tay97
Active Member
It felt good. Basic stuff is just the best.
I want to live.
- Thread starter tay97
- Start date
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Solid compound movements is the key! Great stuff brother
tay97
Active Member
Day 
(No PMO)
- Strong gay thoughts after waking up. Went to the mall. Smiled at the female cashiers and they smiled back with a flirtous kinda vibe. Love it! But apart of that, I kept fantasizing about almost every women that I saw. It frustrates me. I can't walk for a minute without thinking about sexual acts and so on. Hope this goes away a bit.
- In general I felt really happy today and kept smiling. I have a lot of energy. WOW!
(No PMO)- Strong gay thoughts after waking up. Went to the mall. Smiled at the female cashiers and they smiled back with a flirtous kinda vibe. Love it! But apart of that, I kept fantasizing about almost every women that I saw. It frustrates me. I can't walk for a minute without thinking about sexual acts and so on. Hope this goes away a bit.
- In general I felt really happy today and kept smiling. I have a lot of energy. WOW!
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
That'll fade brother. Keep it up!
tay97
Active Member
Day 
(No PMO)
After my last entry I was so energetic. I wanted to go outside again. Perfect weather so I took my bike and drove 30 minutes through the city to a big park. Seeing all those couples and groups of friends .. made be feel lonely and frustrated. Emotionaly, socially, sexually. I just wanted to talk to a girl. It just seems impossible to start a conversation with someone. Everybody is on their phones or quickly look away. Am I too unattractive? Am I too attractive?? Do I look intimidating? I do not know. At home I downloaded two dating apps to meet women and swiped on them. I had honest intentions to meet girls for real dates. A couple of hours later I kept thinking about the apps and that I won't find someone for a date (Because dating apps suck) Then, I gave up. Didn't think much. It was just my frustation making the calls. Changed search for male. Downloaded a gay hook up app and talked to some guys, exchanged nudes. Then, downloaded snapchat and another social app to find other guys to talk to. Eventually, I had an orgasm by reading some random description.
I failed. No question.
How do I feel:
I feel nothing besides that I am tired. This whole relapse didn't solve any of my problems. It set me back.
What can I learn from this:
1. I need to work on how I see and think about women. These constand sexual thoughts led to frustration.
2. No dating apps like tinder. Even if my intentions are good. I will slip up. The swiping, the amount of potential partners... it all activates the same paths in my rotten brain that were formed by porn. The chance to meet somebody right through these apps is so little.. Just go to a bar, man.
3. I don't mind looking online for sexual encounters. But I use this as disguise for chatting and sexting because I can't invite people over. Why do I keep coming back at these apps when I won't meet anybody for real. Don't bullshit yourself.
What will I change:
1. Don't look at women if there is no chance of interaction. Meaning, if a girl crosses me but is in a bit of a distance. DON'T LOOK. If I see someone interesting and she seems friendly I will talk to her. A simple hi, how are you. Try to lose the sexual thoughts that come up. Don't daydream, don't actively think of them. This is imagination. Not real. You want to know real things about the girl that sits across you in the train? TALK TO HER.
2. No dating apps. Worthless, energy and time draining.
3. No hook ups. I can't host. So looking for them is unnecessary. Even though I enjoyed past hook ups in the moment, they are forgetable and made me feel more lonely at the end.
Edit: Woke up the next morning and hooked up with some random guy off an app. I thought to myself it's day 0, might aswell meet someone. Well, I didn't enjoy the act. Didn't find him attractive in real life. And after I was done I felt nothing. It's so meaningless. Why do I keep doing this. Need a hard reset.
(No PMO)After my last entry I was so energetic. I wanted to go outside again. Perfect weather so I took my bike and drove 30 minutes through the city to a big park. Seeing all those couples and groups of friends .. made be feel lonely and frustrated. Emotionaly, socially, sexually. I just wanted to talk to a girl. It just seems impossible to start a conversation with someone. Everybody is on their phones or quickly look away. Am I too unattractive? Am I too attractive?? Do I look intimidating? I do not know. At home I downloaded two dating apps to meet women and swiped on them. I had honest intentions to meet girls for real dates. A couple of hours later I kept thinking about the apps and that I won't find someone for a date (Because dating apps suck) Then, I gave up. Didn't think much. It was just my frustation making the calls. Changed search for male. Downloaded a gay hook up app and talked to some guys, exchanged nudes. Then, downloaded snapchat and another social app to find other guys to talk to. Eventually, I had an orgasm by reading some random description.
I failed. No question.
How do I feel:
I feel nothing besides that I am tired. This whole relapse didn't solve any of my problems. It set me back.
What can I learn from this:
1. I need to work on how I see and think about women. These constand sexual thoughts led to frustration.
2. No dating apps like tinder. Even if my intentions are good. I will slip up. The swiping, the amount of potential partners... it all activates the same paths in my rotten brain that were formed by porn. The chance to meet somebody right through these apps is so little.. Just go to a bar, man.
3. I don't mind looking online for sexual encounters. But I use this as disguise for chatting and sexting because I can't invite people over. Why do I keep coming back at these apps when I won't meet anybody for real. Don't bullshit yourself.
What will I change:
1. Don't look at women if there is no chance of interaction. Meaning, if a girl crosses me but is in a bit of a distance. DON'T LOOK. If I see someone interesting and she seems friendly I will talk to her. A simple hi, how are you. Try to lose the sexual thoughts that come up. Don't daydream, don't actively think of them. This is imagination. Not real. You want to know real things about the girl that sits across you in the train? TALK TO HER.
2. No dating apps. Worthless, energy and time draining.
3. No hook ups. I can't host. So looking for them is unnecessary. Even though I enjoyed past hook ups in the moment, they are forgetable and made me feel more lonely at the end.
Edit: Woke up the next morning and hooked up with some random guy off an app. I thought to myself it's day 0, might aswell meet someone. Well, I didn't enjoy the act. Didn't find him attractive in real life. And after I was done I felt nothing. It's so meaningless. Why do I keep doing this. Need a hard reset.
Last edited:
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey brother hang in there. What you've learned about dating apps is what everyone here has learned, is it very similar to porn with all those "options" and in that process, it will be firing all the same neurons.
Best
There's nothing wrong with random flings, but yes, if this is how you feel afterwards, it would probably be best to find a sexual partner. And it wouldn't have to be long term one either necessarily, just not the ups and downs of hookups is what you need.
I think this is good. Having a purpose in life besides getting women is what you need. A man walking around checking out everything that moves is really not a man. Now as you say, if one is available and is right in front of you and seems inviting, then go for it. Most likely, you're probably not too good looking or bad looking, most of us are pretty average in the looks department, and that's okay. Eventually, you'll find someone who you'll click with and all the worrying will be gone.
Best
SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Go get it bro!
tay97
Active Member
Day 
/ 
- Skipped my workout yesterday as I felt like shit because of my relapse.
- Other than that, I have decided to sell my collection of videogames. I am not giving up the hobby as I will play titles digitally. It's just such a weirdly big burden to always look for deals and have all these games on my shelf. I wouldn't take them with me when I move out. Also, I've heard that giving up materialistic products is freeing. I will also start my first real full time job soon. So the few hours I will spend playing games in a week (apart from doing more social things), I want to play new releases and be done with them without taking up space.
/ - Skipped my workout yesterday as I felt like shit because of my relapse.
- Other than that, I have decided to sell my collection of videogames. I am not giving up the hobby as I will play titles digitally. It's just such a weirdly big burden to always look for deals and have all these games on my shelf. I wouldn't take them with me when I move out. Also, I've heard that giving up materialistic products is freeing. I will also start my first real full time job soon. So the few hours I will spend playing games in a week (apart from doing more social things), I want to play new releases and be done with them without taking up space.
tay97
Active Member
Day 
/
- There was an attractive girl working out next to me yesterday at the gym. I have seen her a couple of times now and I have a strong feeling that she is into me. I ignored her completely yesterday but I caught her sight a few times and when I was leaving she was at the reception turning towards me the moment I was about to leave and she looked at me in a flirty way. Idk, maybe I am overthinking. I might talk to her next time.
- Also, I shaved my beard as I think I look too intimidating with a full beard. I have heard before that women shy away from men that are 'too attractive' (definitely not me LOL) as they fear other women and so on. Idk, seems like bullshit but let's see how this goes.
/ - There was an attractive girl working out next to me yesterday at the gym. I have seen her a couple of times now and I have a strong feeling that she is into me. I ignored her completely yesterday but I caught her sight a few times and when I was leaving she was at the reception turning towards me the moment I was about to leave and she looked at me in a flirty way. Idk, maybe I am overthinking. I might talk to her next time.
- Also, I shaved my beard as I think I look too intimidating with a full beard. I have heard before that women shy away from men that are 'too attractive' (definitely not me LOL) as they fear other women and so on. Idk, seems like bullshit but let's see how this goes.
tay97
Active Member
Day 
/
- After waking up, I had thoughts about women. At the gym, I caught myself looking at women a few times. It's just very tempting to look. Every girl is running around in tight leggings and they all look beautiful. I will try to focus better next time. In general, I feel like I make a lot more eye contact with girls after I've shaved myself clean. Interesting. Also, while riding my bike, a younger looking guy winked at me as he passed me. Also interesting.
- Throughout the day, thoughts of coming out as bi to my family came up again.
- I am really looking forward to start my job, move out and have many sexual partners. No joke. This is constantly on my mind. I don't know if this is good or bad. The only thing I know is that porn is no option and has 0 benefits to my life.
/ - After waking up, I had thoughts about women. At the gym, I caught myself looking at women a few times. It's just very tempting to look. Every girl is running around in tight leggings and they all look beautiful. I will try to focus better next time. In general, I feel like I make a lot more eye contact with girls after I've shaved myself clean. Interesting. Also, while riding my bike, a younger looking guy winked at me as he passed me. Also interesting.
- Throughout the day, thoughts of coming out as bi to my family came up again.
- I am really looking forward to start my job, move out and have many sexual partners. No joke. This is constantly on my mind. I don't know if this is good or bad. The only thing I know is that porn is no option and has 0 benefits to my life.
/ 
This is not unusual during withdrawal. Your brain is trying anything it can to get you to seek more stimulation. Just enjoy the view and keep marching.Day/
- Had sexual dreams. Woke up horny and hard. A lot fantasizing then. Old women, gay, transwomen.
Learning to shift your thoughts in the direction you want them to go is an important skill to develop during recovery. It will serve you in other areas of your life as well.Day/
- Heavy gay thoughts about being in a relationship. Also, I have been thinking about one girl from the gym yesterday. She woreand she is still on my mind. I have to get through this.very tight leggings