Okay. This is a response entry.
It‘s 8:20 am. I got up at 5:50.
Could finish my morning routine fast and was at the desk at 7 am.
But I checked this forum in the morning, then opened WhatsApp and got in a clicking cycle… I have studied a bit, but I don‘t count it, because my focus was very low and I let myself distract me a lot.
Now the urges are creeping up inside me.
What do I feel?
E: (Emotional side) Oh I am tired. This nights sleep was not the best. I want rest, because I have been working out so hard the last days. And I don‘t know - how can I study all that? It takes so long for me to get to know all these facts by heart? I‘d really just want to lay back, watch some P and escape… No actually I don‘t want to do this.
R: (Rational side) He man, I get you. Allright. You are tired and yeah - you seem to don‘t know how to start. But the thing is simple: Look to your left: there is your time block planner you wrote yesterday - this guides you through the day. Don‘t focus on the big road ahead of you - just take it step by step! And let‘s take a look at the things that bother you right now: 1. Ok. You did not sleep that well - so what. You can take litte naps in between and after the Intervall running session today you don‘t have time for sports the next two days and can relax. Also: You see already some progress and this makes you very proud!
E: Oh yeah. You are right. I think I already lost some fat, even if I did not cut back on eating. And I really improved my endurance and also recognized some synergetic effects on studying.
R: There you go! So the usual P. Urges is creeping in? Fuck that shit. Name one time fapping away and escaping helped you accomplish anything? Tell me the truth: What happens, if you follow that route?
E: Ok. The truth is, I actually don‘t enjoy it - like if I just looked up some P right now, I wouldn‘t even feel better. I would try to negotiate whether this was already a relapse or not…
R: Exactly. And we both know for sure: It will be a relapse. A short peek will fire up the circuits and enhance the cravings even more. There are way better things for you to do! And if you just focus on small steps in studying, you will get way further! And at 11 am it‘s time for your workout and afterwards you can go to the canteen - clean. - and be proud of yourself. What do your think? After the canteen, we can take a short nap and go for the afternoon studying.
E: Okay, that sounds fine. I do have a plan made up. And although I was distracted a managed to learn some pharmacology stuff by heart. That’s good. Also I see I will study emergency medicine - awesome! That’s something I love - and its normal: I have not been studying a lot in solitude the last weeks, so it‘s hard to get in the groove again. It’s the same as with working out. But I know - I can ease myself into it, and with time. I will get better and better and I will be able to focus longer. And then I can beat the system! Fuck yeah! I love my life and there is absolutely no reason to escape any more!
So I commit to this day being p free! I can do it and I will tell you this evening how my day went on!