SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Keep pushing brother! We've all been there with 'relapses', simply use it as fuel to burn the hearth of passion!
Exhausted
- Thread starter anubu0
- Start date
Thanks for the words of encouragement Smoken! Your journal has definitely been extremely inspiring and motivating for me.
I've been having some pretty bad nightmares the past few days. Two days ago, I had actual nightmares of like extraterrestrial creatures that came to my house and were hurting my family... weird I know. But last night I had nightmares that I relapsed! I was literally PMOing in my dreams in my bedroom. Only when I woke up this morning did I realize how trippy it felt.
I remember during the nightmare, I felt really bad about the relapse, more so than in real life. I've been trying to remember this feeling so that I can be more mindful during urges.
It's the middle of the work week and I'm already beginning to feel unmotivated in terms of work. I know that I'll still eat properly and be able to workout because I've morphed these activities into disciplined habits. Still working on building up my focus and concentration on work.
Day 5
I've been having some pretty bad nightmares the past few days. Two days ago, I had actual nightmares of like extraterrestrial creatures that came to my house and were hurting my family... weird I know. But last night I had nightmares that I relapsed! I was literally PMOing in my dreams in my bedroom. Only when I woke up this morning did I realize how trippy it felt.
I remember during the nightmare, I felt really bad about the relapse, more so than in real life. I've been trying to remember this feeling so that I can be more mindful during urges.
It's the middle of the work week and I'm already beginning to feel unmotivated in terms of work. I know that I'll still eat properly and be able to workout because I've morphed these activities into disciplined habits. Still working on building up my focus and concentration on work.
Day 5
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SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Day 5! A huge achievement!Thanks for the words of encouragement Smoken! Your journal has definitely been extremely inspiring and motivating for me.
I've been having some pretty bad nightmares the past few days. Two days ago, I had actual nightmares of like extraterrestrial creatures that came to my house and were hurting my family... weird I know. But last night I had nightmares that I relapsed! I was literally PMOing in my dreams in my bedroom. Only when I woke up this morning did I realize how trippy it felt.
I remember during the nightmare, I felt really bad about the relapse, more so than in real life. I've been trying to remember this feeling so that I can be more mindful during urges.
It's the middle of the work week and I'm already beginning to feel unmotivated in terms of work. I know that I'll still eat properly and be able to workout because I've morphed these activities into disciplined habits. Still working on building up my focus and concentration on work.
Day 5
In terms of the nightmares, I'd say it's probably the reboot. The brain does crazy things when it is stripped of the dopamine hits! It's just a sign that it's working, keep pushing bro!
The focus and concentration will come with time!
Thank you Smoken and Blondie!
Feeling good today. I hit a killer leg workout yesterday inspired by Tom Platz. I felt like literally killing myself instead of continuing with the workout but in the end the feeling of completing the workout was so fulfilling and rewarding.
I've noticed that I tend to have stronger urges and general horniness after leg days. I'm not sure if this is attributed to any real science but it's just an observation. Luckily I was feeling really in control of myself yesterday so I was able to stay focused on my goals and completely dismiss any P thoughts. I just need to make sure that I stick to my morning and nighttime rituals. They seem to work when they are in place.
Some goals I have for myself today:
- Finish learning the pre-tapping melody of Ebon Coast
- Drink 4 Hydroflasks worth of water (roughly a gallon)
- Don't watch any poker videos
They're fun but not the most productive use of my time.
Sending my support to all my fellow brothers. We can, will, and are doing this!
Day 6
Feeling good today. I hit a killer leg workout yesterday inspired by Tom Platz. I felt like literally killing myself instead of continuing with the workout but in the end the feeling of completing the workout was so fulfilling and rewarding.
I've noticed that I tend to have stronger urges and general horniness after leg days. I'm not sure if this is attributed to any real science but it's just an observation. Luckily I was feeling really in control of myself yesterday so I was able to stay focused on my goals and completely dismiss any P thoughts. I just need to make sure that I stick to my morning and nighttime rituals. They seem to work when they are in place.
Some goals I have for myself today:
- Finish learning the pre-tapping melody of Ebon Coast
- Drink 4 Hydroflasks worth of water (roughly a gallon)
- Don't watch any poker videos
They're fun but not the most productive use of my time.Sending my support to all my fellow brothers. We can, will, and are doing this!
Day 6
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Hey everyone!
A little bit on the tired side this morning; I've noticed difficulty getting 9 hours of sleep which I think is just attributed to my busy work schedule and the rest of my days. I normally head out of the house by 9, and with my morning routine I find myself waking up at around 7:30. Then I get back home around 5 after which I hit a workout until 7. Then I eat dinner and take a cold shower which then leaves me around 8 PM. Play guitar for an hour, do my nigh time journal, have a second dinner, and then sleep around 10:30. Although I'm sleeping from 10:30 - 7:30, it takes a minute to fall asleep and then I'll wake up sometimes throughout the night which is just F'ing my sleep. I'm going to try to catch up on Saturday and Sundays.
Today is the end of the work week and I'm going to go to my friends house for poker night. I'm still going to go to work, hit my workout, and eat a healthy dinner, but I need to be careful after poker. I have a tendency to come home late and relapse late at night. When I come home, I'm going to turn off my phone and chuck it in the study room, run to my bedroom, and hit they hay immediately. This should work and if I feel extra temptations, I will bust out some push ups.
Goals today:
- Have fun and smile more I kinda have resting bitch face when I'm tired
- Drink plenty of water (4 Hydro's again)
- Digital minimalism
I am grateful for all of you who have supported me in my journey thus far. I am grateful for having such a sick guitar that sounds so amazing to play. I am grateful for getting paid to do summer research.
Day 7
A little bit on the tired side this morning; I've noticed difficulty getting 9 hours of sleep which I think is just attributed to my busy work schedule and the rest of my days. I normally head out of the house by 9, and with my morning routine I find myself waking up at around 7:30. Then I get back home around 5 after which I hit a workout until 7. Then I eat dinner and take a cold shower which then leaves me around 8 PM. Play guitar for an hour, do my nigh time journal, have a second dinner, and then sleep around 10:30. Although I'm sleeping from 10:30 - 7:30, it takes a minute to fall asleep and then I'll wake up sometimes throughout the night which is just F'ing my sleep. I'm going to try to catch up on Saturday and Sundays.
Today is the end of the work week and I'm going to go to my friends house for poker night. I'm still going to go to work, hit my workout, and eat a healthy dinner, but I need to be careful after poker. I have a tendency to come home late and relapse late at night. When I come home, I'm going to turn off my phone and chuck it in the study room, run to my bedroom, and hit they hay immediately. This should work and if I feel extra temptations, I will bust out some push ups.
Goals today:
- Have fun and smile more
I kinda have resting bitch face when I'm tired- Drink plenty of water (4 Hydro's again)
- Digital minimalism
I am grateful for all of you who have supported me in my journey thus far. I am grateful for having such a sick guitar that sounds so amazing to play. I am grateful for getting paid to do summer research.
Day 7
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Failed last night and PMO'd 3 times. I failed but I will get back up again. Going to spend some more time today to identify the aspects of my life that porn has destroyed/altered. I seem to be forgetting the negatives but I should use them as motivation and reason to keep going.
Day 0
Day 0
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ADFECTATIO
Member
Hei - keep your head up - you are falling forward! You are getting rid of a horrible desease! Next time you feel a trigger, laugh and say to yourself "Ah it's so good to never have to do this shit again!".
Try positive self talk and please don't beat yourself up because you relapsed!
You got this, champ!
Try positive self talk and please don't beat yourself up because you relapsed!
You got this, champ!
Recovery Will Come
Active Member
Keep your head up!! I’ve relapsed for the past 8 years straight!!! If you will learn and grow from it and when it’s your time you will finally beat this addiction.. You got this.. It’s gonna be a dog fight but you got this!!
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Use your lapse as motivation to come back stronger! We're all here to support you!
Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I'm feeling mentally in a rut but I'm ready to refocus.
Porn has affected and destroyed my life in a multitude of ways.
First and foremost, it's completely hijacked my brain and taken away my control. There have been times where I've been hanging out with my friends and I would slip away just to PMO. There were times at work I would go into the bathroom and completely drop whatever I was doing just to look at pixels on my screen. Even now, a day after my last relapse, I feel that my brain is heavy. There was so much dopamine floating around during my 3 PMOs and now I just feel like a complete zombie. P has made me into a zombie that instead of craving human brains, always has an unsatiated desire for pixels on a screen.
Second, P affected my social and family life. Socially, I felt completely isolated because of my problem. I didn't tell any of my friends (I still haven't) because it made me feel like such a loser. I had so much confidence prior to discovering my PIED and other P issues, but now all I have is this fake sense of confidence. I keep having to reassure myself that I'm not a loser and that I'm going to break this addiction in no time. But I haven't yet, which still makes me a loser. And I don't mean for this to be extremely negative, it's just kind of the truth. I'm a loser, and the only way to become a winner is to beat this addiction. It's a hurdle, that once only fully overcome, will I be able to say that I defeated.
Third, P has had physical and mental affects on my sexual health. Physically/Mentally? I suffer from PIED. I discovered my PIED 2 years ago with my ex-girlfriend and it was absolutely crushing. I remember almost crying during "sex". I was so frustrated, sad, angry during and then so unbelievably crushed afters. My ex and I broke up a few weeks later. Since, my PIED still remains, and my sexual anxiety has only increased. I haven't even tried to pursue a woman since, all because I'm afraid.
So TLDR, I'm in the most literal sense, a broken, falsely confident, loser. I want to become healthy, truly confident, and a winner. And the only way to do this is to get rid of PMO.
Day 1
I want change so I will stay away from PMO for the rest of my life.
Porn has affected and destroyed my life in a multitude of ways.
First and foremost, it's completely hijacked my brain and taken away my control. There have been times where I've been hanging out with my friends and I would slip away just to PMO. There were times at work I would go into the bathroom and completely drop whatever I was doing just to look at pixels on my screen. Even now, a day after my last relapse, I feel that my brain is heavy. There was so much dopamine floating around during my 3 PMOs and now I just feel like a complete zombie. P has made me into a zombie that instead of craving human brains, always has an unsatiated desire for pixels on a screen.
Second, P affected my social and family life. Socially, I felt completely isolated because of my problem. I didn't tell any of my friends (I still haven't) because it made me feel like such a loser. I had so much confidence prior to discovering my PIED and other P issues, but now all I have is this fake sense of confidence. I keep having to reassure myself that I'm not a loser and that I'm going to break this addiction in no time. But I haven't yet, which still makes me a loser. And I don't mean for this to be extremely negative, it's just kind of the truth. I'm a loser, and the only way to become a winner is to beat this addiction. It's a hurdle, that once only fully overcome, will I be able to say that I defeated.
Third, P has had physical and mental affects on my sexual health. Physically/Mentally? I suffer from PIED. I discovered my PIED 2 years ago with my ex-girlfriend and it was absolutely crushing. I remember almost crying during "sex". I was so frustrated, sad, angry during and then so unbelievably crushed afters. My ex and I broke up a few weeks later. Since, my PIED still remains, and my sexual anxiety has only increased. I haven't even tried to pursue a woman since, all because I'm afraid.
So TLDR, I'm in the most literal sense, a broken, falsely confident, loser. I want to become healthy, truly confident, and a winner. And the only way to do this is to get rid of PMO.
Day 1
I want change so I will stay away from PMO for the rest of my life.
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SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
We've all felt this way! You are not a loser bro, you've simply fell victim to the plague of porn. Struggle now and live like a king later!
Thank you guys for your support. I will not let you and myself down this time.
I am moving forward; I used this 4 of the July weekend to relax and unstress and give myself a break. Self improvement can be very taxing, and although in the long term the goal is complete consistency, it's nice to have moments to give yourself a physical and mental break. I spent the weekend just chilling. I watched some netflix shows, ate some fast food, and did little to no productive work. But, it's time to get ready for war again. Just 90 days, three months, to begin to change my life. I just need to give it my all for a brief amount of time and then let the discipline carry me forward.
I will do this! Hitting 90 days this time.
Day 2
I am moving forward; I used this 4 of the July weekend to relax and unstress and give myself a break. Self improvement can be very taxing, and although in the long term the goal is complete consistency, it's nice to have moments to give yourself a physical and mental break. I spent the weekend just chilling. I watched some netflix shows, ate some fast food, and did little to no productive work. But, it's time to get ready for war again. Just 90 days, three months, to begin to change my life. I just need to give it my all for a brief amount of time and then let the discipline carry me forward.
I will do this! Hitting 90 days this time.
Day 2
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SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Excellent stuff! That is exactly the attitude I had when I beat my 90 day streak, keep going bro!
Thanks Smoken.
Time for the work week. General rules: morning and nighttime meditation, no technology outside of the living room, and cold showers after workouts. I've gone up to a little over a month before. I need to just remember that quitting P is difficult but it's far from impossible. This week will be a breeze.
Day 3
Time for the work week. General rules: morning and nighttime meditation, no technology outside of the living room, and cold showers after workouts. I've gone up to a little over a month before. I need to just remember that quitting P is difficult but it's far from impossible. This week will be a breeze.
Day 3
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Recovery Will Come
Active Member
It’s a difficult journey but self discipline ,being productive and determination are definitely main factors… I like the mindset.. Keep going!!!
Mindset is so key I think. I can't view P has something that I need to escape, I've already escaped it. I am not a P addict. I do not watch P.
Going to start trying to read in my spare time to help my brain stay active and learn new things. If anyone has any book recommendations that would be greatly appreciated.
I am strong and I will do this
Day 4
Going to start trying to read in my spare time to help my brain stay active and learn new things. If anyone has any book recommendations that would be greatly appreciated.
I am strong and I will do this
Day 4
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SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
I'm currently reading Bret Easton Eliis's books, I'm a fan so far!Mindset is so key I think. I can't view P has something that I need to escape, I've already escaped it. I am not a P addict. I do not watch P.
Going to start trying to read in my spare time to help my brain stay active and learn new things. If anyone has any book recommendations that would be greatly appreciated.
I am strong and I will do this
Day 4
NightyEight
Member
Hey brother! You only truly FAIL if you give up. Please continue and even though you feel like shit when you relapse, you will find solace in future when you look back. Try reading Porn Free - Matt Dobschuetz. That book hits hard where you need to. Other books like Treating Porn addiction, YBOP were different for me and just pieces of knowledge. I'm rooting for you