I'm 25 year old virgin and I have been off porn since February 2014. I'm still struggling, mainly because I'm still causing myself no good, by indulging myself with something that causes triggers, not to worry it's not porn. My main question, and while I'm still far off from starting any relationships, maybe some kind people on here could give me some advice. Back in the day, I used to try and reassure myself, by searching online to see what people thought of virgins my age, and nothing positive came of it, nothing but negative feed back. Which made me very insecure. My question is. Being a porn addict, as well as a virgin, does that make things that much harder during intimacy and has anyone here been through a similar experience. Should I be worried about being a virgin at this age, no doubt I will be older before I can enter a relationship. I'm sorry if this is off topic, I just thought that maybe someone could give me a bit of motivation. Older virgins seem to get looked down upon now days.
Virgin and porn addict?
- Thread starter Un1111
- Start date
I know how you feel my friend I am in the same boat as a virgin only I am only coming up to 24 on 3rd Dec. Your post reminds me of myself at the moment and I feel moved to give you some support. I think that you need to try and distract yourself while thinking positive thoughts about yourself. I am trying to do the same but I have already relapsed twice which isnt ideal.
I have adopted the idea that being a virgin isnt such a bad thing as you are saving your first moment for the right person to come along who will respect you for what you are as a person rather than what you look like or what is down there. I know how difficult it is to keep positive as society these days is all above self pleasure and gratification rather than being respectful about yourself and other people.
If you ever need any words of encouragement I am always a message away my friend. Keep strong.
I have adopted the idea that being a virgin isnt such a bad thing as you are saving your first moment for the right person to come along who will respect you for what you are as a person rather than what you look like or what is down there. I know how difficult it is to keep positive as society these days is all above self pleasure and gratification rather than being respectful about yourself and other people.
If you ever need any words of encouragement I am always a message away my friend. Keep strong.
DonaNobisPacem
Member
Hello Un1111.
I was 24 when I lost my virginity (I was already a P addict at this stage), and it didn't serve me very well. An older woman at college presented me with an opportunity, and i seized it because I was obsessed with losing my virginity.
Easy for me to say, but meaningless sex just seemed like a more physical variant of P. I remember thinking to myself "nothing about this seems particularly new or fresh to me". It felt old and routine despite the fact that I had literally never done it before.
Would it have been a different experience if I'd had a few months of sobriety under my belt? I think so! Once you have escaped that P fog, you will be better equipped for a real woman.
I was 24 when I lost my virginity (I was already a P addict at this stage), and it didn't serve me very well. An older woman at college presented me with an opportunity, and i seized it because I was obsessed with losing my virginity.
Easy for me to say, but meaningless sex just seemed like a more physical variant of P. I remember thinking to myself "nothing about this seems particularly new or fresh to me". It felt old and routine despite the fact that I had literally never done it before.
Would it have been a different experience if I'd had a few months of sobriety under my belt? I think so! Once you have escaped that P fog, you will be better equipped for a real woman.
Thank you for the replies, honestly I hate the fact that I'm a virgin, normally when I see people in relationships I get depressed, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to see myself in that situation. It is hard to approach women, not knowing what they will think and how they'll react. I know you should start off slow, but no one likes rejection. Today's society does tend to go on gratification and self pleasure, rather than respecting ones self. Not all women, and men are like that, but finding the right one or having someone say you'll find the right one, deep down it isn't that easy. That being said, I havn't been in a relationship, to be certain. Sometimes I do get the why bother cenario, but more often that not I usually end up telling myself it's for my sake. Maybe I worry to much, who knows right?.
The problem here is the way you think and define yourself. You define yourself in a very negative way, as a 25 yo virgin. You define yourself by the problems you have.
Guess what? With this mentality, you could lose your virginity today and still feel like your life is horrible, because you would simply define yourself by another problem. Im 25 years old and I don't have muscles. Im 25 years old and I'm poor. I'm 25 years old and I dress like a 14yo fluokid. etc.
Being virgin at 25 is not a problem, but being a 25 yo virgin is. I don't know if I'm clear : In the first case, being virgin is just a fact, and you can be happy with this fact and have a life that rocks anyway. In the second case, your whole life turns around this fact, and a 25 years old virgin is the only thing you are.
You could be the best singer in the world and virgin, and top athlete and virgin... but you decided that a virgin is the only thing you are and that you can't be anything cool before you lose your virginity. That's not true.
Don't wait to lose your virginity to be happy, because when you'll have lost it then you'll have another problem to fix before being happy, and another, and another...
Be happy and you'll see that a happy man makes girls happy, and happy girls like to have sex with happy men.
Before being loved, you have to love yourself. You can't love yourself if you see yourself as 25yo virgin.
How much times have you ever tried?
Did you approach 100 women before statuing that it was difficult?
If no, how can you say that it is?
You wouldnt buy a videogame, play it once, die and say "this game is horribly difficult". You would play again and again, until you get what you have to do and continue, level to level. It works the same with women.
All the guys that have a girlfriend or sex buddy or whatever, all of them in the world, started by fearing to approach them. All of them experienced rejection.
Do you wanna experience rejection or do you wanna stay alone for your whole life?
You have no right to say "it is hard to approach women", the only thing you can say is "it is hard to approach women FOR ME". Because it is easy for some people. And it is hard for you because you never really tried, that's all. The real deal here is in fact "I THINK, BUT IM NOT SURE BECAUSE I DIDNT REALLY TRY, THAT it is hard to approach women FOR ME"
You could start approaching girls today and have a girlfriend (or multiples sexfriends!) in 6 months from now, trust me that's really possible. Or you can continue to be a virgin, 26yo virgin, 27 yo virgin, 28 yo virgin........ 80 yo virgin...
Decide today to be a winner. That's as simple as that and that's the only solution.
Guess what? With this mentality, you could lose your virginity today and still feel like your life is horrible, because you would simply define yourself by another problem. Im 25 years old and I don't have muscles. Im 25 years old and I'm poor. I'm 25 years old and I dress like a 14yo fluokid. etc.
Being virgin at 25 is not a problem, but being a 25 yo virgin is. I don't know if I'm clear : In the first case, being virgin is just a fact, and you can be happy with this fact and have a life that rocks anyway. In the second case, your whole life turns around this fact, and a 25 years old virgin is the only thing you are.
You could be the best singer in the world and virgin, and top athlete and virgin... but you decided that a virgin is the only thing you are and that you can't be anything cool before you lose your virginity. That's not true.
Don't wait to lose your virginity to be happy, because when you'll have lost it then you'll have another problem to fix before being happy, and another, and another...
Be happy and you'll see that a happy man makes girls happy, and happy girls like to have sex with happy men.
Before being loved, you have to love yourself. You can't love yourself if you see yourself as 25yo virgin.
How much times have you ever tried?
Did you approach 100 women before statuing that it was difficult?
If no, how can you say that it is?
You wouldnt buy a videogame, play it once, die and say "this game is horribly difficult". You would play again and again, until you get what you have to do and continue, level to level. It works the same with women.
All the guys that have a girlfriend or sex buddy or whatever, all of them in the world, started by fearing to approach them. All of them experienced rejection.
Do you wanna experience rejection or do you wanna stay alone for your whole life?
You have no right to say "it is hard to approach women", the only thing you can say is "it is hard to approach women FOR ME". Because it is easy for some people. And it is hard for you because you never really tried, that's all. The real deal here is in fact "I THINK, BUT IM NOT SURE BECAUSE I DIDNT REALLY TRY, THAT it is hard to approach women FOR ME"
You could start approaching girls today and have a girlfriend (or multiples sexfriends!) in 6 months from now, trust me that's really possible. Or you can continue to be a virgin, 26yo virgin, 27 yo virgin, 28 yo virgin........ 80 yo virgin...
Decide today to be a winner. That's as simple as that and that's the only solution.
In a more general way, don't think of the problems, think of the solutions.
It works with the way you define yourself. Don't define yourself by the problem, define yourself by the solution.
Go from "I am 25 yo and virgin" to "I am going out 3 times a week to meet people and I approach people as much as I can". It looks better, no?
It works with the way you define yourself. Don't define yourself by the problem, define yourself by the solution.
Go from "I am 25 yo and virgin" to "I am going out 3 times a week to meet people and I approach people as much as I can". It looks better, no?
You DO have many positive traits, don't you. I'd bet there are many advantages you have (no matter if you're good in academics, an expert in your job, fine musician...) not mentioning that you are self-disciplined, what you've proven by some successful struggle with the addiction.
And now consider, that many from these comments are being written by people who would like to be like you, and their only advantage is having had sex in their teens
From what do i know that? Because a successful person doesn't waste time to write some completely non-constructive posts
Even if you don't have a talent to do "the game" and you're never gonna be successful with women, that's not a cause to be worried. Your self-discipline will lead you to the top in a branch in which you have got high abilities
And one more thing. If you really won't get sex and a girlfriend, it's even more pointless to watch porn, because then sex shouldn't be existing for you, and instead of constantly sexual triggering yourself, you should focus on your career, friends and hobbies
And now consider, that many from these comments are being written by people who would like to be like you, and their only advantage is having had sex in their teens
From what do i know that? Because a successful person doesn't waste time to write some completely non-constructive posts
Even if you don't have a talent to do "the game" and you're never gonna be successful with women, that's not a cause to be worried. Your self-discipline will lead you to the top in a branch in which you have got high abilities
And one more thing. If you really won't get sex and a girlfriend, it's even more pointless to watch porn, because then sex shouldn't be existing for you, and instead of constantly sexual triggering yourself, you should focus on your career, friends and hobbies
It's nice to see such positive feed back, and it's much appreciative. I guess I really should sort myself out first, before I can consider other things. Thank you for the support, I honestly can't say I'm happy about my current situation, but it seems like I can cope a bit more. I do want a future relationship, it's not something I want to avoid, but maybe I should focus on other things for the time being. I hope you all are doing well too...
Un1111 said:
Well I'm 27 and a virgin. It's partially because my religious choices, but also because of the fact I kinda suck at dating and used to have really bad acne.
Anyway now I'm in a relationship, and I don't think it hinders me at all. Me and my gf are not having sex yet, but we do have have alot of intimacy. She into it all and I am not at all worried about my lack of experience.
Women don't care so much about your past experiences really. But they want you to be confident, take initiative and knock her socks off.
Now can you do that as a virgin and with the first woman you date?
Yes, you can.
It's might not be easy, but it can be done. I have been doing it pretty successfully so far so I'm sure you can do it too with the right girl.
Just remember: You are not a virgin. You are a man! Let that define you.
toxicviper23
Member
I'm 20 years old and in the same position. No experience with girls. PMO seriously fucks you. Destroys your ability to connect with real girls naturally.
I've done the same thing. Asked the question of what girls thought on various sites, and nothing positive. Here's the simple answer.
Younger girls. Start with what the legal age is in your country. Or younger, but that's your business, I hold no judgements. I've considered going for 16 year old's myself.
Not even for sex, but seriously just relationship experience wise... I feel I'm WAY outgunned by girls my age. They've all fucked multiple guys and had over 100 sexual experiences I would imagine.
16 year olds, 18 year olds, whatever is legal bro.
I've done the same thing. Asked the question of what girls thought on various sites, and nothing positive. Here's the simple answer.
Younger girls. Start with what the legal age is in your country. Or younger, but that's your business, I hold no judgements. I've considered going for 16 year old's myself.
Not even for sex, but seriously just relationship experience wise... I feel I'm WAY outgunned by girls my age. They've all fucked multiple guys and had over 100 sexual experiences I would imagine.
16 year olds, 18 year olds, whatever is legal bro.
vispren
Active Member
Being a virgin in reboot is a huge advantage over us, mostly older guys who have all sorts of dysfunctions and porn issues affecting our lives as well as the people in our families.
You have recognized porn is a problem on your own. Without any sexual experience. This is monumental. It's not something many guys could do, myself included.
You get to go through all the withdrawals and brain battles without the fear of neglecting your wives or children.
Once you guys reboot and rewire, it's a clean slate for you, opposed to us who have wives or girlfriends, who'll always have lingering doubts about us going back to PMO. Our battle with addiction takes a toll on our SOs, our marriages and our relationship with our children and even if we win and recover, it never goes away because of the scarring on our lives.
I root for all of you. I really do. You truly have reboot as a second chance at life.
You have recognized porn is a problem on your own. Without any sexual experience. This is monumental. It's not something many guys could do, myself included.
You get to go through all the withdrawals and brain battles without the fear of neglecting your wives or children.
Once you guys reboot and rewire, it's a clean slate for you, opposed to us who have wives or girlfriends, who'll always have lingering doubts about us going back to PMO. Our battle with addiction takes a toll on our SOs, our marriages and our relationship with our children and even if we win and recover, it never goes away because of the scarring on our lives.
I root for all of you. I really do. You truly have reboot as a second chance at life.
There is a quick question I would like to ask, does being a ex porn addict effect sexual intercourse, for example being a virgin, the first time isn't going to be a good experience, does being a porn addict make it that much harder, or is it ok when you get clean?. another note, is I'm extremely sensitive right now, it feels like I will go off right away sometimes, does that go after having experience or is that a sign of premature ejaculation. Sorry I know it's personal, I'm just curious.
vispren
Active Member
I'm guessing that depends on who you're talking to. There is a lot of people who report that sex after rebooting successfully is amazing. There is a guy who posted in William's thread saying, that after going 195 days, he's never been better.
I am nowhere near rebooted or rewired, but I can say there is a difference when it comes to penis sensitivity and the chemistry during sex now vs before. There is much more intimacy and closeness and understaning.
To answer your question about sensitivity: I have no idea. I have delayed ejaculation, which is the opposite of premature ejaculation. Not fun, at all.
There is a member who I correspond with regularly via PM, who is in the same situation as you. He turns to me sometimes for advice and support. Don't really know why. I try to do my best to help him out. After going approx. 40days, he has a girlfriend now. I don't know about sex, but what I love about that guy is the fact that he broke out of his shell, so to speak and is now getting his dopamine through the real world and the relationship with his girlfriend. He's happy, so you can be too.
The point is in this: reboot will give you a boost in confidence, so use it. And as far as sex goes, you will find that it is going to be different than what you expect. Which is probably a good thing, given that porn has infected your brain.
If you're looking for a relationship, sex shouldn't be held in such high regard, because a relationship with someone is about a thousand other things far more important than sex. It's the kissing, the holding, the touching, the laughter, the butterflies and all that makes a connection between two people.
If you just want to get it wet, than I can't advise you. Casual hookups are, imo, no different than PMO. It's just that you're not alone. Also, casual hookups can be a fertile ground for other issues like performance anxiety, which would probably be the last thing you need, fresh out of reboot.
Reboot isn't just reconditioning your brain and your dick. It is supposed to give you a blueprint of what you want to do with your life. It is a gradual process, just like life is. It is a lifestyle. 90 days hard or softmode won't do shit, on it's own. But going 30, 60, 90 or whatever, while constantly trying to self improve will.
I am nowhere near rebooted or rewired, but I can say there is a difference when it comes to penis sensitivity and the chemistry during sex now vs before. There is much more intimacy and closeness and understaning.
To answer your question about sensitivity: I have no idea. I have delayed ejaculation, which is the opposite of premature ejaculation. Not fun, at all.
There is a member who I correspond with regularly via PM, who is in the same situation as you. He turns to me sometimes for advice and support. Don't really know why. I try to do my best to help him out. After going approx. 40days, he has a girlfriend now. I don't know about sex, but what I love about that guy is the fact that he broke out of his shell, so to speak and is now getting his dopamine through the real world and the relationship with his girlfriend. He's happy, so you can be too.
The point is in this: reboot will give you a boost in confidence, so use it. And as far as sex goes, you will find that it is going to be different than what you expect. Which is probably a good thing, given that porn has infected your brain.
If you're looking for a relationship, sex shouldn't be held in such high regard, because a relationship with someone is about a thousand other things far more important than sex. It's the kissing, the holding, the touching, the laughter, the butterflies and all that makes a connection between two people.
If you just want to get it wet, than I can't advise you. Casual hookups are, imo, no different than PMO. It's just that you're not alone. Also, casual hookups can be a fertile ground for other issues like performance anxiety, which would probably be the last thing you need, fresh out of reboot.
Reboot isn't just reconditioning your brain and your dick. It is supposed to give you a blueprint of what you want to do with your life. It is a gradual process, just like life is. It is a lifestyle. 90 days hard or softmode won't do shit, on it's own. But going 30, 60, 90 or whatever, while constantly trying to self improve will.
Hey jjhh,
Your right about the ability to impress a girl and it being doable with little experience. I'm still working on this, but the changes I have made this month alone astound me in how much they have improved my quality of life. I think also a lot of guys suffering this porn bs are sensitive which probably lead to some of the troubles. But can also be a big attraction to girls. It's great your girl and you are doing so well and you are rewiring little by little.
I'm really keen to start a relationship and turn all this theory into practice! Only worry is that I'm probably not repaired after only a month PMO free. Also I am getting no morning wood or sex dreams etc. Does the no morning wood mean I'm in the flat period of abstinence or should I be worried about this...hmm. More positively I feel a lot more alive around girls and driven towards them life is def improving.
Your right about the ability to impress a girl and it being doable with little experience. I'm still working on this, but the changes I have made this month alone astound me in how much they have improved my quality of life. I think also a lot of guys suffering this porn bs are sensitive which probably lead to some of the troubles. But can also be a big attraction to girls. It's great your girl and you are doing so well and you are rewiring little by little.
I'm really keen to start a relationship and turn all this theory into practice! Only worry is that I'm probably not repaired after only a month PMO free. Also I am getting no morning wood or sex dreams etc. Does the no morning wood mean I'm in the flat period of abstinence or should I be worried about this...hmm. More positively I feel a lot more alive around girls and driven towards them life is def improving.
Don't try to impress girls, impress yourself. Girls will be impressed anyway.
Don't worry about being only X days pmo free, because somehow you'll never be as pmo free as you'd like t be. Thats just an excuse to fail even before trying. "I messed up with this girl because I'monly 3 months pmo free", no bro, you migt have messed up (probably much less than you think) but thats not because of the number on your tracker.
Please guys, you have to make the first step to realize that it wasn't so difficult after all, and that's it.
Think less and act more.
Un1111, pm me if you want some help getting girls (dont be afraid, I wont bite)
Don't worry about being only X days pmo free, because somehow you'll never be as pmo free as you'd like t be. Thats just an excuse to fail even before trying. "I messed up with this girl because I'monly 3 months pmo free", no bro, you migt have messed up (probably much less than you think) but thats not because of the number on your tracker.
Please guys, you have to make the first step to realize that it wasn't so difficult after all, and that's it.
Think less and act more.
Un1111, pm me if you want some help getting girls (dont be afraid, I wont bite)