Labor omnia vincit

[ADFECTATIO]

1 Day no PMO
1 Day no MO

3:05 h Deep Work Hours
2:30 h Uni: Study Group

11,08 km running; 1:06 h; avg pace: 5'59/km
6 am get up: without alarm

Thinking about taking tomorrow off and regain some energy and take rest. I won't reach the study goal this week and I also will redo my Week 3 of the training course next week again, because I did not finish all of the workouts.

Next weekend my parents will come visiting! I life ca. 12 h car drive away from them so I am really looking forward to seeing my parents

 

[ADFECTATIO]

2 Day no PMO
2 Day no MO

Today I took the day off.
In the morning I cleaned the flat, had a long phone call with my brother. Went to have lunch with my friends at the canteen and took the longboard to go there - which was nice. In the afternoon another friend visited me for a few cups of tea. He also said that he wanted to talk to me: He noticed that I go hard for a few weeks and then crash. And now he see's me pushing really hard and is afraid, that I will crash again.
I know what he means. And I appreciate his honesty. But I am afraid to fall back into total escapism, if I step a few gears back... Honestly, I see his point, but I have no idea how to do it. It's a good thing, that I took today off - I rather make a sceduled break than go down the PMO Escapism hole.

Recap of this week:

• 8 h 35 min Deep Work ( pure focused time, without breaks, I start the timer with each study session and track it in an excel)
  • Deep Work NOT accomplished
• 30 h 10 min Total Workload = Courses + Lectures at Uni + Deep Work + Shallow Work
• 3 h working out → Workout Plan NOT accomplished - but this evening I will hit the gym with a friend
• Relapsed on Tue, Wed and Friday. FUCK!

I don't want to change my goals. They are still:

1. 18 h Deep Work besides Uni course + lectures
   1. = Attend all lectures!
2. Follow the workout plan I decided to do
3. STAY CLEAN!

But here a some things I want to focus on next week:

• No studying after 6 pm
• No alarm = Maximize sleep
• Try to minimize distractions → Focus on what matters, irgnore the other bullshit!
• Do more reboot-related journaling

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Okay, I just planned the next week. And yeah. Now I think shall I set the goals lower? But I dont want to - because then you find reasons to take it easy every week.

The thing is, next week I have 25 h courses and lectures + 18 h deep work + 3 h study group equals 46 h work week. Alright. And my parents will come visiting maybe already on thursday. It's going to be a tough week, but it is doable, if I focus and quit fucking around...

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Yesterday, Monday 13.03.2023

3 Day no PMO
3 Day no MO

1,5 h Deep Work Hours
2 h Uni: Course

1,25 h Cycling: 24 km - avg. 18,9 km/h

So yesterday I decided against lectures. It's common at my university to not visit the lectures, because they are "luxus". Visiting the lectures is fun and easy, but takes a lot of time and afterwards you don't know anything by heart. Yeah, it's nice for the unterstanding. But we have 2-3 and sometimes 5 precourse assesments during the week - they are little oral exams or in written form and you have to pass to be allowed to stay in the course. Otherwise they send you home, which happens sometimes. So you have to study for these assesments and for the big exams. The first two weeks of the new semester more people went to visit the lecture, but it's getting emptyer every day.

I stayed at home therefore and studyied. It was hard to selfmotivate and study alone, but this is the work that moves the needle. There is a formula by Cal Newport: work accomplished = time spent x intensity of focus
And this formula is really the key! Visting lectures is not very intensive and you don't have to utilize much willpower to go there.
I made good progress yesterday.

A bit annoying: Had a social meeting with the group I take all the courses and afterwards there was a lot of dead gap-time - so I wished for more focused time.

In the evening I did a longer bike ride with my old grandmas bike - but I can really push the old lady and smoke a lot of cyclists on the way

Today is going allright.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Tue, 14.03.2023

4 Day no PMO
4 Day no MO

2,5 h Deep Work Hours - might look like less time - but I made good progress and the intensity was very high
0 h Uni

1 h High Rep muscular endurance
Get up: 6:30 h

I slept longer and it took me really long to get ready this morning. Therefore I prepared my breakfast already this evening for tomorrow.
In the morning I studied, then the wood for my new bed arrived unexpectedly, which changed the whole plan for today. I still got the workout in - and this workout was one I absolutely hated. I enjoy strength workouts in the gym, I even started to like the runs - but those fucking high repetition military style muscular endurance workouts they fuck me every time... I am proud I accomplished it.

Built the bed in the afternoon with a friend. Had another little study session before hitting to an evening meeting with emergency medicine specialists.

Every day is a new fight for the focus and against the distraction, that seems to hide everywhere....

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Okay. This is a response entry.
It‘s 8:20 am. I got up at 5:50.
Could finish my morning routine fast and was at the desk at 7 am.

But I checked this forum in the morning, then opened WhatsApp and got in a clicking cycle… I have studied a bit, but I don‘t count it, because my focus was very low and I let myself distract me a lot.
Now the urges are creeping up inside me.

What do I feel?
E: (Emotional side) Oh I am tired. This nights sleep was not the best. I want rest, because I have been working out so hard the last days. And I don‘t know - how can I study all that? It takes so long for me to get to know all these facts by heart? I‘d really just want to lay back, watch some P and escape… No actually I don‘t want to do this.

R: (Rational side) He man, I get you. Allright. You are tired and yeah - you seem to don‘t know how to start. But the thing is simple: Look to your left: there is your time block planner you wrote yesterday - this guides you through the day. Don‘t focus on the big road ahead of you - just take it step by step! And let‘s take a look at the things that bother you right now: 1. Ok. You did not sleep that well - so what. You can take litte naps in between and after the Intervall running session today you don‘t have time for sports the next two days and can relax. Also: You see already some progress and this makes you very proud!

E: Oh yeah. You are right. I think I already lost some fat, even if I did not cut back on eating. And I really improved my endurance and also recognized some synergetic effects on studying.

R: There you go! So the usual P. Urges is creeping in? Fuck that shit. Name one time fapping away and escaping helped you accomplish anything? Tell me the truth: What happens, if you follow that route?

E: Ok. The truth is, I actually don‘t enjoy it - like if I just looked up some P right now, I wouldn‘t even feel better. I would try to negotiate whether this was already a relapse or not…

R: Exactly. And we both know for sure: It will be a relapse. A short peek will fire up the circuits and enhance the cravings even more. There are way better things for you to do! And if you just focus on small steps in studying, you will get way further! And at 11 am it‘s time for your workout and afterwards you can go to the canteen - clean. - and be proud of yourself. What do your think? After the canteen, we can take a short nap and go for the afternoon studying.

E: Okay, that sounds fine. I do have a plan made up. And although I was distracted a managed to learn some pharmacology stuff by heart. That’s good. Also I see I will study emergency medicine - awesome! That’s something I love - and its normal: I have not been studying a lot in solitude the last weeks, so it‘s hard to get in the groove again. It’s the same as with working out. But I know - I can ease myself into it, and with time. I will get better and better and I will be able to focus longer. And then I can beat the system! Fuck yeah! I love my life and there is absolutely no reason to escape any more!

So I commit to this day being p free! I can do it and I will tell you this evening how my day went on!

 

[Androg]

Nice job on the self talk.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Wed 15.03.2023

5 Days no PMO & no MO
3 h Deep Work Hours
0 h Uni: Skipped Lecture
1 h Running: 10,7 km - avg. pace 6'16/km
0550 rise and shine

Looking at the focused time, it looks not that good. I am a bit disappointed, but I am noticing some very important changes. You see: Going to the lectures, studying in the library - those tasks are quite easy, you don't really have to self motivate that much. But they are also lower in intensity than me alone sitting at home and building my memory palaces. This work is highly demanding and exhausting. And I also need longer periods with low stimulation - like an athlet who has to eat clean and sleep well in order to perform at his best during workouts.
I am getting calmer every day. I use my phone less often, listen to very little music and don't consume that many videos (none for entertainment).
Geting closer to the deep work mode and digital minimalism.

Today I had a hard time in the morning, but I managed it with the little selftalk above. In the afternoon I had a few shallow tasks to do, they interrupted the day and after canteen I had a short break with my friends at uni as well... Then when 1800 came around I was thinking " aah lets push and work past 6 pm" - but NO - I need a good evening rest in order to function well on the morning. So okay - today I came short - only 3 h dw in and I am behind of my study plan. Maybe I am going into too much detail? I don't know. All I know is, I made some significant progress today and got closer to a calm mind. Also a win rebootwise.

This evening is the first since 3 weeks I am writing the evening journal relaxed and with time at hand. I am looking forward to sit down with my book and go to bed early.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Thu 16.03.2023

6 Days no PMO & no MO
3 h + 5 min Deep Work Hours
4 h Uni: Course - was super prepared and did great!
no workout
0530 rise and shine

Morning: Course at university.
Afternoon: Studying at home. Used 45-10 Pomodors (45 min work followed by 10 min break). Around 1800 I wanted to add more, because the volume for the course tomorrow is so high - but I procrastinated. Then I snapped out of it and did 15 more min, just to make a good ending. Have been pushing myself today.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Fr 17.03.2023

7 Days no PMO & no MO
1 h + 40 min Deep Work Hours
2 h Uni: Course
no workout
0500 rise and shine

Parents are over to visit me this weekend. We met up for coffee in the afternoon. Will take the weekend off and spent time with them.

Made some affirmations this morning in order to stay commited to the rebooting process. I also listend to some audios I recorded after past relapses.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

So. 19.03.2023

9 Days no PMO & no MO

I had an awesome weekend with my parents. We went hiking, visited the town and had a lot of quality time. Last week I got a bit sick, but decided to not care and still went out to train. I had to pay with being sick since friday, also had fever. With all the activity this weekend was exhausting. Therefore I took today off - in order to avoid a crash next week. That's a move I am proud of, because usually I push until I crash and then push again...
But at the same time I have this voice in the back of my head that nags and says " you are not doing enough! you are far behind! There IS more in the tank!"

Downtime and relaxing is also a critical reboot moment. Today I manged it and read a lot.

So let's look at the last week.

Recap of this week:

• 12 h 05 min Deep Work ( pure focused time, without breaks, I start the timer with each study session and track it in an excel)
  • Deep Work NOT accomplished, but 4 more than last week
• 20 h 15 min Total Workload= Courses + Lectures at Uni + Deep Work + Shallow Work
  • 10 h down to last week!
• Active week, but → Workout Plan NOT accomplished
  • I will rest, take a few walks and get healthy again and then redo the week 3 of my training course again!
• NO FUCKING RELAPSE! → 9 Days clean, finished this week!

Last week I set some things I want to focus on:

• No alarm = Maximize sleep
  • I did rest more, which helped increasing the intensity of my daytime activites. But still, I wake up very early with this feeling in me, that I am far behind and that there is so much more to do and give!
• Try to minimize distractions → Focus on what matters, irgnore the other bullshit!
  • Improved here.
• Do more reboot-related journaling
  • Done, got the week clean.
• No studying after 6 pm
  • Done. Helped to maximize focus during "workhours"

Next week:

1. Stay clean! → reach another week without PMO
2. 18 h Deep Work