Day 17
Once again, had a big night so missed a journal. No one to really apologise to there but myself!
So far has been fine this week, though I had an interesting experience today for sure. I've recently begun trying to get back into the dating scene and am well aware that apps can be dangerous, and good lord can they be!
Have been using it for the past week or so and have only today began really feeling urges from it. In fact, this week I have felt the need to relieve myself on two seperate occasions. Again, my opinion on masturbation is that it is healthy but it is the content or rather, need or influence of content on masturbation that is unhealthy. While I did not need content for it and did so with a clear mind (I don't feel any shame or guilt which I take as a good sign) I still felt like it was influenced by my usage of these apps so I will reset my counter today.
Not ideal but I am still positive for a number of reasons:
1. I am putting myself out there and even have a date coming up
2. I did not need to use imagery or apps to relieve myself, nor did I feel the guilt or shame that comes with using porn
3. I am being very harsh in terms of what constitutes a relapse and what doesn't, and though I feel good overall right now, I still need to be tougher on myself so the counter must be set to zero.
It would be naive of me to think, especially since I believe masturbation can be healthy, that at some point in my life I will never look at someone, be attracted or turned on and then later feel like relieving myself. But right now, however, I need to avoid such behaviour until I can deal with it in a healthier manner. Otherwise all that will happen is I will lull myself into a false sense of security by finding other, seemingly less insidious substitutes for porn.
Regardless, I will keep on trucking away with the other forum tasks I have set. Tomorrow I will focus on envisioning the next set of steps I need to take to avoid relapse and how I can address my porn addiction rather than ignore it.
I hope everyone is having a great week!