add these days.
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So SO wrong. You are (one of) the king(s) of comment. Stay on the site please, it needs people like you so much.

744 days
5 days no MO - back on the straight and narrow.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Dangermouse said:
Congrats
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Thanks @Dangermouse

746 days
7 days no MO

Feeling great. Intimacy session with wife yesterday almost got a little bit more interesting. Then it didn’t. But at the end she said she wanted to thank me for going at her pace. Good connection. I wonder if she actually really likes these sessions. She says she does. I suppose that means a lot. I wonder therefore why we can’t go a bit further. But the waiting is worth it.

Stay clean guys.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
750 days clean
11 days no MO

One of my boys is back from university for Easter, so whilst that’s lovely it means there is insufficient privacy (according to my wife) although we do have a lockable bedroom, so the intimacy program is on hold. Could be 3 weeks, sheesh.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
752 days sober
13 days no MO

Little update: for those of you who perhaps don’t know the whole story, my wife and I after two extremely challenging years have been starting a programme (called Sensate Focus) which brings your relationship back to an intimate level. But my wife is uncomfortable hab=ving these touching sessions if anyone else is in the house. Complete privacy required. Therefore when we have any of our children here - they’re eatly twenties and late teens - she basically (without saying it) isn’t keen. Right now we have one child here. Will be here for two more weeks. So nothing happening.

I have been through what I will call the frustration barrier and have a new serenity BUT, and the order gets caps because it’s crucial, this creates in my mind a whole raft of excuses not to take a risk. My wife is doing so well and I am incredibly proud how she has handled her own recovery, but she is not by her nature a risk taker, and excuses not to take a risk are mildly accepted (by her). I can’t complain and so a certain static theme occurs. And this is where thoughts creep in the side door. Thoughts like gripping on to fantasy, taking the opportunity to look at pictures in adverts (in pop ups for instance) and make something of them.

So this is where things stand. Not driven mad, just almost in a perpetual stare of sitting in the waiting room. And now 13 days no MO, so we’re getting pressure to release. Pain and pleasure. They are my watchwords.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Sorry to hear this friend. You are without doubt a saint. I honestly don't think I could have waited this long (that is without sex) but here you are staying strong and sticking to your values. It's an impressive thing to see.

Keep killing it, and remember, porn is not an option.

Best
 
F

Freerider

Active Member
GBS said:
754 days
15 days no MO
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Lot of happenings, just read longer period of your story. You are doing great! Even its hard sometimes. I just thinking what possibilities we have to consider our wives. talk, praise, listen, ask, write our thoughts. buy flowers (I'm bad at expressing my feelings, I try to buy something and it doesn't always work, but maybe she notices that I'm trying). Actually sorry for posting this on your wall, this might be for me. i have thinked how can make connection to wife better, more deep, being on the moment and somehow make that connection..which might be lost or weakened at times..

I believe that you will be rewarded for your long-suffering work for closeness and love! Keep going!
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
757 days sober
18 days no MO

A bit depressed honestly. Nice touching session with wife, but when I asked if we could progress to something more intimate I got a round “no” in response. Not ready, thinks that if I touch her I must be thinking of someone else. Knows it’s about building trust. I said if I touched her it was to give her pleasure not just me. Response was that she would consider that…..err…..consider? So it’s deflating after 2 years and 1 month of sobriety to be told she still can’t take the necessary risk. But that’s the truth if the matter.

The urge to MO to more fantasy is extremely strong, but somehow I resist. Fucking hell…..this is hard.
 
Phineas 808

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Wow, sorry to hear that GBS. It's extremely hard, given that you don't have that outlet with the wife. I know she has to heal from however it went down, but still... How can there be progress and healing if she doesn't set herself aside, as we must set ourselves aside, for you?

Given the amount of time rebuilding trust, doing the right thing in abstaining, perhaps you can stand on that confidence and say, "Hey, this may not be fair, and it may not be helpful..." - just some thoughts if they apply.

Wishing you well.
 
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