I want to live.

tay97

tay97

Active Member
Day 0

PMO‘ed a couple of times. I was stressed and needed to focus on an exam for work and then I slipped away completely. I think the more women I see outside or at the gym the more frustration builds inside of me. Then I use my bisexuality to cover up for a PMO. After PMOing I immediately felt more annoyed and stressed by little things and treated coworkers and family far worse. This is not the way. This is not the man I want to be. 90 hard reboot. I don’t give a fuck anymore.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Stay strong @tay97, it's never worth it.

What's your game plan to get through these next few tough weeks? Sometimes extreme measures are necessary until the urges calm down a few notches.

Best
 
tay97

tay97

Active Member
Day 0

Damn, a lot has happened since last time I was on here.

I got a job, that I really like! I moved out into my own apartment! I came out to my family as bisexual!
But I am still struggling with PMO...

Let's get rid of this once for all. I am in control. I am free.
 
tay97

tay97

Active Member
Day 0 (No PMO)

Well, really great start... NOT! First day, first relapse. I had nothing to do then kinda wanted to hook up with someone new. I knew that having real sex would not be against my rules here so I chatted with a few guys. And unfortunately chatting turned to sexting real quick and then of course relapsing. I don't even want to hook up with strangers anymore.. But It just gets me sometimes because of my loneliness and lack of friends. I have nothing to do on my free days.

So my free day I just spend doing hours of nothing, wasting potential basically. Other than that, I went to the grocery store and there was this asian girl behind me but I felt unable to even look at her. I am such a weak, pathetic, little man. Then, at home I watched a movie and later I'm going to see my fam.

Another reason for this new start is that I want to be much more calm in my job. When I was on nofap I felt so much in control and nothing could make me nervous. I want this back!
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: N89
tay97

tay97

Active Member
Day 3 (No PMO)

I was at the gym today. Talked to a girl but unable to really flirt. I think she was kinda into me. With a few more days without PMO, I could definitely have handled it better.
 
tay97

tay97

Active Member
Day 0 No PMO

I failed. Came home and I am having three days off. Instead of going to meet with family I wanted to stay at home because I was tired. Then, decided to hook up with a guy. After hours of chatting I felt like I already relapsed because of all the images and thoughts. I gave in. Didn't feel too bad to be honest. I just hate that I lost so much time.

The next day, so today, woke up and relapsed twice. Once for woman porn, and once for camsex with random guy. And again, I really don't feel too bad about the relapsing itself.

It's just.. I know this is not right, this is not my fullist potential. I want real intimicy. I want to be true to myself, so I can be true to others. Relapsing is wasting your energy. Life is about energy. I need the energy to draw more, learn about history, go places, meet people, bond with people. This is not possible while beeing a slave to porn. It simple isn't. I tried it.
 
tay97

tay97

Active Member
Day 2/30 No Porn

Yesterday in the subway I was standing across 3 women who were checking me out. It felt like they wanted me to approach them but I was too weak. My mind is corrupted by porn. It makes me shy and anxious.

Decided to switch to No Porn for the next 30 days (I will try No PMO, but No P is a must!)
 
Last edited:
tay97

tay97

Active Member
Day 7/30 No Porn

Hooked up with a guy. It started great but the more time passed, the less I was enjoying it. And after I came, I got a little bit depressed (as I always do after orgasm).
 
tay97

tay97

Active Member
Day 0 No PMO (Day 13/30 No Porn)

I feel depressed and lonely. Wished I had friends to do stuff with. I think I am done with dating apps and this kinda day to day life of looking at potential hook ups, basically wasting all of my day instead of doing things that actually matter.

I ll also do No PMO from now on because I want all the benefits back.
 
Last edited:
tay97

tay97

Active Member
Day 6 No PMO

Good and more confidant. I am kinda loosing the urge to look at people in a weird way. When I see someone cute I check them out, see if they are checking me out but I am not weird and keep thinking about them sexually. And I also smile more.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top