Another story - probably the same as everyone else


Respected Member
I definitely concur with @Simon2 and @Jlied. Us humans have always masturbated in one form or another, probably starting all the way back in some ancient masturbatory rite or something lol. However, it would have been completely different than the modern phenomenon, and mostly vanilla; thinking about that girl you had a crush on in the next village, or the pig famers wife with big tits etc. Of course, a few of them might have been actually addicted to it, but in general it would have had to have been pretty 'normal' and nothing crazy. Also, considering how easy modern life is, this has to contribute something to this problem as well. Back in the day, life was not as easy or comfortable. It's only with modern technology and the opportunity of novelty and escalation in genre, that this beast has been unleashed to the masses with all of its devastating outcomes. As for myself, I have no urge to masturbate when I'm not looking at porn, they've always gone hand to hand.


Respected Member
Gentlemen, most specifically @Simon2 @Jlied and @Blondie - good comments. I agree on second thought. At least I just hope you’re right because if you are, the problem of obsessive masturbation is more easily analysed and fixable. I suppose my thinking was that I could masturbate to fantasy (although less easy today than it has ever been) and do so obsessively (again not actually me because I am 60). So because masturbation was fun and a replacement for sex I wasn’t getting when younger, I think a man of the 16th century who isn’t getting sex would find relief through masturbation and do it a lot. But on balance your points are good ones so I think the problem is a mid 20th century and onwards one.

Things are fractionally better here. Therapy session today was enlightening- I have to cross some line and face up to the wreckage I caused. That sounds so clinical written down. Like I am (once again) divorced from the devastation I caused. I am not a man who easily breaks down. I don’t cry. I get upset but it rarely gets beyond lump in the throat. So this is hard for me. Very hard. I could do with a good cry but know I won’t.

Couples counselling could be around the corner. Let you know.

344 days clean. 20 something days no MO. Getting difficult. Just avoid anything with the slightest sexual hint. Yeah….easy….🤷


Active Member
I’d challenge you to let that cry come out. It could be your bodies way of releasing a lot of those feelings. I would argue there is nothing wrong with a good cry and it doesn’t make you any less a man. I like you rarely cry, so I get where you are coming from, but I do know that sometimes (in my experience) it’s a therapeutic de-stressor. Rarely am I still burdened by something after a cry like I was before the cry.

do you feel like you haven’t owned up to the deck station you have caused? Or are you meaning that you will need to go back through all that again when and if couples therapy starts again?


Respected Member
No. I was wrong. Apparently it isn’t e grasping the reality of the pain I caused. We’re not back to square one, but sometimes it feels like it.

Exec summary: yesterday ended up being not a good day.

345 days sober. Bad days can be triggers. Not me though. I wouldn’t go back if you gave me £1m.


Respected Member
347 days clean. No MO is around 24 days.

Do you ever get those days where you want to fantasise but your bank of fantasy is almost completely empty. But you know you shouldn’t try and scrape something together, but you struggle with your brain. That was me yesterday. I wanted to and had to fight really hard not to. That’s tough when you’re nearly 4 weeks no ejaculation and nigh on a year no porn. But I did succeed.


Respected Member
348 days.

My journal is now officially dull.

Very Short exec summary: wife last ripped my head off about a week ago. Since then she has been really quite nice. Whether we go for couples counselling is probably dependent on her therapy session today. So there’s virtually zero affection which I am sadly getting used to. This could all change but my slightly pessimistic view is that there’s no reason to think it will soon. I sometimes lust after my wife and wonder why I am bothering to do that. It could be making things worse.

I long to break this no MO streak but my stubbornness won’t allow it.

I hate what porn did to me. I will never know what I would be like if I hadn’t dabbled as a teenager….but maybe I would have git into it one way or another. I just wish I had dealt with this 20 years ago. That’s what hurts most.

We are getting better slowly. And some of us have balls of steel.


Staff member
GBS I read your thread and I see where I could have been as a wife. I felt the pain, the whys, the what the hell do I do nows. Most of us that have had to deal with an addicted other have had the same or similar experiences. What caused me to stay and work on our marriage? I loved him. No matter what path I could choose, I loved him. The hurt he caused was immeasurable. I knew that if I didn’t have a routine of kiss hello, kiss goodbye, sit on couch hold hands etc. I would not want his touch. After seeing the time that has went by, and seeing your work to recover, I hope she will open up. I know the men here don’t get what we describe on the SO thread. But to understand, you would have had to experience betrayal. It does take time and even with my path of healing it took a year to know it would be better. Hopefully, she will engage in couples therapy. Then perhaps you and she can hear one another’s perspective on what has happened. I hope you both have an “aha” moment.


Respected Member
Sorry to hear about this @GBS, I know it's all too easy to get caught in our past and wonder about the what if's of our life etc. Nevertheless, this IS how it turned out, and the only day we can stand on with sure confidence is today, both with our glorious faults and our strengths. I know you know all of this, and I could be accused of saying some cliched bullshit, but it's true.

You're not the same man you use to be, and that's all that counts in the end. And quite frankly, whatever happens between you two, you can know that truth for yourself, and that is important no matter what.

Thanks for all your encouragement over the last year, it has been invaluable for my recovery. I'm not much of a prayer type, but I'll say one for you and the missus tonight.

I wish you both the best.
Last edited:


Well-Known Member
Very sorry to hear about your marriage problems, king. Sometimes, being the SO of an addict can be worse than being the addict themselves. You both need to be there for each other in order to get through this; it's very much a team effort. You are both good people, it will all work out in the end. It's you two against the world! Sending my love brother


Respected Member
Very sorry to hear about your marriage problems, king. Sometimes, being the SO of an addict can be worse than being the addict themselves. You both need to be there for each other in order to get through this; it's very much a team effort. You are both good people, it will all work out in the end. It's you two against the world! Sending my love brother
Quite frankly it sounds like GBS is doing everything possible for his significant other. For it to be a team effort Mrs GBS would need to start doing the same

Just my 2 cents


Respected Member
Gentlemen @Blondie @Ezel @SmokenMirrors @joepanic and the good lady @Gracie - thanks once again for the stellar support.

I think there is a simple fact in play here. My wife is slow to recover. It doesn’t mean she isn’t recovering just that it’s slow. I wallow in self pity sometimes. This is fuelled by the static nature of the progress and my biological male desires. Things have actually been really calm these past couple of days. She had therapy yesterday but did not say a single word afterwards. I resisted the temptation to ask which was hard. It has to be when she wants to talk; that way there is a decrease in likelihood of anger and vitriol. I thank you again for all your kind comments. You are all friends. Friends who know things no one else knows, but friends who I have never met. It’s weird and wonderful.

349 days. And it’s Valentines - yes I home made a card and put up a banner of love hearts reading “be my valentine“. One of my boys said “Dad, you’re such a simp!” I don’t know if that colloquialism is used over the pond, but it made me chuckle.


Respected Member
350 days. My wife has said nothing about her therapy on Monday. Literally not a word. I have no idea if we’re doing couples therapy. Why haven’t I asked her? Good question you at the back. Well I probably will today but I have generally backed off the last few months nit putting pressure on her making progress. This is part of my new disciplined clean image.

The current streak of no masturbation is proving extremely difficult to cope with. I can’t remember without checking my journal but I think somewhere in January I wanked twice maybe a week apart. That sounds like that’s hardly a crime I realise but as I will have had just 10 wanks since I started my reboot when I get to the year mark, two wanks in a week is significant. I wonder if I am paying the price for that. And by “price” I just mean slightly struggling mentally. The biological urge is creating this feeling in my core of immense power. This power surge sometimes creates a tingling sensation in my cock, and this is all when I am resting not thinking about anything even slightly sexual. Cock is about the same size, no bigger, but it spends way way longer in the semi swollen stage now…..I even wondered if there was an increase in trouser bulge but I think that’s minimal.

I have some homework to do for my therapist. All about values. I have a list of 40 values and have to pick my top ten. An example is: total integrity. Another is being honest and trustworthy. Another is being true to yourself. So you can see they’re all probably similar. It’s going to be easy and hard. I would have found the task impossible a year ago and would have had to lie. Today my values come from my reboot. And my therapy. I have patience now. I don’t flip out. I don’t have even the tiniest of grudges. I owe this forum so much. I know I did it myself but I could not have done it without the support you guys gave me. I am not the finished article by a country mile, but I am getting there slowly but surely.

Wife gave me a Valentine’s Day card yesterday. I won’t say precisely what it said inside….but it did say “keep going”…which is good, right?

Stay clean brothers and sisters.


Active Member
I even wondered if there was an increase in trouser bulge but I think that’s minimal.
This is absolute GOLD, gave me a good giggle Geebs 😎

That’s cool about the values, I was only thinking about this today when I was sitting alone in a café sipping my flat while and ponder life….. wondering why people have to talk so bloody loud when they are on their mobile phones….. I digress 🤣 Anyway I was thinking about the kind of man I want and what values he would have🤔🤔🤔 I look forward to your Top 10, if you feel like sharing with the gang!


Respected Member
351 days clean. Two weeks to go for the year and 3,299 days until I can say 10 years….and another 3,650 days until…..yeah, yeah Geebs we get it. Calm down.

Right…as above….my 10 top values (not necessarily in this order):

Strengthening my role as a partner
Staying healthy physically and emotionally
Being dependable
Being reliable and responsible
Being honest and trustworthy
Being faithful
Feeling happy and content
Having self discipline
Asserting my personal needs and desires
Being authentic, in other words being myself

That list sounds good but as you can’t see the full 53 values (yeah I know I said there were 40 to choose from…I was wrong) on the list I suppose it’s a bit pointless.

Wife being super friendly including a hug yesterday where breast definitely touched arm and it wasn’t my doing, promise. And she even said yesterday after finally giving feedback from her therapy…..”I am working out what I think being a wife means going forwards”. I am an optimist so can’t easily see the negative in that statement. It’s pretty impossible (I think) to say I will be your wife but you can’t touch me. Feel free to disabuse me of this notion. No soft soap required. I am big enough and ugly enough to take it.

Toodle pip all.