I want to live.
- Thread starter tay97
- Start date
Many guys in recovery discover that they can’t fantasize about sex without falling into a very uncomfortable loop of thoughts.Day/
- Ngl, it's tough. Many thoughts about previous sex partners and many fantasies about anything and anyone really.
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tay97
Active Member
Day 
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- Keep fantasizing and thinking about having a boyfriend. Not in a pornographically rotten way, but in a cute way.
- Had a thai massage yesterday and kept fantasizing about happy endings the whole time. Really egoistic and nasty thoughts.
- 10 % done. Morning wood every morning. And very easy to get aroused by thoughts. I feel a little bit of pressure in my balls but it's good. I think working out every other day is the key.
/ - Keep fantasizing and thinking about having a boyfriend. Not in a pornographically rotten way, but in a cute way.
- Had a thai massage yesterday and kept fantasizing about happy endings the whole time. Really egoistic and nasty thoughts.
- 10 % done. Morning wood every morning. And very easy to get aroused by thoughts. I feel a little bit of pressure in my balls but it's good. I think working out every other day is the key.
tay97
Active Member
Day / 
- Second relapse in a row on the 9th day.
- After I wrote in I just laid in bed the whole day. It's friday and I felt like shit because of no social contacts. Then I just downloaded a dating app for gays and after 2h I PMO'ed twice. I feel numb, weak and like a 26 y.o. failure who jerks off on a friday night. It's pathetic. This lonely feeling .. it triggered this relapse and the only way to make this go away is to find friends.
- In 10 days I will have my first day on my first real job. My goal is to reach 10 days. I failed on my 9th day twice now. I hope that with the job rhythm I can overcome this addiciton as I am just laying around all day.
/ - Second relapse in a row on the 9th day.
- After I wrote in I just laid in bed the whole day. It's friday and I felt like shit because of no social contacts. Then I just downloaded a dating app for gays and after 2h I PMO'ed twice. I feel numb, weak and like a 26 y.o. failure who jerks off on a friday night. It's pathetic. This lonely feeling .. it triggered this relapse and the only way to make this go away is to find friends.
- In 10 days I will have my first day on my first real job. My goal is to reach 10 days. I failed on my 9th day twice now. I hope that with the job rhythm I can overcome this addiciton as I am just laying around all day.
tay97
Active Member
Thanks man. The thing is, I delete the apps all the time. I even used a blocker. But in those moments of weakness, it's so quick to redownload and set up accounts.
tay97
Active Member
I appreciate you helping, but blockers don't work for me. Just another barrier that I will overcome when the little monster in my head takes over.
Day/
- Thought about looking up porn but quickly threw it away as I want to have great masculine energy at my job.
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tay97
Active Member
Day / (No P)
- Almost there. I am MOing everyday and yesterday I even MO'ed three times: in the morning, after I came back from the gym and before sleeping ... and I feel great! I feel so much love in my heart and energy all around. When I used to PMO I truely felt like shit after. No way I could have PMO'ed three times a day. But know? My D is rock solid. It feels incredible to do it. And I have no anxiety or shame talking to people or going outside even an hour later or so.
- Other than that I keep thinking about anyone really lol. My fantasies don't define me. They are just thoughts. The good think about MOing and having post nut clarity is that it grounds me and makes me reflect myself.
/ (No P)- Almost there. I am MOing everyday and yesterday I even MO'ed three times: in the morning, after I came back from the gym and before sleeping ... and I feel great! I feel so much love in my heart and energy all around. When I used to PMO I truely felt like shit after. No way I could have PMO'ed three times a day. But know? My D is rock solid. It feels incredible to do it. And I have no anxiety or shame talking to people or going outside even an hour later or so.
- Other than that I keep thinking about anyone really lol. My fantasies don't define me. They are just thoughts. The good think about MOing and having post nut clarity is that it grounds me and makes me reflect myself.
tay97
Active Member
Day (No P)
Started my new job. Very tired because of lack of sleep but I'll manage. I never think of porn. If I am horny I MO. Girls around me are looking very beautiful. Downloaded a dating app to find dates with girls. I won't let my guard down.
P.S. I reached my goal of 10 days without porn but I won't need another one. A pornfree life is my goal. This is the way.
(No P)Started my new job. Very tired because of lack of sleep but I'll manage. I never think of porn. If I am horny I MO. Girls around me are looking very beautiful. Downloaded a dating app to find dates with girls. I won't let my guard down.
P.S. I reached my goal of 10 days without porn but I won't need another one. A pornfree life is my goal. This is the way.
tay97
Active Member
Day 0 / 3 (No P)
All for nothing. Dating App eventually led to changing my prefences to male -> Then downloading a dating app for gays -> chatting -> exchanging nudes -> relapse. Again, again and again. I consider this a relapse because I eventually used images to cum. And also the whole process of spending several hours in this edging kinda state.
At least I haven't been to any websites. Also, I may actually need these tiny goals. Ok then.
Goals for 3 days:
- No browsing the internet (only use to look for specific information)
- No Dating Apps (I don't even have a place like come on)
- No gazing at women outside (trying to see if there is an flirtatious intent is allowed if there is a real possibility)
All for nothing. Dating App eventually led to changing my prefences to male -> Then downloading a dating app for gays -> chatting -> exchanging nudes -> relapse. Again, again and again. I consider this a relapse because I eventually used images to cum. And also the whole process of spending several hours in this edging kinda state.
At least I haven't been to any websites. Also, I may actually need these tiny goals. Ok then.
Goals for 3 days:
- No browsing the internet (only use to look for specific information)
- No Dating Apps (I don't even have a place like come on)
- No gazing at women outside (trying to see if there is an flirtatious intent is allowed if there is a real possibility)
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tay97
Active Member
Day 3 / 7 (No PMO)
Three days done.
Goals:
- Success, I was browsing the internet (reddit frontpage) for 30 minutes in total, which is good.
- Success, even though I had heavy thoughts about it.
- Failed, I caught myself looking at women a few times while using public transport. I want to focus. These girls get looked at all of the time. I don't want to be a looser desperate for some attention. My attention should be valuable. I want to be a real man.
Now trying to go for 7 days no PMO.
Three days done.
Goals:
- Success, I was browsing the internet (reddit frontpage) for 30 minutes in total, which is good.
- Success, even though I had heavy thoughts about it.
- Failed, I caught myself looking at women a few times while using public transport. I want to focus. These girls get looked at all of the time. I don't want to be a looser desperate for some attention. My attention should be valuable. I want to be a real man.
Now trying to go for 7 days no PMO.
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tay97
Active Member
Day 11 / 26 (No PMO)
Wow, eleven days. Being busy with work and gym really helps, even though I am feeling my (bi-)sexuality a lot.
New goal: 26 days.
I am also pretty sure I want to come out to my family as bi. I will talk to my family on july 30. Let's see how I feel about this date in the following days. But for now this is it.
Wow, eleven days. Being busy with work and gym really helps, even though I am feeling my (bi-)sexuality a lot.
New goal: 26 days.
I am also pretty sure I want to come out to my family as bi. I will talk to my family on july 30. Let's see how I feel about this date in the following days. But for now this is it.